“Lanie, I’m going to …”
Chapter 45
My Feng Shui Is Off
“… explode and we won’t have to stop because we’re not going to get to that point if we keep going like this.”
“Well, I’m not stopping, so screw rule number two. All I care about is being here with you, like this, right now. And possibly all day tomorrow, too.” I smiled and pulled him down on top of me. I began to grind into him, my hips feverishly trying to seek out pleasure against his. I was losing control. This whole night just made me realize how much I loved and needed Grant.
“You’re too easy, Lanie. I mean … not easy. It’s just that you’re letting me off the hook too easily. I hurt you. I did something stupid, very stupid. And you’re giving in too easy. Not that I mind. The challenge was a lot of fun.” He began to slowly roll his hips into mine, parting my legs as he went. I could feel sweet release coming soon.
The room was dark other than the candles and it was extremely hot, or maybe that was just us. I had a thin layer of sweat over my skin, as did Grant, but it just added to the experience.
He slid himself against me while kissing me deeply. I could barely take it anymore. Rule number two was about to meet its demise. And that’s when Grant rolled off of me and to my side. He continued to kiss and touch me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused and slightly disappointed. I was ready to just jump on top of him and take him.
“Lanie, you have no idea how badly I want to make love to you right now. But the funny thing is … I want this to be right. And although it feels so right, you’re still mad at me. And I wouldn’t feel so great about it knowing it’s the heat of the moment, not your forgiveness that’s moving us in this direction. I want you. I do. But I won’t make love to you until you’ve put my ring back on your finger.
Holy crap. The ring! I started to feel panic and a knot in my stomach. How was I going to tell him I lost the ring? I sat up rather quickly, pulled my knees to my chest, put my face in my hands and cried.
“What’s wrong? Lanie? Please … you’re scaring me. Don’t you plan on putting the ring back on? Please tell me why you’re crying.” He pulled my face towards his. He looked distressed and as panicked as I probably did.
“Oh Grant. I don’t know where it is. I can’t find it! I put it in the dish from Italy, and now it’s gone. We all looked for it. No one can find it. I lost it. You hate me now.” I proceeded to cry my little eyes out. But Grant laughed. I looked at him like he was insane.
“Why are you laughing? You think this is funny?”
“No. Well, yes. Not that you’re crying, but that you think you lost it.” He reached into his nightstand and pulled out the original box the ring came in and handed it to me. I opened it and there sat my ring, nice and safe.
“You had it this whole time? Why didn’t you tell me? You …you took it back?”
“Yes, Lanie. I took it back. When you’re ready, I want to be the one to put it back on your finger. It’s just that I want it to be right again. I want you to want it.”
“I do.”
“Then when you’re ready, all you need to do is ask me, and I’ll gladly put it back on your finger.”
“Grant, I want you to put the ring back on my finger. I want to be with you forever and be your wife.”
Grant’s eyes lit up and he grabbed me and pulled me close and covered me in kisses. I immediately got worked up again and started to grind. He pushed me back again.
“Lanie, not until that ring is back on your finger. And you’re acting like a guy right now. Please, when you’re positive you’re not mad at me anymore, and mean it, I will give you this ring again. But we need to get through this. I need to know you’re past this. I know you love me. But I’m doing this for you, my love.”
I wanted the ring back on my finger that instant and I wanted Grant to make love to me. But he was right. I was reacting on the emotions of being with him right now, not on healing the hurt. I needed to do that first. Screw him for being right. Screw him for what he did or we wouldn’t be in this situation. And screw him for being so God damn irresistible that I needed him right here and now. I groaned and pulled a pillow over my face. Maybe if I didn’t look at him this wouldn’t be so hard.
I heard him chuckle and he tried to pull the pillow away.
“Lanie, if you think for one second I don’t have the biggest case of blue balls in history right now, you’re out of your mind. I’m dying over here. They’re cobalt blue, they’re so blue. And they hurt. Bad.”
I thought about rubbing them for him. Wonder if that would change his mind? I knew if I just threw myself at him there would be no point of return for him. But again, he was trying to prove to that he loved me and was trying to let me heal. He was already forgiven, but I knew as soon as I made a plan to take that bitch out for what she did, all the feelings would come right back to the surface. It wasn’t right for me to make him think everything was okay and then throw it back in his face if I ended up not being okay later. He was right. I needed time.
I rolled over and put my back to Grant and shut my eyes tight, hoping he wouldn’t touch me because I wouldn’t be able to help myself. Then I hoped he would touch me so I could break this damn rule. I felt him slide up behind me and pull me into him. I sighed and nestled in. I had an ache between my legs that would just not quit, so at the moment sleep was out of the question.
I started to think about the entire night and how wonderful it had been. Everything had felt so right between us. Everything. I thought about how the ring was safe and how badly I wanted it back on my finger. It felt like we were broken up. I didn’t like it. And there was a part of me that felt like somehow Brianna had won because I indeed had broken off the engagement. Then my mind just wandered.
Eventually, I fell into a deep sleep shortly after my body cooled down. At first my sleep was restful, but then I guess my mind started to work and I was more aware of everything around me.
Somewhere early in the morning or maybe it was still night, I felt Grant stir behind me. I realized we were still in the same position we’d fallen asleep in and I was a bit sore. I moved a bit and I heard Grant groan. I also felt him get hard against my bottom. I was half asleep, but the feel of him made every nerve in my body come to life. I wiggled my backside against him and he shifted until he was between my legs and he be began to slowly move, cruelly driving me absolutely insane.
I began to move with him and he reached for my girls, gently squeezing them.
“Oh Baby, yes,” I purred.
He started to quicken his pace but then my stupid mind decided to associate what was happening here with what had happened between him and Brianna. I could feel my blood pressure start to rise. Is this what he had done with her? I was on fire now and I pulled myself away from him and jumped out of bed.
“Lanie, what’s wrong?” He seemed shocked.
“I can’t do this. I have to go.”
“What? What are you talking about? I told you. This isn’t going to happen until that ring is on your finger again. We were just playing. Really.”
“Oh? Is that what you told Brianna? That you were just playing?” I was pissed. I grabbed his t-shirt and threw it on, suddenly feeling very naked in front of him. I began to pace back and forth across the room.
“What are you talking about?” He stared at me and then I think it hit him as his expression changed drastically. He jumped out of bed and was on me in a second, grabbing me into his arms and pulling me in tight. “I would never do that. No, Lanie, no. It wasn’t like that at all. I can of course see how you would think that … the similarities of position, but I was fully dressed and I did not respond like that. This, this was all about you. I’m so sorry. I never … I didn’t think.”
“You were right. I’m not ready. I thought I was. This whole night just erased everything. The dinner. The romance. The drinks. But I’m still angry and I can’t stop picturing it. Just can’t get it out of my
head. And I can’t do this until it’s not there anymore.” I was in tears now and he held me even tighter.
“Lanie, I love you. There is no other woman for me. None. Nothing happened. Not on my end. I’m in love with you. Please. Don’t go. I don’t want you leaving now anyway. It’s the middle of the night.” He sounded so disheartened. I was dejected, and I felt myself pulling away.
“Please, Lanie, please. Don’t leave.” He was despondent now. He gripped me and was not letting go. I started to struggle and he struggled back. He pushed me up against a corner of the room and put an arm up on either side of me so I couldn’t leave. He pushed his body against mine so I couldn’t move. He began to kiss me desperately, almost forcing them on me. I began to try and push him off me but he wouldn’t let up. I would start to kiss him back and then try and turn my head to stop him. I was so confused. I wanted him to stop but I also wanted him, my anger and desire fighting a battle that was never going to be won. He pushed his face into my neck and began to bite and suck.
“Grant. Stop. Get off,” I said loudly, but he didn’t stop. I started to lose my temper. I just needed to get him to back off a bit so I could think. But he was relentless.
“Get off of me right now. Stop. Don’t you know what stop means?” I screamed and then I heard the door open.
“Grant, you need to let Lanie go. I know you’re not doing her any harm, but the lady is asking for you to stop. And I really don’t want to have to step in.” Dylan stood in the doorway, wearing nothing but his boxers. Chelsie stood behind him in a bathrobe. I didn’t expect to see Samantha or Steve, as they both slept like the dead.
Grant stepped back and put his arms at his sides. He looked at me apologetically and it was obvious how distraught he was. I’m sure he never meant for things to get to this point. I didn’t either, but with Chelsie and Dylan here, the entire dynamic had changed. Grant was a villain. I didn’t want him to be. He wasn’t. It was just a fight.
“I would never—Dylan, you know I wasn’t hurting her. I love her. It wasn’t like that.” He moved to the side to let me pass. I pulled at his shirt to make sure I was covered. I moved behind Dylan like he was protecting me but I knew Grant was only trying to love me. At this moment he probably felt like complete shit. I felt terrible, but before I could say anything, Dylan pushed me out of the room.
“I’m going to walk Lanie back to her place. Chelsie, this is all you,” he said. He gave Grant a small smile to know he wasn’t really mad at him. I heard Chelsie’s voice as Dylan and I walked down the hall.
“Grant, you really mind-fucked her. Give her time. Don’t force it.”
“I wasn’t. I stopped us so many times tonight, so she’d know I want her to forgive me completely. I guess I really fucked everything up.”
I heard his door close. We walked down the stairs and I could feel the tears again. I was really getting tired of crying all the time. Dylan put his arm around my shoulders and walked me home. I left him at the door.
“You going to be okay, Lanie? Do you want me to stay? Maybe have some coffee?” he offered.
“No. I think I want to be alone right now. Thanks, but you didn’t have to do that. Grant wasn’t hurting me. We were just having a moment,” I said.
“I know, Honey. That’s why I came. I didn’t want things to escalate. You both needed to cool down. Although I do like my angry sex with Samantha.”
“Umm, TMI, Dylan. Well I’m going to go in. Neither of us are dressed appropriately for late night gallivanting.”
“Actually, we are completely appropriate. Just with the wrong person.” He smiled and rubbed the top of my head and waited for me to close the door. I did and started to walk away when I heard a knock. I opened the door and Dylan was still there.
“Did you forget something?” I said.
“Lock the door.” He pointed at the locks.
“Why? Who’s going to come in? You? Grant? That’s silly.”
“Please lock the door. And I wanted to say something. Grant fucked up and it’ll kill him for the rest of his life even after you forgive him. Lanie, that man only loves you. You have to know that. He can’t exist without you.” He smiled and waited again for me to shut the door. I nodded my head, shut and locked it. I knew he was right; I just had to get past picturing it in my head. It was ripping my heart out.
The house seemed empty. It was way too quiet. I went looking for Woof.
I found him sleeping by his food bowls. I picked him up and gave him a kiss and brought him upstairs with me. He purred in my arms and I felt comforted. Animals really had something about them; they just knew when you were sad.
When I reached my room, I threw on a pair of panties but kept Grant’s t-shirt on. I wanted to feel him close to me and his tee was all I had. I clung to it and Woof as I lay down in bed. I was tired but I didn’t think I could fall back to sleep. I wished I were still back at Grant’s. I had to get my revenge on Brianna if things were going to change. I needed to hurt her like she hurt me. I just wasn’t sure how.
Dane’s offer sounded great. But I wanted quick revenge and I was nervous about calling her dad. Who knew if he would rip into me or blow me off? I pondered my choices over and over again and soon sleep took me over.
I dreamt of Grant. I was happy. Everything was perfect. There was no more sadness or anger, just Grant and I and love. I didn’t want to wake up. I heard a knocking on my door. I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head.
“Go away.” I wanted to go back to my dream. Where everything was perfect with Grant.
The knocking continued. I was getting pissed off. I just wanted to dream.
“I said go away. I’m sleeping. I just want to sleep.”
“Lanie?” I heard Samantha’s small voice from the other side of the door. “It’s one in the afternoon. Are you okay?”
I jumped out of bed. Holy crap. I’d slept half the day away. I opened the door and Samantha came in.
“You look like shit.”
“You just woke me out of a sound sleep.”
“Sleep is a sign of depression. How can I help you, Lanie? I hate things being like this. My feng shui is off.”
“Gee, Samantha, I don’t want to mess up your fuck shui. I’ll run over and kiss Grant’s ass now,” I said, thoroughly annoyed. Samantha hung her head down and seemed genuinely hurt.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help. I just don’t know how to make this all better. I don’t know how to get the image out of my head. I can’t do it. It’s killing me.” It really was just the thought of her rubbing against him, like he and I had last night.
“Lanie, it’s not about picturing them in your head. Picture you and Grant in your head. You need to let it go. You need to forgive him. How can we make that happen? How can I help?”
“Tell me I’m being stupid. Tell me it shouldn’t bother me.”
“I can’t do that, Lanie. I’d rip the head off anyone who touched Dylan. Oh, I bet that’s not helping.” Ripping her head off sounded awesome.
“I need to bleach my brain. Badly. Can you do that?” I said, really hoping she had a way.
“Vodka is the only bleach I know of,” she said with an evil grin.
“Is it too early to start?” I was seriously considering this.
“Lanie, it’s the afternoon. We can drink right now.” She ran out of the room. I threw on a pair of sweats, knowing today was going to be a lay-around-the-house-drunk-with-Samantha-day. Those were some of my favorite days. I grabbed my phone to text Chelsie to come over, but there were several texts from Grant.
G: Lanie? Are you still awake?
G: OK, well I hope you’re sleeping. Not not talking to me.
G: I’m so sorry Lanie. Please. Hope I didn’t scare you. Never meant to hurt you.
G: I love you.(
G: Please text me so I know you’re OK.(
G: So I know you still love me.
I felt terrible. I sent him a quick text.
L: I love you. I w
ill always love you. We’ll figure this out. Drunk girl’s day. CYL
He quickly texted back.
G: Watch Samantha. She likes vulnerable girls. :) Thank you. Have fun. Here if you need me.(
L: If I do Samantha we’ll call it even. OK? j/k <3s(
G: Haha. No. You’re mine. And I am yours. Only Yours!(
L: I know. I just have to heal. Bear with me.
I texted Chelsie to get her ass over to get drunk with me and in a matter of moments, Chelsie and Samantha were in my room with Vodka, three tall glasses of ice, cranberry juice, and shot glasses. Oh there was going to be some serious drinking going on. And it started. We each got a glass with ice and mixed a cranberry and vodka. Samantha even thought of straws. Chelsie lined up the shot glasses and pulled something out of her pocket. There were sweetener packets and lemon juice, just divine: lemon drop shots lo-cal, just perfect. And we slammed the drinks. Shot after shot after shot.
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