by Ali Parker
Seeing Dana later that night was the small ray of light I needed in the day, though I knew where things would lead. I didn't honestly care that she had a boyfriend, or that she was moving. I wanted to make her laugh, to see her smile, to hear her story. She was nothing more than a stranger to me and yet her kindness to my sister had me wanting to push our awkward friendship into something more.
What did she taste like? Sound like when she cried out in orgasm?
"Stop it," I growled under my breath as my cock throbbed in my slacks. I reached down and pressed my hand against it. Pleasure shot through my center and embarrassment stained my skin. Even if Dana let me take her to bed, how long would I last? Not long seeing that I'd been denying myself the touch of a woman for fucking ever.
"You always talk to yourself?" Heather.
I was grateful the bitch was behind me as I worked from the opposite side of my desk. I pulled a folder into my lap and turned slowly, giving her a pleasant, professional smile.
"Hi, Dr. Turner. What can I do for you?"
"Such a loaded question, Kendal." She moved into the office and pulled the door toward her before stopping. "Mind if I come in for a few minutes?"
"Nope. Not at all, but make it quick. I have a date tonight."
"A date. How fun." She closed the door and walked around to sit in my large black leather chair. "And who is this lucky girl that's going to get her first real fuck?"
I pursed my lips and shook my head. "You haven't changed a bit, have you?"
"Not in the slightest."
Chapter 10
Dana
Above everything else going wrong with my Friday, Mr. Jackson wasn't in his usual room. It seemed silly to ask around about him, when most of the catty women on the floor with me would have poked fun at me rather than just answering the damn question. I'd have to look into it later.
A text came through on my phone from Cameron, asking if I wanted to go to dinner. Guilt ran rampant inside of me as I walked to the break room and sat down at the nearest table. He was the one I should have been going to dinner with, not Kendal. Though it was supposed to be nothing more than two friends going out for a shared meal, I knew I wanted more. I wanted to take away his pain, and there was only a few ways I could think to do that... none of them appropriate for a woman in a committed relationship.
The phone rang and I answered it.
"Hey," I mumbled into the receiver.
"Are you not wanting to go because of us fighting over your food?" Cameron's voice was pinched with anger.
"No. I have plans already with an adviser from school, but if you want me to cancel, I will." I realized just how much I disliked him as I considered changing my evening around to suit his desires.
"No, it's fine." He cleared his throat. "I figured you were just pissed over me helping you, but remember you asked for help. I was fine sitting on the sidelines and quietly supporting you in your fight against your flab."
"Fight against my flab?" I glanced down as tears filled my eyes. Was I flabby? Is that the word he used for my body?
"Oh hell. Here we go again."
"Nope. Here we don't." I hung up and set the phone down on the table in front of me.
"Dana, you all right?" Dr. Lewis. The older doctor reminded me a lot of my dad with his thin body, long mustache and kind eyes.
"Yeah. Just fighting with the significant other in my life. It's okay though. I'm good." I forced a smile and wiped at my eyes. "Drama just seems to follow me like a bad omen."
"Well, that's because you're a good person." He patted my back as he stood beside me. "I appreciate all you've done for Amanda Tarrington. That poor boy, Kendal has been through hell. His daddy left when they were kids and his mother started to show signs of MS soon thereafter. Kendal's been in this hospital for most of his teenage and adult years, caring for Melinda and now Amanda."
"And she died when?"
"Melinda? His mom?"
"Yes, Sir." I pushed my chair back and stood up.
"About six years ago." He shook his head. "Sometimes the worst part of our job is having to watch people suffer in an endless cycle of death. The boy deserves a good future."
"He's not so much a boy anymore, right?" I laughed as Dr. Lewis' face softened.
"I guess you're right. He's not." He slipped his hands into his pockets. "Thank you again for caring. It's going to make you one of the best nurses in this hospital."
"Thanks, doctor." I didn't comment on my date with Kendal or the fact that New York was looking more and more like a possibility in my life. I didn't know Dr. Lewis any more than I knew Tinsley. Everyone was just a name to remember and another person to impress.
Indecision raced over me about whether having dinner with Kendal was a good idea. I sure as hell wasn't going out with Cameron, but that didn't mean I wanted him to see me out with someone as good looking as Kendal. He'd never believe that it was just a friendly dinner, hell, I wasn't sure if I believed it. The only thing that gave me comfort was the fact that Kendal Tarrington would never fall for a girl like me. I wasn't nearly enough woman for him.
I couldn't go. Plain and simple. Pulling out my phone, I texted him quickly that having dinner would be great, but just didn't seem right since I was dating someone. Maybe coffee again sometime or a sandwich at the hospital.
It was a shitty move on my part, especially seeing that we were supposed to meet up in the next couple of hours.
I forced the ill feeling that was working its way up my chest back down and went in search of Jackie. She was my only friend in the hospital, and at times it seemed like the whole damn city. Olivia would understand my concerns and help walk me through what to do, but she was a zillion miles away and had her own problems.
"She's dating an asshole of her own," I grumbled. Luke Taylor was a douche bag and a half, and I'd yet to meet him. Just hearing about the way he treated Olivia had my blood boiling. Funny enough, I wasn't doing much better with my choices either.
I checked every nurses’ station on the fifth through seventh floor of the hospital looking for Jackie, but came up short. I remembered the small room she liked to sneak away to at the end of the eighth floor and headed there. I wasn't sure her advice would be any better than the shit running through my head, but it was worth a try.
The racing around left me winded, and I stopped outside the small room and tried to catch my breath as I panted loudly. It was embarrassing. Cameron might be a total ass, but he was right about me being a couch potato, which was his favorite nickname for me.
The panting coming from inside the room was louder than my own, which gave me pause. Was she?
I pushed the door open and yelped.
Parks glanced over his shoulder, his shirt off and slacks down over the smooth curve of his ass.
"I am so sorry." I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of him and shut the fucking door. He had to be every woman’s wicked fantasy. His dark hair was spiked high on his head as if he was a rebel leader for a group of sex gods, his skin tan and stretched across miles of muscles.
"Hey. Stop checking out the goods." Jackie leaned around him, and I realized he was fucking her as she sat on the examination table.
"Oh shit. Sorry." I jerked backward and slammed the door. "Stop panting so loud. I can hear it out here."
Worry raced through me as I glanced around. She was going to get caught. They both were.
How exciting. I groaned as I swallowed the need pumping through me for that type of thrill, to live a little beyond my comfort zone with someone like Dr. Parks.
By the time I made it to my car, my whole body ached for a strong, aggressive man to hold me down and lay waste to my two months of chastity. It wasn't by choice.
A groan left my lips as I pulled out into traffic and tried to clear my mind. Cameron was at home. I could just force myself on him and keep my eyes closed. I could pretend he was Parks.
"No. Kendal." Another groan as a dull ache rose between my thighs, quickly turning into a v
iolent pulse.
Tears blurred my vision, but I wiped them away. Why did Jackie have thrilling sexcapades in the hospital and I didn't? I could come up with a few reasons, one being that I was a responsible adult, but sadly enough, the idea of her being beautiful and me being just me kept racing through my mind and throwing ice water on my lust.
By the time I made it to the apartment, all I wanted was a hot bath, a cold beer and a gallon of ice cream. Wicked-hot sex was for extreme people with naughty agendas and the balls to fuck where they wanted to.
That would never be me.
I parked the car and walked up to the apartment as dread filled my insides. I had a fight coming, not a long night of passion. Cameron and I had ended our conversation much like all of them had ended over the last years. One of us hanging up on the other.
"Baby?" I pushed the door open and walked into the dark apartment. After flipping on lights and trying to figure out what was out of place, I realized what it was. His stuff was gone.
"What the fuck?" I walked through the apartment and stopped to check my watch. We'd talked an hour before, and then he came over and took all of his stuff out of the house? Why?
I dropped my stuff on the kitchen table and choked back a sob. It was a good thing that he'd ended the relationship. I wouldn't have had the nerve to, but for some reason, it didn't feel so great that he had.
Relief would come soon, but rejection seemed to be the only feeling worthy of my time in the moment.
I walked to the bedroom and stripped out of my clothes, not caring where anything landed. No one was going to bitch about me being a slob or not cleaning up after myself. No more badgering me over my food or how fat I was.
After taking a deep breath, I face-planted on the bed and let out a long scream into my pillow. It was a good thing that he was gone, but if so, then why did it sting so damn bad?
Sliding my hands along the cold mattress, I brushed my fingers over a piece of paper.
"A note?" I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed in the darkness. Leaning over, I flipped on the light and unfolded it as my unhealthy lunch rose in my chest.
Dana,
I'm sorry this is ending like this, but I just can't do this anymore. As a man who takes good care of my car, my office, my clothes, my body... I'm tired of hoping that you'll do the same. Hopefully through this loss you'll figure out how to start caring more about yourself. You're a pretty girl, but you've got a lot of growing up to do. I thought I could hang out in hopes of you doing it faster, but I can't. I left everything that we bought together as a gift. I know you're struggling financially. If you need help with the rent, just call and I'll spot you for a month or so until you figure out what you're going to do. Moving in with your mom might be a good choice, or not, seeing that she cooks the worst food in the world for you. Anyway, I'm rambling.
Good luck to you. Take care of yourself - like really take care of yourself.
Cameron
"Wow." I let out a shaky sigh and forbid myself to cry. There was no way in hell I was going to shed another tear for that asshole. Take care of myself? Was I so fucking grotesque that having an ice cream or a beer from time to time was going to break me?
Obviously in his jacked up opinion. I wadded up the note and pitched it across the room before flopping down on my back and pressing my palms to my face. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I wrestled it out angrily to see a text from Kendal.
Kendal: It's just a friendly dinner between two people who care about Mandy. Don't leave me hanging unless it's going to mess up what you have going with your man.
Me: I'm not sure I'm in the mood for company, Kendal. This day has been... so fucked up.
Kendal: Then come out with me. We'll get drunk and talk about the state of the world today.
Me: LOL. If you insist, but I'm getting in my pajamas and testing the theory that a gallon of ice cream will melt before anyone can fully eat it.
Kendal: Ha. I'd say save me some, but you seem hell bent on having all of it. Enjoy it then. Give me your address and I'll come by and shake your guy’s hand before I take you to dinner.
I texted him my address, but didn't have the nerve to tell him that there was no man in my life anymore. Where it would free me up to spend the night in his arms if he offered, it was a stupid hope. It would only serve to crush me more when he patted me on the head and dropped me back off at the apartment later that night. Men like Kendal Tarrington didn't date broke, overweight girls like me. Those stories were reserved for fairy tales.
Besides, I couldn't even keep Cameron.
There was little to no hope for doing better.
Chapter 11
Kendal
I glanced down at my phone as it buzzed, and responded to Dana's messages as Heather sat across from me, watching me with interest that I couldn’t return. She was a huge contributor to the depravity Damon and I let ourselves get sucked into the belly of in college. Where I wouldn't change much, I sure as fuck didn't want to relive any of it.
A smile lifted my lips at Dana's confession of wanting to take out a gallon of ice cream. I'd have my man card taken if I mentioned that I'd done just that on several occasions.
"You like her." Heather's tone was almost playful.
I glanced up. "Yeah. She's a great lady. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better."
"And she's aware of your appetites?" She licked her lips and lifted her eyebrows.
"I'm not who I was, Heather. I don't have appetites."
"Shame, really." She reached toward my desk and slid a piece of paper around in a slow circle. "You're being stubborn for no reason at all. I know you're not seeing anyone. I'm not either. It's a damn shame to not take advantage of us being single together."
"And why would we degrade each other by fucking like rabbits when we have no desire at all to be in a relationship with each other?" I tucked my phone into my pocket as I tried to work through how I was going to get out of the room unscathed. The woman before me had been such a good pet, such a plentiful whore to me only six short years before.
"What does a relationship have to do with any of it, Kendal?" She got up and walked around to my side of the desk before resting her perfect ass against it and lifting her beautiful leg as she dragged her foot up the side of my leg, under the folder resting on my lap and by my sack.
I grabbed her ankle and stifled a groan, biting my lip and glaring at her.
"Don't."
"Why not?" She leaned forward, pressed her knee to my chest as I slid my fingers over the top of her heel and tried not to envision the night we could have together. I didn't want a woman beneath me for just a night. If I was going to try again, it was going to be something long-term, something pure and right that I didn't have to feel like shit over.
"Because, I'm not interested." I leaned over and put her foot back on the floor as she slipped her fingers through my hair and gripped tightly.
"I doubt that's the truth. You might be a little gun shy because of all the shit that's happened to you while you've been here, but you're interested."
I swatted her hand away from me and stood to my full height, tired of her games. I reached out and gripped the base of her pretty neck and leaned against her.
"I would think you had grown tired of being a slut." I breathed in deeply, letting the scent of her perfume and arousal work its way down into my lungs. I wasn't with anyone. Dana was just a pretty girl I wanted to know, but it was futile, wasn't it? She had a man already. Who the fuck was I kidding anyway? She wouldn't want a man like me anyway. I was far too damaged for a hopeful young woman with the world laid out before her.
Heather’s hands slid down my sides and over my hips to grip my ass roughly. "I love being your slut. You know just where to touch me, how hard to fuck me."
"Stop." I slid my hand down her chest, between her ample breasts and stepped back. Every part of me wanted to tear her skirt up her thighs and bend her over my desk for a long hard session of picking which hole w
ould make her moan harder, but I couldn't. If I started down that path again, I'd be stuck there. I fucking hated that guy. "Get out."
"What? No way." She reached for my belt and tugged at it while cupping me with her free hand. "You're hard as a rock."
"I was sexting with my girl before you barged in. If you're here for a reason related to work, we can talk, but if you're here to offer yourself up, I'd rather you didn't bore me." I pulled her hand from my cock and walked around to the other side of my desk. "Close the door behind you."
"Kendal. You're being ridiculous."
"No, you are. You come into my place of employment and hike up your skirt like we're still fucking kids who act like nothing matters but our next high. I'm a grown-ass man. This is my life. This is what matters most to me. Not you..." I pointed to my phone as anger burned through me, "not her. Nothing. No one but this job. It's what I've wanted my whole life. If you're not here to respect that, then get the fuck out."
She laughed and walked toward the door. "You just fucked up big time."
"No, I didn't, but thanks for the threat. I already spoke with Mark today about your bull shit, so expect him to call you into his office soon. Sexual harassment goes both ways, Heather."
"I call your bluff." She opened the door and paused to look over her shoulder. "You'd never call attention to me."
"And why's that?" I put my hands on my hips, hating that she was right. I'd have to go to Mark now that I'd said I'd done it already. There was nothing worse than letting her know she got to me.
"Because that would fling wide the door to the past and the last thing you want is for them to dig just a little into the sorry bastard you were before you walked across that big ass stage and got your ticket to a cleaner life, right? You're still that guy, and I'm going to prove it." She slammed my door so hard that the pictures shook on the walls.
"Fuck." I ran my fingers by my lips and tried to swallow the need pulsing through me. I hated myself for wanting her, but it wasn't some longing for her specifically, but for someone - shit, anyone.