Elfie Unperfect

by Kristin Mahoney

  I was tempted to do the same thing, but I resisted the urge. I didn’t want to be accused of cheating and breaking the honor code.

  So I focused on my own table, where Colton had already ripped open the bags and strewn marshmallows all over the table. Sierra was carefully removing toothpicks from the box and setting them down.

  “Okay, this is super easy,” Colton said. “You just have to make sure you scale it right. The height-to-base ratio should be five to seven.”

  “What do you mean?” Sierra asked.

  “It’s basic architecture,” Colton answered. “It should be seven marshmallows wide at the base, and five marshmallows high. But since we want to make it tall, we’d do multiples of that. Like fifteen marshmallows high and twenty-one marshmallows wide at the base. Anyone who’s ever built a block tower should know this stuff.”

  Sierra’s cheeks turned a little pink.

  “Yes, but these aren’t blocks,” I pointed out. “They’re marshmallows and toothpicks. They have different properties that we need to keep in mind.”

  Colton frowned at me. I had a feeling he wasn’t used to being challenged.

  “Okay, what properties are you worried about?” he asked me.

  “I’m not worried,” I said. “I just think we might have to experiment because we’ve never built with these before. And they’re soft, smooshy, and a little sticky. Those are three properties that blocks don’t have.”

  “I’m not sure smooshy counts as a property,” he said. “In fact, I don’t think that’s even a word.”

  I think seeing me standing up to Colton must have made Sierra feel brave, because she chimed in.

  “Yeah, let’s just experiment with them,” she said. “I don’t know how we’d measure ratios anyway, without any tools.”

  Colton let out a sigh of disgust. “You don’t have to measure anything. You just count. Seven marshmallows are seven marshmallows wide. Five marshmallows are five marshmallows high.”

  “But that assumes they’re all uniform in size,” I said. “And that the toothpicks are stuck into them the same amount.”

  “Of course they’re uniform,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “They’re made in a factory. Here, I’ll measure them and show you.” He reached into his backpack and took out his phone.

  “Whoa, what are you doing?” I asked.

  “This has a measuring app on it,” he said, pressing his home button. “It’ll prove all the marshmallows are the same.”

  “That’s a tool,” I said. “We aren’t supposed to use anything other than marshmallows and toothpicks.”

  “Yeah, she’s right,” Sierra agreed. “I don’t think that’s allowed.”

  I looked toward the front of the room to see what Olivia was doing. She didn’t seem to be paying much attention to the class; in fact, she was typing on her computer. I wanted her to look over and see Colton with his phone.

  “You guys are ridiculous.” Colton rolled his eyes. “It’s not like this is some serious exam. It’s just a stupid first-day game.”

  “But all the headmaster talked about this morning was the honor code,” I said. “We’re not going to break it on day one.”

  Colton laughed. “You think the rest of these kids give a rip about the honor code? This place is so cutthroat, all they care about is making the tallest tower, and I’m sure they’ll find ways around the directions. I don’t even know why I’m listening to you guys.”

  Maybe group projects here wouldn’t be so great after all.

  Colton turned his phone on again and started typing something into it.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Searching marshmallow towers online,” he answered. “So I can show you how it should really be done.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I said. “That’s flat-out cheating.”

  “Yeah.” Sierra nodded. “You should put that away.”

  Colton ignored us and kept scrolling down his phone screen. I looked up and saw that Olivia was stepping away from her computer. She was starting to walk to the tables at the front of the room to check on everyone’s tower progress. All we had was a table full of marshmallows, a pile of toothpicks, and Colton using his phone.

  This was terrible. This was blatant cheating on our first day of school. Even though the building was air-conditioned, I could feel sweat running down the back of my new uniform shirt. I had to do something. But what? I couldn’t tell on him or I would get a reputation as a tattletale and ruin any chance I had to make friends here. On the other hand, if we got caught cheating, couldn’t we be kicked out?

  In my panicked state, there really seemed to be just one solution. I quickly grabbed the phone out of Colton’s hand and dropped it into my backpack.

  Colton’s jaw dropped, and my face suddenly felt very warm. But I didn’t have time to think about what I’d done, because just as the phone disappeared from sight, Olivia arrived at our table.

  “How’s it going here?” she asked. “Still getting to know each other?”

  Sierra looked at me, wide-eyed. She had seen me take the phone.

  “Yes, everything’s fine,” Colton said. “We’re still talking about how much we love Hampshire, but we’re going to get started very soon.”

  Olivia smiled. “Glad to hear it.”

  I took two marshmallows with shaky hands, not daring to make eye contact with Colton. I waited to see if he’d reach into my backpack for his phone.

  But he didn’t have a chance. At that moment, the headmaster’s voice came over the PA system.

  “Good morning again, Falcons and Eyasses! By this point I trust you all know what that term means,” he said with a chuckle. “I hope your morning sessions are going well, but now it’s time to interrupt them for a time-honored Hampshire tradition. Please gather your things and meet me on the front steps of Palmer Library in five minutes!”

  “Okay, group, let’s head out,” Olivia said. “You might not be returning to this room soon, so bring your backpacks. I’ll save your marshmallow structures for tomorrow.” She seemed a little annoyed about the group project being interrupted, but I guess nothing could get in the way of “a time-honored Hampshire tradition.”

  Everyone started picking up their backpacks and shuffling toward the door. I expected Colton to demand his phone back, but he didn’t say a word. He was moving faster than anyone else, like he couldn’t wait to get out of the classroom.

  “Hey, sorry about your phone,” I said, chasing after him. “I panicked a little. Here, I’ll give it back.” I dug around in my backpack. I’d been so frazzled that I wasn’t sure which pocket I’d dropped it into.

  Colton rolled his eyes. “Forget it, Marshmallow Police,” he said. “I’ll find a way to get you back later.” Then he sprinted out of the room. I was confused. Had he meant to say “I’ll find a way to get it back later”? Meaning his phone? Or did he really think he had to get me back for something? I began to feel nervous.

  I followed him, but he was lost in the crowd of kids in front of me in the hallway. Zach and the other welcome leaders were waving little Hampshire Academy flags and yelling, “This way, this way; everyone come with us!”

  I zipped my backpack and hoisted it onto my shoulder. I figured I’d see Colton when we all arrived at our destination, whatever that was.

  We followed the welcome leaders and their little flags out of the building and across a courtyard to Palmer Library. On the steps of the library were the headmaster, some other staff members I didn’t recognize, and two giant falcons (one was a real falcon in a giant birdcage, the other was someone dressed as the Falcon mascot). Beside the Falcon mascot was a woman holding a megaphone.

  “HEY, HEY, HEY, FALCONS AND EYASSES!” she yelled into it. “I’m Mara Rosen, and I graduated from Hampshire Academy ten years ago. Now I am honored to be not only yo
ur volleyball and field hockey coach, but also the official coordinator of school spirit! Let me hear your spirit, Hampshire; give me a cheer!”

  I knew exactly what would happen next. I have never, ever been in a situation where someone asks for a crowd response and is satisfied with the crowd’s first effort. So I knew that all of us would yell half-heartedly and that Mara would say something like “I can’t hear you!” or “That’s not good enough!” and that we would all yell louder the second time, mostly to get her to stop bugging us about cheering.

  And I was right; that is what happened. But I couldn’t focus on the cheering or the things Mara was yelling about what a privilege it was to be a Falcon because I was too busy looking for Colton. I didn’t see him anywhere. I needed to give him back his phone; I really didn’t feel right about still having something that wasn’t mine. It was like I had a ticking time bomb in my backpack.

  As Mara blew into a harmonica and started singing the opening bars of the school song, I spotted him. He was near the base of the library steps, talking to Headmaster Mulligan. The headmaster was nodding seriously as Colton spoke. He patted Colton on the shoulder, climbed the steps, and stood beside Mara.

  When Mara finished singing, Headmaster Mulligan leaned over and whispered something in her ear. She nodded too, then spoke into her megaphone. “Sorry, everyone, but we have a quick interruption. We have a missing item that we need to locate. Can everyone please be silent for a moment?”

  As the crowd quieted down, I briefly wondered what was missing. What could be lost that required all of us to be silent? And what did it have to do with Colton?

  Oh. Of course. Just as Headmaster Mulligan pulled out his own phone and started tapping at the screen, I knew what he must be doing. I tried to think fast….What should I do? Announce “I know where it is”? Fish the phone out of my backpack, hold it up in the air, and yell, “I found it”? Create some kind of diversion, like running up and opening the falcon’s cage? But before I could decide, a sound started coming out of my backpack. A very loud sound. The very loud sound of someone burping. Because of course that was Colton’s ringtone. Of course it was.

  The group of Falcons and Eyasses who had been cheering on command just moments before had also gotten completely silent on command, so naturally hundreds of heads turned toward the only source of sound in the crowd: me and my belching backpack.

  Headmaster Mulligan pointed at me. “You there. Please come forward.”

  The crowd parted to make a path for me to move toward the front. As I walked, I rummaged around in my backpack, trying to find the phone buried under my notebook, pencil case, tissue packet, and seaweed crisps. With my bag unzipped and hanging open, the burping sound only became louder. A few Falcons in the crowd giggled.

  Finally, as I reached the library steps, my fingers located the phone at the bottom of the backpack. I pulled it out, its belching sounds now unmuffled and louder than ever.

  “I found it!” I said in a weak voice, but Headmaster Mulligan did not seem impressed or relieved. Instead, he simply held out his hand for the phone, giving me a look of extreme dismay.

  As I placed the phone in the headmaster’s hand and looked down to zip up my bag, the burping finally stopped.

  Headmaster Mulligan handed the phone to Colton and turned to Mara Rosen, who, like the rest of the student body, was gaping at us to see how this scene would unfold. “Please, carry on,” he said, nodding at Mara and gesturing toward her megaphone.

  Mara started up a new cheer, and the headmaster beckoned toward Teacher Olivia, who was standing on the edge of the crowd of students. “Will you three please join me inside?” he asked, looking at her, Colton, and me.

  As I followed them back to the building we’d come from, my body felt a way it had never felt before. It was like it didn’t know whether to faint, throw up, or cry. Or maybe all three. My face felt like it was full of pine needles. Somehow my legs managed to move the rest of me slowly back to the large front doors of the building.

  Headmaster Mulligan held the door open for me and gestured inside. “After you, Miss Oster. Let’s go to my office, shall we?”

  I had a fleeting thought about what a weird place this was, where teachers were called by their first names, but the headmaster called me Miss Oster.

  I followed Olivia and Colton into the office. Headmaster Mulligan joined us and closed the door behind him.

  “This is a very serious matter, Miss Oster,” he said. “Mr. Palmer reported that his phone was missing, and now it appears that you took it.”

  My voice faltered. “I…There was confusion about our project, and—”

  Headmaster Mulligan interrupted me. “Miss Oster, I’m not sure how carefully you paid attention to my opening statements this morning. But it seems that you have missed something crucial. The Hampshire Academy honor code is our most important tradition. If we do not adhere to it, we betray everything we value.”

  Nausea quickly became the main feeling in my body. “Well, yes, but I only took the phone because…” Because why? Because Colton was about to cheat? Jenna had said it wasn’t surprising that I didn’t have any friends when she found out I’d told Ms. Puckett about how she changed our Betsy Ross skit. Was I going to tell on Colton for this? That wasn’t how I wanted to start life at my new school. This was supposed to be the place where I’d do well and be happy and make friends. And thrive.

  I glanced at Colton. The smirk he’d had on his face this morning was nothing compared to the smug grin he was wearing now.

  Headmaster Mulligan continued. “Part of the honor code includes a zero-tolerance policy for behaviors such as theft. I’m afraid that in light of this discovery, we have to consider whether you can continue as a student here. We will call your parents to discuss this; you can stay in the waiting room until they arrive.”

  Was this really happening? I looked from Headmaster Mulligan, who appeared quite serious, to Olivia, who seemed more shocked. Her face was flushed, and she was holding her hand over her mouth. “Do you have anything to add here, Colton?” she asked.

  Colton actually looked even redder than Olivia did. He made a strange sound, kind of like a cross between a hiccup and a cough. “Um, no, I guess not,” he said once he found his voice.

  Headmaster Mulligan gave him a long look. “She took your phone, yes?” he asked.

  “Um, well…yeah,” Colton said.

  “Very well, then,” said Headmaster Mulligan. “I’ll make the call.”

  My body knew what to do then. A giant tear slid down my face onto the perfect, spotless, shiny wooden floor of Hampshire Academy.

  Headmaster Mulligan was in his office with the door closed when Mom came to pick me up. She looked stunned.

  “Elfie, I’m stunned,” she said. “What’s this about you breaking the honor code? What happened?”

  “I can’t tell you right now,” I said.

  Mom looked around. No one else was in the waiting room with us; Headmaster Mulligan’s assistant had stepped away from her desk.

  “I think you’d better tell me,” she said. “This is serious, Elfie.”

  “I mean I don’t think I physically can tell you,” I said. “Not without crying.”

  Mom sat beside me. “Elf, please try.”

  “They think I stole something,” I said. “Someone’s phone.” I choked out the last words; it was too horrible to admit to Mom.

  “What in the world?” Mom said. “That’s not you! Why would they say that?”

  I could only shake my head; I was crying too hard to explain. Mom put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed me close to her; it felt good, but it also made me cry even harder.

  The heavy wooden office door opened with a creak, and Headmaster Mulligan motioned for Mom and me to come in. He sat in a big leather chair behind his desk, and Mom and I sat in two smaller chairs fa
cing it. For a few long seconds, the only sound in the room was my sniffling. I am not someone who cries often, but once I start, I find it extremely difficult to stop. Especially when I’m crying very hard because, for example, my life has just been ruined.

  Mom started rubbing my back, and Headmaster Mulligan handed me a box of tissues. I got the feeling this was not the first time someone had cried in his office.

  Since I was still having a hard time speaking, Mom took the lead. “Can you tell me what is going on?” she asked the headmaster. “Elfie says she’s been accused of stealing someone’s phone?”

  “Yes.” Headmaster Mulligan nodded. “Another student reported that his phone was missing, so we called it to listen for the ring, and it was discovered in Elfie’s backpack.”

  “There must have been some kind of mistake,” Mom said. “Elfie is not a thief. Maybe this boy put his phone in Elfie’s backpack by accident.”

  Headmaster Mulligan pressed his fingertips together and looked at Mom pityingly. “Elfie admits that she took the phone,” he said quietly.

  Mom turned to me, speechless except for one word. “Elfie?”

  What could I say? How could I possibly explain that I knew I had made a mistake, but that I did it to keep Colton from making an even bigger one? Would it even matter, the word of an Eyass against the word of a Falcon whose grandfather donated the school library? And if they did believe me, and Colton got in trouble, would I be guaranteeing that I wouldn’t have any friends at this school either?

  I searched my brain for a way to explain what happened without getting Colton into trouble. And without getting myself into even deeper trouble.

  “I…I guess I misunderstood something Colton said. I thought he was going to use his phone to help with a project we were working on, and we weren’t supposed to do that.”

  “So you took it and put it in your backpack?” Headmaster Mulligan didn’t have to say what he was thinking, which was that he considered my choice a very poor one.