LEVI: Southside Skulls Motorcycle Club (Southside Skulls MC Romance Book 5)

by Jessie Cooke

  “Water is good,” she said. Levi came back with a Pepsi and a bottle of water. He sat down and waited for Zoe to take a piece of the pizza before he took one. After taking about three bites and washing them down with a swig of Pepsi he said:

  “My Pops…my granddad…he drinks Pepsi like it’s water, or at least he used to before he got so sick he had to move in with my mom. He’s a diabetic and he’s already lost one foot. She keeps him in line like a drill sergeant. Sometimes I look at him and wonder if I should back off on the sugar myself...”

  “And then you have another Pepsi,” Zoe said with a smile.

  “Yeah, I guess that’s bad, huh?”

  “Trust me, I’m not one to judge when it comes to bad habits. So, Zack and Nicole seem nice. She didn’t seem all that happy about the money and the house, though.”

  “I don’t know her well, but I’m pretty sure that their money never meant much to her, even before everything happened. I’m sure they’ll figure out a way to use it that will benefit those kids, though; they seem like really good parents to me.”

  “You ever think about having kids?” Zoe asked him as she started on her second piece of pizza. That question made Levi’s thoughts go to Krissy and without even thinking about it, he glanced up at her picture on the wall. “I’m sorry,” Zoe said. “That was a stupid question.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” he said. “Krissy and I talked about having kids someday. Yeah, I do want kids. There’s just so much involved in this starting over thing. Two and a half months later and I’m still lost.”

  “Two and a half months is no time at all. You’ll figure it out, I’m sure. You’re a strong man, Levi.”

  He smiled. “Thanks. I’m thinking about making some big changes in my life. It’s just hard to think about…leaving people behind that you care about.”

  “Leaving people behind? You’re thinking about moving?”

  “Yeah. I have an offer to join a club in Massachusetts. It’s a great place and they’re not into all the crazy shit that Cheney likes to get us into. I think being somewhere new might help me get past all of this.”

  Zoe smiled, but her eyes were telling him a different story. Levi could feel the energy between them and he knew that it wasn’t only him that was feeling things. From what he knew about her so far, she probably felt as badly about her feelings as he did. “That’s great,” she said. “Maybe that’s exactly what you need.”

  “I asked my mom to go with me and bring Pops. She won’t go, though. I’d probably be back pretty often to see them.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad that she won’t go.”

  “Yes and no,” he said. “I guess most twenty-five-year-old bikers aren’t so attached to their mothers. It might do me some good to be really on my own for a change.”

  “I think it’s nice that you’re so close to your mom. I always wished I had that.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself. I had Nana and she’s always been amazing. I just took her for granted for a long time. I took everyone and everything for granted. I’m trying to change that.”

  “You’re too hard on yourself. It seems to me like you’ve changed a lot of things in your life lately.”

  “Working on it,” she said. “So, if you go, when would you leave?”

  “I’m still working out the details with Cheney. He’s not happy about me leaving, but I don’t think he’s going to try and stop me. His life might actually be easier without me.”

  She offered him another sad smile. “Well, I’m happy for you, but I’ll miss you. You’re the only real friend I have, except Charlie, and he’s drinking again.” She laughed, again, sadly.

  “Charlie?”

  “He’s an old vet that I knew from the streets. He’s the one that talked me into going to meetings to help me stay sober. He’s a really neat old guy when he’s not pickling his brain and liver. I ran into him today just before Mr. Johnson came in. He smelled like a bottle of old whiskey. He was doing so well; it makes me sad.”

  Levi thought about the old veterans that he and Grant had thrown out of the meth lab that night and felt a pang in his chest. “I’m sorry. I hope he decides to clean up again.”

  “Me too. He’s feeling frustrated because he can’t get his checks from the VA without an address and he can’t find a place to live. I think he feels like he may as well just stay drunk.”

  “Does he want a job?”

  “Hmm…I don’t know. What did you have in mind?”

  “I bet I could get him something at the club, maybe a room to stay in, if he was willing to do some cleanup work around the place or something. We only have a few prospects these days and Cheney keeps them pretty busy. There’s a lot of shit not getting done.”

  “Wow, that’s really nice of you, Levi. I’ll ask him next time I see him.”

  “Good. I’ll check with Cheney in the meantime. You want some ice cream?”

  Zoe laughed and put her hand on her belly. “No, thank you. I might burst. The pizza was amazing as always.”

  “Yeah, it was good. Thank you, Zoe. I needed this.”

  She smiled. “Me too. But, it’s getting late. I should get out of here so you can get some rest.”

  “You have to work in the morning?”

  “Nope, day off.”

  “Me too,” he said. “We should do something.”

  “Sure…like what?”

  He shrugged. “What do you like to do?”

  She laughed and leaned back into the couch. “You know, it’s been so many years since I thought about anything other than surviving that I haven’t even thought about it.”

  “You like cars? Your grandfather told me when you were younger that he used to take you with him to car shows.”

  “Yeah, that was the one thing Papa and I could agree on. We both loved classic cars.”

  “There’s a car show and some kind of festival down by the river tomorrow. It starts kind of early, but if you’re not an early riser, we can go later.”

  “Early is fine. Why don’t I take a cab home tonight, though, so you don’t have to go out again and then come right back to get me in the morning?”

  “No, I can take you home. Unless...you could stay here. I’ll give you my bed and sleep on the couch. That is, if you don’t think your grandparents will worry.”

  “Um…yeah, I could do that if it’s easier. But I won’t take your bed. The couch is fine for me. I’ll just text Nana so she doesn’t worry.”

  “Good,” he said, wondering if it was really good or not. He wanted her to stay, but was it for the wrong reasons? He looked at Krissy’s photo again and then said, “I’m going to put the rest of this pizza away and jump in the shower.”

  “Go shower. I’ll clean up.” They ended up cleaning up together and then Levi showed her how to work the remote for his TV and went to get into the shower. He was getting undressed when he saw something move behind him in the mirror. He turned around quickly and he was suddenly face to face with Krissy.

  41

  “Krissy…are you really here?”

  She smiled and his heart melted. “Yes, but just this one last time, Levi. You’re ready now.”

  “Ready for what?”

  “Ready to move on, to go on with your life without me.”

  “I still don’t want to. I miss you so much.”

  “I know, and I know you love me. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay for you to have feelings for Zoe. She’s a good person and she has a soul so bright that I could see it shining when we were only little girls. She’ll be good to you and she’ll make you happy.”

  “I don’t understand any of this.”

  “It’s all too complicated to explain, but just know this…there are seven billion people on this planet and most of the time, the people who are supposed to find each other never do. They wander the earth, lost, with a piece of themselves missing. Just know that you and Zoe won’t have to be two of those peop
le.”

  “That still doesn’t make sense. I found my person, Krissy, it was you.”

  She smiled again. Levi reached for her but his hand came back cold, and empty. “You found your person, Levi…but it wasn’t me. I was sent here to help you find your person, and help her find hers.” She was gone then, just that quickly, and Levi was left standing there, cold, disoriented, and confused. What did she mean that it wasn’t her? He liked Zoe and he was attracted to her…but Krissy had been his heart. She was the one that saved him from himself when he would have been out partying with his brothers and fucking every pussy in his path, she was there to stabilize him…to help him grow up. She was the one that he dreamt of having a future with. She was the one that taught him that even when things were going badly, to always remember how blessed he was…and that things would always get better. She’s the one he wanted, the one he needed. She was his soulmate. If she was only there to point him in Zoe’s direction, then how fucking unfair was that? Why did his heart have to be torn to pieces in order to find “the one?” It didn’t make any sense.

  Fuck! He turned back around to the mirror and looked at himself accusingly, standing there with the beginnings of the erection that being so close to Zoe in the kitchen a few minutes ago had given him. He told himself that he was just horny and his subconscious was trying to convince him that sleeping with Zoe would be okay and not a betrayal of the woman he really wanted, the one that he’d always love. That’s all it was. Krissy wasn’t there. She wasn’t a ghost or an angel…she was in his head and he was using her to justify his actions…or at least the actions he’d been on the verge of taking. That made him feel even worse.

  He finally got into the shower and as the water poured down over his head and warmed him up, he became more convinced that seeing Krissy had only been an illusion. The water and steam calmed his racing pulse and the soap woke up his senses and invigorated him. By the time he finished showering and dressing in a pair of pajama pants and t-shirt, he almost had himself completely convinced that everything that happened was just his mind playing tricks while it tried to cope with his loss.

  When he got back to the living room, he found Zoe curled up on his couch in the dark, watching a movie. She sat up when she saw him. “You want something to wear to bed?” he asked her.

  “Sure…would you mind if I took a shower really quickly, before you go to bed?”

  “Not at all.” He went and got her clean towels and a t-shirt that would be way too big for her. Hopefully it fell down past her knees because as badly as he wanted her when she was fully clothed, half naked would be almost impossible for him to resist. While she was showering, he sat down and tried to take his mind off the fact that she was naked down the hall, in the room where he’d just had a conversation with his late girlfriend. That part at least put a damper on his horniness. He growled out loud at how fucked up his head was and sank down into the couch, staring at the TV. By the time Zoe came out, dressed in his t-shirt, fresh-faced and with her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck, he’d gotten interested in the movie. The smell of soap as she passed him and her long, bare, shapely legs distracted him quickly, however.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, as she sat down at the opposite end of the couch. “You could have changed this. It’s kind of a chick flick.”

  “I wasn’t really paying attention to it,” he lied. “How was the shower?”

  “It felt great. It’s cold in your bathroom, though.”

  Levi thought about how cold he’d been when he reached for Krissy and he shivered. “Yeah, it’s always colder in there than the rest of the apartment,” he lied again.

  “Are you okay? Would you rather I go home?”

  “What? No. Why?”

  “You just seem a little…distracted.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not you. It’s just…shit.” He ran his hands through his hair and said, “I feel like we’re doing this bizarre little dance around each other, talking about anything and everything except what’s really on our mind.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “What’s on your mind, Levi?”

  “You,” he said. “Us. Krissy. Everything.”

  She sat forward and for a second all he could think about was how pretty she was and how badly he wanted to touch her for real…just once, not in his dreams. “Talk to me,” she said.

  “It’s just all so fucking confusing. I took a lot of shit from my brothers about Krissy and I was exposed to half-dressed club girls and porn stars on a daily basis, and never once did it cross my mind to be with anyone other than her…even when she was away at school for weeks or months at a time.”

  She smiled. “That’s a good thing, right? Loyalty doesn’t seem to be all that popular today. It gives me a lot of respect for you.”

  “Don’t give me too much credit just yet,” he said. “I’ve been having these dreams, Zoe. They started almost right after Krissy died. The dreams were sometimes about her…but other times, a lot of the time, they were about you. That’s why you seemed so familiar to me when we first met. I must have seen you somewhere before…maybe when you were living on the streets…because before I even knew you, you were in my dreams.”

  She bit down on her bottom lip and God help him, it caused his cock to twitch. “I have dreams about you too,” she said. “Even before we met, I was having them.”

  It was Levi’s turn to cock an eyebrow. “My dreams were…they are…Shit.”

  “Sexual?” she asked.

  “Yeah, really, really…sexual.”

  She nodded. “Mine too.”

  “Crazy…huh?”

  She smiled. “Yeah. Things have definitely been…weird.”

  Levi could see that look in her eyes again, that look of longing. He fisted his hands in his lap to keep from reaching out and touching her. In his head, he heard Krissy’s voice again, telling him he was ready…but he still didn’t trust that he wasn’t just making excuses. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I’m sorry that things have been so fucked up since we met.”

  Zoe was the one that reached out and touched him. She put her soft, warm hand on the side of his face and said, “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad I met you. I’m glad we’re friends.” She started to take her hand away and Levi put his over it. His eyes locked into hers and he felt so much more than horny. He wanted her, but not just her body, and he was so afraid that he was moving too quickly. “Levi…” The whisper of his name on her lips was the last straw. At that moment, it would have taken an act of God to draw him away from her. He didn’t just want her…he felt like he needed her, and at that moment in time, he couldn’t remember ever needing anything…or anyone…more.

  The next thing he knew, he was slamming his lips into hers and that first touch of her warm lips against his knocked the air from his lungs. The world slipped away as he pressed his tongue into the seam of her warm, wet lips and she opened them, allowing him to delve inside. Her arms went around his neck and his around her waist, and he pulled her in to him so tightly that he could feel the way her heart was slamming into her chest. The kiss grew even hotter and more passionate, and he could both hear and feel her whimper and occasionally gasp for breath. He wanted to come up for air, but he was afraid. He was afraid if he let her go that he’d wake up and this would all be a dream. He didn’t want to dream about her any longer. He wanted to feel her and taste her…he wanted to explore every soft, sweet, sexy inch of her skin. He loved the way her tongue pushed against his, as anxious to taste him as he was her. Even their teeth gnashed together, and when he couldn’t go without air a second longer he began to nip and bite at her lips while he sucked air into his lungs.

  When he finally gave her lips a rest, he sucked in a breath so ragged that he sounded like a man on his deathbed. He was shaken to his core by the sheer force of what had just happened to him. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before and if he had to define it, compulsion would be the only word that would come close. He held his
head down against her shoulder as he fought for breath and while his head stopped spinning, and then he finally looked up at her. The look on her face said everything that he was feeling.

  “Zoe, I don’t know what happened,” he gasped out. She looked like she was trying to form words of her own but either couldn’t or didn’t know what to say. “I don’t want to stop,” he finally said. That was the honest to God truth. That kiss rocked his world and it left him wanting so much more. “But if you want me to…just tell me, and I will.”

  She began to slowly move her head back and forth. He didn’t know if she was trying to clear it, or saying no. Finally, her lips seemed to find the words she’d been struggling with and in a hoarse whisper she said, “I can’t. I can’t tell you to stop. I don’t have any willpower left after that…if you’re not ready for this, Levi…”

  She hadn’t finished getting his name past her lips before he was pushing the t-shirt she had on up over her head. Once he had that off her, he sucked in another breath. “You’re beautiful, Zoe.” She let out a little whimper and their lips met again. He wasn’t sure who went in for the kiss that time and he was beyond the point of caring…about anything other than what was happening at that moment. He pulled her up into his lap and as he stood up, she wrapped her legs around his waist. He didn’t take his mouth off her as he carried her down the hall, even slamming her back into the wall at one point. That only seemed to intensify the passion that was surging between them.

  He broke the kiss long enough to lay her down on the bed and then with his entire body throbbing with need, he bent over and began to kiss and taste her neck. He pulled off his pajama pants as his mouth worked its way down her body in its quest to taste every inch of her. Just before he reached her hard nipples he stood up and pulled his t-shirt off over his head. Then he dropped back down to his knees and with her hanging half off the bed, he covered one of her small breasts with his mouth and let his tongue swirl around the hard peak of her nipple. Zoe’s hands went to his hair and she arched her back up with a long, sexy moan. She was pressing his head into her, and he licked and sucked and bit at her breast the way that he had her lips moments ago. He knew that he was out of control, but he couldn’t stop. He spent what seemed like hours on her breasts as she whimpered and moaned and bucked her hips up into his chest. When he finally drew himself away from them, he didn’t stop there. He slid his mouth down across her flat belly, stopping to let his tongue taste her belly button on its way down. When he reached the top of her panties he knew that despite this crazy need to rip them off her and take what he wanted, he had to check in with her…one more time.