A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  He looked so vulnerable asleep. And sexier than ever. It was criminal for a man to have lashes as long as his. The dark stubble covering his jaw and his thick inky eyebrows would make him appear slightly dangerous if not for the soft fringe spread over his tanned cheeks.

  “I love you,” she whispered. Her throat tightened as she brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead and pressed a kiss to his brow, breathing in the clean, spicy scent of his soap.

  He turned his face away and swatted at her hand, rejecting her even while asleep.

  Ben was crazy to think a guy like Luke would do an about-face in his attitude toward marriage. Even if he did make love with her and, by some miracle, felt something for her—it wouldn’t last. She couldn’t recall one woman he’d ever dated longer than a few months. And he’d been involved with women a lot sexier than her through the years.

  But regardless, she owed it to Ben and their future happiness to try to exorcise Luke from her dreams—even if it meant sleeping with him for a few weeks to get him out of her system. Except, what would she do if he gained an even stronger hold on her heart? Could she still marry Ben? And how would it affect her future relationship with Luke? Would she wind up hating him?

  She couldn’t worry about what might be right now. She could barely think straight. Making sense of her personal train wreck would have to wait.

  Rubbing her eyes, she stifled a long yawn. If she didn’t get a nap soon she would collapse. She grabbed one of Luke’s old police academy T-shirts from his clean laundry and headed for the closest bedroom. Opening the door across the hall, she groaned at the sight of wall-to-wall bookcases and a big oak desk with a computer on it.

  She scanned the shelves crammed with a wide variety of nonfiction subjects ranging from auto mechanics to Zimbabwe.

  Medical books, alone, occupied two whole shelves and were only outnumbered by bestselling novels that, surprisingly enough, had a few romances by her favorite authors scattered among them.

  Wow. She shook her head. In all the years she’d known Luke, he’d never let on that he read so much or had such varied interests. When did he find the time in between his job, his volunteer work with kids, renovating his house, and chasing thrills?

  She closed the office door behind her and glanced up the long hallway at the two bedroom doors beyond the stairs. As tired as she was, she’d never hear Luke if he needed her during the night. That left her two choices until she got the portable intercom tomorrow. She could either stay awake or crash on the king-size mattress beside Luke.

  It was a no-brainer, seeing as her exhaustion ranked a fifteen on a scale of ten. Besides, wasn’t his bed where she wanted to end up, anyway?

  Dusty chased her heels as she tiptoed through Luke’s room into his bathroom to change into his soft cotton T-shirt. Since it hung halfway to her knees, she washed out her bra and panties in the sink.

  The clock radio read six-fifteen by the time she pulled down the shades and hoisted herself into the bed on Luke’s right side. The moment she closed her eyes, Dusty started to whine and whimper. She pried one eyelid open and peered down at the floor to see him gazing up at her like a toddler left out of a game of ring-around-the-rosie.

  “Ohhh, all right.” She scrambled off the bed and scooped him up. When she climbed back in, she scooted over to make room for the dog so he wouldn’t disturb Luke. She stroked his soft fur while he pawed the mattress several times and snuggled into her side. Luke would probably give her hell for spoiling his pet.

  “You miss Mopsy don’t you, sweetie?” she whispered. “Don’t worry, your sister’s coming back tomorrow, and then you can sleep downstairs with her.”

  She had plans for this bed and Dusty’s master that didn’t include any puppies.

  ~*~

  Sabrina wiggled into the warmth pressed against her bare back and tugged at the wad of fabric bunched under her armpits. A wave of shivers rippled through her as her nipple tightened from the delightful friction teasing it into a hard, aching point. Moaning, she arched her back, forgot about the irritating roll of material under her chin, and thrust her breast toward the source of the intense pleasure.

  If this was a dream, she didn’t want to wake up—ever. Except, the rasp of stubble against the back of her neck said she already had. She lifted her head and peered at the clock radio lit up on the night table.

  Eleven o’clock.

  Luke’s calloused palm cupped her breast while his thumb stroked idly back and forth over its erect tip, making it ache for more. His slow, deep breaths told her that, even though he’d shoved her shirt up around her neck and found her breast, he was still sound asleep and caught up in an erotic dream.

  Was this how Ben felt when he kissed her, wondering who was on her mind? Despite whether Luke was making love to some fantasy woman in his dreams or not, she wanted him way too much to wake him up and tell him to stop.

  His hand slid down her stomach and pulled her fanny against him. She gasped at the thick hard shaft poking her in the back.

  As she squirmed against him, his breathing accelerated to a soft panting in the crook of her neck. Suddenly, his breath caught and the rest of his body stiffened and lay motionless.

  “Are you up?” she whispered into the darkness.

  “Ohhh, yeah,” he muttered. “Or did you think I sleep with my nightstick?”

  “I wasn’t talking about your state of—” She huffed. “I was asking if you’re awake.”

  “That, too.” He sucked in a shuddering breath. “What the hell are you doin’ in my bed?”

  “Up until a few minutes ago, I was sleeping.” And then enjoying what his wayward hand had done.

  “Why here? And why are you naked?”

  “I’m only nearly naked, thank you very much. I’m wearing one of your T-shirts,” she explained, pulling its hem back down. “But apparently you objected and tried to pull it off me.”

  “That still doesn’t explain why you’re even here.”

  Sabrina turned to face him. “If I’d slept in the guest room, I wouldn’t have heard you if you needed me.”

  “If you’d stayed in there, I wouldn’t need you.”

  “I guess this is a clear-cut case of creating a demand for myself, huh?” She chuckled as Dusty scrambled over her head to the top of the bed.

  “It isn’t funny, Sabrina,” he snapped. “I won’t do this to Ben, let alone—” The sound of the puppy’s lapping cut him off. Luke flipped on the night table’s lamp and scrubbed his hand over his mouth. “Yeech. Damn it. What’s he doing in here—besides French kissing me?”

  Sabrina pursed her lips to keep from laughing. “Dusty was lonely, so I put him in bed with us so he’d stop crying.”

  “Next time, let him cry.”

  “You’re a grouch when you wake up.”

  Luke rubbed his stomach as it growled loudly. “What I am, Princess, is starving. All I’ve had since the party on Sunday is soda.”

  She hadn’t had much more. While they’d been waiting for the doctor to finish treating Luke, Ben had gotten her a bagel with cream cheese from the hospital cafeteria. “I’d make us something to eat if you had anything besides junk in the house.”

  “There’re some frozen dinners you can nuke.”

  “Okay.” She flung back her side of the sheet and slid off the high-rise bed. “I’ll go heat one and bring a tray up to you.”

  “You’d better make it two. And for dessert add some of that so-called junk—” He sputtered and spit as the dog licked his mouth again.

  Chuckling, she grabbed the puppy and set him on the floor before Luke could toss him off the mattress. “I understand completely, sweetie.” She scratched Dusty behind his ears and knelt down to retrieve the ice bag Luke had knocked off his side and under the bed. “I got the same reaction when I kissed him.”

  CHAPTER 5

  “Hey, give that back!” Sabrina hollered.

  If Luke lived a thousand years, he would never forget the sight of Sabrina on her ha
nds and knees, wearing no panties, as she chased Dusty, who dragged the ice bag around the room.

  It was one of those can’t-look-away moments. As much as the erotic sight made his erection throb more than his broken ankle, he couldn’t help peeking at her wiggling bare bottom.

  “Get back here.” She grabbed for the dog’s leg as he disappeared under the bed with his booty. She crawled under Luke’s side of the bed, leaving only the bare cheeks of her fanny and shapely legs visible.

  He spun around on his stomach and leaned over the mattress to better admire the tantalizing view.

  His tongue fought to escape his mouth as he breathed in her heady feminine scent.

  Now, he knew how Adam must’ve felt when Eve waved that apple in front of his nose.

  In this situation, a less than honorable man would move closer and take, at the very least, a little lick if not an actual nibble.

  “Don’t you dare chew on it!” she squealed. “You’ll put holes in it.”

  He stiffened and then rolled his eyes. She’s talking to the damn dog, fool.

  “Come back here, you ungrateful little mongrel. To think I actually let you sleep with me. Gotcha!” She started to back out of Dusty’s hideout and froze as her bare bottom smacked into Luke’s forehead. Neither of them budged for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he mumbled. “Uhhh, this isn’t what it seems like.”

  “Then why don’t you tell me, exactly what this is.”

  Clenching his teeth, he forced himself to lift his head. As he carefully turned around on the mattress, he rolled to his back.

  She emerged from under the bed, her face bright pink.

  “I was just looking to—”

  “Yes, so I gathered.” She panted and tugged on the hem of the T-shirt. “Did you see anything you liked?”

  Man, did he ever. “Look, let’s just forget this ever happened.”

  “Can you?” Her gaze flicked to the prominent tent in the sheet. “Because I certainly won’t be able to.”

  “We can try.” He closed his eyes to block out the sight of her heaving breasts and tousled blonde hair. “Pleease—go fix us something to eat before we do something we’ll regret.”

  “I wouldn’t regret it,” she whispered. “I’ve wanted to make love with you since I was fifteen. Now I want to more than ever—especially after our rather unconventional bout of foreplay.”

  “Damn it, Sabrina.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “How can you even think about doing that to the man you supposedly love?”

  “I assume you’re referring to Ben?”

  “Who the hell else would I be referring to?”

  “There’s always you.” Staring into his eyes, she sank onto the edge of the bed and laid her soft hand on his bare chest. “Luke, I love Ben. But I’m not now, nor have I ever been, in love with him the way I’ve always been with you. He knows it, and we’ve agreed to put our engagement on hold for a while. So, if you want to make love with me, you can do it with a clear conscience. At the moment, I’m not engaged, and Ben has no expectation of fidelity from me.”

  His heart pounded under her warm palm. As her hand trailed down his abdomen, he grabbed her wrist and flung it away from him. Then he lied like he’d never lied before. “Well, I don’t want you to be in love with me. I’ve been dodging your come-ons for so long, I would’ve thought you’d have gotten the message by now. Damn it, I don’t want to hurt you, Brina.”

  She stood and strolled over to the door. “It doesn’t matter what you want. Whether you like it or not, life doesn’t give us a choice about who we fall in love with.”

  No one knew that better than he did. A lump the size of a twelve-gauge shotgun casing clogged his throat as she spun on her heels and left. He’d give anything not to love her.

  He snatched the phone off the night table and slowly stabbed out Ben’s number with his left hand. When his buddy answered, Luke blasted him, “Why the hell are you doin’ this to me?”

  “Doing what?” Ben asked through a long yawn.

  “You know very well what. If this is some kind of twisted test of our friendship, then be prepared to be disappointed. I can’t do this. First thing tomorrow, I’m calling an agency and hiring a home health aide.”

  “Ahhh....now I get it,” Ben said tersely. “You can’t keep your hands off her, can you?”

  “Not when she climbs half naked into my bed after I fall asleep. And then the freaking dog and the ice bag....” Luke huffed. “Damn it, Ben, I ended up with my nose practically in her—”

  “Stop!” Ben cut him off, pain infusing his voice. “This is tough enough for me without hearing all the sordid details.”

  “Then why on earth did you leave her with me?”

  “Because I saw the gut-punched look on your face yesterday after I kissed her. I suddenly realized you love her. I just want you to admit it.”

  “Then you wasted your time. I’ve never denied loving Sabrina. I’ve known her since she sucked her thumb.”

  “Don’t play word games with me, jackass,” Ben warned. “You’re not some hard-up, pimple-faced adolescent who can’t get laid.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “If you don’t feel it’s right to sleep with her, just say NO. That’s what you tell all the kids in your D.A.R.E. program.”

  “Give me a break,” Luke snorted. “It’s not the same.”

  “Sure it is. If you can’t resist Sabrina long enough to find some other woman to take care of your needs, you must either be a dishonorable piece of scum—which we both know you’re not—or you’re in love with her.”

  “So what if I am.”

  “Then you have as much right to marry her as I do. And please, don’t tell me you’re denying her and yourself the chance to be happy over some misguided sense of loyalty to me.”

  “That’s a small part of it,” Luke admitted.

  A week before his freshman football season ended, a couple of his teammates had dared him to jump between two sets of bleachers at the stadium. The challenge had come on the heels of his brother’s first overdose and horrifying confession about why he’d gotten hooked on drugs.

  Nicco had only been ten months younger, than Luke so they’d grown up almost like twins. After his brother died, he lost all reason to care what happened to him and had stupidly jeopardized his athletic scholarship by fracturing his throwing arm and shoulder. He’d required surgery to pin his broken body back together—an operation for which he’d had no medical insurance.

  On his release from the hospital, he discovered his medical bills had already been paid by the guy he and Sabrina’s brother had been torturing for three months. Then, only a few days later, he also learned Ben had talked his dad into giving the university a large endowment to appease the athletic department on Luke’s behalf.

  “I don’t get how you figure you’re still indebted to me,” Ben said in an amazed tone. “You have no idea how much it pissed me off when you refused to accept that money as a gift.”

  Luke had lived on peanut butter for several years after college to scrape together the cash to pay Ben back every penny he’d laid out.

  “Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want you to think my friendship was for sale? From the day we met, you made it clear how much you despise brownnosers who kiss-up to you because of your wealth.”

  “I wasn’t trying to buy you,” Ben said. “I just wanted to prove to you and Ty that I cared about you idiots even if the two of you didn’t give a rat’s ass about me.”

  “And I paid you back for the same reason—to prove our friendship wasn’t about your money. You’re so big on truth and honesty, I didn’t ever want you to doubt mine.”

  “Oh, no? Then why haven’t you been honest with me about Sabrina?”

  “You want honesty? Fine. I’ve been crazy in love with her for half my fucking life. Her face is the last thing I picture before I go to sleep, and she’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. And in betw
een, she stars in all my X-rated dreams. Every woman I’ve ever been with, I’ve imagined was her.”

  He sucked in a shuddering breath. “But my freshman year in college, I realized I’d make her miserable. And when I noticed how nuts you were about her, I knew I had to let her go. You can make her happy, and I can’t. Is that enough fucking truth for you?”

  “Now we’re gettin’ somewhere.” Ben snorted. “So we both love Sabrina. It should be up to her to decide who she wants.”

  “No. She doesn’t get to choose, because I’m not on the menu. As I told you before, my relationship with you is only a small part of why I can’t marry her.”

  “So enlighten me on the rest.”

  “For one, I’m already married to my job. I sometimes spend weeks at a time so deep undercover even my captain can’t find me. While we were building a couple of RICO cases against the mob, I came very close to being made, which would’ve gotten my head blown off. And if those aren’t enough reasons, think about how high the divorce rate is for cops.”

  “Then work extra hard at your marriage and defy the odds. What’re your other excuses?”

  “Suffice it to say, I don’t want Sabrina to end up hating me. And if I saddle her with my problems, she will.”

  “What problems? Just tell me what you need, and I’ll—”

  “Damn it, Ben. Not everything in life can be fixed with money. No amount of it could change my situation.”

  “What situ—”

  “It’s nothing you or anyone else can do anything about, so just lay off, and stop making this harder on me than it already is. Marry Sabrina and make her happy.”

  “I wish I could.” Ben sighed. “But she’ll never be content with me as long as she wants you. If you’re truly my friend, you’ll give me a flesh and blood rival to compete with.”

  Luke’s mouth dropped open. “What the hell kind of man uses emotional blackmail to get his friend to nail the woman he loves?”

  “A desperate one. Hear me out before you call the men in the white coats to lock me up. Right now, I’m up against Sabrina’s fairytale illusions about you. No man’s as perfect as she’s built you up to be in her mind.”