“You've seen how close they've become,” Acenith argued quietly, “I have no doubts of their love for one another. This is a very real problem, Marianne, and Charlotte has a right to know how difficult this will be for both of them.” Acenith glanced back at me, her eyes filled with sympathy. “I'm not trying to scare you or hurt you, Charlotte. You've become very special to all of us and I consider you a friend. It's important for you to have all the facts.”
“So you're saying… this won't work unless I consider becoming a vampire?”
“No, I'm not saying that,” Acenith responded after a long silence. “However, it is something you may have to consider if you want this relationship to continue.”
A tremble worked its way through my entire body and Marianne drew me even closer, whispering soothing words in my ear. I thought about what Acenith was saying for a long moment, the familiar anxiety working its way through my chest at the thought of becoming vampire. It was something I just couldn't consider. I couldn't imagine myself hunting – the very idea of it made me nauseous.
“You don't find hunting…” I trailed off, not sure what descriptive word may or may not be politically correct to use with a vampire.
“Icky?” Marianne supplied with a weak grin.
I nodded; relieved I hadn't had to spell it out for her.
“No, not really. When I was transformed and went hunting for the first time, I found it a completely natural process.”
“As did I,” Acenith agreed.
“Have you and Lucas discussed this?” Marianne asked curiously.
“No,” I admitted. “He's aware I want to stay human and he's never suggested otherwise. We have, uh, discussed a physical relationship, kind of, but Lucas says he needs time, to uh—”
“Overcome the desire to bite you?” Marianne supplied helpfully. She grinned wickedly, her ocean blue eyes twinkling. “I can understand his difficulty. You do smell very nice.”
“Um, thanks?” I wasn't sure what else to say to this frank admission from Marianne.
Acenith giggled, breaking the tension in the car. “Ignore Marianne. She's being facetious.” She looked at me in the rearview mirror, her expression serious. “I'm guessing, based on your reactions and embarrassment that you've never had sex before.”
I nodded, feeling the flush rising across my cheeks. “I've never even had a boyfriend.”
“Oh, boy,” Marianne rolled her eyes and Acenith shot her a dirty look.
“Charlotte, I know you are frightened and confused and overwhelmed by the revelations we've given you this afternoon and I'm sorry for that. But despite your embarrassment and difficulty talking about the subject, you should talk to Lucas about this and then you should both speak with Jerome. Between him and Lucas, I'm sure they'll find a way for you to overcome the difficulties of a physical relationship. I'm not certain what the answer will be to preventing a pregnancy, however,” she admitted doubtfully.
“Couldn't I take birth control pills?” I blushed again. Talking about anything to do with intimacy always had the same effect on me and I'd avoided it in the past. Even at high school, I'd stayed away from the discussions amongst the other girls, unable to talk about sex without stuttering like a fool. Now though, it seemed my future with Lucas depended on it and I yearned to know as much as I could, despite my discomfort.
Marianne glanced at Acenith, whose shrug was non-committal. “I really couldn't say. I grew up in the fifteenth century – birth control wasn't even thought of then. Once I became vampire, birth control wasn't an issue. I have no experience with which to guide you.” She smiled softly back at me. “Talk to Lucas and Jerome. I'm sure they can help.”
Chapter 27: Options
Laying on the bed, curled on my side I stared out the window, watching the trees swaying back and forth in the wind. The weather was gray and overcast, rain falling against the glass and creating rivulets, which ran down the pane.
I'd been lying here for a long time, the sky beginning to darken as evening approached. When we'd arrived home I'd suggested coming upstairs for a break, pleading exhaustion after the day shopping. It wasn't a lie – I was exhausted and wanted to get off the crutches – but ultimately, I needed some privacy, time to sort through the information rolling around my mind.
Striker had greeted me at the door with glee, he'd bought a Nintendo Wii after he and I discussed console games a few days ago, and challenged me to a game.
“Not right now, Striker. Can I take a rain check?”
He glanced from my tired features to Marianne and back again, before readily agreeing to a delay. I'd made my way towards the stairs, but Striker scooped me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs before I had a chance to argue.
“Where's Lucas?” I asked when he placed me gently on the floor in the bedroom.
“He's in the study with Ben, has been all afternoon,” Striker reported. “Do you want me to get him?”
“No, I'm really tired; think I'll have a nap. I'll see him later.”
Striker had departed, closing the door softly behind him and I'd stood for a few minutes contemplating the rain tumbling down against the window. Dragging myself out of my reverie, I turned to the iPod and flicked through the music loaded on it to find something I wanted to hear. When the music started playing, I turned it up and hobbled to the bed, flopping down tiredly.
Everything ached; I closed my eyes, allowing the loud music to penetrate my senses, listening to the heavy rock beat, and the expansive drum solos. I began to sing under my breath, while my mind wandered.
By the third repeat of the album, I'd turned on my side and was watching the rain falling against the window, my mind a million miles away. The same thoughts flickered through my mind repeatedly; like the streams of water on the glass pane, they had a beginning but no conclusive end. Droplets hit the glass, flowing quickly to the bottom of the pane and then fell from the second story to the ground below.
The music volume began to slowly lower and I rolled over to see who was in the room. Lucas stood by the stereo, regarding me seriously.
“I knocked, but you didn't hear me.”
I sat up on the bed, pushing my hair back from my face. “I thought I'd have a sleep,” I explained, flushing as he watched me astutely.
“Yes, sleeping must be easy with three repeats of Nickelback playing at one hundred and ten decibels,” Lucas announced drily and grinned in amusement when he saw me screw up my nose.
“I've probably disturbed everyone in the house, I'm sorry.”
“We did wonder how many times you might listen to the same album, but no matter.” He strode around the bed and sat down on the edge facing me. “Acenith and Marianne told me what you've been discussing with them.”
I blushed instantly, wondered if he would be unhappy with me discussing our relationship with other people. “I'm sorry, it just kind of happened.”
Lucas captured my hand in his. “It is I who should apologize, Charlotte.”
He'd taken me by surprise. “Why?”
“I'd hoped to find an answer to the questions you are now asking, before I brought up the subject,” he murmured, his eyes downcast as he rubbed my hand between his.
“No luck, huh?” I guessed.
He continued to study my hand, rubbing his thumb over the ring on my finger. “I'm afraid not.” When he lifted his head, his eyes were shadowed when he looked at me. “I will understand if you want to leave me, not continue this. It's completely logical as I cannot give you what you desire.”
I reached up to cup his face between my hands. “What do you think I desire?”
He looked confused for a second, his brow furrowed. “I naturally assumed… Charlotte, I can never give you a child.”
“And that doesn't make me love you any less,” I responded quietly. “I don't want to leave now, any more than I did when I had that disagreement with Gwynn. Although I'd be disappointed if we could never have a baby, it's not something I would give you up for.”
His expression relaxed and he caught my other hand in his, intertwining our fingers together. “I thought— when you came up here and told Striker you did not wish to see me, I assumed that perhaps you were already packing. I expected to come up here and discover you ready to leave.”
“I didn't tell Striker I didn't want to see you; I told him I wanted to have a sleep. Which was a little lie, I guess.” I smiled contritely. “I needed time to think things over,” I said, watching the frown creep back across his handsome features and I continued hurriedly. “Not to think about whether I should leave, that was never a consideration. I needed to think about our circumstances, try and come up with a solution for our, um, physical inconsistencies.” I nearly fell off the bed with embarrassment.
The emotions shifted on his features, the frown replaced first by incredulity, then delight. He leaned forward, capturing my lips against his for the briefest of kisses. “Did you come up with an answer?”
“Not exactly.” I frowned thoughtfully, before looking up into his eyes again. “Marianne and Acenith seemed to think… birth control pills wouldn't stop me from falling pregnant.” The familiar heat rose on my cheeks as I said the words, but I continued in a rush. “So I'm assuming that most forms of contraceptive wouldn't work.” It seemed strange to be talking like this with Lucas, we'd only known each other for a few short months, but our relationship could hardly be termed normal from the beginning. Living here with him and his friends seemed to put a different edge on time. It felt as if I'd known him for much longer and the desire grew stronger every day. Eventually, and I didn't know when it would be, we needed a solution.
“That is correct.” Lucas chewed his lip thoughtfully. “I can't tell you with any certainty they wouldn't work, but I think we have to assume they won't. I will not do anything that would place you in danger.” He reached forward and kissed me again, his lips a little firmer against mine. “Any other ideas?”
I took a steadying breath, savoring the fragrance of his sweet breath as I considered. “Well, obviously we can't take the risk of a pregnancy. Acenith explained what would happen.”
“That's right,” Lucas replied quietly. “And I think we are both aware that becoming a vampire is something you don't wish to consider.” There was no judgment in his voice, only the statement of a fact.
I shook my head. “No.” I thought for a few seconds more, weighing up options. “The only option we have is to stop me from falling pregnant. Permanently.”
Comprehension dawned in Lucas's eyes. “No, Charlotte. I will not even consider that as an option.”
“Why not?” I argued. “If I had a… hysterectomy, we wouldn't have a problem.”
Lucas stood abruptly and strode to the window, staring out onto the river for a long time before he spoke. “I will not take away your capacity to have a child. Even if we were to consider this as an option – and I can assure you, I will not – we still have a problem, my love. Whilst my yearning to indulge in a physical relationship with you grows stronger every minute of every day, my other desire is less than controlled. Even if we found a solution to one, we still have the other to deal with.” He turned back to me, his arms crossed stubbornly across his broad chest. “Even when I have the desire for your blood controlled, I will never consider taking away your ability to have children. I want you to experience every aspect of humanity. And that includes the joy of bearing a child.”
“I would only ever want your children,” I protested quietly.
Lucas was at my side before I had time to blink, enfolding me in his arms. “And for that, I will be forever grateful, my Charlotte.” He placed his index finger under my chin, drawing my face up to meet his gaze. “But I want you to have the experience of a baby if you desire it. Whilst I can't father your child, we do have some options.”
“Such as?”
“Adoption or fostering—”
“I'm certain you being a vampire might negate those options,” I stated. “Besides, neither one of them require me to fall pregnant.”
“You didn't let me finish,” Lucas responded softly. “There is another option. Donor sperm.”
It took a few seconds to grasp what he was suggesting. “You would consider me carrying another man's baby?”
He nodded, and his expression was serious. “If it gave you what you desired I would consider anything, my love.” He kissed me then, a slow, passion-filled kiss that set my heart fluttering. “So can we please remove a hysterectomy from our list of options? Please?” he begged as he released my lips.
Overwhelmed by the delicate scent assaulting me, and the touch of his lips against mine, I could only nod my agreement.
“Good,” Lucas murmured as he leaned forward and kissed me again. “I promise you, I will find a solution. It may take some time, but I will find an answer. I can assure you, I'm as dedicated as you are to finding a solution to our 'physical inconsistencies'. I've waited for a long time for you to come into my life, and now that I've found you, I can assure you I am desperately in need of a solution.”
Chapter 28: Wedding Preparations
“Alright, young lady, let's have a look at this ankle, shall we?” Jerome finished cutting through the cast and pulled the plaster away carefully.
Lucas and Ben stood by my side while Jerome probed the area where he'd cut into my ankle to repair the bone. After two weeks, the swelling had reduced and he was taking the stitches out and placing a new cast on my ankle. Once this cast set, I would have the luxury of throwing away the crutches and walking on the new cast with a specially fitted boot.
“How is it looking?” Lucas questioned. He'd been holding his breath as a precaution against blood around the wound, but seemed okay now he'd seen it.
“Excellent, I'm pleased,” Jerome responded, using a small instrument to nick the stitches and drawing them out with tweezers. “The x-rays we took this morning are excellent; the bone is sitting exactly in position.” He glanced at me with a warm smile. “Another four weeks and you should be back to normal.”
I grinned happily. Everyone in the household was aware I was fed up with the cast and wanted to get back on my feet. “Does that mean I can go into town?”
Jerome drew the last of the stitches out and dropped it into a small bowl. “Yes, you should be able to drive into Puckhaber. You will need to borrow a car which is automatic.”
“You can borrow my car,” Ben offered.
“I would prefer to take you myself, Charlotte. Couldn't this wait until after the wedding?” Lucas requested, a frown marring his perfect features.
“I need to go, I have to collect the bond from Maude and check my mail. And I want to visit Hank and get Marianne's painting framed.”
We'd already had this discussion a number of times – I was itching to get of the house and visit with Hank and Maude and try to catch up with Lonnie. I also had a secret agenda, which even Lucas didn't know about. I'd been secretly working on a small charcoal sketch of Gwynn's mother for the past fortnight, grabbing a few minutes on it here and there when the others were busy. I wanted to be able to give it to her when I presented Marianne with her painting and both needed to be framed. I'd called Hank a few days ago and he'd promised he would do it while I waited in town. Having confirmed he could do it, I'd been nagging about going to Puckhaber ever since. The week before the wedding seemed like the perfect time, as the entire household was busy finishing preparations for Saturday.
“None of that can be urgent this week,” Lucas countered mildly, watching Jerome clean my ankle and foot with warm soapy water before toweling it dry carefully.
“It is urgent this week,” I rolled my eyes at him. “You know I want to have the painting framed before the wedding on Saturday.”
“Marianne will be happy to wait for it until I can go with you.”
Lucas had been fretting about letting me out of his sight ever since I'd suggested the trip and I knew it was only because he loved me and worried for my safety. He was ridiculously over-protect
ive at times, which grated against my sense of independence but admittedly, my record of accomplishment for keeping out of trouble wasn't that great, so I could understand some of his apprehension. “I promise I'll be back as quickly as I can and besides, I think I'm better off getting out of the house this week. I'm not any help and there's a lot to do before Saturday.”
“Perhaps I could talk to Marianne, see if I could take you on Tuesday or Wednesday,” Lucas mused thoughtfully.
“We've already discussed this,” I responded tolerantly as Jerome started wrapping my ankle in cotton wadding. “I'll be away most of the day and I'm positive Marianne won't be happy about you disappearing with me.”
Ben glanced at Lucas. “I don't want to take sides, but Charlotte is correct. You know how Marianne has been these past few days; the bride is suffering intense nerves. I believe it will be better for all of us if we are here to help. Rumor has it there is a significant amount of work in the garden which you and I have been volunteered for.”
Lucas sighed heavily. “Alright.” He offered me a smile. “If you insist on going to Puckhaber on your own, I will endeavor to trust that you won't get into any trouble.”
I smiled happily and drew him down to kiss him briefly on the cheek. “Thank you.”
“What day do you intend to go?” Ben questioned.
“Tuesday would be the earliest you can walk on the cast,” Jerome warned.
“I have a shift at the help centre on Wednesday and again on Thursday,” Ben added.
“Tuesday, then.”
I spent Sunday and Monday holed up in the living room, determined to allow the cast to dry properly so Lucas could find no reason to stop me driving to Puckhaber the following day.
For the most part, I was alone, as everyone was kept monumentally busy preparing for the wedding. For someone who was usually so cheerful and calm, I was rapidly discovering Marianne had developed a fanaticism for perfection regarding her wedding to Striker, which included more than one temper tantrum and a significant amount of yelling in what was usually a peaceful and harmonious household.
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