Lost Honor

by Loreen Augeri

  He released her from his loving arms. “Now stand up.” Morgan helped her rise and then pulled up her pants and buttoned them. He placed his hands on either side of her face. “Are the effects of the alcohol wearing off?”

  Arianna nodded. “My head is only a little foggy. How can men drink that stuff night after night and call it having a good time?”

  “It makes them feel superior. The most handsome, the greatest lover, the wittiest conversationalist…”

  For a while that evening, a wonderful haze had taken away her problems, and even the liquor tasted delicious. But the lingering effects were not worth it, and she preferred to be in command of all her senses at every moment. She smiled. Except when Morgan’s hands and mouth worked their magic. Then, she lost all control and did not regret it.

  He intertwined her fingers with his. “Let’s get out of here before you catch a chill, again.” He halted. “Although, I do love warming you.”

  Morgan tugged her after him before she could comment. She enjoyed his solution, but she could never voice the words to tell him. She tightened her hand within his in response.

  Harry stood beyond the cave entrance, a brave sentinel. Morgan shouldn’t have sent him away so they could share a moment of passion. As they exited, Harry turned and his gaze drifted over them. A hot blush rose into her face, and she lowered her eyes. Surely, he knew what they had done. Jerking her hand from Morgan’s, she slipped behind him and speared her fingers through her hair and straightened her wrinkled, dirty clothes.

  She spied the wet stain on the shirt over her breast, and the fire heating her face intensified. Her embarrassment knew no bounds. The evidence was in plain view. How could she hide it?

  She bumped into Morgan, and he spun to face her. “What are you doing behind me?”

  Harry laughed.

  She bit her lips, swollen by Morgan’s kisses.

  “I think she’s embarrassed.”

  With his brows drawn together, Morgan stared at her, and suddenly realizing the truth, he scowled at Harry. “You’re not helping the matter.”

  “Morgan, my shirt,” Arianna whispered.

  “What is wrong with your shirt?” He yanked it down into place.

  “It is wet. H-he’ll know we—”

  “That I kissed a beautiful, sensuous woman. That I could not help myself.” His gaze drifted to her nipple. “It will dry. And my brother is a gentleman,” he said louder, so his voice carried to Harry. He slipped his arm around her waist and guided her to reluctantly stand beside him.

  She folded her arms across her chest and attempted to act normal. Everything that went along with sailing she had dealt with many times, but what Morgan had taught her and the sensations involved were all new. She liked the intimacy, passion, and the eventual explosion of emotions and yearned to continue it with him for as long as she could. But society’s views differed from hers, and until she was more sure of herself, she didn’t care to flaunt what she shared with him. She wanted it to remain a special secret between Morgan and her, to hold and store in her heart because when they returned to Boston… She paused, and her heart flipped. If they returned to Boston. They would part. They each had a life that would lead them in different directions. And she, a mission to accomplish.

  But Morgan had already shown her more than she ever hoped to learn.

  Morgan escorted her to his brother, who now watched the pirate ship. She couldn’t meet Harry’s eyes.

  “Have you seen any sign of the pirates?” Morgan asked.

  “Not since you saw them rowing to shore.” Harry whirled to face his brother. “I’ll see if I can find where they’re headed.”

  “No, I’ll go. You stay with Arianna.”

  “I’m not staying here,” Arianna protested. “I’m going with you.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  There he went again, trying to tell her what she could and could not do. “You cannot order me.”

  “Hold on, both of you. Morgan, I am the one who got us in this trouble.”

  “Harry—”

  “No.”

  Morgan’s eyes flashed his displeasure at being cutoff, but he remained silent.

  “All my life you have taken care of and rescued me from the troubles I’ve gotten into. Now it is my turn. You have to let me help. I am quite capable.”

  “Capable? These pirates captured you.”

  “I allowed them to, and my plan would have worked if you hadn’t come looking for me. I would have sent word where Shark could be found or taken care of him myself. And I did get you off the ship. You don’t realize it, but I’ve grown up.”

  Morgan’s tense muscles seemed to relax and the harsh contours of his face softened. “I guess you have. Go on but be careful. I do not want to lose you.”

  Determination and a new respect for his brother spread over Harry’s face. “They will never know I am watching.” He turned to Arianna. “Take care of him.”

  Morgan scowled. “I can take care of myself.”

  Harry chuckled before he sauntered down the hill.

  Morgan’s eyes remained riveted on the spot where his brother disappeared.

  “You’re worried about him, aren’t you?”

  “For most of my life. Ever since my father left us. I can’t stop now.”

  “He’ll be fine.”

  “I have to trust he will be.” He turned her toward the cave entrance. “I don’t want you in the open in case they sneak by him and attack us.”

  “I can defend myself and think on my own.” Although she hadn’t done well so far. She had wanted to be taken by the pirates to help him but instead had become another person he thought he had to protect. The scabbard tied against her calf shifted. She was amazed Morgan hadn’t discovered the knife when her pants pooled around her ankles in the cave. But only one thing had consumed his mind. And hers. Heat suffused her face, again.

  “I don’t wish to argue or stand where we need to test that theory.” Morgan picked up the supplies and strode to the cave where he placed them inside the mouth. Then he sat before the entrance.

  She followed and plopped down beside him. “You don’t have to watch over me. I don’t wish to be a burden.”

  He turned to her with a quizzical frown. “You could never be a burden.”

  “I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t been on that schooner.” She drew lines in the dirt with her finger.

  “You had no choice.”

  “I should have thought before I ran to you or fought harder to remain behind. They might have figured I wasn’t worth the trouble. But the truth was, I wanted them to take me if they kidnapped you.” She glanced at his bewildered face. “I thought if I was on the ship, I could help in some way. Instead, I got drunk, and you had to rescue me. I did absolutely nothing. I failed.” Her stomach knotted with despair and the truth. Her head drooped.

  He placed a finger beneath her chin and lifted it. His intense, soft eyes lightened to a cinnamon shade. “That is not true. How do you think Harry released me from the chains? He got the key from you. You must have stolen it from Turnbull.”

  An image flashed in her mind of a glinting key hanging before her eyes and cold metal clasped against her palm. Was he telling the truth?

  “And you were the one to find this cave. I missed it.”

  “Is it true? Did I steal the key?”

  “I never lie.”

  His mouth lowered, and his lips slid over hers in a passionate dance, his touch light but firm. “I’m glad you are with me, except now you are in danger. I have never desired that. I have deep feelings for you and intend to keep you safe.”

  Her heart soared to the heavens. She searched his eyes. “Do you really care deeply for me?” She spied the truth before he replied.

  “Yes.”

  Her heart pounded, and her chest rose and fell with shallow, quick breaths. She felt the same way about him. Morgan was demanding, arrogant, and disagreed with her but tender and kind. He listened to her as he had now and gi
ven her a chance to prove herself. He didn’t make her feel like a nonentity and didn’t push her aside like a bothersome insect the way her brothers who never had time for her did. He understood and saw her as she wanted to be seen, unlike her mother. She didn’t want to die a nobody in this world, forgotten.

  She could tell him things she’d never voice to another living soul. He made her feel giddy and alive. He filled the loneliness within and banished her fears. But unfortunately, all those things would make it so much harder when they must part. But she didn’t care. She would enjoy to the fullest the time she had left.

  The pirates sprang to mind. However long or short that may be. She pressed her hand to her calf where the knife lay.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Why had he told Arianna he cared for her?

  Because it was true. Though he tried to deny and fought his need for her, she had slipped into and lodged in his heart. If they didn’t survive, he wanted Arianna to know how much she meant to him. He didn’t want her to think he seduced any available girl. He satisfied his needs with other women, but they were never virgins and understood a long-term relationship and emotions did not play a part in their lovemaking.

  He curled a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Arianna’s courageousness, her determination to fight despite the odds stacked against her, and her ability to stand up to him when all others feared to, spoke to him. He spied the vulnerability, loneliness, and fear deep inside and yearned to protect and fill her needs. When he granted her a wish, he loved to peer at her delighted face.

  She smacked her lips, swallowed, and then coughed.

  “Are you thirsty?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  She always said that. He stood and yanked her to her feet. “Drinking can make you thirsty the next day. I think I saw a stream not too far from here. We’ll be back before my brother returns or the pirates venture this far.”

  She shot him a look of disbelief. “Are you sure?”

  “Didn’t I tell you I am always right?”

  She rolled her eyes. “And you never lie.”

  “Now that you understand, come on.” He wrapped her hand within his. He loved holding it. The softness, the smallness, the fragile but strong bones inside, just like her.

  A light breeze blew strands of hair from her dirty face, accentuating her beauty. He had adored the way the long, blonde mass had swayed with her movements when she left it down, but the short cut suited her, too. Any style fitted her face. He looked up and spied a large bird of prey flying high above them. Its wings spread wide, drifting on the air currents, circling. As he was about to point it out to Arianna, it swooped down out of sight.

  “I realize he needs to eat too, but I feel sorry for the animal he captured. I know the feeling.”

  “So you did see him.”

  “He was magnificent. When I sailed with my papa, I saw many different birds.”

  He yearned to offer her adventure, but her desire was an impossibility in this world. After this voyage, he would return to working in his office and wouldn’t allow her to sail on his ships. And no one else’s if he could prevent it.

  They reached the small stream, and Arianna fell to her knees, cupped her dainty hands, and slurped handfuls of clear, cool water, her delicate back curved, her graceful head bent. He dropped beside her and also satisfied his thirst.

  When she could drink no more, she leaned back, resting on her hands, and stared at him for a long time.

  Finding no reason for her intense scrutiny, self-consciousness crept to the surface. “What?”

  “Tell me about your life. I have told you about part of mine, but I know next to nothing about you. I don’t even know how old you are.”

  He didn’t want to answer. The absent knowledge separated them, and he didn’t wish to bridge the gap. He had to give her up one day. She was not his to keep. But he could not deny her. “I am thirty years old.”

  “And your sisters, what do they look like?”

  He drew his legs up and rested an arm on top of his knees. “We all have dark brown eyes. Elizabeth, the oldest, and Sarah, the youngest, look like me. Ann resembles Harry.” Picking up a fallen leaf, he started to tear it into pieces.

  “You told me your mother died recently. What about your papa?”

  He hesitated. Her questions were becoming too personal. He didn’t like to discuss the man who had deserted them. “He abandoned us.”

  Arianna gasped in amazement. “I can’t imagine a man doing that to his family.”

  “You didn’t know my father. All he cared about was gambling, drinking, and women other than my mother. He left us destitute.” Once he started talking he couldn’t stop, and the words spilled out. “I hired on a ship at the age of fourteen to support my family. It was hell, the crew mean, undisciplined, and crude.”

  Arianna shifted closer and laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “No child should have to suffer through that.”

  He’d never told anyone of his life aboard those ships in his early years, not his family or Andrew. “I survived and continued hiring on, moving up, until I had enough money to buy a ship of my own. After a few years, I started a shipping company.” He looked at her. “Not as big as your father’s, but it will be one day.”

  “It took my papa a long time to amass his fortune.”

  “During the war with England, I captained a ship as a privateer. What more do you want to know? My favorite number is twelve. I like the color purple. And I am frightened of the water.”

  He stopped. He had never told anyone of his fear. No one knew the real him. What his thoughts and desires were. He didn’t want them to. Because if they acquired the knowledge, they could use it against him. Once a person uncovered the true you, there was no limit to the pain they could inflict.

  Even though he had never confided his secrets to Andrew, Morgan was sure his friend was aware of most of them. Andrew knew him better than anyone, maybe even better than himself. He watched, analyzed, stored information, and then came to conclusions that were usually correct.

  He didn’t understand why he had told Arianna. But suddenly he yearned for her to know the person buried deep inside him. Even if he had to give her up when they docked, he trusted her now. It felt good to divulge and share his secrets. She filled the gaping, hollow hole of loneliness within him as he tried to do for her.

  “You are scared of the water?”

  “It took my brother.”

  Arianna laid an arm across his shoulders. “I can’t think of anything worse. But you make your living from it.”

  “When I was younger, I took any job I could get. And later, it was the only thing I knew how to do. When I sail, I’m on top of the water, not in it. But because of what happened, I never learned to swim.”

  “Many men who sail can’t swim.”

  It was true, but he considered it a weakness. “I face everything I do head on. I refuse to be defeated. After my brother died, I couldn’t and still can’t bring myself to go into the water. I’m ashamed of that fact.”

  “You shouldn’t be. To watch your brother die before your eyes, to be unable to help… It’s unthinkable.”

  He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She smelled of freshness and goodness with a slight hint of alcohol. The heat of her body seeped into his, spreading a healing balm. “Before I left home, when my friends asked me to go swimming, I always made believe I had some chore my parents insisted I take care of right away.”

  She twisted and her blue eyes, the color of the sky above, searched his. “I wish I had known you then. That I could have helped you.”

  “No. I would not have wanted you to change your childhood in any way. You had parents and brothers that loved you.”

  She frowned. “Your sisters and brother loved you and so did your mother and probably even your papa in his own way. You were his son.”

  Anger flared, and he fought it down. “My father loved nobody but himself.” He had lived with the truth h
is entire life, and it shouldn’t affect him, but it did. He drew a deep breath. “Yes, my sisters and brother loved me.” A vision of his mother floated before his face. “And so did my mother.”

  Then the promise he had made to himself and to her resurfaced. He had vowed to honor and obey his mother, to never hurt her as his father had.

  On her deathbed, she had made him give his word to marry Susan, and he agreed.

  He stiffened, lifted Arianna from his lap, sat her on the ground beside him, and wiped his hands on his pants. With Arianna, he forgot what his life was about and yearned to shun his honor and oath to his mother.

  Arianna’s confused gaze bored into him, but he stared straight ahead.

  She caused him to neglect his commitments, reveal his secrets, and made him feel.

  And he didn’t want to feel. Danger lived within that realm. His father was a part of him. Inside him. If he relaxed his guard, he would turn into him. That was the last thing he wanted to happen.

  He jumped to his feet and strode to the edge of the hill. He had to stay away from Arianna. She was poisoning him. Turning him into the person he fought against. He clenched his hands and struggled to clear her from his mind.

  Arianna followed him. “Morgan, what is wrong?”

  “Nothing. Go back to the cave.”

  Her gaze darted to the pirate ship. “Do you see something?”

  “I gave you an order.”

  She planted her hands on her hips. “I am not one of your men.”

  He spun to face her, battling to keep his eyes and face impassive. “On my ship, you insisted you were part of my crew, and now you are not.”

  “We are not on your ship.”

  “You have no idea what you want.”

  But he did. He wanted her far from him.

  The corners of her mouth turned down and her voice lowered. “Apparently, neither do you.”

  “Arianna…”

  “I am going back to the cave, but not because you asked me to.”

  ****

  Arianna stared at the muscular contours of Morgan’s back and the firmness of his rear where his clasped hands rested. What had she done? He had enveloped her in his warm, protective embrace and told her of his life and then dumped her at his side and refused to speak to her, except to order her to the cave.