A fortnight had passed since the surgery on my ankle and Marianne had decided the time had come to go shopping for my dress for the wedding. The purpose of the day was two-fold; Marianne had suggested we could also use my gift voucher to supplement my meager wardrobe. It was a source of frustration for all the women, seeing me day after day in my old denims and t-shirts and they all united to insist I needed some classier clothes. I couldn't count the number of times I'd been greeted with a sigh or a groan, followed by the suggestion of how beautiful I would be, if only I dressed better. It made me giggle when Marianne, in particular, made these pronouncements, given her unique and unusual way of dressing. I took it in good humor, promising I would make a concerted effort once we'd been shopping. Given the all clear by Jerome, we'd settled on the Saturday before the wedding and both Acenith and Marianne had been waiting impatiently for the day to arrive.
“I don't mind if you come along,” I admitted when I made my way across the living room on crutches. Lucas and Marianne had been discussing the shopping trip in the living room as I walked slowly downstairs and Lucas smiled warmly when I reached his side, obviously pleased I'd taken his side in the argument.
“Absolutely not! This is a women's day out and honestly, you two have been joined at the hip for the past fortnight. It will do you no harm at all to have a day apart from one another,” Marianne announced decisively.
It was true, Lucas and I spent every waking moment together, and we both liked it that way. The past two weeks had been blissful and I thanked my lucky stars every day that I'd met him. Although I wasn't certain it was possible, I fell a little more in love with him every day. The only time we spent apart was Lucas's hunting trips and I usually busied myself with painting while he was away, delighted when he returned home. We had become increasingly more comfortable in each other's company. Many hours were spent talking and more still in companionable silence. He was the last person I saw before I fell asleep at night and he was the first person I saw when I awoke each morning.
Lucas and I exchanged a look and I shrugged. “I think Marianne has made up her mind.”
“Yes, Marianne has,” Marianne said with a beaming smile. She picked up her jacket and slung her purse over her shoulder. “Let's go.”
Lucas clasped my shoulders and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. I marveled that it didn't matter how many times we kissed, I still felt the quickening of my heartbeat. Straightening up, he brushed my hair back from my face and ran his cool fingers down my cheek. “I'll see you when you arrive home.”
With one last lingering glance, I walked carefully towards the front door with Marianne. The idea of this trip with Marianne and Acenith was making me nervous, my natural shyness exacerbated by the idea of spending the day with them alone. Although we spent a great deal of time together at the house, this would be the first time I'd spent extended time with any of the women alone. Taken out of my comfort zone, the thought was nerve wracking.
Those nerves were quickly a thing of the past – time passed in a happy blur as Marianne and Acenith kept me amused and involved as we shopped. Acenith had a unique knack of selecting clothes that were perfect for me, she had exquisite taste, and an uncanny ability for finding exactly what would suit me. Marianne busied herself running backwards and forwards with Acenith's selections, reducing the amount of walking I needed to do and adding her comments as I tried on various outfits, passing her approval on each item added to the purchase pile.
I'd never owned many clothes, during my childhood, money was tight, and I'd only ever had the basics I needed. Clothes were not something a lot of money got spent on, Mom had concentrated on coolness in summer, warmth in winter – sturdy, basic clothes of good quality that she picked up second hand or on discount and would last a season or two. After she'd married Pete, I'd scraped by with old favorites – jeans, sweaters, t-shirts. Pete hadn't been a believer in spending money on his family. The majority of clothes I'd worn in the past two years had been those same old favorites and I'd only replaced items that were worn out and no longer wearable.
Shopping with Marianne and Acenith was a revelation. They both had superb taste, money was apparently no object, and they chose a variety of materials for my new wardrobe – cotton and wool, cashmere, velvet and knits. Nothing in the stores we visited escaped their attention and they chose some outfits that I would never have given a second glance. When I put them on, I quickly discovered they were perfectly suited to me and I swung from side to side, admiring how pretty each item was.
By the time we'd finished spending the substantial gift voucher and a considerable amount on Acenith's shiny black credit card, I was both elated and exhausted. Trying on clothing with a cast had proven tiring and I was beginning to get hungry.
Marianne looked dreamy for a second or two and grinned as we dropped the bags into the trunk of Acenith's car. “Time for lunch, I see.”
Squirming uncomfortably, I turned to Marianne. “Why don't I grab something on the run?” I suggested quietly.
“Of course not, today is all about you and right now, you need to sit down, rest and have something reasonable for lunch,” Acenith insisted.
“How is that going to work?” I questioned in a low voice, very aware of the people walking all around us. “Won't it look strange if I order and you don't?”
Marianne winked. “Of course Acenith and I will be eating.” She glanced around the crowded mall, leading us towards a restaurant a few stores down from where we stood. “Uno's is always nice. And busy.”
I followed along behind Marianne, working slowly towards the restaurant on my crutches. Acenith held the door open and I hobbled into the busy restaurant, where we were quickly ushered into a booth. The server left us with menus and I settled back, studying the options anxiously, wondering how Acenith and Marianne would cope with having to eat something.
“I think I'll have the Caesar Salad, what about you, Marianne?” Acenith said, folding her menu and placing it down on the table.
“Caesar Salad sounds wonderful. I think I'll have a bottled water to go with it,” Marianne agreed. She glanced across the table and smiled warmly at me. “What would you like, Charlotte? I'm sure you must be hungry, as you didn't have morning tea with Acenith and me.”
I stared blankly at Marianne, before I twigged to what she was doing. By suggesting to anyone within earshot that she and Marianne had eaten earlier, it allowed me to choose whatever I wanted from the menu. “I think I'll have Linguini Romano and some garlic bread. And a Coke.”
The server took our orders and I settled back against the bench seat, glancing around with interest. The restaurant was crowded with lunchtime diners, busy eating, and chatting with their companions. Most people didn't give us a second look, although a number of male patrons did a double take at both Marianne and Acenith's beauty. The two women didn't seem to notice it, but I squirmed uncomfortably in my too-loose jeans and baggy t-shirt. I'd chosen the best of my wardrobe, but looked mediocre compared to the two elegantly dressed women opposite me.
The server brought our drinks and I watched curiously, as both Acenith and Marianne opened their bottled water and poured some into the provided glasses. As I watched discreetly, neither one of them picked up the glasses – Marianne toyed with hers, turning it around and around and Acenith busied herself dropping a straw into hers, and then twisting it between her fingers.
“I think we should concentrate on your dress this afternoon,” Marianne announced. “We'll go to the store where I saw the one I wanted to buy, see if you like it. And then you need lingerie.”
I nearly choked on the Coke I'd been sipping. “Lingerie?” A mental image of the negligees Marianne had been dressing me in popped unbidden into my head, reminding me of the increasing struggles Lucas was having in keeping his hands off me and I wondered whether it was wise to tempt him further. Maybe Marianne and Acenith assumed we had begun a sexual relationship – Lucas stayed in my room every night and it would be an honest mistake t
o make – most people would be having sex. In our situation however, it wasn't going to happen, probably for a long time given Lucas's continual fight against his own personal demons. Even then, I wasn't sure I was ready, although I regularly melted into a puddle of lust; I wasn't convinced I was ready to take that step. I could scarcely work up the courage to talk about sex without turning as red as a beetroot. How would I cope with the actual event? My experience was non-existent; I'd never had a boyfriend, let alone a lover. “Lucas and I— we haven't— we're not…”
Acenith reached across and lay her cool hand over mine, squeezing my fingers reassuringly. “Relax, Charlotte. Marianne is talking about new bras, stockings, and panties. Nothing too risqué.”
I blushed to a deep shade of crimson and stared at my glass until my color began to return to normal. When I looked up again, Acenith was smiling, her eyes showing her sympathy over my faux pas. “You blush so easily, Charlotte, it's lovely.”
“Lucas seems to think so,” I admitted quietly. I sipped my Coke, considering a question I wanted to ask and had been too shy to discuss with Lucas. These women were rapidly becoming my friends, who better to ask? I glanced around the crowded restaurant, anxious to see if anyone was near enough to overhear. The loud hum of noise emanating from the other tables made it seem unlikely. “I wondered,” I began, sensing the color rushing to my cheeks again, “Is it possible for Lucas and I to… well… a physical relationship— um, can we…” I trailed off, overwhelmed by acute embarrassment.
Marianne and Acenith exchanged a long glance and Marianne glanced discreetly around the room before answering. “It is physically possible, without a doubt. There is no difference between the male anatomies before or after creation, although,” she smiled wickedly, “male stamina is greatly increased after creation.”
“Marianne!” Acenith hissed. “You will make this worse for poor Charlotte.”
Marianne nodded and patted my hand. “Sorry, I couldn't resist.” Her expression sobered before she spoke again. “Whilst it is physically possible, there are a multitude of problems involved. It's incredibly dangerous to consider a sexual relationship with Lucas; it's not something that has ever happened before. Not without the human dying,” she said in a low voice. “Even if Lucas could control himself through the actual act, the chances of you surviving intact are probably negligible.” She switched her gaze to Acenith, who nodded gravely.
“Lucas's strength would be an issue,” Acenith agreed quietly. “When we make love to another vampire, our strength is equal, and when passion becomes involved, we don't have to remember ourselves with another vampire. With a human however,” she shrugged delicately. “When a man's passion is raised, he is not thinking about how hard he is hugging, how much pressure he's putting on his partner. His desires return to a baser level,” she explained.
Marianne was watching the room warily and she leaned forward to speak. “There are far too many people here, let's talk about this in the car on the way home.” Straightening up, she smiled brightly at us. “Now about this dress, I'm thinking emerald green because it will highlight your eyes perfectly…”
Lunch at Uno's passed in a blur as I contemplated the discussion Marianne had ended prematurely. I barely noticed the server bring our food and I watched Marianne and Acenith chatting together, shuffling food around their plates as if they were eating. By the time they'd finished, not a thing had entered their mouths, but their plates appeared as if it had. It was really quite a clever trick, most of the shaved cheese, bacon pieces and croutons had been adjusted around the plate until they were hidden underneath mounds of rocket lettuce. To anyone not realizing what they were doing, it appeared they'd eaten the accompaniments and left the majority of the lettuce. As Marianne pointed out, the server was busy, she certainly wasn't going to take notice of how much they had or hadn't eaten, and all she would be concerned with was the size of her tip.
My heart wasn't in the conversation, which ebbed and flowed during lunch. All I wanted to do was go back to the house and think over what I'd been told. I wasn't certain how close Lucas and I were to taking the next step in our relationship, but the idea of not being able to was disconcerting. Did this mean we could never have a physical relationship and intimacy would be impossible? What about having children? Bleak as the prospect was, I imagined we might never have a baby together and the sadness was overwhelming.
Having a child of my own was something I'd always expected in my future. I'd loved playing with dolls as a child, mothering them, pretending to feed and change them. I'd mothered my siblings later, enjoying those quiet times when I fed them a bottle, or changed a diaper.
The thought of children had been driven from my mind over the past two years; something I'd assumed would never happen because I didn't intend to live long. With the appearance of Lucas in my life, I'd begun to daydream about a baby in my future. In Lucas's future.
With regret, I recalled the conversation we'd had when I'd left on that terrible night a few weeks ago. I'd told him I wanted a normal life, a normal husband; a normal family. I'd used the words to try to hurt him, to convince him I didn't want to be with him any longer. Realization now dawned as to how much truth the lies I'd spoken had contained – and how deeply my words must have wounded him. He knew our situation could be impossible and I'd thrown it in his face. Even now, he must be aware this situation would eventuate, that I might want babies he was unable to father.
The most devastating problem was – where did that leave us?
Shopping for a dress was difficult – although I tried hard to appear interested, my heart wasn't in it. Marianne had me try on the dress she'd selected and whilst I admired it, both she and Acenith decided it wasn't exactly what they wanted. Consequently, Marianne had me try on dress after dress, pronouncing herself unsatisfied with all of them. With a week to go until the wedding and thoroughly fed up with clothes shopping, I made the mistake of suggesting I would wear one of the many items they'd already selected. Both women looked horrified, but Acenith realized my heart was no longer in it and suggested she would find something for me in the next few days. By the time we reached that decision, I would have gone to the wedding in a garbage bag, if it meant I could stop trying things on.
Lingerie shopping was easier, Marianne asked for my sizes and delighted in flitting around the store, picking out a vast array of pretty bras, and matching underwear while Acenith and I sat and watched. My foot was aching and my arms and hands throbbed from the crutches, so I was willing to wear just about anything she chose.
I flopped into the back seat of the car, lolling tiredly against the headrest. Watching the countryside speed past in a blur, I decided both Acenith and Marianne drove as speedily as Lucas did, with little regard for the highway laws.
Marianne was sitting in front with Acenith while she drove and she turned to talk after we'd left the outskirts of Billings on our way back to Puckhaber. “I'll be happy to answer your questions now we have some privacy,” she offered helpfully. “I'll answer anything I can.”
I turned from staring out the window to look at Marianne. “I'm frightened,” I admitted quietly. “What if we can never—” Frustrated by my own inability even to discuss the subject, I brushed my fingers across my temples impatiently.
“You are certain you would never consider being created?” Marianne questioned softly. “By doing so, you could have the sexual relationship with Lucas, without it being an issue.”
I shook my head emphatically. “No.” Immediately I regretted my resounding refusal, fearing I sounded offensive to the two vampires I was with in the car.
Marianne saw my discomfort and reached across to pat my knee gently. “I don't blame you, Charlotte. Few of us would have chosen this life deliberately and I've had days where I've regretted that I will never have a baby with Striker. I know Gwynn finds it difficult also.”
“Ben told me this has never happened before… a vampire falling in love with a human.”
“Oh, I'm
certain it may have happened before,” Acenith responded, her concentration intent on the road, “but it is a complex situation. Vampires have had sex with humans for centuries, but as you are aware, it always involves feeding and death. I can't believe that nobody has ever fallen in love before now.”
“I've heard of some couples – but the vampire half created the human half to another vampire so they could consummate their relationship.”
“And if that didn't happen, obviously their relationships failed because the vampire half of the relationship bit the human half,” I groaned.
Marianne smiled sympathetically. “Did you want to have children in the future?”
“Yes— No— I'm not sure,” I admitted miserably.
Acenith glanced back towards me for a few seconds, a deep frown marring her smooth skin. “Charlotte, you could never have a baby with Lucas, whether you remain human or not.”
“Acenith, I don't think…” Marianne began, staring at Acenith in dismay.
I glanced from Marianne to Acenith and back again. “What does that mean?”
Acenith inhaled deeply, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “She should know, Marianne.” Seeing Marianne's silent assent, she continued speaking. “Even if you and Lucas can overcome your difficulties and begin a sexual relationship, you cannot have a baby. Not because it's physically impossible for you to fall pregnant – but because getting pregnant would kill you. The vampire fetus will destroy you, drain you of blood, and eat its way out of your body when it is fully developed. You cannot survive if you fall pregnant to Lucas.”
I drew back from them both, completely horrified by what I was hearing. It couldn't be real; it wasn't something I had any parameters from which to relate.
“Acenith, you shouldn't have told her,” Marianne scolded. She slipped between the seats, remarkably lithe for such a tall girl and flopped down on the seat, wrapping her arms around me. “She hasn't had enough time to become used to us and certainly isn't ready to hear what you've told her!”
Knowledge Revealed Page 33