The Cliff

by Gucker, Christie A. C.

  “You were? Are you sure it was the same time?”

  “Lanie, we got on the phone at 5:30 or so—I know because the game was on and it had just started. At 6:15, he started freaking about how he had to get in the shower. But we weren’t finished. I made him run late.”

  “So how did he end up in the shower with her then?” I winced.

  “Honey, I have no idea. It was about 6:45 when we got off the phone. He said he was going to power shower.”

  “Then what happened?” Samantha wanted to know.

  I told them about Dane showing up there at the same time I did. I told them how I found them, how Dane was suddenly pulling me out, and me wanting to be alone.

  “Something is just wrong with this whole thing. Grant hates Lori. He always has, ever since your prom.”

  “Grant hates Lori? Because of what she did to me prom night?”

  “Lanie, Grant has always had strong feelings for you. Not that it’s my place to tell you, but I think it’s about time you hear it. He’s been too damn chicken to tell you all these years. Those stupid pacts.”

  “Pact. Everyone keeps saying pacts. Plural. There’s only one.”

  “Nope. There’s more than one, but that’s for another time. Let’s finish this first. What happened next?”

  “Then I proceeded to destroy my kitchen and cry. Then I called Dane, told him I didn’t want to be alone and he told me to come over.”

  “Hmm. Convenient. More.” The wheels in Chelsie’s mind were turning. Samantha had a strange look on her face, too. The whole thing wasn’t adding up to them, or me, for that matter.

  “And when I got there, he told me we should drown our sorrows together and I thought that would be a good idea.”

  “How much did you actually drink?” Chelsie had heard a brief run down of the night already from Grant. She had an idea of what happened next.

  “I don’t know. We finished one bottle that was already open. And then I had one from a new bottle. I don’t know what it was. It tasted terrible. I remember that. Everything else afterward is really fuzzy.”

  “Let’s walk it through. You were drinking. You both drank a lot. Then what?”

  “We were on his couch in the den. We were just joking about old times, trying not to talk about what had happened and then suddenly I got really tired.”

  “Just like that? You just suddenly got tired.” Chelsie seemed angry.

  “Yeah. And the next thing I knew Dane and I were …” I couldn’t say it. “I don’t even remember how it happened. I thought he was Grant and then suddenly I was …” I couldn’t finish.

  “Lanie, did you sleep with Dane?” Samantha’s voice was like a weak whisper.

  “No. Yes. But at first it was Grant. I was sure it was him. But it was wrong. He was rough, nothing like the night before. And then I heard Grant, and he was across the room. And it was Dane I was having sex with.”

  “Oh my God.” Samantha was beside herself.

  “Lanie, maybe Dane slipped something into your drink.”

  The thought had crossed my mind last night when I couldn’t function. I had been drunk many times in my life, but it was never like that before. I hadn’t had enough to drink to make me pass out.

  “No. Dane would never do that.”

  “Lanie, try to remember how things got to that point.”

  “I just don’t know. I think I let Dane have sex with me and Grant saw us. How is Grant ever going to forgive me?”

  “Lanie, are you insane? You were out of it and thought he was Grant. Why would Grant ever hold that against you?”

  “Sometimes the heart and the brain don’t see eye to eye, Chels. Might be too much for the brain to handle right now.”

  “When did Dane hit you?” Samantha said under her breath.

  “I realized it was him and he was being rough, and I got angry and tried to hit him. I think I scratched his face. He must have just reacted. It’s all so surreal.”

  “That was a pretty crappy reaction, so don’t you dare stick up for him. I have a mind to call him up and give him a piece of it.”

  “Chelsie, please don’t.”

  “Only because you don’t want me to, for now. But as soon as you say, I am so calling him out on this. I want to send Steve over to have a little talk with him.”

  “Yeah, Dylan isn’t going to be too happy, either.”

  “No, please don’t tell them. I’m ashamed.”

  “Lanie, stop it. You have every right to be upset, but not with yourself!” Samantha was pissed now.

  “I’m going over to Grant’s. I think he needs a shoulder, too. Sam, Lanie is all yours; work your magic”.

  A part of me longed for Grant to be here with me, to make this all some awful nightmare. But that wasn’t possible. We could only heal, either together or apart. I just wasn’t sure which.

  “Lanie, you need to eat something. When was the last time you ate?”

  “I don’t remember. Yesterday morning?” Honestly the thought of food made my stomach lurch. It wasn’t going to happen. Samantha started making me some toast to go with my tea. “Buttered toast always helps.”

  “Really? Singed bread with globs of fat makes everything better?”

  “Yep. Sure does. In the same family as ice cream, chocolate in any form whatsoever, French fries and alcohol. But we’re not going there with you today on that last one.”

  “Let’s see how I feel. Maybe later. So, can you put melted chocolate on the toast?”

  “Don’t laugh. It’s been done,” she mused. She plopped my feel better meal on the table.

  I sat and picked at the toast. It really did taste great where the butter had soaked through. Samantha knew everything. I was hoping she could help me with my make-up to hide the bruising. I think I wanted to see Grant later, but not looking like a truck ran over my face.

  “Lanie, is this whole thing bringing up bad memories? Tom memories?”

  “Uh, yeah. Lots. All last night I had nightmares. Everything was jumbled between the past and the present. It was terrible.”

  “Well, at least you were able to sleep. Gotta find that bright side.”

  “Bright side? You think there can be a bright side to any of this?” I snapped at her.

  “I guess not. But I’m going to do my best to help you, whatever it takes. I’ll get you whatever you need; chocolate covered anything, new shoes, a gun, even a chocolate covered gun. You name it and it’s yours!”

  Samantha really was trying. A chocolate gun. I’d have to think about that one. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I go see Grant? Should I go see Dane? I had a zillion questions and I wasn’t sure I was prepared for the answers. Actually, I wasn’t really prepared to see either of them. Maybe I should just stay away from them both for a while.

  “Sam, I think I want to go up to the walk for a bit. Would you stay here? I might change my mind about being alone.”

  “Can I have access to your internet for some shopping? This whole thing has me utterly depressed. I need to buy you something to make you feel better!”

  “Sure, shop away. Buy me something completely silly.”

  “I’m more about sexy, but given the circumstances, I’ll see what I can do. Call me if you need me.” With that, I proceeded to climb the stairs to the walk. I needed to think, or not think. I needed to draw. I think I needed Nicole.

  The day was as gloomy outside as it was inside. There was a steady patter of rain on the roof and the ocean was too lazy to do much. Maybe Nicole was sharing her feelings, too. No. She’d be pissed, more like another nor’easter. I grabbed my sketchpad and graphite and started to sketch. But nothing came to me. There was no inspiration in this mess, so I decided to just think.

  Grant said he loved me. It seemed like he did. But then he was with Lori—or maybe not. Dane apparently wanted me, too. But I’m pretty sure his chances were non-existent at this point. I just didn’t feel that way about him. I was in love with Grant. I wanted to see where things were heade
d. However, everything on that front was presently ruined. I had no idea how to get past this. Could he get past this? I only saw him and Lori in a compromising situation. He had seen me in the process of actually having sex with Dane. I was afraid the damage was far beyond repair all the way around. How could Dane, Grant, and I ever be close again? There was too much for all of us to forgive, and nothing would be forgotten. And right now, no one wanted to make any rash decisions. We needed to piece together what the hell had happened and what was still going on.

  My head was starting to hurt along with my jaw. I shut my eyes and, same as last night, images of everything flashed again. I didn’t want to see anything. I didn’t want to feel anything. I just wanted to be numb again, but alone this time. There was so much going on inside my head and it was bringing up some residual shit from my past. I thought I had gotten past it, but there was a reason why I was a workaholic with no time for men. It’s not that I wasn’t a sexual person. I was. But until Grant, and now Dane, too, there had only ever been one time I went all the way.

  I didn’t feel like comparing what Tom had done to me to Dane. I was so stupid back then. I let him. Apparently, I hadn’t learned my lesson.

  “Oh my God,” I screeched …

  Chapter 11

  Well, I Sure Can Shut You Both Up

  … to Lori over the phone. “Tom Loft asked me to the prom!” I couldn’t believe it. He was one of the hottest guys in school, aside from my boys, but they were like brothers to me.

  “You’re kidding me!” Lori was a little too surprised for my taste, but there was no way anything could ruin my awesome mood.

  “We’re going to go out tomorrow night to the movies and dinner. I am so psyched!”

  “Well, I’ll come over and we can pick out the perfect outfit.” Lori knew how to dress for the guys, so I knew she would make it so Tom couldn’t resist me.

  When Friday afternoon arrived, Lori came over and we picked out a cute little black mini skirt, button down shirt, and boots. She worked on my hair and I did my makeup, and then off she went to flirt with my boys downstairs.

  When I came downstairs, Tom was already there and he and Grant were in the corner talking. I wasn’t sure, but Grant didn’t look too happy. Lori and Dane sat on the couch watching them and intermittently whispering.

  “Hey, Tom. Are you ready to head out?”

  “Yeah, I think heading out of here would be a great idea.” He shot a glance at Grant. Grant came over to me and handed me his cell phone. “Please call me if you need anything.” And with that he stormed out of the room. Not sure what crawled up his ass, but whatever.

  When Tom and I got into his car, he headed into town and stopped at a strip mall. “Listen, my parents are out of town. Want to get Chinese take out and rent a movie and head back there instead?” All alone with Tom at his house? Hell yeah!

  “Sure, that sounds really nice.” That sounds really nice? Damn I sucked at this. We went to get the evening’s meal and movie. We settled on sharing a few different things for eats and a scary movie that we had both missed in the theater. After we got back to his house and had eaten, it didn’t take long for Tom to start making his moves.

  “I’m just going to light a few candles and turn the lights off. Better for the movie, you know? Why don’t you throw some pillows and blankets on the floor? Make things all cozy.”

  I made this great little nest ready for a great make out session. I wasn’t very experienced with guys, having only gotten to second base before. I wanted to save myself for someone special, for a special night, like Tom and prom night.

  When the movie started, so did we. We were hot and heavy, and soon we were down to our underwear. I was so nervous and I hoped I was doing everything right.

  “So, you want to do it?” he said smoothly, like he had said it to me a hundred times before.

  “I don’t know, I don’t think this is the right time.” But he kept pawing at me and I let him. I was afraid to stop him. He could have any girl he wanted and I wanted him to want me.

  When he started to pull at my panties, I did stop him.

  “Tom, I’m not ready. I’ve never … you know.” I was seriously blushing at this point. It was pretty hard to resist him. I was fired up, yet scared out of my mind. My hormones were in control now. And this little bit of information seemed to fuel his advances.

  “Oh yeah? Well, I can take care of that. I promise to be really gentle.” But he wasn’t. Next thing I knew, his underwear was gone and he was pushing my face so I was eye to eye with his dick.

  “Tom, I’m not feeling comfortable with this.”

  “Come on, Lanie, all the girls do this. You wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re a prude, would you?” No. I didn’t want that, but this wasn’t how I’d pictured this happening. Now he was holding my head and shoving himself into my mouth. I had no idea what I was doing. So I let him. I gagged a lot.

  Before he could come, he pulled out, was rolling on a condom and then pushed me on my back. He was on top of me and pulling my panties to the side. He pulled my knees apart and started to push in.

  “Tom, stop, I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready.”

  “You feel ready and it’s too late. We’re already doing it.” And with that he pushed into me hard. I could feel myself rip. The pain was insane. It didn’t take him long, and for that I was grateful.

  When he was done, he rolled off me, put his clothes back on, and said, “Hey, listen, it’s getting late. I’m going to take you home.”

  I should have been upset. I didn’t know if this was how your first time was supposed to be. Was he my boyfriend now? Were we still going to the prom? Would he ever call me again?

  We drove home in silence. When we got to my house, he stopped the car, gave me a peck on the cheek and didn’t even walk me to the door. That was my first time having sex.

  And that would have been my first and only time until Grant, and now Dane. Oh great. Not only am I now a slut, but also a cheater to boot. I think. I realized it was probably best to not be thinking anymore. I headed down to Samantha. When I got there, Chelsie was back. They were sipping tea at my computer.

  “Chels, how’s Grant?” I had to know. I really wanted to see him. I really didn’t want to see him. It was a bizarre ying-yang thing I had going on for sure.

  “He is pretty broken up about what happened last night, too. He gets all testosterony and he goes ‘I’m going to kill him!’ and then he’s all down because he thinks about you. Was that too in-your-face? I really do try not to sound so bitchy all the time. I can’t help it.” Chelsie smiled and started to play with her nails. Samantha and I just stared at her with our chins on the ground.

  “Well, I sure can shut you both up. Listen, Honey, he said nothing happened with Lori. I believe him. But you have to be the one who does, not me.”

  “Yes. But I don’t know what to say to him.”

  “Then don’t talk, just listen,” Samantha chimed in. She didn’t need to convince me.

  “But I need to look more presentable. Want to help?”

  Samantha clapped and pulled me back upstairs. She was so easy to make happy. Apparently, she was also a genius with covering things up. I’m sure it was the years of hickies. You couldn’t even see the bruise on my jaw. I threw on jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. When we got back downstairs, Chelsie was just hanging up the phone.

  “I told him to come here. Figured you’d feel more comfortable on your own turf.”

  “Thanks.”

  Suddenly there was a loud series of bangs then soft knocks on the door.

  “That man is fast.”

  I looked back and forth between Samantha and Chelsie. We took turns nodding at each other, trying to figure out who should answer the door. Finally, Chelsie had enough and stormed off to let Grant in. When she opened the door, I was shocked to see how terrible Grant looked. Don’t get me wrong; even looking terrible, Grant was a hot piece of ass. He looked worn, tired, and sad.

&
nbsp; He walked right to me, staying about a foot or so away. I felt like I was gravitating toward him but I stayed put.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “Well, love to stay around for the stimulating conversation, but Sam and I have to go. I’m sure we’ll hear from you both later.” Chelsie kissed us both on our cheeks and walked right out the door. Samantha looked surprised. She made a ‘call me’ sign with her hand and then waved. Suddenly we were alone.

  He wouldn’t look me in the eyes. I doubt he would ever look me there again. So we stood in front of each other, staring at our feet. This was getting us nowhere.