by Unknown
She couldn’t blame him. He’d never promised her he would love her. Only her child.
After telling herself the difficulty was her, not Lucas, the tears finally stopped. But the pain only grew worse. Unable to stop herself, she got up and pulled a suitcase from the closet.
She would accept his behavior. It wasn’t his fault, she reminded herself again. She was the one who had changed, whose needs were different. How could she have known that Lucas Boyd would melt her frigidity? But she needed some time to shore up her defenses, to hide her wants. Some distance.
Calling Abby, she explained that she would be gone the next week and asked her to take care of the library. Then she wrote a brief note to Lucas, telling him she was visiting a friend. She wouldn’t give him the number or address. She needed total isolation. But she didn’t want him to worry, either.
She remade the bed and left the note on her pillow. Then she carried her suitcase down the stairs and out to her car. Frankie wasn’t around, so she was able to avoid explaining her behavior to him, too.
So no one told her goodbye, and no one saw her tears.
It was better that way.
Chapter Twelve
L ucas stood over his first wife’s grave, traces of his earlier shock on his face.
He hadn’t intended to love another woman. Just another woman’s child. Beth would understand that. She knew how much he’d wanted their child.
He hoped Beth would understand how things had changed. He’d loved her with the heart of a young man: naive, tender, expecting everything to go right.
But it hadn’t.
He was a different man, now. Seasoned with pain and sorrow. And able to love with a maturity and strength he hadn’t known he’d had. Had Beth lived, his love for her would’ve grown to this strength, he was sure.
But she hadn’t.
Now he loved Susannah. He’d missed her in his bed, but he’d told himself it was the sex he’d missed. When he’d returned her to his bed, he’d realized, shockingly, that it wasn’t the sex, it was the lovemaking. The holding, the touching, the sharing.
He’d hungered for the sight of her, for the closeness of their togetherness. He’d loved her. Only he hadn’t realized it.
When had he begun to love her? From the first, when she intruded into his sad world, refusing to do whatever he asked? When she came to him with her agreement to have his child? Or had it been that first night he’d loved her, when she’d shown him, in spite of her inexperience, how much she needed him, too?
Because she did. He knew, with a joy that grew with each moment, that she loved him as much as he loved her. Susannah, with her generous heart, her determined spirit, wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He walked away from Beth’s grave, after bidding her a final goodbye, and headed for the house. The day wasn’t over, there was work to be done, but he needed to see Susannah, to hold her, to touch her. To tell her he loved her.
He drove his truck at a breakneck pace, thinking of how he’d left Susannah. She might refuse to let him near her, if he’d read her mood right. But he’d fight for his marriage, for his love, for his heart.
He’d make her listen.
After jerking the truck to a halt, and throwing up pieces of gravel, he sprinted for the house.
“Where’s the fire, boss?” Frankie asked as he rushed through the kitchen.
Lucas grinned, the joy spilling out of him. “Gotta find Susannah.”
“I think she’s gone,” Frankie said as he continued rolling out pie dough. “Her car’s not here.”
Lucas was halfway up the stairs before the man’s words penetrated. He tumbled back down the stairs. “What?”
“I said I—”
Lucas ignored him and raced for the window that overlooked where Susannah usually parked her car. “When did she go?”
“I don’t know. I came back to the house about half an hour ago to fix lunch and—”
Lucas ignored him and sprinted for the stairs again. He wrenched open the door to Susannah’s room and stood on the threshold, studying the neatness. Then he saw the note.
“No, dear God, no,” he prayed. God couldn’t be so cruel as to give him a second love and then take her away.
But, then, God didn’t know how stupid Lucas could be.
The note was simple. She’d gone away to visit a friend. But she’d given no phone number where she could be reached, no address. And she hadn’t said when she’d be back. If she’d be back.
He called Abby. “Where’s Susannah?”
“Don’t you know? She’s visiting a friend.”
“What friend? Where?”
“I don’t know. She hung up before I could ask. What’s wrong?” Abby demanded, a growing urgency in her voice.
“She’s left me,” Lucas whispered, unintentionally voicing his fears, covering his eyes with his free hand.
“What? What did you do?” Abby asked.
But Lucas couldn’t answer. He hung up the phone and sank down to the mattress. What had he done? How could he have been so stupid as to walk away from her without explaining what had happened? He’d thought he’d needed some time.
Now he had more time than he wanted…a lot more time.
Susannah drove into Caliente on Thursday morning.
She’d intended to stay away for a week. But she couldn’t. She’d missed the town, her friends, the ranch, Frankie and the cowhands. And Lucas. Dear God, how she’d missed Lucas.
But she punished herself by pulling into a parking space in front of the library. She had abandoned her responsibilities by leaving so suddenly. She needed to see how the library was doing.
Besides, Lucas wasn’t expecting her. He probably didn’t care when she returned, as long as his baby was well cared for. She might as well practice her resolution to treat him as the father of her child. And nothing else.
She entered the library to find Abby behind the desk.
“Susannah! You’re back! Are you all right?” her friend demanded as she rushed around the desk to hug her.
“Yes, of course I’m all right,” Susannah replied, patting Abby’s back, wondering what had caused her concern. “I told you I’d be away for a week, but I came back early.”
“Does Lucas know?”
“Not yet. He’s not expecting me.”
“You can say that again,” Abby replied.
“Hi, Susannah,” Gertie called from across the room. “You’re back!”
“Susannah!” Mr. Jones, one of her regular customers, boomed. “’Bout time you came back.”
Several other frequent visitors greeted her with the same phrase.
“What’s wrong with everyone?” she asked.
“They thought you’d left Lucas,” Abby said succinctly.
“Why would they think that? I told you I was going out of town to visit a friend. I left Lucas a note.” True, it had been brief, but it was a note.
“You’ll have to ask Lucas about that. He pretty much came unglued. The whole town has been worryin’ about the two of you. Especially since word got out about you being pregnant.” Abby’s cheeks actually flushed.
“How did that happen?”
“Well, Lucas and I were talking, and someone overheard. I didn’t mean to let it slip, Susannah.”
She hugged her friend again. “Don’t worry about it. Everyone will know just by looking pretty soon. I’m getting as big as a house.” Which would keep Lucas away from her even more, she reminded herself. As if she needed any reminding. She’d spent all the time she was gone preparing herself for his lack of interest. Perhaps even distaste.
“Well, if everything’s all right here, I’d better go on to the ranch. I need to unpack and then maybe take a nap. Driving tires me out these days.”
“Need me to drive you to the ranch?” Abby asked anxiously.
“Don’t be silly. It’s not that far. Thank you for taking care of everything here. I’ll be in tomorrow.”
She turned and headed back
for her car.
When she pulled up beside the ranch house a few minutes later, Frankie was already beside the door. He had her suitcase out of the car before she could get out.
“You all right?” he asked, his brow furrowed.
“Of course I am. Did Abby call you?”
“Yeah. We sent for Luke. He’ll be here anytime.”
Her stomach clutched, and she rubbed it. “There was no need for that. He wasn’t even expecting me today.”
“Nope. Today’s the first time he’s given up trying to find you. I don’t think he would’a stayed out long, anyway.”
Susannah frowned. Trying to find her? She’d left a note. Didn’t he read it?
With a shrug, she followed Frankie and her suitcase into the house. He didn’t stop until he reached her room, setting the bag down on the floor.
“You hungry? I’ll have lunch ready in a few minutes.”
“Thanks, Frankie. That would be nice. I’ll rest until you call me.”
“Want me to call Doc? He could come right out.”
“Frankie, I’m fine. Driving tires me out, that’s all. I’ll rest and then be down for lunch.”
He closed the door behind him, and Susannah looked around the neat room. She’d even missed this room. But the one she’d missed most of all was across the hall.
Stop it! You won’t be sharing anything in that room anymore.
With a sigh, she sank down onto the bed, slipped off her shoes and put her head on the pillow. She was home.
Lucas was a long way from the barn when one of his cowboys finally caught up with him. He was riding a fence line, doing the most hated work of all, hoping to escape his thoughts. And not having much success.
He saw the rider from a distance, noting his all-out gallop. Uneasiness filled him. Something was wrong. Without hesitation, he urged his horse toward the rider, increasing his speed as he moved.
“Boss, she’s back!” the rider gasped as he pulled his horse to a stop.
Lucas’s heart leaped. His horse danced, eager to run again, but he paused to ask, “She’s okay?”
“Frankie said she’s fine.”
He didn’t ask any more questions. Instead he raced flat out for the house…and his wife.
Sleep had been in short supply this week. Most of the nights he’d paced the floor, worrying, longing for her. Finally, he’d turned to work today, hoping to distract his mind…and she’d come home.
It took almost half an hour to reach the house. News had evidently spread, because several of his cowboys greeted him with broad smiles as he flew from the saddle.
“We’ll take care of your horse, boss.”
He threw a thanks over his shoulder and ran the rest of the way to the house. She was in the kitchen with Frankie, sitting at the table as if everything were normal. Standing as he entered, she looked apprehensive.
As well she should. She’d scared him to death.
Without speaking, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “Don’t you ever do that again!” he warned, his voice tight.
“Now, boss, you should talk nice—” Frankie began.
“We’re going upstairs,” Lucas announced, interrupting his cook’s advice.
“But I got lunch almost fixed,” Frankie complained.
Susannah had said nothing.
He loosened his grip, staring into her beautiful face. He intended to talk, only talk, but he couldn’t help himself as he lowered his mouth to hers. He’d talk in a minute. As soon as he tasted her, made sure she was real and not a figment of his imagination.
He was encouraged as her arms stole around his neck. Then applause and several cheers disrupted the most precious moment in his life to date. Susannah gasped as she looked over his shoulder and saw a number of the staff on the back porch, watching them.
“Shoo, now!” Frankie said, rushing to wave the audience away with a cup towel.
“You, too, Frankie. Go with them,” Lucas ordered.
“But, boss, lunch—”
“Turn the stove off and go.” His order was stern, and Frankie did as he asked.
When the door closed behind the cook, Susannah looked at him, her eyes wide. “What did you do? Tell everyone we had a fight? The people in town acted as if I’d run away. I—”
“Isn’t that what you did?”
She stiffened under his touch, and he knew he’d said the wrong thing. Before he could apologize, she spoke.
“I needed some time away. I didn’t mean to worry you.” Her voice was solemn, quiet, almost sad.
“Sweetheart, you scared me out of a year’s growth.”
“The baby is fine. I took good care of it.”
“And you? Did you take good care of you?”
“Of course.” But her voice was still sad, and she didn’t look at him.
“Look, Susannah, when we—the last time—I realized—I loved Beth!” he finally said, unable to figure out exactly how to explain his awakening.
She pulled from his arms and turned her back to him. “Of course. I understand completely.”
Instead of turning her, he walked around to face her. “You do?” But the tears streaming down her face told him she didn’t. Or she didn’t want to hear that he loved her.
She nodded her head.
“Susannah, I want us to have a real marriage. I want—”
He stopped as she turned her back to him again, wiping her tears.
“I can’t,” she said faintly.
This time he turned her around. “What? Why not? We were getting along just fine. I don’t see—”
“I haven’t been honest with you.”
Her words stopped him cold. What was she talking about? Had she found someone else? Was she going to leave him? His heart ached with fear. “What do you mean?”
“I—I have to tell you something. Then, if you—you still want us to have a real marriage, then—”
“I do!” he insisted, with more fervor than he’d used in his marriage vows. But Susannah meant more to him now.
“I broke our agreement.”
“What do you mean? Damn it, Susannah, you’re killing me. Tell me what’s going on.”
She dropped her chin down on her chest, and he leaned closer. “I—I love you.”
Her softly whispered words stunned him. Filled him with joy. Worried him. He finally connected them to her earlier explanation that she hadn’t been honest.
Lifting her chin, forcing her gaze to his, he said, “Are you telling me you left this week because you love me?”
She nodded.
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. “Thank you, God.” Then he lowered his head and kissed her. He kissed her to tell her he loved her, to tell her he’d missed her, to tell her he’d never let her go again.
But just in case she didn’t understand all those things, he stopped kissing her to tell her in words. He wasn’t going to walk away from her again until she understood just how much he loved her.
“Sweetheart, I reacted the way I did last time because I realized I loved you. Completely, totally. More than life itself.”
Her tears increased, and she sobbed as she lay her head on his shoulder.
“I promise it’s true.”
“You…you didn’t look like you loved me,” she reminded him.
“I was in shock. I’d told myself it was because you were so good in bed that I climbed those stairs earlier and earlier.” He tightened his arms around her. “But the truth is, I love you, and I don’t ever want you to go away again.”
“I don’t want to,” she assured him, caressing his cheek. “But I was afraid if you saw how much I love you, you’d—you’d want me to go away.”
“Never. And I want you in my bed every night, the entire night,” he added fiercely. “I hated it when you’d leave me.”
“But—”
“I know it’s my fault,” he admitted, not waiting for her to speak. “I was an idiot. I was so afraid of being
hurt, I was afraid to hold you close.”
“I promise I’ll try never to hurt you.”
He kissed her again.
“I know that, Susannah. And I promise to hold you close forever.”
He scooped her into his arms and headed for those stairs that led to heaven. “Mind waiting a little while for lunch?”
She tucked her face into his neck. “I’m more hungry for you than I am for Frankie’s cooking.”
Satisfaction and eagerness filled him. Susannah was back, to stay, and they’d never be apart again. God had blessed him a second time, and he’d never forget to be grateful.
Epilogue
“D amn it, Doc, get in here!” Lucas exploded, entering an emergency room cubicle.
“Settle down, boy. I’ll be there as soon as I sew up Jaimie, here.” Doc was bent over a three-year-old, with the boy’s mother holding him still.
“But Susannah’s in pain,” Lucas protested. He’d promised himself he’d be calm, but the moment she went into labor, he’d been out of control. He knew it, but he couldn’t stop. He was so afraid something would go wrong.
“Nurse Cone will call me if things change. Susannah is going through the normal stages of labor. It’s only been a few hours,” Doc said calmly, finishing his work. “There now, Jaimie, I suggest you avoid that toy in the future. Okay, young—”
“Doctor, you’d better come,” the nurse said from the door, just behind Lucas.
It wasn’t a fair contest since he had a head start, but Lucas beat Doc to Susannah’s side by a long shot. “Sweetheart, are you all right?”
Susannah, in the throes of another pain, couldn’t answer at once. It was the nurse’s calm voice that reassured him. “Of course she is. But I don’t think it will be much longer.”
Doc settled at the end of the table and examined Susannah. “You’re faster than I thought, young lady. Or maybe this baby is impatient, like his daddy.”
Susannah drew a deep breath and smiled. Lucas kissed her forehead, then stroked her cheek. “Hold on, sweetheart. Doc’s going to take care of everything.”
“Don’t you believe him for a minute,” Doc contradicted. “I’m just along for the ride. You and Junior here are the ones doing all the work. It’s time now. I want you to push,” he urged.