A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  He brushed his lips over her forehead and whispered, “I simply can’t help wondering if you said yes to my proposal simply to make Luke jealous.”

  “Well, thank you very much. Do you really think I’d do something that calculating?”

  “No.” He hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry. Chalk it up to me being an envious son-of-a-bitch. Half of me would like to shove his teeth down his throat for making you love him, and the other half is grateful he’s so determined to remain single.”

  “This is exactly why I turned down your proposal so many times. I felt like a selfish bitch, agreeing to marry you while I’m in love with someone else. But you keep insisting you’re in love enough for both of us. To put your mind at ease, my acceptance had more to do with my thirtieth birthday and holding my baby nephew.” Drawing back, she peered up at him. “I do love you, Ben, really. I’m just not in love with you.”

  “I know. And I accept that. But I’m just worried I won’t make you hap—”

  “That’s not your job. Quit trying to make life perfect for everyone. The sooner you learn people are responsible for their own happiness, the better off you’ll be. Seriously, Ben, sometimes I wonder if you’re as saintly as you seem or if you just need to be the most popular guy in town.”

  “Well,”—he stepped back and dragged his gaze over her—“seeing as I’m picturing you naked right now, I’m definitely no saint.” He chuckled. “So maybe I should plead guilty to the latter.”

  “Oh, jeez, even when I insult you, you’re nice.”

  “You can insult me all you want as long as you marry me.”

  If she married Ben, true love, and all the exhilaration that came with the roller coaster ride called marriage, would be lost to her forever.

  Sure, there were countless pros for becoming Ben’s wife—his humor, generosity, kindness, and tendency to indulge her. But with pros came cons, the most worrisome one being her fear she’d never fit into his mega-rich lifestyle.

  He had a gazillion people on his payroll, socialized with power brokers and celebrities, and he had senators on speed dial. He lived in a luxurious penthouse in Manhattan with Thomas, his man Friday, who’d been taking care of his personal and chauffeuring needs since he’d graduated college.

  She, on the other hand, had been born to a waitress and an alcoholic gambler and never aspired to anything more than having a loving husband, a big family, and a rewarding career. She’d studied her butt off to become a pediatric nurse and loved working with kids.

  Since she had a fierce domestic and maternal streak and valued her privacy, she didn’t want the intrusion of domestic help in her home. Nor did she want a nursemaid raising her children. She wanted to bathe them and tuck them into bed each night herself.

  Unfortunately, she couldn’t find the gumption to discuss any of this with Ben. He wanted to give her the world and asked so little in return. Which is why, when he requested she quit her job as a school nurse so she could accompany him on his business trips, she’d complied. It was the least she could do seeing as she couldn’t give him her whole heart right now.

  Centuries ago, people got married all the time for reasons other than love, and over the years many of them eventually fell for each other. She just prayed someday that would happen for her.

  BJ broke into her reverie as he handed her a champagne flute from one of the passing waiters’ trays. “What I don’t understand is why you’ve never told Luke how crazy you are about him. I’m surprised you never showed up at his door in a negligee. Then you would’ve known where you stood.”

  She stared at the freshly mowed turf beneath her white sandals. “I suppose I’ve been waiting for him to outgrow his commitment phobia. You know how long love ‘em and leave ‘em Luke’s relationships all last.”

  “Yeah.” He snorted. “Right up until a few seconds before a woman invites him to meet her family.”

  “At nearly thirty-three, he isn’t likely to change. He probably knows how I feel and ignores my subtle come-ons because he doesn’t want to hurt me.” And maybe, deep down, she’d always known he would reject her. She lifted one shoulder. “Mostly, I guess I’ve never wanted to give up hope he might eventually fall in love with me.”

  Ben tipped her chin up and stared into her eyes. “Sweetheart, by marrying me, you are giving up hope. I don’t want you lying in my bed, wondering if telling him would’ve made a difference.”

  She looked over at her brother and Annie laughing at something Luke had said. The flash of his brilliant smile sent a shower of shivers cascading down Sabrina’s back. She glanced back at Ben and wrinkled her forehead. “Don’t you think telling him how I feel might make things awkward between the two of you?”

  Ben laughed without a hint of humor. “And you don’t think the situation is uncomfortable the way it is? It’s now or never, Sabrina. After December, it’ll be too late.”

  “I know.” She reached up and cupped his chiseled jaw. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

  “If you don’t resolve this now, I’m afraid you’ll hurt me a helluva lot more later. Please. Promise me you’ll tell him how you feel before you marry me.”

  She lifted her eyebrows. “And what if Luke suddenly decides he wants me?”

  “Then I’ll wish you both a lifetime of happiness and get rip-roaring drunk for a month.” Ben heaved a sigh and spread his hands. “As much as losing you would tear me up, I’d survive it. However, if you leave me once I’ve made love to you, it’ll probably kill me.”

  Samantha Riverá, the mother of one of Sabrina’s former patients, strolled up and hugged her. “Happy Birthday.” She smiled at Ben. “And congratulations on your engagement.”

  “Thank you,” they said simultaneously.

  “How’s Dani?” Sabrina asked. “She must be close to what....fifteen?”

  “She’ll be sixteen soon,” Samantha corrected. “She’s still in remission, thank God. She and her boyfriend are giving her father ulcers.”

  “Ahh, poor Nick.” Sabrina laughed. “My brother told me the two of you became parents again. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks. Our son, Christian, and your nephew, Sam, were born only a few weeks apart.”

  “Do you have any pictures of him with—” The melodic tinkle of spoons tapping crystal cut her off.

  Samantha raised her hands and backed away, laughing. “At times like this, three’s a crowd.”

  Ben smiled down at Sabrina. “It seems your guests would like to see us kiss.”

  “Then I guess we’d better give ‘em a show and make it a hot one.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Hot enough to make my buddy wish he was me?”

  “No. Hot enough to make me forget about him.”

  ~*~

  Luke clenched his fists through the deafening round of spoon tapping. His compulsion to watch while his friend dipped Sabrina over his arm in a long, tonsil-swabbing kiss proved he had a masochistic streak.

  “The two of them will make such gorgeous blonde babies, don’t you think?” Ben’s great-aunt squeezed Luke’s arm.

  He closed his eyes against the gut-wrenching pain the mental image of Sabrina carrying another man’s child generated. “Yes, ma’am,” he rasped. “If they look at all like their mama, they’ll be beautiful.”

  If any woman was meant to be a mother, Sabrina was. She loved kids so much she’d worked in the hospital’s pediatric intensive care unit until a little over a year ago, after Tyler’s first wife died in a car accident. Sabrina had selflessly quit her job to take a position as a school nurse so she would be available to take care of her niece, Mandy, during the summers and school holidays.

  Fortunately, Tyler had fallen in love with Annie, and Mandy had gotten a new mother and stepbrother.

  The music stopped, and Ty’s voice rang out over the yard, informing everyone the caterer was ready to serve. While the guests found seats, Ben guided Sabrina to the stone terrace where a table had been set under the awning.

  Jackson E
lliott, an older and darker version of his son Ben, seated Luke’s mom next to himself. Tyler pulled out a chair for Annie and sat beside her, leaving three empty seats on the other side of the table. Tyler motioned to Luke to join them. “You’re gonna be best man, so you might as well sit here with us.”

  Great. Now they seemed determined to turn this birthday shindig into an engagement party.

  His stomach knotted as he reluctantly sat next to Annie. Maybe he could fake an illness and just leave. The only problem was, knowing Sabrina, she’d probably follow him home to take care of him.

  As soon as she settled between him and BJ, Tyler rose, holding a full champagne flute, and cleared his throat to get the guests’ attention. “When Luke and I headed off to the University of Pittsburgh together, we never dreamed the housing administrator would have such a warped sense of humor.”

  He strolled behind Ben and clapped his hand on their friend’s shoulder. “Only a sadist would assign a candy-assed preppie in monogrammed boxers to room with two uncouth slobs who’d crawled out of south Trenton with holes in their underwear.”

  A round of laughter echoed off the water in the pool.

  Luke smiled up at his buddy, who, less than a year ago, would’ve eaten worms rather than publicly admit his humble roots.

  “The torture Luke and I put Ben through the first month of school made Hawkeye and Trapper John’s persecution of Frank Burns seem tame.”

  “I’ll say.” Ben chuckled. “Not only did these two jerks paint my fingernails black while I slept and fill my shampoo bottle with honey, they used my Italian leather loafers as Jell-O molds.”

  Luke called out over the guests’ laughter, “Don’t forget the time we shoved you into the hall stark naked and locked you out.”

  “Ahhh, but I had the last laugh.” Ben wiggled his eyebrows at him. “That little stunt got me dates with a couple of sorority girls who wouldn’t give you jokers the time of day.”

  “Don’t remind us,” Tyler muttered and held up his glass. “But after all of our evil pranks, Ben never did a thing to get retribution. Instead, he simply proved he was our friend, even if we weren’t his. So speaking as the man who’ll have the honor of giving Sabrina away, I’d like you all to join me in wishing her a happy birthday and a marriage filled with—”

  “Oh, come on, Ty.” Sabrina waved her hand at her brother. “You have to tell them the whole story.”

  “No, way.” Tyler shook his head.

  “Well, if you won’t, I will. I think everyone should know what a generous man I’m marrying.”

  Ben buried his face in his broad palm and shook his head.

  “Brina, don’t,” Luke whispered, “You’re embarrassing him.” Not to mention, the last thing he wanted was a stroll down memory lane through the blackest time of his life.

  “Oh, hush.” She shoved his shoulder. “If anyone should be embarrassed, it’s you. Half the people here already know what a reckless lunatic you are. What’s a few more enlightened souls?”

  “Let the lady talk, Luke,” called Adam Chase, the good-looking doctor Sabrina had dated several years ago.

  Luke ignored him and sprang to his feet. “As best man, I’ll take over and finish the toast.” Sucking in a deep breath, he picked up his champagne glass and gazed down at Sabrina. “First, we need to wish you a very happy birthday, which is why all these people came today.”

  “Instead we got a twofer!” shouted Nick Riverá. “A birthday and an engagement party.”

  Okay, so no one wanted to focus on celebrating her birth.

  “As I was about to say,” Luke continued, gripping his glass so hard it was a miracle he didn’t shatter it. “If any guy ever deserved a ray of sunshine in his life like Sabrina Fitzpatrick, BJ Elliott does.”

  His voice cracked with pent-up emotion, so before he could lose his composure and anyone else could interrupt, he blurted out the rest of his toast, “Everyone here wishes you both much happiness in the years to come.”

  The guests raised their glasses and drank to the happy couple’s future. More than anything Luke wanted Sabrina to be happy—even if he had to live with a vicious ache in his chest until he drew his last breath.

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead and smiled down at her. “And, Princess, if Sir Galahad ever makes you cry”—Luke glanced over her head and smirked at Ben—“just let me know, and I’ll personally kick his bony ass around the block a few times.”

  His friend’s unflinching gaze dueled with his. “First, my ass is not bony. Second, I’ve never made Sabrina cry, so it’s probably a safe bet I won’t in the future.” Ben’s eyes challenged Luke to make the same claim.

  Regrettably, he couldn’t.

  No doubt, his feigned indifference had caused Sabrina to shed more than a few tears. But she would cry a barrelful more if he ever compromised his loyalty to Ben or abandoned his resolve to keep the woman they both loved at an arm’s length.

  His only consolation was, if he kept his feelings to himself and stayed out of her life as much as possible, at least he wouldn’t condemn her to sharing his private hell.

  “That’s right, Detective Pervert.” Sabrina poked him in the chest and lowered her voice so just their table could hear. “Ben never tortured me by drawing nipples on my Barbie doll.”

  “Are you forgetting the penis I also drew on Ken?” he whispered.

  “How could I? When your mother got an eyeful of his over-sized asset, she nearly stopped letting your sisters and me play together until Frankie and Gemma ratted you out.”

  “Okay,”—he raised his hands in surrender—“so I’m long overdue for an ass-kicking,” he lied, because he would never tell anyone he’d already received one, compliments of his dad.

  CHAPTER 2

  The meal couldn’t be over soon enough to suit Sabrina. Sitting on display between Luke and Ben, in front of sixty-some-odd guests, gave her a good appreciation for how a chimpanzee must feel in a zoo.

  Every time a breeze blew from Luke’s direction, the scent of his aftershave made her head feel as if it might float right off her shoulders.

  As luscious as the meal was, Sabrina couldn’t summon up much appetite. Fortunately, Luke’s hollow leg kept anyone from noticing how little she ate. As usual, at the end of each course, he traded plates with her and polished off whatever she’d left. She’d never understood how a man who inhaled the quantity of food Luke routinely consumed maintained a body straight off a cover of Men’s Health.

  Was his appetite in bed just as voracious? It might explain his reluctance to limit himself to one woman for the rest of his life.

  After the waiters cleared the main course, they placed a bowl of chocolate after-dinner mints on the table to accompany the coffee. No doubt, desert would be birthday cake.

  Luke popped several mints into his mouth and closed his eyes, releasing a low, carnal groan.

  The mental image of him gratifying his oral fixation on her breasts tightened her nipples.

  The children’s shrieking jerked Sabrina out of her fantasy as Dottie, Tyler and Annie’s housekeeper, released the eleven kids she’d been holding captive in the house. As they made a beeline to the redwood gym set in the side yard, Mandy and Noah detoured to their table, squealing a duet. “Uncle Luke!”

  When Sabrina’s niece jumped into his lap and flung her arms around his neck, he laughed. “Mandycakes, how’s my best girl?” He ruffled her blonde hair and pulled Noah into a group hug. “Hey, buddy, how’re all the animals on the ark doing?”

  Noah heaved a dramatic sigh. “One of the giraffes has a sore throat.”

  Luke dropped his jaw in mock-horror. “No, way. That’s an awful lot of throat to be sore.”

  Sabrina’s eyes misted over as Noah giggled at the silly game Luke had been playing with the child since her brother married Noah’s mother. How could a man who obviously loved children be so adamant about never wanting a family of his own?

  “Will you do me a favor, Mandy?” Luke asked. “Would you
go to my Jeep and get the birthday present I brought for Aunt Sabrina and bring it to the backyard? It’s in a crate on the back seat.”

  Mandy raced around to the font of the house and returned a few moments later with her face beaming, carrying an armful of wiggling light gray fluff with a pink satin bow around its neck.

  “That’s your idea of a birthday gift?” Ben chuckled. “A living, breathing dust bunny?”

  Luke shrugged. “I think she looks more like a dirty dust mop. I’ve been calling her Mopsy.”

  A lump formed in Sabrina’s throat as she took the squirming puppy from her niece. Luke couldn’t have gotten her anything more perfect. He knew she’d been wanting a dog for ages, but her apartment complex didn’t allow pets. It touched her that he remembered. Even the name he’d given the dog was something she would’ve chosen. “Oh, Luke, she’s adorable. Thank you.”

  He stroked the dog’s long fur. “I found her abandoned under an overpass last week with her brother Dusty. I made sure her shots are all up to date.”

  Ben peered at the dog. “What breed of mutt is she?”

  “The vet says the puppies are probably a cross between a cocker spaniel and a Maltese. You know—sort of like a cockapoo, only they have a Maltese parent instead of a poodle.”

  “So then Mopsy could be a cock-a-tease, right?” Mandy asked in wide-eyed innocence.

  Sabrina suppressed a chuckle as Tyler sputtered, nearly drowning on a mouthful of coffee. “No, sweet pea.” He coughed. “I don’t think we should call her that.”

  “How about a tease-a-cock?” Noah naively suggested as an alternative.

  Annie clapped her hand over her son’s mouth. “No, pumpkin. Let’s just call her Mopsy, okay?” She glared at Luke. “You couldn’t have found a beagle or something?”

  Tyler laughed and rolled his eyes. “Only Luke would give a mongrel to the fiancée of a guy who can afford a world-class AKC champion breeder.”