William’s hand loosened around mine. His mind pulled away, and I knew he’d sensed it too, every bit as powerful as I did.
“I don’t think this is working,” he said, his jaw clenching nervously.
Kara wouldn’t look at me. “I’m sorry,” she said, but I had no response for her. All I could do was stand and walk away.
I kept to myself the next few days, finding quiet places far away from camp. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I felt restless and trapped in my own head, like I had all the space in the world to run but nowhere to go. I wasn’t sure how long it had been since the night I’d gotten pregnant. My stomach was still flat, but I knew she was in there, and I let her comfort me.
“You’re going to have to come join us eventually,” Anna said, trying to coax me back to normal.
“Why?”
“Well, first, you’re going to go crazy sitting here all day doing nothing. I know you. Second, people are starting to worry, including me.”
“I just . . .”
“No excuses. Come on.”
The first week was painful. Anna refused to let me seclude myself, so I spent the days studying maps at the planning table with Mac.
“Still no word from my father?” William asked, approaching us. The question was for Mac, but my eyes drifted toward him as they had over the past few days.
He stood three feet away, but the distance between us might as well have been infinite. He was no longer mine. It made me ache with the hollow feeling of heartbreak, like my whole body might crack into pieces and float away. I couldn’t focus.
“Sorry, kid,” Mac answered.
That evening I caught myself watching him again as he helped load newly delivered food supplies into the cooking area. I imagined the hard body I knew lay beneath his shirt as the toned muscles in his arms flexed. He caught me, and I looked away too quickly. I wasn’t used to being estranged. I wanted an excuse to touch him somehow, to walk by and graze his side by accident, just to feel him again or hear him speak. My eyes didn’t obey, they found him when he wasn’t looking and lingered on the soft skin of his neck. I wanted to press my lips against it, hide my face in that warm secret place that existed when he held me. Instead I snuck off to be alone in the crevice.
I wasn’t there long before footsteps approached.
“You want company?” William asked, peeking his head in.
I didn’t, but it was him. I was desperate to get him back. “Sure.”
He sat down beside me on the dirt floor. “I don’t really remember anyone, so it’s sort of . . . depressing.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. The broken shards of my splintered heart dug a little deeper.
He smiled. “I’m sorry it didn’t work before. That Kara wasn’t able to jog my memory. We can try again if you want.”
“It’s okay,” I said, shaking my head. I risked a sideways glance. “It was probably more confusing than helpful.”
“Not really,” he said. “Just because I can’t remember you doesn’t mean there isn’t something between us.”
“What do you mean?” My words were stammered and soft. I could hear the embarrassment in them, making my cheeks burn and my ears flush.
My eyes stayed focused on his perfect hands as they toyed with his bootlaces, unable to look directly at him. He exhaled a laugh and smiled to himself.
“There’s something about you that’s . . . I think something pulls me to you.” He bit his cheek, trying to hide his bright smile, but it didn’t work. “That sounds stupid.”
“It’s not,” I said. I took his hand, no matter how strange it felt that he didn’t recognize my touch. The warmth beat between our palms, and his eyebrows lifted in curiosity. “You asked me what this meant. It means we’re meant to be together.”
He pulled his hand away, nervous and unsure. “Even if I can’t remember?”
“Yes,” I said, forcing myself to believe it.
I waited for him to say something, taking in all the details
I could from the corner of my eye, but he didn’t.
“You don’t have to stay here with me,” I said, trying to break away from the image of his mouth.
“No. I want to. I keep hoping if I’m around you . . .” He looked at me like if our eyes connected he might remember. “Maybe it will come back.”
I stared at him, my heart racing with hope as his face moved closer to mine. His lips taunted me. His green eyes drew me in. When he reached for my cheek, I didn’t care that he didn’t know how it felt to kiss me. I remembered. I needed it.
“Is it okay if I . . .” I didn’t let him finish. Our lips touched softly, as if he was afraid I’d pull away. I wouldn’t. I might never get another chance. I pressed my mouth into his, and he kissed back. It wasn’t the same kiss, but it was familiar enough to take away the hurt. At first, we kissed through the tears as they rolled down my cheeks, but after a moment, he brushed them with his thumbs.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
I laughed. “I always cry.” I left out the part that I was pregnant, not wanting to scare him away. “Did it help?”
“Well, it didn’t make my memories come back, but I sort of want to kiss you again.”
I wiped my face with my sleeves and smiled. “It was worth a try,” I said, hoping to keep from looking sad.
He lifted my chin with his hand. “Can I? Kiss you again?” Our lips met, this time more confidently than before, like he’d discovered something new and wonderful in my kiss. “You know,” he said, still close. “It might be fun to fall in love all over again.”
I smiled and slid back to lean against the rock wall, shyer than I was used to being around him. “What makes you think you’ll fall in love with me and not Kara?”
“Yeah, because I just kiss random people I don’t feel anything for. At least I don’t think so.” He looked at me, a little concerned. “I don’t do that, do I?”
“No.” I couldn’t hold back a laugh, and for a moment, I almost forgot anything was different at all. “What exactly do you remember? Do you have any memories left at all?”
He shook his head. “I mean, clearly I remember how to talk and walk. I remember how the world works, that there are Descendants and humans. I remember being places, but I don’t remember who was there with me or why I was there, what happened, or where there even is. It’s like everything’s gone but the basics. Relationships, emotions, purpose . . . there’s nothing.”
“That must be hard,” I said. I was glad he was opening up to me. I could feel a connection growing between us, even if it wasn’t the same.
“Something in me must remember you, though.” For a second, he looked at me like he used to.
That night I relived one of my visions as a dream. It was the same dream I’d been having for a week now. I walked down the rows of people until I found Ryder’s son, only this time Hannah wasn’t there. It was someone different. I didn’t recognize him, but tears slipped down his young cheeks just as they did Hannah’s. He pressed his fingertips to the foreheads of each person, their eyes darting back and forth in fear only to settle when he finished. Saving Hannah hadn’t changed anything.
The Ryder lookalike turned and walked my way. As he got closer I imagined his father’s yellow teeth and foul breath, the look in his eyes that had haunted me since his death. My heart started to quicken even though he stared past me. When he was only inches away my eyes snapped open, and I was drenched in a cold sweat.
“You okay?” William whispered across from me. He was on his side, watching me as the mini stars glowed above us through the mesh of our tent.
I nodded. He was lying more than an arm’s length away. I couldn’t reach out and touch him even if I wanted to.
“Come here,” he said, opening his sleeping bag. I wondered briefly if he was just being kind or if he really wanted to be closer. It didn’t matter though. I slipped out of my bag and slid myself in next to him. His smell was familiar, like cool, crisp limes.
/>
“Thank you,” was all I could say as he folded himself around me.
“Bad dream?”
“Yeah,” I answered. It was the easiest response.
He rested his arm cautiously over mine and pressed his body against my back. At first he was tense, but even he couldn’t deny how natural and good it felt to be close. He rested his head on the pillow and relaxed into me. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest was exactly what I needed to help me close my eyes again, so I could face the horrors that found me in my sleep.
***
“People are starting to talk,” Kara said as I took my seat next to her at breakfast.
“About what?” I asked.
“Well first, that you’re completely non-functional these days. Second, that we need to make a move. You talk about human integration and freedom, but we’re still hiding in a cave. Our people are still being controlled and abused, and we aren’t any closer to winning anything against Christoph.”
“Says who?” I retaliated. “Do they realize he was going to use Hannah to enslave people or whatever it is he’s planning on doing with them?”
“No,” Alex answered. “Nobody realizes that. You haven’t told anyone anything.”
“It just happened.”
“A week ago, Elyse.” Kara eyed William who sat down beside her. “They want to be involved. They want to see some progress. They’re afraid and need to know their leader has a plan.”
I sighed. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t just send people out into the world to expose our race. They’d all get killed or captured as soon as Christoph found out. The transition has to be gradual. We have to take out Christoph first.”
“So maybe we need to focus on finding Christoph. He has Hannah’s family, and we need to help her get them back,” William added.
We all looked at him.
“I think that’s a good plan,” Alex said.
“Yeah? What are we going to do?” I asked. “Walk right up to him and shoot him in the head?”
“Something like that,” he answered. Kara shook her head. “That’s suicide.”
“We’ve done it before,” Alex scoffed. “We were right there. We could have killed—”
“If it’s too risky,” William interrupted. “You shouldn’t do it.”
Our restless group, Christoph’s plan, William’s memory, my pregnancy, too many burdens weighed me down.
“Tell everyone I’ll update them at dinner.”
***
That night while everyone was sleeping, I set out to be alone, to think. It had only been a few minutes when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Sorry,” William said, finding me at the bathing pool. “I didn’t see your shoes.”
They were sitting next to me, so I held them up. “It’s okay. I’ll leave.”
“No, don’t,” he said, slipping his sandals off and sitting down beside me. “I was actually looking for you. Can’t sleep?”
“Never can these days,” I answered.
I kicked my bare feet around in the lukewarm water and made ripples with my toes. “Feels good,” he said as he dipped his in, too.
“It’s a little cold.”
I was the only one who remembered that cold night on the beach, but he smiled anyway and shook his head. “Wimp.” I glared at him playfully and reached down for a handful
of water. Without thinking I batted it into his face. His mouth fell open in shock, but all I could do was laugh. He clenched his teeth to keep his lips from curling into a smile, and the next thing I knew I was under water breathing out bubbles of air.
I resurfaced with a half-angry face. “You pushed me in!”
“Yeah,” he said. “You started it.”
I grabbed the leg of his jeans and pulled. He tried to hold on to something, but there was only brittle dirt. His eyes pinched shut, and I dragged him into the water, using my whole bodyweight to shove his head under.
“You’re secretly trying to kill me, aren’t you?” he asked as he popped up some distance away, water dripping from his lips.
“Wimp,” I mocked with a smile.
He raised his eyebrows and disappeared beneath the surface, the waterfall’s ripples making him invisible. My eyes narrowed, searching.
I felt his fingers against my waist before I saw him. I liked the feeling, but I liked the game more so I shot away with a laugh and swam toward the falls. His hands grasped at my feet as they kicked, and I flailed trying to pull myself through the sloshing swells. Something caught my pants, which were heavy and loose. I didn’t care. I wriggled free from them, and the cool water slipped over my bare legs. I moved easily without the weight of the fabric, and swam away, breathing hard from the fight.
Behind the waterfall it was quiet. I turned and waited for him to come through the veil of rain, excited and nervous.
When he did, he approached slowly, lifting my sopping pants into the air. “Um . . . pants-less woman. You forgot these.” His voice echoed slightly in the space.
I shrugged. I didn’t know what had gotten into me. “Gotta do laundry somehow.”
I swam toward the cave wall and sat on a ledge exposing my white thighs. I smiled at him as he floated toward me, but my eyes were more serious. Did he still want me like before? Maybe a part of me just had to know. Maybe I just wanted him like I used to, like I always had.
When he reached me, he pulled himself onto the ledge, and I didn’t have to ask to be kissed. He knew. Our wet lips melded together like I remembered. His soft and careful as they moved. Mine eager. I reached for his shirt, wet and clinging to his chest. I expected him to stop me, but he didn’t. I breathed out, satisfied and happy as the falling water splashed tiny droplets onto our faces.
“This is okay with you?” he asked, unsure of where we’d been together.
Our eyes connected like they hadn’t in a while, and I nodded. “Technically, you are still my husband.”
He smiled and peeled my wet shirt from my body. I wanted nothing more in that moment.
***
I fell asleep as soon as my eyes closed that night, like a kid who had played too hard. My hair was wet, my body damp. William held me differently, tighter, closer. It was the first night I didn’t have visions or nightmares, my first night of peace since he’d been taken from me.
24.
THE SOUND OF MY TENT DOOR unzipping woke me up.
“There’s something you need to see,” Alex said shaking my leg. “Get up.” The look on his face made me nervous. It was grave, like something tragic had happened.
William and I dressed quickly and in silence, but the quiet between us meant something different now. We had a secret. He smiled at me as he handed me my boots.
Outside, Mac and Alex waited at the planning table. There was no time to reminisce about my wonderful night with William.
“What is it?” I asked.
Alex nodded for William and I to make contact before he transported us.
When Mac didn’t reach out, I looked at him. “What about you?”
“I’m gonna stay back. I heard about it. No need to see the details,” he said. Moments later we were bathed in white.
We reappeared in an apartment. It was dark, and the only sound was the television. Kara was already sitting on the couch, staring at it. The windows were shaded and the blue light of the TV reflected off of her face. She looked at me, and I followed her gaze back to the screen. Where the Statue of Liberty once stood, smoke billowed like some evil force escaping from the rubble.
“Was anyone hurt?” William asked.
I couldn’t speak. My stomach turned to knots, and I felt like there was nothing beneath my feet to hold me up. I tightened my grip on William’s hand.
“We don’t know,” Kara answered. “They aren’t telling us anything.”
“What happened?” I managed.
“They’re calling it a terrorist attack,” Alex said as he sat next to Kara and flipped the channel. Each one reported on the same
story, and I was sure the entire world was watching, waiting for answers.
“What does this mean?” I asked. “War?”
“It’s been war,” Kara said.
A blonde woman prattled on in front of the camera, but I couldn’t look away from the image behind her. I didn’t hear a word she was saying. All I could think about was Christoph.
“Do you think it was him?” I asked. “We know it was,” Kara answered.
“This is what he did before, right?” I combed my hair back in disbelief. “He’ll just keep killing innocent humans until . . .”
You surrender yourself? Kara finished for me. Yeah. Probably.
“It’s more than him just killing humans,” Alex added, looking at me from his spot on the couch.
“What do you mean?”
“It wasn’t a Descendant who attacked. It was a human,” he answered.
“Something bigger is going on here, Elyse.” Kara stood and walked around to face me. “The Hunters have been collecting humans,” she said. “He’s doing something with them, and whatever it is has to do with this attack. I’m sure of it.”
The warehouse in my vision. What was he doing to them? “How do you know all this?” William asked.
Rachel’s voice came from behind us. “I told them.” She was sitting against the wall in the back of the room.
“Rachel,” I beamed, but her face didn’t brighten as I expected. “Where is—”
“We were ambushed on our recon mission to get information from the Hunters. There were too many.” Her eyes were empty as they looked away. There was no hope in them.
“Hunters have the others, Elyse,” Kara continued for her. “And my father?” William asked.
Rachel nodded as she lifted herself off the floor and came to join us by the TV.
“How?” It was hard to believe anyone could touch Dr. Nickel.
“They’re well trained,” Kara answered. “It’s what they do. They use a sedative to debilitate most of their victims. That’s how they’re keeping them down I’m sure.”
“Do you know what they want?” I asked Rachel.
“They let me go to deliver a message,” she told me, but she couldn’t look into my eyes. “You for them. They’re going to kill them if you don’t cooperate.” Her lips quivered as she spoke. “Tonight.”
Uprising (Children of the Gods) Page 22