Uninvolved

by Carey Heywood

  Sitting up, Becka went to remove his belt, but Nate put his hands on top of hers to stop her. She looked at him confused. Why was he stopping her? Laying her back down, he covered her once again with his rock hard body. Moving his hands back down her, he slowly pulled her underwear down, dropping them beside the bed.

  Gently biting her earlobe, he lowered his hand to her thighs, and his fingers slowly began teasing and tormenting her there. She moaned, she bucked, she held her breath and then cried out. It felt so good. Once Nate was certain she was done, he pulled her gently to him and kissed her softly. Becka was no virgin. During High School and since then, she had slept with a handful of guys. None of them, not one, had ever come anywhere close to how Nate had just made her feel. Blinking at him, Becka knew she was in trouble.

  "I should probably take off."

  That must have been the last thing Becka had expected to hear from him. "What, like, leave now?" Becka asked, confused.

  She didn’t want him to leave. Becka thought he liked her. She had felt his attraction. This had never happened before. Did she do something wrong? What the hell? She wanted him to stay, so she could snuggle up to him and wake up to him in the morning. They could have an awesome day of doing very bad things to each other. But he was already standing and putting his shirts back on.

  "Nate, you should stay. It's so late." Becka sat up and crossed her arms over her chest.

  Seeing her expression, he laid her back down, slowly kissing her neck and said, "We both know if I stay there is no way either of us will get any sleep."

  "Is there a problem with that?" Becka asked. She was not going to let him go so easily.

  He laughed and kissed her, running his hands up and down her arms. He breathed in her ear. "Don’t be annoyed at me." He got back up to button his shirt.

  This was a situation Becka had never been in. Never had she ever been completely naked with a guy, and they didn’t have sex. What did this mean? She felt uncomfortable, replaying their time together in her head. She sat up as well and, pouting, scooted off her bed to grab a cute silk robe she never had the occasion to wear.

  She had bought it months ago, certain it would be so sexy to walk around in, and it was. It also provided little warmth, so she still used her fuzzy terry cloth robe instead on most days. Once her robe was securely tied, she walked to her bathroom, patting Nate on the butt on the way past him. If he wanted to leave, that was fine, she thought to herself. She was just going to show him that it did not bother her one bit.

  Becka went to her bathroom and dragged her brush through her hair, undoing any tangles that had formed during their…She wasn’t really sure what to call it. They didn't have sex. He never even took off his pants. From the bathroom, Becka went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of flavored water. Nate was not far behind her, so she offered him one as well. He declined and opted instead to take a deep swing of hers. She drank after him and felt silly for being turned on by the idea that his lips had just been there.

  Becka walked him to the door. He leaned her against that same wall, more gently this time. Nate kissed her slowly. She set down her bottle of water so she could wrap both arms around his neck. She still could not understand why he was actually leaving. There were some guys she practically had to throw out the next day, and the one that she wanted to stay was leaving in the middle of the night. His hands moved again to her breasts, molding them through the thin fabric of her robe.

  "Keep doing that, and I'll drag you back to my room," she whispered in his ear.

  "You make it hard to stop, kid."

  Did he just really call her kid?!

  "Then don't," she murmured, kissing his neck.

  But he did. After kissing her once more, he was gone, and she was left wanting more. She didn’t want to like him, just wanted to sleep with him. That way, she could get him out of her head. Becka went back to her room and put on her coziest PJs, drank the rest of her water, and went to bed. It was almost impossible for her to fall asleep. Literally, what the hell had just happened? Why did he leave? Becka glanced at her clock, it was after midnight. Nate had been her first kiss of the New Year, it was bittersweet. At some point during her self-doubt party of one, she nodded off.

  Chapter 4

  When she woke the next morning, Becka had to convince herself that the night before wasn’t just a super hot dream. Becka looked at the call log on her phone. Yep, all those missed calls were still there. It just felt so surreal to her. She wanted to call him, invite him over. Or better, she wanted him to call her.

  Later on in the week with no call from Nate and feeling more confused than ever, she called Lilly. After hearing the whole story, Lilly didn’t have an idea what his deal was either. Lilly even had a theory that maybe Nate and his girlfriend had been on a break and got back together after New Year's. That was the only way she could explain the lack of contact. Becka didn’t even hear from him for the next week. Then one day at work, he emailed.

  How are you?

  You're kidding, right?

  What?

  Um, long time no talk…

  I know.

  That's real nice.

  Is something wrong?

  Maybe

  Are you going to tell me?

  You already know.

  I do?

  You should.

  I guess I'll talk to you later.

  This was bad, very bad. Becka liked him. Becka normally avoided relationships as a rule. Her first real boyfriend has left her with serious trust issues. Since then, Becka was content being single. It was easier that way. Most of the time, Becka had no problem separating being attracted to someone from liking them. In her mind, liking someone was one step closer to trusting them. That was something she did not feel comfortable doing. It was easier for her to just keep her distance and bail when emotions started surfacing. It scared her that she was having a hard time not thinking about Nate.

  In her experience, getting close enough to someone to where she felt this faux sense of trust normally led to her getting hurt. It wasn’t like she didn’t trust anyone. There was Dave and her sister and even Lucy and Crystal. It was guys in general Becka did not want to feel vulnerable around. Maybe it had something do with being in control of the situation. If she had no intention of liking someone and they did not call her or text her, Becka didn’t care. With Nate, it already felt like she was losing some semblance of that control.

  It was hard not to get sucked into the past and thinking of the times she had been hurt. Her first serious boyfriend, Aaron, had done a number on her emotionally. Becka decided that, after finally being free of him, that a serious relationship was only an invitation for someone to mistreat her again. She was perfectly content dating. It was fun, and she was really good at getting out before anyone's feelings could get hurt. It was a defense mechanism for her. Normally, thinking about past wrongs would further cement Becka in distancing herself from someone. What bothered her so much was it didn’t seem to be working. That was a first, thinking the eventual hurt would be worth seeing him again. Was it because Nate had left the way he had? It almost made him an enigma or curiosity for Becka to unwind.

  Becka sat at her desk fuming. Back to reality. Nate was not an idiot. Of course he should know why she was annoyed. What really sucked was how attracted to him she still was. Why did the guy she lusted after have to be so distant? She still felt sensitive about how he left that night. She didn’t really feel used because he seemed so focused on her needs and not his own. All she needed was one really hot night of sex with him and then she would be able to forget all about him. Mainly, Becka just felt confused.

  Becka went on with her day feeling guilty for being as annoyed at him over email as she was. Maybe if she had ignored that and been nicer they would still be emailing right now. No, Becka thought to herself. It would be setting a bad precedent to hide her feelings. She had to be at peace with that. It didn’t stop her from longingly staring at the spot on her monitor that new mail ico
n would normally inhabit, wishing for a new email from him.

  Becka tried to get her mind off of Nate by thinking about her plans for the night. Becka was going out with Lucy. Becka really needed a distraction and hoped one would present itself that night. They were going to a club off Mill Avenue. Lucy didn't live far from it, so Becka semi-planned to crash on her evil couch. Becka wished Crystal could go as well, but she had started taking a night class to finish off her degree.

  Work dragged, but the movement of time continued despite her muddled mind. Becka went home before heading to Lucy's. She couldn’t decide what to wear and grabbed a couple of extra tops to get Lucy's opinion on. Becka took a quick shower and made herself a sandwich before leaving. Knowing Lucy, she would probably have chips or something to snack on, but Becka wanted something more substantial for dinner if they were going to be drinking. Parking was always an issue at Lucy's. Becka parked further away than she would have liked but really didn’t have an option. Lucy's neighbor was also on the sketchy side, so Becka beeped her alarm three extra times before walking to Lucy's. Lucy answered her door in a bra.

  "Did you even check the peephole?" Becka asked, pushing past her.

  "Please, I knew it was you."

  "So did your shirt fall off?"

  "Ha, you are so funny. I thought I'd go like this." Gotta love Lucy when she's feeling sarcastic.

  "It's a good look for you. I say go for it."

  "It wouldn’t be fair to you if I did, so I guess I'll go back to trying to find a shirt."

  "Thanks. Hey, I brought some shirts if you want to wear one of mine."

  Becka ended up wearing one of Lucy's shirts and Lucy one of Becka's. While they were getting ready, Becka vented about Nate and his emails.

  "I don’t get why you like him," Lucy said as she played with her hair. "Don’t get me wrong. He’s cute but preppy cute, not hot."

  Lucy went for the guys with multiple piercings and tattoos, not that Becka didn’t. Becka already knew Nate was not her usual type.

  "I don’t know why I'm so attracted to him," Becka corrected. She absolutely did not like him "Maybe it's all chemical, and I have no choice in the matter."

  Lucy snickered.

  "Shut up," Becka grumbled.

  "Come on Becka. It’s funny. You have no choice? Pfft," Lucy argued.

  "What I need is a new boy to take my mind off of him."

  "That's cool. Just no sex on my couch." Lucy grinned.

  There was a great line up of local bands playing. A boy in a band might be fun, Becka thought to herself. She wore her favorite jeans, boots and Lucy's striped tank. It had a plunging neckline, her hot pink lace bra peeking out. Lucy had a friend working the bar so they had the hookup of drinks and a safe place to put their coats and purses. They each started off with a shot and a drink.

  Whoever was playing was good, Becka could feel the bass thumping in her limbs as she rocked to the beat. The club was so packed that at some points Becka and Lucy had to hold hands not to lose each other in the crowd. Lucy's friend was tending the second floor bar, so they spent most of their time up there. This worked out since Becka had no interest in being any part of the occasional mosh that broke out. She was sipping a vodka cranberry when she heard,

  "Hey, kid."

  Shit, she thought. Of course she would run into Nate.

  She turned to face him. Damn it. He looked really good.

  "Hey, Nate."

  He pulled her into a hug, his hands lingering on the small of her back. He waved at Lucy, who gave him a head nod in return then turned back to the stage. The music was so loud they had to speak right into each other's ears to be heard.

  "You look great," Nate said.

  "Thanks."

  "Are you still mad at me?"

  "I never said I was mad Nate."

  "Then what are you?"

  She pulled back and turned away from him, looking down. "I guess I'm confused."

  "Go on."

  "I just don’t know what you want Nate."

  He turned her so she was face to face with him and wrapped his arms around her. "I want you, Becka."

  It was hard for her to keep a clear head like this. Didn't he just say exactly what she wanted to hear? But still, the way he left the last time she saw him was so weird. While he was waiting for her to respond, he began gently kissing her neck. Lucy looked over at them and rolled her eyes.

  "So you want me but not enough to spend the night?"

  He pulled back to look at her "So that’s what this is about."

  "God, never mind," she huffed.

  "You want me to spend the night, Becka?"

  She looked up at him smiling. "Maybe."

  "Sorry, can't."

  Asshole! He was actually laughing at her. "Real funny, Nate."

  At that point, a friend of Nate's approached, letting him know their group was taking off. Don't go! Becka screamed inside her head, willing him to stay. Nate seemed to consider it for a moment or maybe that was just wishful thinking on Becka's part to hope that.

  "It was good seeing you, kid," he said, pulling her into a hug. This time his hands landed firmly on her backside.

  He waved to Lucy and then was gone.

  "I think I might actually hate him," Becka said, turning to Lucy.

  "Good, so stop talking about him and go get another round," Lucy returned, shaking her now empty glass in the air. Taking the glass from her, Becka made her way to the bar.

  "Hey."

  She turned to check out the source. Tall. Check. Lanky. Check. Sleeve tattoo. Check. His name was Tyler, and she didn’t even care if he was employed. Having a boy flirt with her was exactly what she needed right then. Becka let him buy the next round. Then Tyler and his friend walked back with her to where Lucy was standing. He was wearing dark jeans that weren’t too tight but weren’t too baggy either and a black t-shirt. Tyler had shaggy black hair. It was longish but not past his chin. Becka was just not attracted to guys with really long hair.

  It helped that Tyler seemed to be almost the exact opposite of Nate in looks. Becka flirted shamelessly with Tyler, and they were making out by the end of the night. Wanting more by the time the club announced last call, Becka invited Tyler and his friend Curt to follow them back to Lucy's apartment. They all hung out in Lucy's living room. Tyler was nice and cute, but Becka was having more fun watching Curt and Lucy. It was obvious that he was into her, but Lucy normally got super shy whenever a guy started hitting on her.

  "Hey, wanna play spin the bottle?" Becka said, suddenly making Tyler jump.

  Becka thought that if she could just get Curt and Lucy to kiss that Lucy would relax. It took a couple spins, one of them being Becka giving Lucy a peck on the cheek that the boys thought was way hotter than it actually was for Curt and Lucy to kiss. Becka was awestruck. It could have been a kiss out of a movie. So sweet but then turned pretty intense. Lucy surprised Becka by wasting no time, pulling Curt to her room after that kiss. Becka and Tyler were left alone in the living room. Becka felt a bit awkward since Lucy had been so aggressive with his friend. Would Tyler just assume they were going to have sex?

  Becka thought he was cute and maybe if she was less into Nate she might have, but she honestly just wasn’t feeling it. They engaged in some clothes-on heavy petting until Becka had to pass out. She was so tired. They snuggled together on the sofa and fell asleep. Becka regretted it the next morning when she woke up with a killer crick in her neck. Seriously, Lucy needed a better crash sofa. The only thing that made her feel better was the certainty that Tyler's arm had to have been asleep most of the night.

  Lucy sauntered out of her room, looking mighty pleased with herself not long after Becka woke. When Tyler wasn’t looking, she held up her hands to imply Curt had a giant dick. Lucy totally owed her for the spin the bottle idea, Becka thought to herself. She popped a piece of gum in her mouth, leaving before any talk of exchanging numbers with Tyler could come up. She just wasn’t that interested in him. All she really
wanted at that moment was a long, hot shower.

  Using her Bluetooth, she called Lilly on the ride home. After getting caught up on Mason's newest genius level baby abilities, Becka told Lilly about how she had run into Nate the night before. He was so frustrating. How could he say he wanted her and then that he had to go, all in almost the same breath? Nate was literally unlike any guy she had ever been interested in. Normally, guys were pretty easy to figure out, but Nate was a walking contradiction. Lilly didn’t have any clue as to his behavior either, but it felt good to vent anyway.

  She ended the call as she pulled into the driveway. Becka and Dave ended up getting home at about the same time, him from work though.

  "Coming home in yesterday's clothes. That’s my little dirty girl."

  "Shut up, Dave." Becka grinned.

  "What'd you all end up doing?" he asked.

  "Went to hear some bands, met a boy, made out, yay!"

  "I thought you liked that guy we played poker with."

  "I actually ran into him there, and I don’t like him. I just think he's hot. Besides, I don’t think he likes me."

  "Want me to beat him up?"

  "No. I just want to stop thinking about him."

  "Good. That dude is built. I'm pretty sure he would kick my ass."

  "You are such a dork. Staying up for a while or crashing?"

  "I'll probably be up for a while. What's up?"

  "I feel gross. I just want to take a shower. I will tell you all about last night once I'm clean."

  Becka loved having a live-in guy to get advice from. Dave didn't think Nate's reaction at the club was a positive one, though. Pointing out the fact that if a guy was really interested in a girl, he normally would capitalize on the opportunity. Becka figured as much. It kind of sucked knowing that if Nate would have asked her to go home with him last night, she would have gone willingly.