The Kiss on Castle Road (A Lavender Island Novel)

by Lauren Christopher

  Natalie’s breath came faster and faster as she pressed her hand into her chest to calm her heart. She had to get out of there.

  She grabbed the rest of her clothes, yanked them on, then slipped down the hall.

  Nell was absolutely right about her.

  When people were afraid to commit to anything, they definitely fled.

  CHAPTER 26

  The ocean slapped against the rocks as Natalie sat in the sand and watched Elliott approach. She pulled her windblown hair tendrils away from her lips and rubbed under her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t be able to tell she’d been crying.

  “Hey.” His voice slid through her core like whiskey. The ocean roared before them as he took a seat near her. “There you are. I couldn’t believe you left this morning. I went to get us breakfast. Where’d you go?”

  She took a deep breath and delivered her message without ceremony. “Elliott, we can’t do this.”

  Elliott blinked a few times. The ocean roared in. “What?”

  “A relationship. We can’t start one. I had an amazing time with you last night, but we can’t . . . we just can’t.”

  He stared at her while another wave rolled up and back, a frown taking over his features. “Natalie, what’s wrong?”

  “I found a thing in your room—a paper or journal or something.”

  His forehead crumpled into a scowl. “What are you talking about?”

  “I didn’t mean to look at it, but I saw that you wrote about rescuing Larry, Curly, and Moe, and then you wrote that you met the woman you want to marry and that she was Nell’s worst nightmare. Elliott, did you really think that about me right when you saw me?”

  He looked out at the ocean, the frown still in place. Another wave went out and in before he spoke again. “I think I did, yeah.”

  “Elliott, I don’t even want to get married. How could you have tricked me into getting closer to you when you knew—”

  “Wait, first of all, I didn’t trick you into anything. I was trying to stay away from you, if you’ll remember. You kept showing up at the ends of my dates, and I wasn’t doing anything remotely like tricking you. It was like the laws of attraction that we just kept gravitating toward each other.”

  “Laws of attraction?”

  “Scientific laws of affinity—likes attract likes. Ocean to ocean. Earth to earth. That kind of thing. It’s a chemical thing. Anyway, it was never my intent to end up with you five nights in a row, and end up kissing your neck on a cliff side, and end up in a bar with you at the Castle, and the bison and . . . I didn’t plan any of that, Natalie.”

  “But you wrote you met the woman you want to marry?”

  He shook his head. “I can’t explain that. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “You said you didn’t know if you were even a long-term guy. You said—”

  “Natalie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wrote that. I’m sorry you saw it. I have absolutely no secret intent here.”

  “I can’t . . .” Her chest started feeling as if it were being filled with lava again. She pressed her hand into it. “I can’t be with you—sleep with you or start dating you—knowing you have marriage in mind as the end result. I can’t . . .” The lava was flowing around her heart, squeezing it, causing it to beat in an irregular way. She pressed her hand harder.

  “We can’t start a relationship,” she finally sputtered out. “Whoever Nell’s setting you up with and flying in for prom—you should go with her.”

  “But I’m not interested in—”

  “I can’t offer you anything, Elliott. This other woman quite possibly can. I’m . . . I’m not right for you. I can’t commit. And I’m . . . I’m too much of a wounded bird.”

  “A wounded bird?” The scowl was even deeper on Elliott’s face.

  “You’re probably attracted to those types, and that’s sweet—I know you like to care for people—and that’s me, Elliott, I do have broken wings. But you need someone who’s strong and able to stand on her own two feet.”

  She thought about revealing everything—the overheard conversation between Nell and Jim, too—but she didn’t want to blame this on them. This was her problem. She’d created this situation—letting things go too far with this good, good man, and now not being able to see it through to the conclusion he probably wanted. She needed to back away slowly.

  “You’re creating a full, rich life here on the island, and you should continue that,” she said, her hand still pressing against her chest. “You’ve got a great group of friends now—all the seniors, Jim and Nell if they come back from Italy. My sister will always be here for you, Lily loves you, and you have the possibility of this new woman.”

  “But I’m not interested in a new woman. I’m interested in you.”

  “I can’t stay.”

  The waves crashed in the distance. The truth of her statement hung in the air between them, as impossible to ignore as ocean fog.

  “I can’t commit. And I can’t live on an island,” she continued. “You should go to the dance with the woman Nell thinks is right and find someone who can make a life here with you.”

  The second she heard those words fall from her lips—make a life here with Elliott—Natalie had a brief glimpse of beauty. A flash of a vignette went through her mind, of Elliott, and her, here on the island, dating, walking along the beach, having drinks with friends at the Shore Thing, playing in the tide pools, laying on the chaise lounges under the stars, sitting on the couch with Lily and watching movies. The peace that floated through her at every image was something she’d never known.

  But in less than a millisecond, the vision changed. The concept of commitment reentered, crushing all the images and warping them into a tight lava ball that began squeezing her again. Natalie’s heart went into overdrive, a feeling of claustrophobia and panic setting in. The ball tightened further with each idea of living on an island, living so close to so few people, committing to a life or job she wasn’t ready for . . . She tried to draw a deep breath.

  “I can’t,” she managed to squeak out, pressing her hand to her lungs.

  She wanted to elaborate—she wanted to make sure Elliott knew this wasn’t about him. He was such a wonderful man, and the man she’d felt closest to her whole life—but her heart kept skipping beats, and she had the sense she might even die right here on the beach. She brought her hand tighter to her chest and took a deep breath. She’d have to explain this to him later. Right now, she’d have to simply survive.

  “Did I do something wrong?” he asked quietly.

  “No! No. Definitely not.” Her heart was going to explode. She needed to get out of here. “You are wonderful. Really, the most amazing man. And someone who’s looking for a long-term relationship will be so lucky to find you. But I’m leaving. And you need someone who deserves you.” She stood. She had to leave. “I’ll see you there tonight, though.”

  If her heart indeed exploded, she didn’t want Elliott to see it.

  “Let’s talk more later,” she added. “I’m going to try to get there early tonight, and I’d love to talk, or at least have a dance with you. But I wanted to make sure you didn’t cancel on her tonight.”

  She began backing up the sand dunes.

  “Okay, Elliott?”

  He nodded and simply looked confused.

  Natalie raced away.

  It wasn’t her finest moment.

  But she had to start breathing again.

  Elliott stared out at the ocean for another couple of minutes and uttered curses in his head.

  What the hell was that?

  He’d thought everything had gone so well last night. He’d thought they were getting closer; he’d thought he’d pleased her in bed; he’d thought they’d made an amazing connection.

  But obviously there was something he wasn’t seeing, wasn’t understanding.


  He stared at the waves crashing onshore. He could’ve told her more about how badly he wanted her to stay here with him. He could’ve made a case for how much he was falling for her, for how comfortable he felt around her, how much he looked forward to seeing her every day. He wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t know why he wrote that on the very first night he met her. He barely remembered doing it. But it sounded about right. He’d been hit hard, from the start, and whether it was laws of attraction or magnetic fields or biological chemistry bringing them together, it didn’t matter. They were meant to be together.

  But he’d chickened out. The Colonel was right: it was easy to be brave in the face of physical danger, like hanging over a cliff in a golf cart, but baring your soul for another human being was terrifying. He’d had so few people to love in his life. He could count them on one hand. And experiencing so much rejection and loss made him terrified of having Natalie reject him, too.

  But seeing her recoil so fiercely when she’d had to utter the word marry—that told him everything he needed to know. Whether it was about him or not, she was clearly not interested in a relationship. At least not a long-term one. She’d last about a month, probably. And he wasn’t prepared to deal with the pain that would bring.

  And what the hell was that “wounded bird” comment?

  He rose and dusted the sand off his hands. He’d go to the lab today. He’d been right all along—he needed to stick to microbiology.

  Relationships and love—they were not his forte.

  At the lab, the whirring of the test-tube incubators calmed him immediately. He made the rounds to check on all the sea lions—Moe was doing better, and Larry and Curly were almost ready for release. Mr. Warbler was being released tomorrow, and four others were also on the list. The epidemic was winding down, and even though they hadn’t solved the mystery of the influx of dehydrated pups, he was proud of the work they’d done here. It had been a successful three months. Jim’s center was definitely off the ground, and they’d have a whole year now to get the last details settled before they’d be hit with any more epidemics. With all the research now going on, hopefully they’d be able to handle anything that came up in the future, and Jim was already talking about coming back from Italy before next spring to possibly settle here with Nell permanently.

  Elliott found some of his notes about algae on a clipboard near Moe’s area and thought to bring them back to his office to type them up. He’d already been invited to meet with some algae phycologists on the mainland, and several environmentalists were getting together to discuss the warmer waters in the Pacific and see if the lack of fish was the problem. It would be good to throw himself back into work again so he didn’t have to think about everything he’d lost here.

  The sadness that thought brought down on his shoulders as he moved through the ICU was something he was wholly unprepared for. He’d been used to saying good-bye to people, moving around, pulling up shallow roots. But these past few months, here on Lavender Island, had truly been unique. He’d fallen into a feeling of comfort here, of belonging—from the perfect run along the beach, to the tide pools right outside his house, to the friendly townspeople who made him feel welcome, to the amazing staff at the Friends of the Sea Lion who were truly his people, to having Jim back in his life, to Nell and Max and the feeling of family, to the Colonel who’d been a rock like his granddad in his life again.

  Elliott had never felt so welcome in a community before. And of course he knew the person who had made him feel warmest of all—Natalie Grant, who had made the last three months amazing. For once, he’d looked forward to leaving work each day—to seeing her smile, to hearing her laugh. He’d loved walking the tide pools with her as the sun set, and loved watching the waves at midnight with her. He’d loved their talks about all things serious and silly, loved playing darts with her before dinner, loved grocery shopping with her and even stir-frying vegetables in his close-quarters kitchen. He’d loved taking walks with her and Lily, and even loved Natalie’s always-exciting golf cart off-roading. And, of course, he’d loved making love to her. He absolutely loved Natalie Grant.

  Unfortunately, she didn’t love him.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  Elliott whirled around at the voice to see the Colonel walking toward him.

  “Oh, hey. Just checking on the sea lions and getting ready to type up some notes. What are you doing here?”

  “Just wanted to check on Mr. Warbler one more time. I had a dream that he took a downturn. But he’s looking pretty good. I hope he’ll be ready for release soon. But I should go get ready for tonight. You’re going tonight, right? You got the girl?”

  “What?”

  “The girl. Did you get her? Are you taking her to prom tonight?”

  The feeling of loss fell through Elliott again—fresh and new and painful and heavy all over again—and his veins suddenly felt filled with lead. The enormity of what he’d just let slip away almost brought him to the ground.

  “I might be losing on some of those fronts, Colonel.”

  “What? Who’s your date tonight?”

  “Someone named Vanessa, but—”

  “Vanessa? Where’s Natalie? I told you to keep your eye on the prize, son.”

  Elliott frowned. “Is that who you’ve been talking about this whole time, telling me to keep my eye on the prize?”

  “Of course. Who’d you think I was talking about?”

  “I don’t know, I—”

  “Sherman, don’t be so dense. I know men are stupid when it comes to certain women, and you’re no exception, certainly, but get your head out of your ass and look around. She wants you. She needs you. You two are meant to be together. So you take that lion’s share of courage you’ve always had in you and APPLY IT HERE.”

  Elliott ran his hand through his hair. Easier said than done. What did the Colonel know about how Natalie felt? Neither of them knew that. If Elliott could figure that out, he wouldn’t be—

  “And I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering if I even know what I’m talking about. But don’t. I’m not senile. Yet anyway. I’ve been around this block a few times, and I’ve been watching you two, and I know the real deal when I see it.”

  “Thanks for your vote of confidence, Colonel, but it’s not that easy. She just broke up with me.”

  “Broke up with you? How could she break up with you? You haven’t even asked her on a proper date yet.”

  A rueful smile escaped Elliott’s lips. “Yeah, that might have been my problem. But she basically gave me the heave-ho on the beach just now.”

  “That can’t be right. What did she say?”

  “She’s not into marriage, Colonel.”

  “MARRIAGE? Damn, son, I’m not talking about marriage. How could you bring up marriage to a woman who’s afraid to commit?”

  “How do you know she’s afraid to commit?”

  “She’s got it written all over her. Don’t be dense. You can’t go from zero to sixty with a girl like that. Just baby steps. Don’t freak her out. Just ask her out—take it slow. You two are meant to be. Just don’t screw it up.”

  Elliott nodded. Maybe he’d simply been going at it all wrong. He hadn’t meant for her to find that note about marriage, but now that it was out there, he’d just have to deal with it—with his true feelings, her true feelings, and lay it all on the line.

  “It’ll be the scariest thing you ever do, putting your heart out there for a girl you’re in love with, but nothing’s more worthwhile in the end,” the Colonel said. “But you have to tell people how you feel. Don’t trade fear of rejection for the possibility of a lifetime of happiness. And time is of the essence, kid. With love, time is always of the essence. Don’t waste time you could be spending with her. I, for one, know that. I lay in bed all last night thinking I wasn’t going to wake up this morning.”

 
“What?”

  “Heart hurt. Probably just heartburn. But I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of urgency.”

  Elliott reached for his elbow. “Colonel, do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

  “Of course not. I have things to do. But you’re missing my point. What I mean is—”

  “Hey, you two,” said a third voice behind them.

  Elliott whirled around to see Jim. “You’re here, too?”

  “Yeah, the Colonel called and wanted me to help him check on Mr. Warbler. What are you doing here?”

  “Just getting ready to type up some notes.”

  “Where were you this morning?” Jim lifted a clipboard from the wall.

  “This morning?”

  “Nell and I stopped by to get you for breakfast. You bailed on us.”

  Elliott’s mind whirled to remember their plans. That’s right. Damn. He’d been trying to be better about this plan-making thing with people, but he’d been a bit distracted last night and this morning . . .

  “You came over?” he verified, wondering how he’d missed this.

  “Yeah, we went inside but didn’t see you, and then we noticed your keys were gone but not your phone. Were you running or something?”

  “No, I went for bagels.” Elliott’s mind continued whirring with the timetable on this. If he’d been gone, but Jim and Nell were inside his place, had they seen Natalie? Had she seen them?

  Before he could formulate the right question to ask, Jim grinned and elbowed him.

  “Looked like you might have had an overnight guest, too,” Jim said. “I’d hoped it was Natalie. I saw an extra lanyard and set of keys that I recognized as hers.”

  “What?” The Colonel snapped his head up.

  “Elliott finally scored, Colonel.”

  The Colonel turned and frowned hard at Elliott. “You’re doing everything out of order,” he mumbled under his breath.

  “I’m glad you got together with her, man,” Jim said, walking to the other side of the room. “I really like her. You guys would make a great couple. Nell was a little upset about it, though. She was going on and on about how worried she was for you and how she thought you should focus on Vanessa instead.”