Uninvolved

by Carey Heywood

  "No! Gross. Seriously, we are just friends."

  "Just checking."

  Becka stiffened slightly when she saw Aaron walking towards them. Chad noticed and casually draped his arm around her shoulder.

  "Hi, Becka, Chad," Aaron said, looking at Chad's arm.

  "Hey, man." Chad grinned at him.

  Becka almost started laughing. If she had not been as into Nate as she was, Becka would have loved to kiss Chad right then. Aaron spoke with them for a couple of minutes before excusing himself and going to hang out with some other people by the bar. Becka relaxed after that. Aaron Tower had been her very first serious boyfriend. She had been naïve, but they were so young when they first started dating that so was he.

  At some point, that changed, though, and Aaron took advantage of the faith Becka had in him to first cheat on her and then dump her. It had happened not long after their mutual first time. Being so young and dealing with such intense feelings had almost been too much for her at the time. Wanting to get away from Aaron was what prompted Becka to move to Arizona in the first place. Dave's family had moved there when they were in middle school, and they had stayed tight.

  It had been Dave who suggested she apply to colleges in Arizona. Once she was accepted, the rest was history. Since Dave and his family were old friends of the family, her parents didn’t argue at them sharing an apartment their freshman year. They had been roommates ever since. Seeing Aaron reminded her of how powerless he had made her feel. The distance she had imposed was born out of her fear of ever feeling like that again.

  "Hey, stranger!"

  Becka looked up to see another former classmate and shook off her old memories, feeling less sting in them this time around. All in all, she had a fun night reconnecting with old friends. Ashley was going to pick her up on Thursday so they could go see a movie. Ashley also gave her a ride home that night. Becka's parents were still up when she got home, so she hung out with her mom and had a cup of cocoa. It was nice just relaxing in the living room with the lights dimmed and the tree all lit up. Christmas just felt right at home versus Phoenix where it was just too warm out. Back in Phoenix, people decorated cactus plants and palm trees. It just didn’t feel right.

  On Christmas Eve, Becka helped her mom prepare a big dinner for the family. Her Aunt Justine, Uncle Bill, and their children were coming over, plus Lilly, Chris and Mason. After dinner, they would have cake and eggnog and each open one gift. Then Chris was going to hang back with Mason while the rest of them went to Midnight Mass. Becka wasn’t the best Catholic, but her mom was pretty intense about her going to Mass when she was home. The day flew by. It was good to be with family, even though they drove her crazy a few times that day.

  It was Christmas morning before Becka knew it. Lilly, Chris, and Mason had spent the night. Becka heard some movement downstairs but tried her best to sleep in. It made her laugh to think back to the time when she was the first one up every Christmas and would race downstairs to check her stocking. Then, after having eaten almost all of her chocolate coins, she would wake everyone else up. It was much easier to sleep in on Christmas when you got older, she thought.

  What finally made Becka get out of bed was the smell of cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. Becka pulled on her slippers and headed downstairs.

  "See, mom. I told you the cinnamon rolls would do the trick," Lilly said when Becka entered the room.

  "How much longer ‘til they're ready?" Becka asked, drooling.

  "Five more minutes. Why don’t you go eat all your chocolate while you wait."

  "Don’t mind if I do," Becka said, going to grab her stocking.

  Becka was halfway through her chocolate coins when the oven buzzed, and she supervised her mother icing them. Her mother made her a plate of two rolls and gave her a mug of cocoa with a kiss. Becka remarked how it was good to be home as she sat at the island to eat. Her father just shook his head at her. Chris had been upstairs changing Mason. Once everyone was in the room, they started opening presents.

  Mason was the honorary present opener helper. It was so cute watching him squeal as he tore through the wrapping paper. Before too long, all of the presents had been opened, and Becka's mother set down her camera, certain she had documented the opening of every gift with the obligatory hold the gift up and smile shot. Lilly was working on freeing a truck from its box for Mason. There seemed to be at least twenty long, plastic twist ties anchoring it to the box.

  Becka just sat back with her loot and fresh mug of cocoa to watch. This was so much better than just Skyping. Becka chuckled as she watched Chris try and walk her father through working the Keurig machine he and Lilly had gotten him. Her mother caught her eye and came over to squeeze her knee and tell her how happy she was that Becka was home.

  It was a good day, even better when she got a Merry Christmas, Becka text from Nate. He warned her that he had stocked up on mistletoe in her absence. Becka replied that he better stock up on chapstick too because she would be back in Phoenix before he knew it.

  Normally, when Becka was on vacation and it flew by, she was annoyed. By Friday, she was so bored she was almost willing the time to speed up. It was nothing against her family but, with the exception of going out Sunday night and the movie on Thursday, she had been with them nonstop. That was a whole lot of family bonding considering it had been well over a year since she last saw them.

  As much as Becka loved her mother, she was tap dancing on her last nerve. She always seemed to be hovering. If Becka started reading something on her eReader, her mother would choose that moment to start a conversation and then get annoyed if Becka went back to reading. Lilly was awesome but went back to work on Thursday as did Chris and her dad, leaving her with her mother.

  On Saturday, Becka was moments away from offering to have phone sex with Nate when her mother walked into her room, Just walked in, no knock or anything. Becka was very cautious about locking the door from that point on. Becka had become accustomed to some level of privacy with Dave. Here, not so much. What seemed crazy, though, was on Sunday when it was time to leave, Becka felt awful about going and wanted to stay.

  The only thought that cheered her up was that Nate would be waiting for her at the airport. That, and the fact that she didn’t have a layover this time. She had a tearful goodbye with her parents and Mason. Only Mason was crying because Lilly was leaving to take her to the airport, not because Becka was leaving. Chris gave her his patented kiss on the cheek, and they were off.

  Chapter 21

  Lilly surprised her by getting weepy in the car once they got to the airport, which had Becka crying as well. Wanting to avoid a long goodbye, Becka had Lilly drop her off instead of parking. With wet eyes, Becka waved until she could not see her car anymore before going inside to check in. Once she was checked in and through security, Becka found the bathroom nearest to her gate to reapply her messed up makeup. With no one else to make her cry, she wanted to look decent when she saw Nate.

  The fact that he was meeting her had Becka so excited. By this point, it had been three weeks since she had seen him. Becka didn’t expect that he would look different, but she wondered if he would act different. Becka was also nervous to find out what Nate's plans with her were. Would they just be dating? Or would he want her to be his girlfriend, like, officially? Becka was fine with either, even though she would prefer to be his girlfriend.

  Once Becka finished reapplying her makeup, she went to get a caramel Frappuccino and then waited at her gate. Once Becka got settled, she started freaking out about the whole Nate situation. She wondered if it would be weird or maybe he'd change his mind or any other host of random things. Especially sex. Was it just a given that they were going to do it? What if it didn’t feel right? And if it didn’t feel right and Becka said no, would Nate think she was a tease because of all of the times she had wanted to do it before? What if he wasn’t good in bed?

  Becka dismissed that thought almost instantly, but then she wondered if maybe he wouldn’t
think she was good in bed. Becka also was nervous about what she was wearing. her underwear was cute, but it did not live up to the first time with Nate scenario she had in her head. Becka had taken an extra long shower that morning to ensure all regions were primetime ready, but still, she was building this up to anxiety-inducing levels. It was hard not to when she and Nate had been over a year in the making, or almost a year if she was counting from last New Year's. For Becka, though, she had liked him well before that.

  Becka was calmer when her flight boarded, ready for whatever may happen. She read until the in-flight movie started, thankful it was a different one from the last flight and a movie she had not seen. Her relief was short lived when the movie turned out to be horribly depressing, in which the love interest of the character died horribly. Becka's mind raced to the last time she spoke to Nate. What if something had happened to him? What if they were never supposed to end up together because he would die before they had the chance?

  Becka had always exuded a flair for the melodramatic. Halfway home, she proceeded to have a stern internal lecture to herself about how not to behave like a raving mad woman. Yes, the movie was sad, and no, it was not likely Nate would perish in World War II as neither of their parents were even alive during that time. When the drink cart came around, Becka forked over the seven bucks for a miniature bottle of rum to go with her Coke, hopeful it would take the edge off. Once they landed, Becka was somewhat sane, except for almost knocking over a toddler on the way to the ladies’ room after deplaning. Maybe her rum and Coke on top of the caramel Frappuccino in light of her abhorrence of airplane bathrooms was a bad move.

  Becka saw Nate before he saw her. She watched as he studied the faces of people approaching him, looking for her. When Becka saw his face break into a grin, his eyes locked on hers. She felt like her heart had floated up into the base of her throat and stayed there, thumping wildly. Becka quickened her pace, wary this time of trampling any stray toddlers. When she reached Nate, he pulled her into his arms, his mouth on hers, lifting her off of the ground.

  "Hey, kid," he breathed into her ear as he playfully nipped at it.

  "Hey, you."

  Nate took over the pulling of her carry-on suitcase as they made their way to baggage claim. There was a delay with the offloading of luggage so they stood there, Nate's arms around her as they waited.

  "So what are your plans for the rest of today?" Becka inquired.

  "You, all day long."

  "I like the sound of that."

  The buzzer sounded to notify passengers of approaching luggage. Becka's mother had tied a pink bow to the front of her bag before she left to help make it more easily identifiable. It ended up being a huge help or it would have otherwise been lost in the sea of other black rolling suitcases. Becka took over pulling her carry-on while Nate handled her suitcase. When they got to his car, Becka stood to watch him load her bags in the back of his Nissan.

  All mine, she thought as she watched his muscles coil lifting her heavy suitcase. Nate caught her eye and tugged her to him for another kiss. Becka could not help but feel nervous for what he had in store for her. On every red light on the way to Becka's house, they would just look at each other. The tension in the car was almost palpable. The look in his eyes made her stomach flip.

  When Nate got to her house, he parked behind her car. Becka got out, heading to the back of his SUV to help with her bags. She yelped as he picked her up instead. Holding her fireman-style, he carried her straight into the house, and she giggled and did her best to hold on.

  Dave was sitting on the sofa playing Halo when they walked in. “You guys are gross” was all Becka heard as Nate went directly to her room. Slowly lowering her in front of him, Nate reached behind him to lock her door.

  Why was Becka nervous all of a sudden? Nate peeled her jacket off of her, kissing her neck as it slid down her arms. Becka stood there, almost frozen.

  "You okay?" Nate asked, pulling back.

  "I feel weird"

  "Weird?"

  "Yes, weird."

  "So how do I make you not feel weird?"

  "Are we really doing this?"

  "Doing what?"

  "Like us. Like being together."

  "I hope so."

  "Okay. You know how normally when we see each other we do stuff and then you leave?

  "Yes."

  "Can we just talk for a while first?"

  "Anything you want."

  So they sat on her bed, and while Nate absentmindedly trailed his fingers up and down her arms, he told her about himself. He told her about his childhood in California, his parents’ messy divorce, and his still strained relationship with his mother. He told her about college and meeting Mike. He told her about girls he dated, including the girl he was dating when they met.

  Becka was surprised when he told her about his ex, Lisa. Becka knew that she had cheated on Nate with that Ian guy. Nate had met Lisa in college. They had a class together and had friends in common. Nate was attracted to her, and after a few months, built up the nerve to ask her out. Becka wasn’t surprised Lisa went out with Nate. He was hot. He was also a great guy so, not long after, they became exclusive.

  After they both graduated, Lisa moved to California for graduate school. Nate moved in with Mike and Ian and started working. They continued to date with the expectation that they would move in together once Lisa graduated. Instead, after learning her father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, their plans changed. His prognosis was good, but Lisa's mother seemed overwhelmed with all of his appointments so Lisa had moved back home to Tuscan to help.

  Lisa would come up to Phoenix on weekends. Nate was working entry level in the call center. Being new, he had a crap schedule and worked most weekends. Lisa would hang out at his house until he got off of work. Ian, good friend that he was, would keep her company. When Lisa's father’s treatment was over, Lisa moved to Phoenix. Instead of getting a place together, she surprised Nate by moving in with a girlfriend. Lisa told him she didn’t want to rush living together after not having lived in the same city for over two years.

  Not long after that, Nate met Becka. Nate admitted he was attracted to her from that first day. It was probably wrong of him to email her that following week, but he just could not get Becka out of his mind. Just hearing that made her stop him to kiss him. Then Becka tried to explain her attraction to him. He was sitting there with his mouth hanging open when she admitted sniffing him at her desk. She asked him what he had thought of her when they went to lunch together that first time.

  Nate was able to tell her exactly what she was wearing and how she had pulled her dress up to get in the car. He admitted he was so quiet on the ride back because he was trying to cover the fact he had a raging hard on. Just talking about this was turning her on, but Becka didn’t want him to stop talking. So she asked him about when they played cards. That was the first time Nate went to Becka's house. He had actually just left Lisa's house. Lisa had picked a fight with him, and Nate had just been randomly driving around to clear his head. After that, Nate was plagued with guilt. Nothing had happened with Becka, but Nate had wanted it to. Nate tried to avoid Becka after that. He focused on his relationship with Lisa, even going as far as going ring shopping with Ian.

  Nate had skipped a soccer game one Saturday not long after that night to go take Lisa for a surprise dinner, where he had planned to propose. Her front door was unlocked so, just like he had done a hundred times before, he let himself in. Nate called out her name and went straight to her room. Lisa's door was locked. Nate stood on the other side of it, waiting for her to open it. When Nate heard muffled voices from inside, he froze, recognizing the other voice.

  When Lisa opened the door wearing only a robe, Nate had looked past her to see Ian pulling on his shirt. Nate's anger overwhelmed him but instead of beating Ian to his last breath, Nate turned and left. After finding out what Ian had done, Mike kicked him out. Nate was dealing with a lot of emotions at that time and really tr
ied to stay away from Becka. At Mike's New Year's Eve party, he caved after seeing one too many make out sessions. He knew he was attracted to her, but he was still reeling from not only losing a girlfriend but a friend as well. Nate's plan to keep his distance was to not have sex with Becka. He thought that as long as he could abstain from sex he would not get too attached.

  The reason he never stayed the night in the beginning was because he wasn’t convinced he had the willpower otherwise. Nate knew he was falling for her but could not trust his own emotions. He thought if he jumped into something so soon after ending things with Lisa that Becka would just be a rebound. Nate also warred with himself in an attempt to ignore the way he felt about Becka. It just about killed him when he had found out she was dating Kyle. That was the hardest time for Nate. He felt as though he were no better than Ian because he knew Kyle loved her.

  Nate still felt drawn to her, though. He had wanted to have sex with her months ago but was still holding out because it annoyed her so much. Becka smacked him with a pillow after hearing that. Becka wanted to stay, but her stomach started grumbling. Nate pulled her up and to the kitchen. Nate motioned for her to sit on a stool as he went to make dinner for them. Nate looked through their fridge, freezer, and cupboards, coming up empty-handed.

  "Dave isn’t the best grocery shopper," Becka explained.

  They went to the grocery store together. Becka had to laugh. They were grocery shopping together. How domestic was that? When they got to the register, Nate even paid, whispering he could not wait to see how she would repay him. Becka flushed, God, she wanted him. Back at her house, Becka wanted to forget all about dinner and get down to business. Nate explained he had to make sure she was fueled for what he had planned. Becka's stomach flipped. Nate made a sautéed chicken and bowtie pasta dish, winning Dave's favor by making enough for him as well.

  This was another thing she had not known about him. He liked to cook. After dinner and back in her room, he told her about his job, what he did, what he wished he did. He told her about his hobbies other than soccer. After maybe two hours of straight talking, he peered up at Becka and asked if she still felt weird. Crawling onto him, she did her best to assure him she wasn’t feeling weird any longer. This was Nate. They had been together a ton of times. After plenty of kissing and foreplay, Becka was wondering why they weren’t having sex.