by Harloe Rae
Avoiding his gaze as I whisper, “I thought you liked me?”
Rowen shakes his head slightly as his brows pinch together in confusion. “What? Of course I like you, Vix. I’m just afraid of fucking up even more.” His voice is meant to be consoling but I only hear him leaving. Slowly but surely.
He reaches forward to rub my shoulder but I step away and his hand drops limply by his side. I can’t feel the pleasurable balm Rowen’s soothing touch gives me right now. Not when he’s about to leave for good. I officially scared him away and I wasn’t even fucking trying anymore.
Dammit.
It’s all screwed up now. Rowen is going to go and never come back. I pushed too hard.
Fuck.
Fuck!
My heart is pounding as these thoughts continue spinning faster, down and down they go, until all I hear is the rejection pounding into my skull as the voices hiss victoriously in my ear.
Why would he stay for you?
You’re a mess.
You’ll never make anyone happy.
He will always leave you.
You’ll always be alone.
On a fucking loop, the taunting bangs around my brain. I want to scream and cry but Rowen is still standing in front of me, watching me with that same look of confusion marring his gorgeous face.
I’ll miss him but he needs to leave. Now. One final shove ought to do the trick. Then I can meltdown in peace.
“Why are you still here?” The misery oozes from my words but I ignore it.
He takes a step closer but I instantly retreat. “Remember the arrow, Sweetheart? You’ve caught me and I’m not going anywhere. Maybe I’ll walk out that door tonight but I’ll be back. I want to be here for you, no matter what.”
The charm around my neck tingles with his reminder. I bite my tongue to keep my truths buried deep. I attempt to reconstruct my usual detached façade but it’s too late. I’m exposed and out in the open with nowhere to hide. The cracks are far too wide and the floodgates are about to burst.
“I need to be alone.” I hate the vulnerability that has my voice shaking.
Rowen gives me an overall appraisal before responding. “I can stay, Sweetheart. Maybe we can have that drink after all.” He sounds hopeful but I’m sure he’s more than ready to get out of here.
I do my best to maintain eye contact while saying farewell to the man I thought was different. “I’m fine. Really. Thank you for tonight. I had a great time.” I pray my tone is steady and Rowen won’t catch me crumbling, but I hear the wobble clear as crystal.
He nods his head with a sad smirk tilting one side of his lips. “I’ll text you later, Vix. Please think about what I’ve said. ” Rowen’s voice is hushed and I hold his soulful gaze until he turns to go.
When the door shuts behind him, I tumble into the black abyss as a loud sob shakes my chest. Old wounds rip open as the familiar sting of rejection and doubt pour in. All I want is for Rowen to reassure me that true love fills his heart, for me. But I’m fucked up—insecure and damaged—so admitting that deep need is extremely difficult. Apparently I’d rather force an incredible guy out of my life than tell him how I really feel.
I’m so stupid.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Each word is punctuated by a slap to my head. The nasty ridicule bashes into me like a semi-truck as tears stream down my cheeks. I cover my mouth with a trembling palm to muffle the uncontrollable wails spilling from my throat. I’m spiraling fast and sure, set on total destruction of any progress I’ve made over the years.
Loud pounding on the door manages to shatter through the crushing wreckage my mind has become. I lay down on the cold tile and curl into the fetal position while I wait for the banging to stop. Whoever’s on the other side will give up soon enough—just like everyone else has.
Except he doesn’t.
Rowen swings the door open and strides toward my crumpled form. Just like Prince Charming in all his masculine glory, storming in the save the princess.
I squint through my puffy eyelids, unable to believe he actually came back. Doubt keeps chewing at my stinging skin but then he kneels down and gathers me into his muscular arms.
“I’m here, Vix. I’ll always come back.”
Rowen
After I stepped into the deserted hallway, I propped my weary body against the wall and took a few moments to extinguish the flames scorching my gut. Lark put up a tough fight to get me gone but I saw right through her act. Those expressive brown eyes were shimmering with unshed tears as her lip wobbled, begging to release a sob.
She asked me to leave so I respected her space and did—but only for a little bit while the dust settles. I’m done messing around and after what just happened, Lark needs me to prove how serious this is. No more skirting around and dodging bullets. We’re diving in head first, together.
The sound of her crying smashes through the wall and agony stabs at my soul each second I’m not rushing back in there. My little vixen is guarded as hell, for reasons still unknown to me, but I’m prepared to climb any barrier standing in the way. I’m hoping she’s ready to break those blocks down. When a garbled wail reaches out from inside, that’s my cue go to get my girl.
I knock a few times first and give her the chance to let me in. When nothing but silence greets me, I let myself in. My stomach cramps painfully when I see Lark curled up on the cold floor, with swollen eyes and blotchy skin. I shouldn’t have left her but there’s no time for regret. I’m here now.
I kneel down before scooping her trembling body into my arms. I pull her tight against me and whisper, “I’m here, Vix. I’ll always come back.” Then I place a soft kiss on her balmy temple.
Lark doesn’t respond as sobs continue shaking her entire form but she grips onto my shirt with fierce strength. I hold her close and let her cry as my eyes fill with tears. “Sweetheart, you’re breaking my heart.” My throat closes up as a few drops trail down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry I walked out that door. I shouldn’t have listened to you.”
She sniffles and rubs her forehead along my pec. I’m sure the erratic beat in my chest bangs as loud as a drum. Lark coughs a couple times as she sucks in choppy breaths.
At an almost silent volume she murmurs, “Fitting since you broke mine.”
Air gets trapped in my lungs for a few tense seconds and I fear she’s about to shove me away. Then she burrows deeper into me while muttering “I’m sorry” over and over. I have to blink quickly to rid the moisture that keeps collecting behind my lids but this woman is dragging the sorrow out of me. I’m rocking us gently while shushing softly.
All I can say is, “I’m so fucking sorry, Sweetheart. No more pushing away. This is it now.”
Lark nods frantically while yanking me closer with trembling fists. I barely hear the jumbled request when she asks me to stay but her soft words scream at me like they’re booming over a loudspeaker.
My response is muted against her hair. “Always, Vix. I’ll always stay.”
She tilts her chin up and I catch her watery gaze. “Can we go lay down? I won’t try anything.” Her voice still bounces with uncertainty and I need to put that vulnerability to rest.
A quiet chuckle breaks free, hopefully evaporating the gloomy mood. “Sweetheart, I’m here for you. Whatever you need, whatever you want. Tell me what to do. Everything else will get sorted later. All right?”
She mutters flatly, “Yes. Right.”
We untangle our twisted limbs before standing up. Lark is avoiding eye contact and I don’t want any shame or embarrassment trying to keep us company tonight. All I want is her.
“Look at me, Sweetheart.” It takes a few moments before she complies. “Don’t be shy with me. I’m here because you’re very special to me. You have been since we first met. Hopefully you’ll understand that soon enough.”
Lark bites her lip and shuffles her high heels.
“Why do you wear those torture devices? I mean, you’re legs look long and sexy as fuck
but don’t they hurt?” Curiosity has me asking the random questions.
The distraction seems to relax her stiff shoulders as tension seeps out. Lark blows out a heavy exhale while staring down at her shoes. When she looks back at me, there is a little grin lifting her lips.
She shrugs and says, “They make me feel pretty and sophisticated. Once you get used to them, they’re actually really comfortable. I prefer wearing a pair of pumps over flats any day.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
Lark’s smile grows wider. “What? You don’t want to borrow them?”
If it made her beam at me like this, I probably would, but I’m not about to tell her that. “Nah, Vix. They look far better on you.” My hungry eyes soak up every inch of her gorgeous body, slowly and deliberately. I’m sure she’s aware of my perusal and hope it boosts her confidence even further.
Pink explodes on Lark’s cheeks as she dips her chin, and I mentally fist pump in victory. When she shyly glances up at me through her lashes, my breathing stalls and my gut clenches. I’m so fucking glad I met this woman.
When she yawns and stretches her neck, I lace our fingers together before nodding toward her bedroom. Her caramel eyes reflect so much relief and appreciation that seeps straight into my protective instincts. All I want is to shower her with love and devotion.
Lark sits on the fluffy mattress and I kneel before her. I run my rough palms down her silky legs, and goose-bumps blossom along her skin. My motives aren’t sexual in the slightest—even though my cock is rock fucking solid. A deeply ingrained need to worship her is currently taking control as I carefully slip the heels off Lark’s delicate feet.
I gently rub along her soles for a few minutes, making sure my touch is tender yet strong. The lingering tension seeps out of her body and she hums quietly as my fingers continue massaging. I resist the urge needling at me to drift up her legs because mixed messages caused a shit storm I’m not eager to repeat. Instead, I move to the bed and take a seat next to her. Twisting my torso to face Lark, I wait for her to decide what happens next.
Lark silently surveys my face, her eyes scanning over my relaxed features. Even with thick streaks of black makeup staining her cheeks, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Pure joy tunnels through me that I’m the lucky bastard sharing this moment with her. Lark blows out a fast exhale, causing her puffy lips to buzz loudly.
“So, I’m a mess. Emotionally and physically.” A humorless chuckle leaves her. “I’m going to start by cleaning this,” she gestures to her face and body, “up so I’ll be more comfortable when we talk. Please make yourself at home.”
“Take your time, Sweetheart. I’ll just hang out until you’re ready.”
Lark nods before whispering, “Thank you.”
She gets up from the bed before walking toward what I assume is the bathroom. Before she disappears from sight, Lark turns back to me. “You have no idea what it means to me that you came back, Rowen. Really and truly. Hopefully I’ll be able to explain it one day.” Her soft words lift my spirits as the boulder in my gut disappears.
When I’m alone, I stand and stretch the kinks out of my sore muscles. My dick is still half-hard since apparently the no-sex memo is an extremely difficult concept for part of me to grasp in Lark’s presence. It hasn’t been an issue for a long time but she’s detrimental to the restraint I’m attempting to keep in place. Lark has desire constantly throbbing throughout my entire body, making her almost impossible to resist. Our argument earlier reminded me why I’m choosing to wait and reinforced my wavering self-control. Getting between the sheets would only further complicate our fragile status.
I adjust my aching junk and dread the inevitable pain that will soon radiate from my groin. Blue balls suck ass but restoring Lark’s faith in me will be worth it. I refuse to ever give off the impression I’m only interested in fucking. We have the rest of our lives to screw like rabbits. For now, I want to discover the truth behind what’s holding her back.
As if hearing my thoughts, Lark walks into the room looking like my every fantasy brought to life. Her long blonde hair is loose around her shoulders and her face is wiped clean. She’s all natural and fucking stunning. Her lean body is covered by a massive shirt that’s several sizes too big and almost touches her knees. An intense wave of jealousy washes over me at the thought it once belonged to another. I tamp down the emotion because she’s here with me, no one else. Someday soon my shirt will be draped over her delicious curves.
Lark fidgets with the hem and appears nervous again. I’m unsure how to make this situation more comfortable so I wait for her to take the lead. She glances up at the ceiling before rolling her shoulders and straightening her spine. When her eyes find me again, they’re glimmering with determination and confidence.
She clears her throat softly. “I apologize for being a bumbling disaster. What happened out there,” Lark points to the hallway, “took a lot out of me. Do you mind if we lie down and talk?”
“Not at all, Vix. Do you want me to sit over there?” I ask while nodding toward a chair in the corner.
“Would you mind lying down with me? Nothing more. I could really use a cuddle.”
I immediately open my arms and wave her in. “Come here, Sweetheart.”
Lark doesn’t hesitate before collapsing into me. Once I’ve wrapped her up tight against me, she nuzzles deeper into my chest as a huge sigh eases out of her, hopefully in relief.
We remain locked together for a few moments before I begin slowly lowering us to the bed. Once we’re situated and resting on her heap of pillows, I pull Lark even closer and press a gentle kiss to her forehead.
“Why are you so wonderful?” She whispers suddenly.
A stunned laugh escapes me. “What do you mean?”
“Everything you do is perfect. I’m terrified to wake up from this dream and find you gone.” Her voice trembles slightly and I imagine this being a frequent fear for her, but never again.
I shift and bring my palm up to Lark’s smooth cheek, stroking her flawless skin. “I’m right here, Sweetheart. I promise this is real. You’ll never have to be without me, if that’s what you’d like. That’s exactly what I want.”
Her cautious gaze plows into my steady stare, reminding me to tread carefully. Lark must find whatever she’s searching for because the words start pouring out.
“I don’t even know where to start. Everything related to men in my life is a tangled web of bad decisions laced with even worse choices.” She pauses briefly, as though collecting her thoughts. “I wasn’t lying about my issues with men. My dad walked out on us when I was eleven, without any explanation. One morning he just packed up his shit and took off. My mom was a total wreck at first but managed to bounce back pretty quickly. She’s an amazing woman and I wish her strength transferred to me.” She’s been stroking her fingers along my back but their movement abruptly stops.
“It took a while for his absence to truly impact me. A girl needs her father around to provide unconditional male acceptance, otherwise she’ll go looking for it in all the wrong places.” Lark’s voice trails and I wonder if she’s waiting for me to respond.
Just as I’m about to speak, she dives back in. “Maybe I read too many romance novels growing up but finding a boy to love me was all I wanted. After dreaming of Prince Charming sweeping me off my feet as a little girl, I started creating the ultimate guy and kept building him up with each passing year. I wasn’t sure any man could meet the standard I set but then you strolled into Brack’s Box and changed my life.”
The shocked hitch in my breath is completely involuntary but extremely noticeable since Lark is snuggled up real close. She laughs at my reaction before muttering, “Crazy, right? That’s only the beginning. My interaction with you increased this radical belief in soul mates exponentially.”
I start to interject because why didn’t she say so sooner? But she cuts me off. “Just let me talk, okay? You’re not responsible for the stupid
shit I put myself through but for a long while I didn’t see it that way. I blamed the hell out of you. Unfairly. I can admit that now.” She sounds almost sheepish but I’m still stuck on how she must have felt that day we met. Guilt piled on top of guilt weighs me down but Lark is unaware of my internal warfare.
“The desperation to find my one true love got out of control, really fast. No one could stop me and not many even tried. Like my tattoo. I got an empty heart with the crazy goal to fill it in once I found the one. My search was nonstop and extremely toxic. It started with me being overly sweet and far too willing to please the guy I was dating. Their interests became mine and I’d do whatever they asked, that sort of thing.”
My mind cruelly displays visions of a young Lark doing unspeakable things to these fucking ungrateful little shits. I want to pummel the crap out of each one and force them to apologize while kissing the ground she walks on. I should never have left her. This is entirely my fault . . .
When Lark’s hands resume their massage, her touch yanks me away from those dark thoughts—for now.
She yawns but keeps talking. “When that didn’t work, I played hard-to-get. I would flirt but let them pursue me. Men like a challenge, right?” She scoffs sarcastically. “I kept putting myself out there like an idiot, only to get rejected again and again. Each time, a new spark of hope would strike. I’d think ‘this could be the one’ but all I was doing was setting myself up for failure. When you desperately crave that sort of attachment, the error of your ways is pretty hard to see until it’s too late. Every disappointment ate away at my tender heart until all that remained was a bitter lump of flesh. My fear of abandonment had morphed into an aversion to commitment. If I didn’t give anyone a chance, they wouldn’t have the opportunity to leave me. Win-win.” Lark’s words stab the small gap between us until she tries rolling away. I don’t let her get far before she’s dragged back into my tight embrace, this time with her ass nestled against my dick.
I rest my cheek against her satin hair before murmuring, “How can you say that? What type of life would that leave you, never experiencing love? I’m so fucking sorry you went through all that without me around, but we can fix it. Just don’t shut me out, Sweetheart. Your days of being alone are over.”