Momentary Lapse

by Toni J Strawn

  He picked up the phone and dialed half of her number before forcing himself to hang up. His hands shook from holding back. He had to know, but it was better to wait. Cole closed his eyes, knowing a part of him couldn’t trust his reaction to her anyway. Her sweet voice would come on the line, filling his head with her lies, lust tangling in his brain to confuse him.

  He had fallen for Madison. The woman Cole had come to know over the last week. He wanted her to be that woman and it would rip something inside of him if it turned out to be a lie.

  And if it was a lie? She was a lot better at hiding her true self than he had ever imagined. From her innocent act in the bar, right through to her fake friendship with Jess…

  Cole’s hands tightened into fists, every muscle screaming out with tension. He forced himself to sit back and clear his mind. He refused to let his anger strip away what was his. Not again.

  No. Cole would sit back and wait. See what happened. If Madison was involved, it presented an opportunity to find out what exactly Russell and his cronies were up to. Cole would take a leaf out of Madison’s book. Go back and pretend everything was all right.

  If she could play him, Cole could sure as hell play just as hard.

  After all, he’d learned a lesson from the best.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Something wasn’t right.

  Madison lay in Cole’s arms, the heaviness in her chest growing to the point of suffocation.

  Ever since leaving her to see Marcus, Cole had changed. He’d gone from being relaxed and attentive to having a hard edge. Madison couldn’t think of any other way to put it.

  What had happened? She’d asked him, of course, but he’d brushed off her concerns, stating nothing was wrong.

  Jess called it Cole’s hero complex.

  “He’d never believe we could do anything to help,” she’d said when they had a minute alone. Jess had noticed something was up with her brother too. “Don’t worry about it. He’s been like this all week.”

  Which made it worse as far as Madison was concerned. She’d put his remote attitude down to the fact they’d been in different cities. But maybe there had been more to it than that. Or maybe he really did resent her working for Logan? Although for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why.

  She and Cole had had an amazing time at the empty lot. Madison had thought there had been a connection, a moment when defenses had dropped and it was just her and Cole. Nothing else.

  Then had come the phone call. Now Cole seemed tense and unhappy. Madison didn’t know what to do about his mood change. In the past, she could have ignored her uneasiness. Pretended everything was okay. But this was Cole. She had to know what was wrong. She wanted him to trust her enough to share his concerns.

  Her fingers stilled from drawing restless circles on his chest. “Are you still upset about me working with Logan?” she asked into the silence. “I-I want to talk about it if you’re angry.”

  Cole stiffened beneath her touch, then relaxed into an exaggerated shrug. “What’s there to talk about? You needed something—you went to your own kind.”

  Hurt tightened its grip on her chest. “My own kind?” Madison twisted her head to look at him. “Why do you hate us so much?”

  Cole folded his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  Madison felt as though her chest was being crushed. She closed her eyes. “Then help me understand. Tell me what I’ve done wrong,” she pleaded.

  “It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong.” Cole huffed out an angry breath. “It’s that you’ve done nothing. You have no idea what it’s like…” He shook his head. “You treat ordinary people like they’re nothing. Less than nothing. Money is power. Rich people use it to get what they want, with no regard for anyone else.”

  His cold tone cut Madison to the quick and she rubbed at her arms, beginning to realize the true depth of his loathing. For her kind. She’d thought they’d been growing closer, but even after spending time in her bed, in her home, entrusting her with the care of his sister…Cole still counted her as one of the bad guys.

  Madison fought past the sting of rejection.

  “You have more power than I’ll ever have,” she argued. He had power over her. The power to hurt. This conversation was dipping into all sorts of dark depths and as much as she sensed his pain, she didn’t want her time with Cole to end. Not like this. “People like Logan and me are stuck in our parents’ world. We have less choice than anyone. Less power. At least you can stand up for yourself. For Jess.”

  “Because I had to,” Cole said harshly. He threw her a dark look as he got off the bed. “You have no idea what it’s like.”

  “Then tell me,” she begged. The tenuous hold between them stretched to snapping point. One wrong move and everything would break.

  Cole ran a hand through his hair, his eyes flicking around the room. “Langford may be my name, but it isn’t my family.” He paced. Short, angry strides. “They paid for me to go to school so I could take the fall when Thomas fucked up. The golden boy.” His lips twisted bitterly. “Who’s going to listen to the poor cousin, right? They believed every lie he fed them. Money talks. Sheep listen.”

  “So, what did you do?” Madison believed Cole spoke the truth. Or what he thought was the truth. To be honest, from what she knew of Thomas, he seemed too boring to have ever done anything. But there had to be something behind Cole’s prejudice. If she could just get to the bottom of it…

  “What could I do?” Bitterness nipped at Cole’s words. “I was thrown out of school. Back to the gutter I crawled out of.”

  Pity welled out in a heavy rush. What he said didn’t surprise her. She’d seen how ruthless some of the prestigious families could be when it came to protecting their name.

  “That’s horrible.” Madison shook her head. She understood why he had so little respect for his moneyed family…but surely he could see she wasn’t like that. She searched the closed set of Cole’s face, looking for a small spark of softness that would tell her he saw her differently.

  Her breath froze in her lungs when she met only hardness.

  Was he ever going to get past her name and see her?

  Somehow, she doubted it.

  Madison took a deep breath and raised her chin. She refused to let Cole relegate her to a closed box, stick a label on her. He was the one who’d compelled her to be real the night at the hotel. He’d stripped her of everything she’d known. Forced her to look at herself. Really look at herself. Madison wasn’t going to let him shut her out and put up a smokescreen. Not now.

  Determination forced her to her feet. She would show him what it meant to face the truth until there was no escaping from it. She caught him as he moved past, stepping in front of him, wrapping herself around him and pushing past the softness of his lips with her tongue.

  A fierce yearning shook her. A longing to prove to Cole he wasn’t alone, even if it was her he fought. She slid her hands into his hair, tugging him closer, pouring every ounce of feeling into the kiss.

  “Fuck.” With a groan Cole yielded, crushing her to him to take control of the moment with demands of his own. “Why can’t I resist you?” His words were almost tortured as his tongue swept into her mouth, his pelvis driving against hers so she could feel how much he wanted her.

  “I need you. Inside me.” Madison pushed his pants past his hips, raining kisses across his chin, his mouth, his chest, anywhere she could reach. With her own future blurry, Cole was the only thing tethering her to reality. With him, she never had to think about who she was, or who she should be. She just was. She wanted that for him too.

  He was angry, his movements bordering on rough as he pushed her back against the bed, gripped her wrists in his hands and held her still. His kiss was a punishment and she welcomed the hard dig of his tongue, the sense of possessi
veness. Possession. With a growl he flipped her on her stomach, his cock nudging her ass as he lay over her, blanketing her.

  She wriggled against him, a moan pushing past her lips, soaking into the sheets underneath her cheek. Her sex pulsed with anticipation, the wetness slick between her thighs.

  “Be still,” he growled, breathing hard. He flexed his hips, his cock riding the crease of her buttocks and he growled again. “Shit.” With a curse, he pushed himself away and grabbed a condom from the drawer. Then he pulled her up so she knelt in front of him. He shoved his leg between her thighs, spreading her wide. “Are you with me?”

  “Yes.” Her breath hissed out as she shoved back against him.

  It was all the invitation Cole needed. Positioning his cock at her drenched entrance, he spread her cheeks with one hand, coating the pucker of her ass in creamy wetness.

  “I want you to come. Hard.” His cock slid deep inside her pussy, his thumb pressing against her anus at the same time.

  His pace was unrelenting. Demanding. Hard, fast thrusts that allowed no time for breath or thought. Pleasure and pain, the feeling of fullness so exquisite her brain shut down and Madison gave herself over to him. His harsh grunts became a litany, the slap of flesh setting the tempo as his thumb and cock pumped in and out, building her higher.

  She came, screaming out his name, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears as something yanked free from inside her. Unbound passion…lust…sympathy…

  Love?

  Maybe not love. But something close to it. She loved Cole’s honesty. The way he never shied away from anything. He faced life full on, giving everything of himself for those he thought were worth it. Jess. Marcus. The people involved in his development. She wanted to be someone like that to Cole.

  “I’ll prove to you I’m not like them,” she said, pulling him close as the sweat dried and their bodies cooled. Now more than ever, she was determined Cole would open to her, like he had opened the world for her.

  “Oh. How are you going to do that?” Again, that edge of skepticism tinged his words.

  Madison closed her eyes, forcing out the words she knew would change everything.

  “I will go to see my mother on the weekend.” Her mouth went dry. “I-I’m going to tell her everything.”

  Cole grew still beside her. “Are you?” He sounded surprised. And there was a touch of wariness too.

  He didn’t trust her? “Yes.” Madison’s resolve hardened. She was going to face her fears and do something she should’ve done a long time ago.

  She was going to come clean with her mother.

  * * * * *

  It was hard enough thinking about seeing her mother…doing it was another thing entirely. Yet, Madison’s panic died down as she stood across the study from Patricia St. James. She took a deep breath, clutching her hands together to hide the slight tremble. Delicate floral accents and earthy greens made the room warm and inviting. Madison drew in the ambience, so at odds with her turmoil, hoping it would bring a sense of calm.

  “So, tell me?” Patricia looked up, her eyes sharp and biting. “What is happening with you and Logan Hamilton?”

  “I’m not marrying Logan.” Madison stood steady as her mother’s lips tightened into a thin line.

  Patricia sniffed and leaned back in her chair. “You don’t think I know that already?” She surveyed Madison like a recalcitrant teen in the headmistress’s office. “You are my only child, Madison. Of course I know exactly what you have been doing.”

  Doing? Madison’s gaze swept the room, looking for a way out as a dark knot of foreboding gathered at the base of her spine. Surely she didn’t mean Cole. She couldn’t know about him.

  “Which is why I’ve taken steps to secure our future. Against Cole Langford.”

  Patricia confirmed Madison’s worst fears.

  Logan. Logan had ratted her out. Madison’s heart thudded dully, her knees suddenly weak.

  Unlike her mother’s expression, which was rock-steady. Her mouth might have turned downward in a show of sympathy, but there was little comfort there. “Some people are born to be stars, my dear. Cole is not one of them. He is not for you.”

  Madison stared back, her mouth opening and closing at her mother’s flippant dismissal of her relationship with Cole. No discussion. No dispute. Her mother’s judicious declaration as she saw it.

  Oh. Madison didn’t doubt Patricia really believed what she said. Cole wasn’t good enough? What would she know? Somewhere along the way, her mother had lost sight of the meaning of life. Of love. Of genuine happiness.

  It didn’t come with a price tag.

  “You don’t know him.” Madison refused to back down. Not from this. She lifted her chin as she made herself face the truth about her mother for the first time. She wanted to be a good daughter. She wanted to make her mother happy, but she wasn’t going to settle for less than something real. True love.

  Her mother nodded as if accepting her challenge. “But I do know you.” Her air of confidence grew.

  Blood pounded through Madison’s head in a hollow warning. “What are you going to do?” She tried to keep the nerves from her voice. Her mother was up to something.

  Madison’s apprehension grew as Patricia’s chilling smile spread. Her mother had planned her entire life down to her wedding march—no way did she not have a plan to combat an uncooperative daughter. Madison’s gut tightened. She felt stupid. Under-prepared. Naive. She should’ve known it would never be this easy.

  “Exactly what I said.” Patricia glanced back down at her notes, as if she had the solution to her problematic daughter all laid out in some business portfolio.

  The first tingle of anger stirred in Madison’s belly.

  “Russell Langford came to see me some time ago about a delicate situation with Cole’s new development. As a patron of the preservation society, he needed my help. Of course, after learning of your relationship with Cole, I thought it prudent to lend my support.” Her smile became a grimace as she stared across the room at Madison. “So far it’s been in my best interest to help Russell. However, if you back away now…I may consider withdrawing it.”

  “May consider?” Nausea rose in Madison’s throat. She pressed her fingers against her mouth. “What kind of support?”

  “The kind that will ultimately bury Cole.” Her mother pulled no punches as she spelled it out. “I will destroy his business. I will destroy him.”

  Madison closed her eyes, every breath scraping her across lungs like razors. The ramifications spun around her brain. So this is what it came down to. Stay in her relationship with Cole and her mother would take part in ruining his life. Return to the fold like a good little lamb, and Patricia would sheath her dagger.

  Madison sagged against the door, all of her earlier confidence torn apart with her mother’s knowing smile. She was deluding herself if she thought there was a choice. Her mother was never going to let her go.

  “I won’t marry Logan.” She met Patricia’s steely expression with the last of her reserves of courage.

  Her mother considered her for a moment before inclining her head in agreement. “Yes. I may have been hasty in forming an alliance with him.” She leaned forward, clasping her hands together on her desk. “But, of course, you will be required to move home. Immediately.”

  Madison hadn’t expected any less. She choked back her refusal, knowing it would do no good. She’d promised she would never go back, but there weren’t any winning options here. Either way, Cole was lost to her. She destroyed his business or destroyed his trust. In the end, it amounted to the same thing.

  In the end, Madison could never have the one thing she wanted.

  Cole.

  Patricia’s expression softened with the certainty of success. She’d trained Madison to acquiesce to her every whim, to always be the good girl. Madison clenched her hands be
hind her back, relishing the bite of her nails in her palms to root her to the spot. Anger welled. Hot, bitter anger spilling from a place deep inside her. Her mother appeared sad. Sorry that she’d had to do this to her daughter. It was bullshit. Madison could see false contrition couched as caring.

  Just like the day with Logan when she’d finally seen the truth, Madison stared past the well put-together mask into the brutal, egocentric reality that was Patricia St. James. She wasn’t scared for her mother’s fragile state of mind any longer. That had been a convenient lie Madison had let herself believe.

  She’d let this happen. Anger at herself filled her, stiffening her spine. Her hands fisted at her sides.

  Getting to know Cole and Jess and the adversity they had faced, Madison was ashamed to realize how much of a coward she’d been. She’d allowed her mother to lead her through life because she had lacked the backbone to do it for herself.

  Making her mother happy had always made Madison’s life seem better. Go against her and the repercussions had been swift and often painful. It’d been easier to go with the flow. Follow the rules. Suck up to the people who held the power.

  “But not this time.” Madison took a step forward.

  “Pardon?” Patricia looked up sharply. Her brows pulled together.

  “I said. Not. This. Time. Mom.” Madison moved to stand across the desk from her mother. Her gaze was as hard and steady as the one she faced. “I’m taking my life back. You can do what you like. With Logan. With Russell. With…Cole. I-I don’t care anymore.” She drew in a breath, refusing to react to the perfect ‘O’ of shock on her mother’s face. “I love you, Mom. But if you go ahead with your plans to ruin Cole, you risk losing me.”

  “Oh, Madison.” Her mother’s mouth tipped upward, a shadow of her earlier confidence returning. “You are such a silly thing. I am your mother. I can never lose you.” Her forehead puckered into that familiar worn look. “I gave my life for you. Remember.”

  Madison bit the inside of her cheek against the tug of her heart. “And I’ve more than paid for it. Please. I know life was tough. I get that. You wanted what’s best for me and I love you for it. I do.” She pressed on as her mother’s expression hardened. “You fought for the life you wanted. Now I want to live mine.”