A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  “It’s not fair to her. I guarantee, when Richard still had his faculties, he didn’t want this for his wife.”

  “You’re right.” She opened the closet and removed several tops from their hangers. “When he was first diagnosed, he pleaded with her to put him in a nursing home. Harriet just kept telling him, when he got bad enough, she would.”

  “And now, years later, she’s still taking care of him, wiping his butt and drool from his chin. She’s missing out on life.”

  “Luke, you’re only looking at this from the casual bystander’s prospective.” She folded two pairs of jeans and stacked them in the suitcase. “Try seeing it from the viewpoint of someone who loves him. When a couple gets married, they become one. Richard didn’t get Alzheimer’s by himself. They got it together.”

  “And you wonder why I’m avoiding matrimony.” He snorted. “I’d put a bullet in my head before I’d ever inflict myself on someone I love and have them grow to resent me.”

  “Harriet doesn’t resent Richard,” Sabrina said, sinking onto the mattress next to his wheelchair. “He’s no different than one of her children were. She changed their diapers, wiped their drool, and loved them unconditionally. She might hate his disease, but she still loves her husband as much as the day he put his ring on her finger.”

  “Princess, if you believe all that, the world is lucky to have you as a nurse.”

  Her lip quivered.

  He held his breathing, hoping she wouldn’t—Damn it.

  Tears poured down her cheeks.

  He reached over and grabbed her hand. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He pulled her off the bed and into his lap, rocking her the same way he would a small child. “Shhh....what’re all the tears for? I was complimenting you, Brina.”

  “I know.” She sobbed into his shoulder. “I’m just going to miss working. Before Ben asked me to give up my job, I was planning to go back to the hospital.

  “Have you told him how unhappy it makes you to give up your career?”

  She shook her head. “No. I figured, once we start a family, I’ll have my own kids to—” A tiny hiccup escaped her.

  “But caring for healthy kids isn’t the same, is it?” Just like running a youth program in the ‘burbs wasn’t quite like working with disadvantaged kids in the city.

  “It’s not what I went to school for, no. I always thought I’d work at least part-time after I had a family. What am I going to do all day with Thomas taking care of everything? The man doesn’t even let me make my own breakfast.”

  He wiped the tears from her face. She felt so good in his arms. “You need to tell Ben how you feel.”

  “But he’s already making so many concessions.” She sniffled.

  “Only because he wants you to be happy. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t give you if you asked for it.”

  “Exactly. He’s even willing to give me you. That’s why I can’t tell him.” She pointed her finger in his face. “And don’t you dare go behind my back and say anything to him.”

  “I won’t.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. Her selflessness was one of the things he loved most about her. “But I still think you should be honest with him.”

  “I’d better finish packing before Thomas gets back and tries to do it all for me.”

  She slid off his lap, leaving a fresh ache in his groin as well as in his heart. He thought about the clueless smile Richard Klausen had worn and imagined himself in ten or fifteen years.

  He could never subject Sabrina to that kind of heartbreak. And as for betraying Ben, his deep sense of loyalty made him feel lower than shower scum for even considering it.

  But, damn it, if he could deny himself the woman he loved and allow his friend to have her for a lifetime, didn’t he owe himself a few measly nights of pleasure with her first? At least then, when Luke finally lost his mind, he’d have the memory of making love to her to comfort him.

  And maybe he’d be able to smile, too.

  CHAPTER 7

  If Sabrina hadn’t been with Luke all day, she’d swear an alien had inhabited his body. In the time it had taken her to finish packing and drive them back to Luke’s house in her car, it seemed as if someone had turned the sun on for him again. The dark cloud that’d been hovering over him had drifted away, and he’d miraculously transformed back into the lighthearted goofball she’d always loved.

  “Don’t forget you’re making me lasagna tonight,” he reminded her while Thomas chauffeured them to the grocery store.

  She’d tried to convince Ben’s man Friday that she could drive herself and Luke to the supermarket, but he’d been adamant that Ben had instructed him to take them wherever they needed to go. Thomas’s literal interpretation of his orders suggested the man must be bored silly at the penthouse.

  She grinned and waved an imaginary magic wand over Luke. “Abracadabra....poof! You’re lasagna.”

  “I’ll give you poof.” He dug his fingers into her ribs and tickled her, making her shriek.

  “Stop! Please, I can’t breathe.” She laughed, swatting at his hands. “Besides, you need to be careful of your wrist.”

  Luke flopped back against the limo’s leather seat and flexed his bandaged right hand. “Actually, it’s feeling a lot better now that the swelling’s going down. At this rate, I should be ready for crutches by the end of the weekend, and you can go home.”

  “No way.” She had to keep him dependent on her just a little longer. She refused to let their time together end so soon. “Even if it feels better, you shouldn’t put any stress on it. You need to let it heal completely.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Yes, doctor.”

  “And as for the lasagna, that offer was only good if you let Dusty sleep with us.”

  “No. That might’ve been what you meant, but your exact words were, ‘I’ll fix you lasagna for dinner tomorrow.’ Maybe it’s escaped your notice, Princess, but tomorrow has arrived.”

  “The condition was implied.”

  “But not stated.”

  “You should’ve gone to law school with my brother.”

  She shivered as he nuzzled her ear and slid his left hand up her bare leg. “Come on, Brina, fix an extra big pan of it for me with a giant loaf of garlic bread and a salad.”

  “Do you promise to forget about using crutches for at least ten days, no matter how good your wrist feels?”

  His fingers slid down the back of her slacks and panties. “Sure,” he whispered, “As long as you don’t restrict my hand from any other pursuits.”

  Staring into his eyes, she moistened her lips. What had happened to his staunch resolution not to initiate anything between them?

  She moved away and pressed the button to lower the privacy panel between them and the front seat. “Thomas, if you don’t mind, in addition to the supermarket, we need to stop for some fresh pasta.”

  As soon as she finished giving him directions to the small Italian grocery store, Luke raised the partition again and yanked her against his hard body. “Now that we’ve settled the issue of dinner, where was I?”

  “I’m not sure,” she whispered, her lips only inches from his.

  “If I’m not mistaken,” he murmured, tangling his fingers in her hair, “I was about to kiss you.” One corner of his mouth curled up in a sexy half-smile. “After that, we’ll discuss dessert.”

  Cupping her breast in his uninjured hand, he lowered his lips to hers, still tasting of the Oreos he’d eaten at her apartment. His warm tongue swept into her mouth, radiating all the passion Sabrina had ached for but he’d refused her the night of her engagement party.

  His kiss, hungry, tender, and seductive all at once, raised a thousand goose bumps over her body. Her heart tripled its cadence, while her stomach felt as light as if she’d swallowed a mouthful of helium. This was the way she was supposed to feel when Ben kissed her.

  Her nipples tightened as Luke stroked and pinched one of them through her blouse and bra. He drew back a few inches, his eyes heavy with
desire, watching her face as her chest heaved beneath his teasing fingers.

  “I don’t understand.” She panted, letting him lower her back on the seat so she lay beneath him.

  “What don’t you understand?” he murmured, nibbling on the sensitive flesh of her throat and grinding his hard arousal against her. “I think it’s fairly obvious.”

  Sabrina writhed beneath his weight. “What happened to you refusing to make the first—”

  “I reconsidered. It was a stupid position to take.” Sliding his left hand under her top, he reached behind her and unfastened her bra while his bandaged hand shoved up her blouse. “If I leave it up to you to seduce me, I’ll still be waiting a year from now.”

  “That’s not fair.” She gasped as he covered one nipple with his mouth and sucked it. “You’re the one who—” She grabbed his hair and moaned, “Oh, Lu-uke.”

  “That’s right.” He tweaked the tips of her breasts simultaneously. “If I’d been calling the shots this morning, I would’ve had you so turned on you wouldn’t have been able to speak to answer the damn phone.”

  Like she was now? He drew back and watched her as she arched her back and whimpered at the intense pleasure his pinching fingers inflicted. Desire throbbed between her legs, drenching her underwear. She wrapped her legs around his waist and rocked against the hard ridge straining the fly of his cargo shorts. His eyes closed as his hips countered her rhythm, taking her closer to the edge than she’d ever been in her life.

  “Please....do you have a condom?”

  Lifting his head, he gazed at the road through the tinted one-way window and said through gritted teeth, “We’re only two minutes from the grocery store.”

  “So that’s a no?”

  “No. I mean we don’t have time.”

  “So you’re saying I don’t need to buy any?”

  Luke drew back from her and pulled her to a sitting position. “I have plenty, if you insist on using ‘em.” He tipped her chin up and stared into her eyes. “I’ve never had unprotected sex, Brina. But with you, it’s different. I don’t want anything between us when we make love.”

  “But I’m not on the pill. The last time I had sex was three years ago.”

  He winced and sucked in a shuddering breath. “It’s not nice to tell a guy something like that when he’s in my condition.”

  The thought of having Luke’s baby made her heart skip a beat. Was it possible he subconsciously wanted to be left with no choice but to marry her? “I’m in the middle of my cycle. If we don’t use any protection, there’s an excellent chance I’ll get pregnant.”

  “No, you won’t,” he said with such assurance it could only mean one thing

  “What’re you saying? Have you had a vasect—”

  “Yeah.” He turned away and stared out the window. “I’ve been snipped.”

  “Why would you do something so permanent?”

  “Because I wanted to be sure I would never accidentally get a woman pregnant.”

  Sabrina tugged on his chin and forced him to meet her gaze. “What if someday you decide you want to?”

  “That’s not gonna happen. Listen, Princess, if you’re hoping I’ll suddenly change my mind about marriage and having kids after we sleep together, don’t. I promise you, nothing will be any different. If you can’t accept that, then maybe—”

  “No.” She pressed her fingers to his lips. “I can accept it.” After getting a taste of Luke’s passion, she had no choice. She couldn’t marry Ben, wanting his friend this way. “I need to put out the fire in me, so I can get on with my life.”

  “Okay, then.” He winked and sang, “Tonight’s the ni-ight....”

  ~*~

  Maybe Luke was part cow and had more than one stomach. Sabrina watched him polish off his sixth piece of garlic bread after eating a huge salad and two heaping plates of lasagna.

  “Man that was good—even better than my mama’s. But don’t tell her I said that.” Luke drained his wine glass. “What’s the wrinkle in your forehead all about?”

  “I’m just wondering where you put it all.”

  “I store it in my big bazooka.” He grinned.

  “Ahh, so that’s why it’s so huge.” She shoved the half-empty tray of lasagna across the kitchen table. “If that’s the case, by all means, eat up.”

  “As much as I’d like to, I think I’ll save the rest for lunch tomorrow.” He wiggled his eyebrows and dropped his lustful gaze to her breasts. “I don’t want to ruin my appetite for dessert.”

  “And just what did you have in mind for dessert?”

  He glanced down to her bare feet and licked his lips. “I thought I’d start with a couple of those toes and work from there.”

  “My toes turn you on?”

  “Everything about you turns me on.”

  Drumming on the back door made them both flinch.

  “Hey, guys, come on in,” Luke called to three teenage boys peering through the glass. Two were African-American and appeared to be about seventeen or eighteen. The third, an Asian boy, seemed a little younger and had an ugly bruise on his cheek.

  “What’re you three doing here?” he asked when the tallest of the three swung the door open.

  “Hey, Lieutenant. We heard you went down during a stakeout on Monday. My mom let me borrow her car so we could come see how you are.”

  “You heard right.” Luke took Sabrina’s hand. “This is my nurse, Sabrina. Jamal, Damon, and Kevin belong to my Explorers post,” he told her.

  “Explorers? Is that part of the Police Athletic League?”

  “No. Police Explorers is a co-educational group affiliated with the Boy Scouts. Its purpose is for teens to get a feel for law enforcement work and to help out in the community. Their uniforms look a lot like a patrolman’s.”

  Damon, the boy with the shaved head and earring, puffed out his chest. “A person can’t just join the Explorers. He has to be at least fourteen to apply, maintain a C average in school, and he can’t have a record.”

  Luke cocked an eyebrow at him. “Some of our members just squeaked by on the academics last year. But they’re gonna work a lot harder in September, aren’t they?”

  Damon stared at his feet. “Yes, sir.”

  “So Jamal, seeing as you’re driving on a probationary license, how’d both Damon and Kevin get here? You’re restricted to only one passenger.”

  Jamal pulled off the baseball cap he’d been wearing backwards and glanced at his two friends. “Uhh, at first it was just me and Damon coming, but then Kevin jumped in the car. You’re not gonna bust me, are ya?”

  “I’m out on medical leave. But I’d better not catch you doing it again.”

  Jamal nodded. “We were worried about you.”

  “I can get my brother to come pick me up,” Damon offered.

  “That’s probably a good plan,” Luke told him.

  Kevin ogled the three-quarters-full tray of lasagna with an expression straight off a World Hunger poster. The boy’s gaunt frame said he either had a hyperactive metabolism, or he didn’t get enough to eat. Judging from the yearning in the kid’s eyes, she’d place her money on the latter.

  Jamal, the boy who’d driven there, elbowed Kevin in the ribs. “Well, uhh, we just wanted to see how you are. It was nice meetin’ ya, Miss Sabrina.”

  “Guys, before you go, would you mind helping me out by finishing off this lasagna?” Sabrina smiled at Luke. “Lieutenant Marino isn’t crazy about leftovers.”

  Damon’s gaze snapped to Luke’s. “Since when?”

  Jamal smacked his friend on the back of the head. “Since today, fool. Why would the Lieutenant wanna eat leftovers when he’s got his main squeeze to cook for him?”

  A deep flush spread over Luke’s face. “What makes you think Sabrina’s my girlfriend?”

  “It’s obvious.” Jamal shrugged. “You don’t look at any other ladies the way you wuz looking at her when we got here.” He smiled at Sabrina. “And some of the guys’ mamas are re
ally hot.”

  “You’re busted, Lieutenant.” Damon laughed.

  “I guess so.”

  “I’ll get some plates.” Kevin dashed to the cupboard.

  Sabrina chuckled. “I guess you guys know your way around here.”

  “They helped me with a lot of the house renovations,” Luke told her.

  She reached for the Pyrex baking dish. “I’ll put this in the microwave for a minute and reheat it.”

  “No!” Jamal grabbed her hand as if he were afraid she wouldn’t bring it back. “It’s great just like this. We don’t wanna burn our mouths.”

  “I promise I won’t make it that hot.”

  Luke smiled and jerked his head toward the refrigerator. “Isn’t there some salad and bread left, too?”

  While the lasagna heated, Sabrina opened another bag of greens and coated more Italian bread with olive oil and garlic before putting it under the broiler.

  The boys joined Luke at the table and discussed the upcoming bicycle safety rally their Explorer post would be running in two weeks.

  “So Kevin,”—Luke crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his gaze—“Is your mom’s boyfriend responsible for that bruise on your cheek?”

  “Nah. He’s been laying off me since you had that talk with him.”

  “Good.” His eyebrows lifted when Kevin didn’t elaborate. “Well? You haven’t been fighting, have you?”

  “Yes, sir.” Kevin hung his head. “But they were squealing at me and making Moo-Shu pork and sparerib jokes, again.”

  Evidently, being an Explorer also involved some teasing from the kids’ peers.

  “Do you know how many times a week someone calls me a pig?” Luke snorted. “If you react with violence, it just takes you down to their level, and then, you are the swine they called you.”

  Sabrina smiled at him as she placed the meal on the table, and the three teenagers fell on the food like a pride of lions tearing at a carcass.