by Lillard, Amy
The sound of a car engine gave her pause. She wasn’t sure why, but she stopped and waited as the car crept along the road, then stopped just in front of their driveway.
Her first thought was that it was Trey coming to talk as they had decided, but the car was blue, not black, and bigger than the one Trey drove.
They must be looking for someone. Caroline raised a hand to shade her eyes for a better look at who was driving. But the glare of the afternoon sun was too great. Perhaps she should walk over and see if she could be of any help to the poor lost Englischer.
Before she could take even one step in their direction, the car turned into the driveway and inched closer.
As it neared, she could see that the driver wasn’t English, but Plain. Perhaps a Mennonite who had known her grandfather once upon a time. Yet there was something familiar about the man behind the wheel.
“Andrew,” she breathed, hardly able to believe her eyes as he cautiously parked the car and got out.
She stumbled over her own feet as she made her way to him, still not certain if he was real. She drew herself up mere feet from him, now able to look into those sea-colored eyes and smell the detergent used to clean his shirt and the essence that was part of him. He was real.
But why was he there?
Andrew accepted the cup of kaffi from Caroline’s mother. “Danki”.
She gave a small smile and slid into the chair opposite him. Caroline sat to his right, and he wanted nothing more to grasp one of her hands in his and absorb some of the pain and disbelief from her eyes. She looked like she had been hit by the bus that brought him all the way to Tennessee.
“I’m sorry that I came on such a sad day.” They had buried her grandfather that morning. He could see the exhaustion and strain in their eyes. But he’d had no way of knowing. He only wished that he had come sooner so he could have been there for them.
All he wanted now was a chance to see Caroline, talk to her in private, tell her all his feelings for her. Make sure she didn’t do something stupid like marry the Englischer. But all that would have to wait.
“It’s allrecht,” Grace Hostetler said. But he could see the strain of the day in the downward curve of her mouth.
He’d finish his cup of coffee, then find a hotel somewhere and come back tomorrow. Or the next day. The family needed a little time to grieve. He could afford them that—a little time. But he could hardly wait to tell Caroline how much he loved her and how he wanted her to marry him. But he would have to wait. He didn’t want the day he proposed to be the day of her grossdaadi’s funeral.
“How did you get here?” Caroline asked.
“I took a bus from Wells Landing, then once I got here I rented a car.”
“A car?” Grace asked.
Andrew shrugged as if it were no big thing. “It’s no different than driving a tractor.” Well, not a lot different.
“Ach, that’s right,” Grace said. “I had forgotten the Amish in Oklahoma used tractors. Caroline wrote me and told me that once.”
“But you need a driver’s license to drive a car, jah?” Caroline asked.
Andrew ducked his head. “I got one in the last years of my rumspringa. It is still valid.” He felt the heat fill his ears and knew they had to be as red as his mamm’s canned beets. He had come here to ask Caroline to marry him. He hoped this measure of liberalism didn’t ruin his chances with her family.
They made small talk about the bus trip and the weather. Andrew told Caroline the latest stories about Moxie while he devoured the sight of her.
All too soon his cup was empty, though he still had so much he wanted to say.
He stood. “I should go now.”
Grace followed suit, wiping her hands down the sides of her black dress. “You are welcome to stay.”
Andrew shook his head. “Nay, danki”.
“I’ll see you to the door.” Caroline rose from her seat.
Together they walked out onto the porch.
“Can I come visit tomorrow?” Andrew asked. “I have some things to talk to you about.”
She gave a small nod. “Jah. There are things that need to be discussed.”
Before he could question the seriousness of her tone, the sound of tires crunching against gravel floated to them on the summer breeze.
Andrew looked to the street as a shiny black car turned into the drive.
But it wasn’t someone looking for a place to turn around, for it kept coming like it had a reason to be there.
The car stopped and a handsome Englischer got out, his gaze shifting from Caroline to Andrew and back again.
He pocketed his keys and approached. As he got nearer, it became apparent that he was accustomed to being on an Amish farm. Or maybe it was this Amish farm.
“Caroline,” the stranger said in greeting.
He might be a stranger to Andrew but not to the woman at his side. There was something familiar about him. It was his eyes. They were gray, a remarkable gray, and just like Emma’s. This Englischer had to be her father.
The man bounded up the stairs and took Caroline’s hands into his own. He stared deeply into her eyes and looked as if he wanted to kiss her right then and there.
Caroline took a step back and away from the man, and Andrew wanted to believe the action was a good sign. But he couldn’t let his hopes get too high. At least not until he got his chance to talk to Caroline alone.
“Trey, this is Andrew Fitch. He’s from Oklahoma. Well, Missouri, but he’s living in Wells Landing now with his uncle.”
Andrew extended one hand to shake, and Trey was forced to mirror the gesture. Though he was certain the last thing the Englischer wanted to do was shake hands with him. There was a wariness about Trey that belied the confident way he’d strode to the porch.
“Andrew, this is Trey Rycroft.”
“Her fiancé,” Trey added.
Andrew’s heart sank to the soles of his shoes. “Your what?”
Trey smiled, and as much as he hated to admit it, Andrew could see why Caroline had fallen for the Englischer so long ago. The man was handsome to a fault and confident beyond measure. Andrew hated him on sight.
“Caroline has agreed to marry me.”
“But”—Andrew turned toward her—“you’ll be put under the bann.”
She swallowed hard.“Jah.”
He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t let her marry this man . . . ruin her life. “Caroline, can I speak with you . . . alone?”
Trey opened his mouth, no doubt to protest, but closed it again as Caroline said, “Jah.”
Andrew wanted to grab her by the elbow and drag her to the middle of the yard where they wouldn’t be overheard, but allowed her to lead him to the end of the porch. They were far enough away from the Englischer that every word wouldn’t be overheard as long as he kept his voice at a strong whisper.
“Caroline, what are you doing?” he asked as soon as they had gone as far as they could. He leaned against the porch railing, trying to appear as if this wasn’t the most important conversation of his life.
“I’m building a family,” she said, but her eyes were focused on a spot to the left of his ear.
“With an Englischer ?”
She looked down at her fingers, tightly fisted in the fabric of her apron. “He’s Emma’s vatter.”
“I know that.”
Her gaze jerked to his. “You do?”
“Jah. It’s obvious, isn’t it? With those stormy eyes?”
Caroline’s gaze fell to the planks beneath their feet.
“Why are you marrying him, Caroline?” Andrew asked quietly.
“I don’t have many more options.”
“You do.”
“Like what?” she asked, her voice small.
“You could marry me.”
Dear Esther,
I surely hope this letter finds you well. It has been a grueling few weeks. Grossdaadi passed on, and we laid him to rest. I cannot understand why it’s not easi
er to see someone you love go even though you know their time is near. The hardest has been for my dat. He has become sullen and will hardly talk. This is certainly a blow for me since we had finally patched up our relationship. I won’t say that it’s perfect, but the forgiveness has started for us both. He loves Emma and would do almost anything to make that child happy. I guess that is the way of grandparents.
I have another big decision to make. Trey (Emma’s father) has asked me to marry him. I think my parents are against it because they know I will be put under the bann. But I feel the most important thing is for Emma to be taken care of. She needs to have the best life possible. I feel that if I stay with the Amish here, then no one will ever forget the circumstances of her birth. Bann or not, she will be forever treated differently.
I had no more made the decision to marry Trey when Andrew showed up at the house. Now my decision is even more complex as he too has asked me to marry him. Oh, how I wish I could talk to you. Perhaps I will try to sneak away and telephone you. There’s a pay phone near one of the stores in town. How I would love to hear your voice and your wisdom. My mamm is trying to help, but I fear she is too emotionally involved to be a fair judge in the matter. And God seems to have stopped giving me guidance. Or perhaps He is trying to tell me that this is a decision I must make on my own. One thing is for certain: It won’t be easy. It seems there are many hearts on the line here. Whatever decision I make, someone will end up hurt. I just have to make sure that someone isn’t wee Emma.
Tell Abe I said hello and Lorie and Emily that I thank them for sending Andrew to me. Even though his appearance has made my decision a harder one to make, it was gut to see his face.
Take care, dear Esther, and write when you are able.
Love,
Caroline
Chapter Twenty-Four
Caroline started to tremble. Was he serious? “What?” was all she could manage to ask.
“Marry me,” Andrew said again.
He made it sound so simple. “Marry me.” And all their problems would be solved.
But what of Trey?
She chewed her lip and glanced back to where he stood watching them with hooded eyes. Caroline had the feeling that he wished Andrew would disappear in a puff of smoke.
“Andrew,” she said, turning back to him. “I’ve already told Trey I would marry him.” Her heart broke in two as she said the words. Was it possible to love two men? Did she love Trey as much as she had before? As much as she did Andrew now?
His grasp was warm and gentle as he wrapped his fingers around her arms just above her elbows. She had to fight the urge to lean into him and absorb some of his steady strength. “You don’t have to marry him. You can marry me. You can come with me back to Wells Landing. We can be a family—you, me, and Emma.”
“He’s her father,” Caroline whispered.
“I know he’s her vatter, but no one will ever love her as much as I do . . . and no one will ever love you as much as I do now.”
“I—” What was she supposed to say? She had made her promise to marry Trey. To not back out of the arrangement. Trey was taking a lot of resistance from his family. He wanted nothing more than to do the right thing. Do what was best for them all.
Emma needed steady and true. She needed a life without upheaval and chaos. Would she find that with her father . . . her real father? With grandparents who wanted nothing to do with her and a father who didn’t understand her mother’s way of life?
And what of God?
“Please think about it.”
How could she do anything but think about it? The problem would be knowing the right thing to do.
Caroline stared at the dark ceiling above her bed, her mind whirling like a windmill in a storm. That was a good way to describe what she felt. Andrew coming here only intensified the raging that continued inside her.
How was she supposed to know what was best for them? She had prayed and prayed, but God had been strangely quiet. It was as if He was saying this decision was all hers. He couldn’t direct her through this.
Across the room she heard Emma let out a soft snore, and a smile fluttered to her lips. She loved the child more than anything on the earth. And she only wanted what was best for her.
If only she could figure out what that was.
With a small groan of frustration, she threw back the covers and padded into the kitchen. Maybe a glass of milk and a piece of pie. She opened her mother’s icebox and retrieved the jar of milk, placing it and the remainder of the apple pie they’d had with supper on the counter.
What a day, she sighed to herself as she cut a wedge of the sweet pie and placed it on a saucer.
“Will you cut me a slice, or is this a private party?”
Caroline looked up to see her mother framed in the kitchen doorway. “Nay, not private.” She scooped a second piece of pie onto a saucer, then took them both to the table. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
Mamm shook her head and eased down into one of the chairs. “I wasn’t really sleeping.”
Caroline sat down next to her. “How’s Dat?”
Her mother shrugged. “You know Amish men. He’ll pretend that he doesn’t miss his vatter until he almost believes it himself.”
Amish men were like that, hiding their feelings until they had everyone convinced that they didn’t have those emotions. But not Andrew. He had been open with her from the start, telling her about Beth, how he was mourning her death and only wanted to be friends. But then something happened. Friendship turned into love. And now this . . .
“What’s keeping you awake, Caroline Grace?”
She sighed and picked up her fork, cutting a piece of the pie and praying for the right words. “Andrew asked me to marry him today.”
Her mother sat back in her chair, surprise lighting her features. “Andrew did?”
Caroline nodded.
“And what of Trey and his proposal?”
“I don’t know,” Caroline whispered.
“But you told Trey yes, jah?”
“Jah.”
Was it the right thing to do?
“That’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself.”
Caroline didn’t realize she had spoken aloud until her mother answered.
Her mother gave her a small shrug and scraped up her last bite of pie. “Right has a lot of different faces, liebschdi.”
“How can I go back on my promise to Trey? He has sacrificed so much since he found me again. His family is against our marriage. Did you know his father gave me money so I could . . . ?” She searched for the words. “So I didn’t have to be pregnant any longer.”
Mamm gasped. “You never told me that.”
“At the time I didn’t understand it myself.”
“That’s the money you used to go to Oklahoma?”
Caroline nodded.
“Perhaps that is your answer.”
But Caroline was more confused now than ever.
Her mother rose from the table and gathered up their plates. She deposited them in the sink, then made her way back to Caroline’s side. Mamm laid one hand on top of hers. “Try to sleep, my sweet Caroline. Maybe everything will look different tomorrow.”
Caroline hoped so, but she wasn’t convinced that anything would be more apparent after the sun came up in the morning. Not without God there to guide her.
Andrew pulled the rental to a stop in front of Caroline’s parents’ house and cut the engine. He took a deep breath, eased out, and stood. He didn’t think he would get used to driving around in a car. Thankfully he wouldn’t have to.
He had thought that he would come here, and Caroline would be so grateful he had come after her that she would fall into his arms and that would be that.
Instead, she was already engaged to marry the Englischer . Emma’s father. How was he supposed to compete with that?
He had to. It was that simple. If he didn’t at least try, then he couldn’t succeed and grasp the happiness that he so
desperately needed. That they both deserved.
He bounded up the stairs and knocked on the door. Today was the day. He had to convince Caroline to not marry the Englischer Trey. Instead, she needed to agree to marry him and return with him to Wells Landing.
He smiled as Caroline opened the door. “Guder mariye.” Andrew couldn’t read her expression. Was she happy to see him? One thing was certain, she looked tired, like she hadn’t slept much the night before. “Will you and Emma come for a walk with me? That is . . . if you want to . . . walk, I mean . . .” What was wrong with him? He had practiced all last night and most of the morning. He had one shot at getting this right, and so far he was wasting it.
“Emma is off with my dat somewhere.”
“I hope she’ll be back soon. I’ve missed her.”
Caroline’s hazel eyes intently studied him.
“Then will you walk with me? I’d offer to take you for a drive, but . . . well, my driving skills are not up to Englisch standards.”
Perhaps it was the sheer truth in the sentence, but his words seemed to break through the barrier between them.
Caroline smiled for the first time since Trey had shown up the afternoon before. That smile was just one of the many things that Andrew had missed since she’d been gone. “A walk would be gut.”
She stepped out onto the porch and together they started toward the big field of corn.
“It’s coming along nicely,” Andrew said, inspecting the large green stalks.
But Caroline was having none of his small talk. “Andrew Fitch, you did not come here to talk about mei vatter’s corn.”
“Nay,” he said. “I didn’t.”
They walked for a few moments in silence. Then Andrew spoke. “I came here to ask you to marry me.”
“Didn’t you already do that?”
He cut his gaze over to Caroline, but her expression was unreadable. “I did, but you never answered.”
Caroline stopped so suddenly that Andrew continued to walk several more feet before he realized that she was no longer at his side. “Andrew, I’ve already told Trey I would marry him.”