Don't Wake the Dead

by C. C. Wood

  Well, that reaffirmed my belief that he must work out regularly.

  “Not a lot, except for the fact that you expect me to appear on camera.”

  After a brief silence, he prompted, “You have a problem with appearing on camera?”

  “Yes.”

  “May I ask why?” he queried, his tone even.

  I got the sense I was beginning to try his patience. The thought made me grin. Malachi Flemming seemed like a laid-back guy and some perverse part of me liked the idea that I might ruffle that calm exterior. Damn, Teri was rubbing off on me.

  I didn’t want to answer honestly, but if he’d been asking around town about my house then he’d probably gotten an earful of the rumors about me as well. Still, I wasn’t going to bring it up unless he did.

  “I’m just not comfortable with it.”

  “The homeowners are usually on camera,” he stated.

  “Not this one,” I shot back, my tone firm.

  “It’s part of the show, Zoe. People like hearing about the experiences of the people living in these houses. It’ll just be a few minutes of conversation.”

  “Then maybe this was a bad idea. If appearing on camera is a requirement, then I can’t allow you to film in the house.”

  “Seriously?” he asked. He sounded absolutely shocked that I would turn down fifteen hundred dollars over a short interview.

  “Yes.”

  I needed the money but people in my hometown would find out about the show. They would watch it and think I was even kookier than they already did. After witnessing my childhood propensity for talking to ghosts, and my vehement insistence that they were real, the townspeople of Kenna, Texas labeled me as peculiar. That tag stuck for twenty years after I finally stopped trying to convince them that there were spirits walking among them unseen and unheard.

  To this day, people my age and their parents avoided me and children stared at me, probably remembering all the things they’d overheard adults whispering about me.

  Leaving Kenna wasn’t an option, though. While anonymity would be nice, living in the city meant more people in less space and that included ghosts. Cities tended to be more haunted than anyone realized. The short time I’d lived away from home for college had been hard as hell because everywhere I went, I ran into an apparition. They were usually just lonely. Some were lost and confused. Then there were ghosts like Jerry at the insurance firm, the dead who seemed to enjoy bedeviling the living.

  And they all wanted my attention when they realized that I could see and hear them.

  “Fine,” Mal conceded, interrupting my thoughts. “You don’t have to appear on camera. I’ll go back to my hotel room and remove that clause. If you have a printer, I can email it to you.”

  “That would be great.”

  “I’d like to film tomorrow. Will that work for you?”

  “That’s fine,” I responded. It was more than fine. The quicker this was over, the better.

  “We’ll be over around three to set up our equipment. We’ll be going to dinner after that, if you’d like to join us.”

  His invitation surprised me. “Uh, okay. That sounds nice.” I hesitated. “We can order pizza and have it delivered if that’s more convenient for you and your crew.”

  I had no idea why I issued the invitation. Just a few seconds ago, I’d been looking forward to this being over.

  “That would be great,” Mal answered. “And it will make things a lot easier for the crew.”

  “Then I’ll see you all tomorrow at three.”

  The next day, my house was invaded. There was no other way to describe it.

  At three o’clock sharp, my doorbell rang. Teri, who’d been waiting impatiently all day, came sailing down through the ceiling, something she rarely did. She claimed that moving through objects and people felt, in her words, “weird as hell”.

  “They’re here!” she cried. “I wonder if Hunkypants’ friends are as hot as he is.”

  I rolled my eyes at her words. If Teri was this obsessed with sex thirty years after she died, I didn’t think I wanted to know what she was like when she was alive.

  When I walked to the door, she pressed right up against my back and I couldn’t suppress the shiver that ran down my spine.

  “Back off, Teri,” I mumbled. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

  “Do what?” she asked absently.

  “Brush up against me. I have goose bumps all over my body now.”

  “Oh, sorry,” she apologized.

  I felt the intense cold move away from my body and relaxed. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. It’s not like touching you gives me the warm fuzzies either.”

  I glanced over my shoulder. “I bet these guys cleanse haunted homes. Maybe I should ask them.”

  “You wouldn’t,” she gasped.

  “Don’t tempt me.”

  I felt her move away as I answered the door. I wasn’t serious about having the crew cleanse the house, but the threat might keep her in line tonight. We’d had a long discussion this morning about what constituted sexual harassment and why it was wrong to go around grabbing a person’s ass even if you weren’t human any longer. I still didn’t believe for a second that Teri would keep her hands to herself, but I had to try.

  “Hi,” I greeted Mal. “Come on in.”

  When I stepped back to allow Mal and his crew into the house, I heard Teri sigh.

  “Damn, his friends are as hot as he is,” she muttered. “I don’t know where to start.”

  I managed to clamp down on the urge to tell her to back off. I could only hope that Mal and his two friends wouldn’t be offended by a little groping from a horny ghost.

  Mal gestured to his friends. “Zoe, this is Blaine and Sean.”

  I held out my hand to Blaine. He was tall with shoulder length blonde hair and blue eyes. He looked like the quintessential surfer stereotype. His body was lean, but his shoulders were broad.

  “Nice to meet you, Zoe,” he said with a big grin. Dimples appeared in both cheeks. After he released my hand, he elbowed Mal. “Dude, you didn’t tell me what a knockout she is.”

  My cheeks heated up just a little at his flirtation. I didn’t take it seriously because I got the impression that Blaine flirted with every woman he met, both young and old.

  “Quit flirting with her,” the other man stated, stepping in front of Mal and Blaine. He looked down at me and I found myself staring into a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes with lashes long enough to make most women envious. “I’m Sean, but everyone calls me Stony.” His shaggy brown hair wasn’t as long as Blaine’s but it was definitely overdue for a cut.

  I took his hand, but he didn’t shake it. He merely held it as he looked down at me.

  Feeling a little uncomfortable, I asked, “Why do they call you Stony?”

  Mal appeared beside us. “Because he was stoned for most of his college career,” he answered shortly. “Stony, let Zoe go. You’re making her uncomfortable.”

  Stony smiled at me. “I’m not doing that, am I?”

  “Uh…”

  Still grinning, he released my hand. “My bad. Your eyes distracted me. They’re really pretty.”

  Damn, these guys were laying it on thick. I almost rolled my eyes, even as the blush in my cheeks intensified.

  “Girl, I’ve never seen you blush!” Teri cackled. “This is awesome.”

  Her words broke the spell. I was acting like a swoony teenage girl and I didn’t like it.

  “From now on, no flirting,” I stated firmly, looking from Blaine to Stony.

  “It’s not flirting if we’re just stating the truth,” Blaine quipped.

  “Okay, how about this. Flirting with me will get you absolutely nowhere,” I expounded.

  “Why?” Stony asked.

  “Why what?”

  “Why won’t it get us anywhere? You got a boyfriend?”

  I groaned. “No, but that’s not the point.”

  “Oh, I get it. You like
girls,” Blaine said. “That’s cool. My sister does too. She’s single and almost as good-looking as me. Want me to introduce you?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I’m straight.” I replied. I eyed Blaine. “And you might want to ask your sister if she’s okay with you setting her up on blind dates before you offer them,” I chastised him. “Someone could get their feelings hurt.”

  His smile widened into a shit-eating grin. “So you like men?”

  I nodded. “Yes, I like men, but I’m not sure you and Stony qualify. You seem boyish to me.”

  Stony groaned, clutching his chest in mock pain. “Oh, man, that’s cold.”

  Blaine elbowed him. “You’re proving her point, dude. Stop.”

  “Okay, that’s enough screwing around,” Mal snapped. “We’re here to work, not for your two to hit on Zoe. Help me unload the van.”

  Mal marched outside, the screen door slapping shut behind him.

  “Can men have PMS?” Blaine asked Stony.

  “I don’t know, B. Maybe we should get Mal some Midol just in case.”

  They continued their conversation as they followed Mal.

  “I like them,” Teri said, her voice close to my ear.

  I jerked, startled by her sudden appearance. “You like anything with a nice ass and a penis.”

  “True, but I like more than their manly attributes. They’re funny and they were hitting on with you. You should jump one of them. Or all of them. Oh, ménage a quatre. It’s like a smutty book or something.”

  “Go away, Teri,” I retorted.

  “Just sayin’,” she muttered. “You’d be in a much better mood if you got laid.”

  “Teri.” My voice was little more than an angry growl. She was beginning to sound like Jonelle.

  “Fine, fine. I’ll shut up.”

  I felt her presence retreat, but not before she said one last thing.

  “Besides, having regular sex makes you prettier.”

  Before I could reply, she disappeared. That was just like Teri. She always had to have the final word.

  Chapter

  For all their silly behavior earlier, as soon as Blaine and Sean began unpacking equipment, they were all business. Teri vanished, claiming she was bored and wanted to take a nap before her “special appearance” tonight.

  I tried to stay out of their way as they began setting up cameras and various other electronic devices. I found myself fascinated by what they were doing.

  “What’s that?” I asked Stony as he removed a black box from one of the cases.

  “It’s an EMF meter.”

  A couple of days ago, his explanation would have meant nothing to me. After watching all the episodes of The Wraith Files, I knew it was an electromagnetic field meter. The device looked different in person than it did on video. It was widely believed that ghosts used electromagnetic energy to manifest physically or to make themselves heard aurally. The meter would gauge the strength of the electromagnetic field.

  “Won’t the electricity in the house affect it?” I questioned, my curiosity getting the better of me again.

  “Mal’s already been through the house and checked everything, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Then he knows where the electrical stuff is and he’s already made notes,” Stony explained.

  I backed away then and continued to watch them. When they were done, I found the revised contract Mal emailed me and handed it to him.

  “I really wish you’d reconsider being on camera,” Mal commented as he looked over the signed papers.

  “Wait, you’re not going to let us film you?” Blaine asked in surprise. “Why not? You’d look great on camera.”

  “Well, I have my reputation to worry about,” I answered lightly.

  “I call bullshit,” quipped Stony. “If you actually give a damn what other people think about you, I’ll strip down naked and run around the block.”

  “As pleasant as that sounds, I’ll pass,” I responded. “I’m just not interested in being a YouTube celebrity.”

  “Please?” Blaine wheedled.

  I shook my head.

  Before they could continue pleading, my cell phone rang. I excused myself and carried the phone onto the front porch. It was Jonelle.

  Instead of a traditional greeting, she asked, “Hey, how’s it going so far?”

  “Wow, hello to you, too. I’m fine. How are you?”

  “C’mon, Zoe. Tell me what’s happening.”

  I sighed. “Nothing much. They’re setting up their equipment.”

  “Are Blaine and Stony the only ones there?”

  “How did you know their names?”

  “Because I watched the show last night. I gotta tell you, I’m tempted to invite myself over just so I can watch them in action.”

  I laughed. “I think you’d be too much of a distraction.”

  “Yeah. I am pretty sexy. Wouldn’t want them to forget about Teri. She’d get jealous and do something really vindictive, like flush my lipstick down the toilet again.”

  I bit back another chuckle. Though she talked trash about my resident ghost, I think Jonelle actually liked her. In an I’d-have-to-kill-you-if-Zoe-wasn’t-your-friend kind of way.

  “Well, call me when it’s over. I want to hear all the dirty details.”

  I scoffed. “Uh, no way. I’m going to sleep as soon as they leave. Mal said they’ll probably be here until sunrise.”

  “Damn. Yeah, don’t call me at sunrise. I need my beauty sleep.”

  We disconnected a few moments later and I went back inside the house. I could hear the men walking around, talking to each other as they finished setting up their cameras and other equipment.

  I decided to get a cold drink and settle down in the kitchen until they were done and ready to order the food. When I walked through the door, I paused. There was a huge cooler sitting in the middle of the room.

  I hadn’t noticed them bring it in.

  “Hey, we’re just about done,” Mal said as he entered the kitchen behind me. “What do you like on your pizza? I’m just about to order.”

  “Anything but anchovies, olives, and jalapenos. Why is there a gigantic cooler in my kitchen?”

  “Oh, we brought snacks and drinks and stuff. We don’t want to eat all your food.”

  I nodded. “That’s nice.”

  “I’m going to order the pizza then.”

  “Wait, let me get you some cash,” I offered. “I need to pay for mine.”

  “Our treat. We’re invading your house for a night. It’s the least we can do.”

  I didn’t mention that he had already given me a check for fifteen hundred dollars, which was tucked away in my wallet.

  “There’s soda and stuff in the cooler, so help yourself. I’m going to call this in before Blaine and Stony stampede downstairs and start bitching about how hungry they are and how they’re going to starve to death before we even get started.”

  I grinned at him as he left the room.

  “You know he likes you right?”

  I jerked and whirled to face Teri. I opened my mouth to yell at her then remembered I wasn’t alone in the house. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t sensed her enter the room. Usually it was something I couldn’t ignore.

  After a quick check to make sure Mal was out of earshot, I whispered, “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Oh, yes he does.”

  “I doubt that, but so what if he does?”

  Teri shook her head. “I give up. You’re never going to get laid.”

  “Yeah, because I don’t want your perverted ass watching me have sex with somebody!”

  I heard footsteps approach and put a finger to my lips.

  “Hey, Zoe. Is someone here?” Stony asked as he came into the kitchen and made a beeline for the cooler. He removed a can of soda, cracked it open, and chugged.

  “No.”

  He lowered the can from his mouth. “Weird. I thought I heard you talking to someone.” Then he covered his mouth
with a hand, suppressing a burp. “Well, we’re all set to go. Mal said the pizza’ll be here in a half hour and then the medium will show up at seven. We’ll start filming at full dark.”

  As he spoke, Teri walked around him, looking him up and down. Then she fixed her eyes on me. “He’s got a nice ass, too.”

  I closed my eyes, knowing what was about to happen and hoping that Stony wouldn’t spill his drink all over my freshly mopped kitchen floor.

  “There! Did you hear that?” Stony asked. “I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but I heard a woman speaking.”

  Teri froze, staring at me in shock. “Holy shit, he heard me!” She leaned closer to Stony, her mouth almost touching his ear. “Can you hear me, sexy?”

  Stony shivered. “Damn. Mal was right. This place is definitely haunted. I just heard it again and got a cold chill.” Then he grinned at me. “I can’t wait to get started.”

  He sauntered out of the room, drinking his soda. Teri and I merely gaped at each other. It seemed at least one of the men on Mal’s team was sensitive to the presence of ghosts. Well, more sensitive than the average person.

  “I’m going to go whisper dirty things in his ear and see how much he hears,” Teri marveled, moving to follow him.

  “Fine, just keep your hands to yourself.”

  She flipped me the bird as she floated by me. “I make no promises and tell no lies.”

  When I didn’t hear screams or cursing a few moments later, I assumed she took my advice despite her mischievous attitude. I doubted it would last the night.

  Chapter

  A couple of hours later, we were done eating and I was cleaning up the shocking amount of garbage that three grown men generated. Blaine and Stony were bickering about some place they’d filmed earlier that week as they huddled around my dining room table. Mal helped me wash plates and wipe up crumbs, which made me think of what Teri had said earlier. About how he liked me.

  When the doorbell rang, Mal quickly rinsed and dried his hands. “That must be Marcy, the medium.”

  Marcy the Medium? Now that was an alliteration.

  I followed him to the front door, pasting a civil smile on my face. It had been my experience that most mediums or people who claimed to talk to the dead were con artists out to make a quick buck.