Caroline's Secret

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Caroline's Secret Page 27

by Lillard, Amy


  Coming here was a stupid idea.

  He fisted his hand around the doll, suddenly not caring if he wrinkled the dress. He was a sentimental fool, buying a present, insisting that he see Emma one last time.

  He should get back in his car and drive straight to the bus station. Forget Emma and Caroline, forget he ever had his heart broken in Tennessee.

  “Andrew?”

  And there she was. Caroline came around the house, Trey at her side. They held hands, each one looking a bit teary-eyed through their trembling smiles.

  Beyond stupid. Coming here was beyond stupid.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, unable to meet her gaze, unable to look at either one of them. “I shouldn’t have come here. I brought this for Emma.” He thrust the doll toward Caroline. “Give it to her, and tell her that I love her.”

  But Caroline didn’t reach for the doll.

  He shook it at her, but still she remained where she was.

  Trey cleared his throat. “I’m not sure how to say this—”

  “It’s allrecht,” Andrew interrupted. “I’m leaving.”

  “Please don’t leave,” Caroline said.

  “I’m stepping aside,” Trey added.

  Andrew wasn’t sure if he could trust his ears. They had started to hum. “What?”

  “Caroline and I have talked, and we feel that it’s best for everyone involved if I step aside.” Trey’s voice was thick with some unnamed emotion.

  “I don’t understand,” Andrew managed to say. Hope rose in him like the swells of the ocean, but he couldn’t get lost in the sensation.

  “We’re not getting married,” Caroline said.

  “What about Emma?” It wasn’t the most intelligent thing to ask, but now that it was out there he wanted to know. “I thought this was to give her a family.”

  Trey and Caroline both nodded, but he said, “That’s where you come in.”

  “Me?”

  “Emma is still going to need a father. An Amish father. I was hoping that would be you.”

  “I don’t understand.” Technically, he supposed that he did, but Andrew was too leery to take the words at face value.

  “Perhaps we should go inside and talk,” Caroline said.

  Andrew shook his head. “Are you telling me that I am free to marry Caroline?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  “I thought she was marrying you.”

  A concerned frown puckered Caroline’s brow. “Do you not want to get married? I mean, yesterday you said you did.”

  Forgetting all the unanswered questions asked and all those still unspoken, Andrew took a step toward her and dropped to his knees. He wrapped his arms around Caroline and pulled her close, knocking his hat to the ground as he pressed his cheek into her apron.

  He felt her fingers in his hair as he continued to hold her, unwilling to let her go in case this was all some horrible joke. Or a dream.

  “It’s not a dream,” Caroline murmured.

  He must have said those words aloud. He pulled away to stare at her through his tears.

  She brushed back his hair, tears of her own sliding silently down her cheeks. “Come on in the house. We have a lot to talk about.”

  It was hours later when Trey finally left. There were so many decisions to be made. Since Trey had never been listed on the birth certificate, Andrew was free to adopt Emma. Against their protests, Trey insisted that he would give financial support. In the event that Emma ever asked, they agreed to tell her the truth about her birth father and would allow her to contact him at that time. Trey was stepping aside because he loved her that much. It was the least Caroline could do to support him in that decision.

  Sometime after several cups of coffee and a piece of her mother’s buttermilk pie, Trey said good-bye. It was a teary farewell for them both. He would never know what his decision meant to her. He had given her Emma, and now he’d provided her with the family she’d always hoped for. He brushed aside her tears with his thumb and kissed her cheek. Then with a small wave, he drove away.

  And the planning continued. Caroline and Andrew would be married once they returned to Wells Landing. It would be so much easier to bring her parents out to Oklahoma than all of their family and friends to Tennessee.

  But still one problem remained.

  “I know the bishop here will have to write Bishop Ebersol and tell him what he knows.” Caroline kissed the top of Emma’s head. She was perched in Caroline’s lap as the three of them—Caroline, Emma, and Andrew—watched the sun go down from the front porch.

  He would call them “her sins,” but Caroline could only see Emma as the blessing she was.

  “Jah. Then what?” Andrew asked.

  Caroline shrugged. “I suppose I will have to serve a shunning period.” Most likely lasting at least six weeks, perhaps longer. But it would be worth it to have the burden of her secret lifted from her shoulders.

  “And then we get married.”

  Caroline smiled. Andrew as her husband. It was a dream come true. “Where will we live?” She had been so caught up in the idea of marrying the man she loved that she hadn’t given a second thought to where they would live. Until now.

  “On the farm, of course.”

  She tilted her head to the side to study his handsome features. She couldn’t wait until he started to grow his beard. How good-looking he would be. “You don’t want to go back to Missouri?” She didn’t care where they lived as long as they were together.

  “Nay. I like living in Oklahoma, don’t you?”

  “Jah.” She loved everything about Oklahoma. After all, it was where she had met Andrew. Where they would raise their children together.

  “I was thinking about buying a few horses of my own. Maybe farming a bit.”

  “Really?”

  He took her hand into his as the sun eased down the horizon. “How do you feel about being married to a farmer?”

  “That sounds wunderbaar, as long as that farmer is you.”

  It was without a doubt the hardest thing he had ever done.

  Trey sat back on his couch and laid his head back. He closed his eyes and said a quick prayer that he had done the right thing. But the peace that had settled in his heart was enough to let him know this was the best decision for them all.

  It still hurt, the pain bittersweet. He knew it would be with him for his entire life.

  There would be days when he would have doubts. But in those times he vowed to take a page from Caroline’s book and say a prayer. Perhaps God was truly the answer he needed when times got tough.

  Caroline would be proud, he thought, and reached for the phone to call his parents.

  The Mennonite driver met them in Tulsa and drove them to Wells Landing. They arrived just before lunch, having traveled through the dark hours of the night.

  It was hard going riding all night, but with Andrew there to help her, Caroline made it just fine. So strange how another set of hands provided so much, or maybe it was the knowing that she had a partner, someone who cared about Emma as much as she did, that made her burden seem lighter.

  “Do you think they will be surprised to see us together?” Caroline asked as Andrew paid the driver.

  He shrugged, but smiled. “I don’t think so. I think this is what they had planned from the start.”

  “That we would come back together?”

  “Jah.”

  Caroline shook her head in disbelief. “That was very confident of them.”

  “I suppose.” Andrew took her bag and slung his own over his shoulder as she perched the sleepy Emma on her hip.

  “Did you believe this is how everything would turn out?”

  He stopped, tilting his head to the side. “This is how I prayed everything would turn out.”

  She smiled and started toward the bakery door. “It’s gut thing that God answers prayer, jah?”

  He flashed her a grin of his own. “It is at that.”

  The following Wednes
day afternoon, the bishop called Caroline to let her know that he would be stopping by to talk to her that evening.

  Her heart thumped painfully in her chest as she hung up the bakery phone.

  “Caroline, whatever is the matter? You look pale as a sheet.”

  “That was the bishop. He’s coming by tonight to talk to me.”

  Esther gave a stern nod, then turned back to the bread that she had been kneading when the phone rang. “I guess from the look on your face it’s safe to say that this is not about the wedding?”

  “Who said anything about a wedding?”

  Jah, Andrew had asked her to marry him while they were in Tennessee, but he hadn’t mentioned a word about it in the two days since their return.

  “You know that boy is crazy about you.”

  “Jah.”

  “Boy plus girl plus love equals wedding.”

  And normally that was the truth. “I have a meidung coming. We really can’t make any wedding plans until after that is over. And . . . well, it’s a big sin I’m up against. It may be months before the bann is lifted and Andrew and I will be free to start our life together.”

  Esther shook her head, the strings on her prayer kapp dancing around her shoulders. “You might be surprised. Bishop Ebersol is a fair-minded man, for sure.”

  Emily’s father was a fair man, even if he seemed a little hard when it came to matters of her friend. Still, she wouldn’t allow herself to be overly confident. She could only imagine the letter Bishop Glick had sent to Cephas Ebersol. David Glick was as conservative a bishop as there was. She had no doubt he didn’t spare a word in telling her sins in every detail that he could uncover.

  She knew he meant well. Explaining her shortcomings and outlining them for Bishop Ebersol, David Glick was, in his mind, doing her a favor. He was allowing her the chance to confess all and receive a clean slate for her efforts. She should be thankful. Instead she was apprehensive.

  “What about you and Abe Fitch?” It was better to change the subject than to dwell on matters she couldn’t change.

  Esther blushed and covered the dough with a cloth. “We’re taking it slow. He’s been coming for dinner, and afterward we’ve been taking a walk.”

  “He didn’t come by last night.”

  Esther braced her hands on her ample hips. “We wanted to give you a little time to get settled in. Now, with the bishop coming by . . .”

  “You could go there.”

  Esther shook her head. “And leave you to face the bishop by yourself?”

  Caroline wished the words didn’t make her stomach pitch. “I thought you said he was a fair man.”

  “Jah, that I did, but I’m not leaving you to face him alone. Your mother wouldn’t be very happy if I’m not here to support you.”

  Caroline wrapped one arm around Esther and pulled her close. “Danki, Esther.”

  Esther patted her hand reassuringly. “It’ll be allrecht, liebschdi.”

  And she knew it for the truth. She just wasn’t sure how long it would take.

  Dear Lizzie,

  I can only say that God is gut. We made it back to Oklahoma safe and sound. I tell you, though, I can hardly believe what happened. Trey (Emma’s father) stepped aside so that Caroline and I can be married. I can’t tell you how froh this makes me. When I got to Tennessee, she was all set to marry Trey. I’m still not quite sure how all this happened. How hard it must have been for him to walk away from his daughter, but we all agree that it would be best for Caroline and Emma. Now she will be able to stay in the church. (Did I tell you Trey was English?)

  I’ll let you know when we decide on a date to get married. We still have a lot to go through with the church. Caroline will have to confess and go through a shunning time. But once we meet with the bishop we’ll have a better idea as to when we might be able to join our family.

  Please say a prayer that the bishop will go easy on Caroline. She understands the consequences of her actions. She knows that what she did goes against what we’ve been taught . . . what the Bible says. An extended shunning will not change what she has done. I can only pray that the bishop will see past mere actions and take Caroline and Emma into account when he passes his judgment.

  I’ll let you know as soon as we do . . . on all accounts.

  Love always,

  Andrew

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Caroline about jumped out of her skin when the knock sounded at the door. She looked to Esther, who sent a sharp look back. Then the plump baker rose from her seat at the table and went to let the bishop in.

  He wasn’t a very tall man, but something about the way Cephas Ebersol carried himself made him seem much bigger. The gray streaks in his chest-length beard gave him the air of wisdom, and the sharp light in his dark blue eyes saw through any façade and straight to the bones.

  Caroline swallowed hard as he stepped into their apartment. He and Esther exchanged their niceties, and he hung his hat on the peg inside the wall where their black bonnets were also kept.

  “Caroline.” The bishop greeted her.

  “Bishop.” She stood. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

  The words had no sooner left her mouth than another knock sounded.

  Caroline and Esther exchanged another look.

  “That must be Andrew,” the bishop said.

  “Andrew is coming?” Caroline asked as Esther made her way back to the door.

  “Jah. This concerns him, too.”

  Caroline felt a warmth in her heart as Andrew came in. His eyes sought her out immediately, and just knowing that they were together helped to calm Caroline’s nerves.

  Esther went into the kitchen to get them all coffee and cookies. And all too soon they were seated around the table.

  “I suppose you know why I am here.”

  “Jah.” She also knew that since the bishop was there and not the deacon, it was serious.

  “I received a letter from the bishop of your district in Tennessee.” He pulled the letter from a pocket inside his jacket and laid it on the table between them.

  Andrew’s hand found hers under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

  “He has made some pretty serious accusations.”

  “I understand.” She nodded, strengthened by Andrew’s support.

  “In light of these allegations, a shunning would be in order,” Bishop Ebersol continued.

  Caroline swallowed back her fear and remorse. “I am prepared to accept that. I have done wrong in the eyes of the Lord and the church. I understand that a kneeling confession and a meidung are necessary.”

  The bishop sat back in his seat and thoughtfully stroked his beard. “I’m not sure that is the resolution we are looking for.”

  This was her biggest concern, her greatest fear: that the bishop would think a mere confession and shunning would not be enough to absolve her of her sins.

  “What would you suggest, then?” She tried to make her voice sound confident and sure. She didn’t quite succeed.

  The bishop leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Caroline, there are some secrets that don’t need to be repeated.”

  Her heart gave a pound of expectation. Was he saying what she thought he was?

  “I’ve given this a great deal of thought, Caroline Hostetler. You came here alone and everyone assumed you were a widow. We took you in and didn’t ask any questions. I’ve watched you live a Godly life. You’ve raised your daughter on your own, attended church, worked for Esther here. You’ve become a gut freind to Emily and others, and in general, you have been an integral part of our district.”

  Caroline held her breath as she waited for him to continue. Andrew squeezed her fingers once again, but kept his gaze on Cephas Ebersol.

  “In the past two years you have been separated from your family in Tennessee. Living here and working here, and doing right by yourself. As far as I can see, you have served a shunning of your own design.”

  Dare she hope? “I don’t underst
and.”

  The bishop cleared his throat then gave them all a small smile. “There are some secrets, Caroline, that just are better left as secrets.”

  “Are you saying there will be no shunning?” This from Andrew.

  “Jah,” Bishop Ebersol said. “I cannot see a purpose that would be served in having you stand in front of the congregation and confess sins they know nothing about. That would only hurt your standing in the community, and that of young Emma.”

  Hope and something more rose inside Caroline. She had found her home. God had truly led her here for a reason. “Danki, Bishop.”

  “I do not expect to talk about this matter again.”

  Caroline shook her head, unable to believe the astounding way that God had answered her prayers.

  The bishop drained the last of his coffee and stood. “I’ll see you all in church on Sunday?”

  “Jah,” they said together.

  But as the bishop made his way to the door, Andrew stood. “There is one other thing.”

  The bishop turned. “Jah?”

  “I have asked Caroline to be my wife. I am needing your blessing.”

  The bishop smiled. “I can’t think of anything I’d like to see more. I’ll come by the shop tomorrow, and we can discuss dates.” He made his way to the door, but turned before his exit. “And that little sideboard in the window. Helen has had her eye on it since Abe put it up for sale.”

  “I’m sure we can work something out,” Andrew said.

  The bishop donned his hat, and with a nod to each of them, let himself out.

  “Would anyone like some more coffee?” Esther stood to get the pot. Emma, who had up until then been playing quietly in her playpen, chose that moment to pull herself to her feet and demand attention.

  Caroline rose to fetch her daughter, still a little numb from the shock she’d just received.

  “Let me.” Andrew stood and lifted Emma high into his arms, laughing at her squeal of joy as he blew a raspberry in the crook of her neck.

  “I can hardly believe this is happening,” Caroline said, loving the two of them together. Her heart ached for Trey and the sacrifices that he had made. But hopefully one day in the future she would be able to reunite them, even only for a time.

 

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