Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

  My brain was still whirring over Todd’s warning when I bumped into Joe. He was across the road from the Croc, standing in front of a shop: Bushcamp Stores. It was the first time I’d really noticed it, but it was hard to miss now.

  “So this is where you work?”

  “Yep,” he said, grinning at me. “My dad owns the place.”

  “How is it working with your dad?”

  “It’s fine. Most of the time. Sometimes I think he’s going to drive me mad, but most of the time we get along well. It’s easier since I moved out. Living together and working together wasn’t ideal. Did you get the job?”

  “Yes! I start next week.”

  “Congrats!” he said. “Off to celebrate then, are you?”

  “Something like that. Stan’s got more jobs for me!”

  “You’ll have that place looking great in no time.” He paused. “I’m having a party on Friday. You should come and we can celebrate then?”

  I accepted gratefully, happy to have something in my social calendar.

  Chapter 10

  EVELYN – May 1994

  The next week was glorious. I enjoyed helping Stan out around the Croc, and he even left me to man the office one day while he went fishing. It was nice to see him relax a bit, especially after what Joe had told me about him losing his wife. My little stint at running the place wasn’t exactly challenging. Some newly arrived guests asked me where the post office was, and I was happy to be able to answer their question. You could practically see the place from the Croc.

  I also made my room a bit cosier that week, including buying a couple of cheap photo frames to display a picture of my parents. And one of Mel and me pulling silly faces on a night out before I left. I’d been sending Mel letters regularly and was excited to fill her in on my latest news – and to be able to give her an address for me. It would be fun to receive mail. When I’d first set off on my great adventure, I was annoyed that she wasn’t coming too – as had been the plan – but the more time went on, the happier I was that I was doing it alone. Having Mel with me would have been good, but I got the feeling it would have been an entirely different adventure.

  I saw Joe a couple of times that week when I was coming and going from the Croc. He always greeted me warmly and stopped to chat for a few minutes. On Friday, I treated myself to a haircut and was returning from the hairdresser when I saw him again.

  “Hi!” I said, crossing the road to talk to him.

  An older guy stepped out of the shop.

  “This is my dad,” Joe told me as he caught sight of him.

  “Mick,” he said, holding a hand out to me.

  “Evelyn,” I replied.

  “So you’re the one who got the job at the hotel?”

  “That’s me!”

  “We put bets on how long people will stick it out there. If you can make it a month, I’d appreciate it!”

  “Hey!” Joe said. “You’re not allowed to influence her.”

  “Split your winnings with me and you’ve got a deal,” I said.

  “I like this one,” he said to Joe. “I better get back to work, seeing as you’re slacking off today.”

  “You’re the one who said I could leave early,” Joe protested.

  “I know. Get off then, and don’t go crazy just because it’s your birthday!”

  I fell into step with Joe as he shouted goodbye to Mick and walked towards his truck.

  “You didn’t tell me it’s your birthday.”

  “It’s my birthday!” he said with a boyish grin.

  “Happy birthday then! I’m afraid I didn’t get you anything.”

  “You could always help me and Leslie get ready for the party?”

  “Okay,” I agreed. “Where’s Beth?”

  “She’s working,” he said. “She always seems to be working. She’ll join later.”

  The radio came on with the engine, and Joe opened the windows as we set off.

  “Did you ever think about getting the air con fixed in your truck?” I asked. It felt like sitting in an oven.

  He shook his head and grinned. “It’s a ute! And yes, I’ve tried but it’s beyond repair.”

  “Maybe it’s time for a new ute then?”

  He sucked air through his front teeth as though I’d said something offensive. “There’s still life left in her yet,” he said, patting the dashboard affectionately.

  I smiled at Joe’s attachment to his ute and was amused by the Aussie language too. I was picking up new words every day.

  A few minutes later, we arrived at Leslie’s house to find her waiting on the front porch.

  She greeted me with a smile as she climbed in next to me and then leaned over to hug Joe. “Happy birthday, cousin! Twenty-two! Aren’t you getting old and grown up?!”

  “Don’t need to act like it though, do I?” he asked.

  “Not today, you don’t!” she agreed.

  ***

  It was hard to keep up with Leslie in the supermarket; she whizzed the trolley around, flinging in assorted snacks. She didn’t consult Joe until we reached the alcohol aisle. He picked up a couple of cases of beer, a few bottles of wine and some soft drinks. With that done, we loaded everything into the back of the ute and drove to Joe’s place. It was a small, ground-floor apartment in a convenient location, not far from the hotel.

  “Do the neighbours mind you having parties?” I asked as I followed Joe and Leslie into the open-plan living room with a kitchenette in the corner. It felt quite homely for a bachelor pad.

  “They’re cool,” Joe said. “It’s all young people. They’ll just join the party.”

  Leslie beamed in excitement. “I’ve got some very tacky birthday banners! Where do you want them?”

  “Wherever you want,” Joe replied as he filled the fridge with beers. Leslie looked to me.

  “On the front door?” I suggested. “Maybe one above the TV and one on the opposite wall?”

  “Perfect!” She rooted around in a bag and produced a bunch of banners and streamers.

  “They look fine, don’t they, Joe?” I asked a while later when we’d balanced precariously on chairs to hang the banners. Leslie looked unsure. They did look a little naff, but I didn’t think anyone would really notice them anyway.

  “They look great,” Joe said reassuringly. “And after a few beers they might even look straight!”

  Leslie gave him a playful shove and grabbed her bag. “Time to get changed. People will start arriving soon!” She seemed far more excited than Joe, and I guessed she was a few years younger than him.

  We sat outside, sipping beers in silence until Leslie reappeared in a white mini-dress and high-heels. I gave an internal sigh as I looked down at myself. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I wasn’t dressed for a party.

  “What do you think?” Leslie asked, giving us a twirl.

  “I think you look fantastic,” I said. “And I think I need to go and get changed!”

  “You don’t need to,” Joe said kindly. “It’s all pretty casual.”

  “I’d like to.” It would be nice to at least have a shower and put on clean clothes. Not being a big sweaty mess was my aim for the evening.

  Joe offered to drive me, but I was adamant I would walk. The shower was refreshing, and I threw on my trusty denim mini-skirt and a low-cut top with sequin detail. A pair of wedge sandals finished the look nicely, and I was glad I’d made the effort to come back and change. I felt ready for a party.

  When I returned, Beth was outside the apartment, sitting on Joe’s knee with a glass of wine in her hand. She wore a long flowing skirt and simple T-shirt but looked stunning as always. They were deep in conversation with a group of people and when they didn’t notice me, I slipped inside in search of Leslie.

  I found her in the kitchen and volunteered to help her dish up snacks. She was easy to be around. She introduced me to a few people, and I spent a while chatting to Joe’s neighbour, Cam – a well-built guy with broad shoulders and several tatt
oos down his arms.

  “When did you sneak in?” Joe asked when he eventually came inside for a beer.

  “About an hour ago,” I told him.

  “I thought you’d decided to get on with your gardening or something!”

  Beth appeared beside him and gave me a hug. “Great to see you again,” she said. “Congratulations on the job!”

  “Lots to celebrate today,” Cam said, slipping into the conversation. “We should do shots!”

  I’m not sure if it was the heat or that I was tired, but the shots went straight to my head, and before long I found myself sitting outside, looking up at the stars, my head spinning as the party buzzed around me.

  “Are you okay?” Beth asked, smiling down at me.

  “Fine,” I said. “But the shots have done me in. I think I better go home.” When I stood, the earth swayed and I stumbled. Beth caught my arm and I giggled. “Sorry!” Out of the corner of my eye I could see Leslie attempting to do cartwheels on the thin strip of lawn in her mini-dress, so I felt comforted that it wasn’t only me who was drunk.

  “Don’t worry,” Beth said. “One of the boys will walk you back.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I said.

  “I can walk you back,” Joe offered.

  “No! It’s your party.”

  Cam appeared by my side. “I’ll see you home,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind checking out the action at the Tav anyway.”

  Leslie’s eyes flashed with excitement as she stumbled over to us. “I’m coming too!”

  “It’s Joe’s birthday,” I said. “You guys should stay here.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Cam said. “This party will be going long after the Tav closes.”

  Joe thanked me for helping out and promised he didn’t mind me stealing his friends. The walk sobered me enough that I accepted an invitation to join Cam and Leslie for another drink at the Tav. I was surprised at how busy it was. I wasn’t sure where everyone had appeared from, and it was an interesting mix of locals and backpackers. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, and the atmosphere was jovial.

  Until then, my time in Australia had mostly been spent with other backpackers from all over the world, so it made a refreshing change to spend time with locals. I had a definite feeling I was going to enjoy my time in Kununurra.

  Chapter 11

  LIBBY – August 2017

  The flight passed quicker than I expected. I’d resigned myself to the fact it would take approximately forever, and my slight exaggeration meant it didn’t seem such a long trip after all. It was hard to believe I was really going to Australia, and on my own too. Persuading Heidi that I needed to do this by myself had felt a little mean. She’d been quite understanding in the end. It helped that she couldn’t really afford the trip. The goodbyes had been hard, but I felt a weight lift as soon as I boarded the plane. I would do some exploring and find some answers to my questions. Then I could move forward with my life. I’d be back in the UK before I knew it.

  On the plane, I’d flicked between watching films and listening to music, dozing in between. I let my mind wander, imagining Mum making this same trip all those years ago. She would have been much chirpier than me. She’d have had the odd glass of wine and chatted to the people around her, telling them about her big adventure. Although maybe she’d thought of Mel too. Was she angry that Mel had left her to come alone? Maybe she spoke to no one and sank deep in her own thoughts, just as I was. Had she been scared about travelling alone? I think she’d have been excited. She was always so confident and positive. Mel backing out wouldn’t have dampened her spirits for long.

  The cabin lights were dim as we made our approach, and I gazed out at Sydney, lit up in the darkness. From where I was sitting, it dazzled and buzzed with life. Mum had loved her time in Australia. I wonder what’s in store for me. I could be anyone, I realised. No one knew me, and I could reinvent myself as whoever I wanted. If I was going to walk in my mum’s shoes, I should probably do it her way. No moping around for me – I’d be outgoing and sociable and have the time of my life, just like her. I’d try not to get pregnant, but otherwise I’d follow her example.

  The strap of my backpack dug into my shoulder as I dragged it towards a waiting taxi outside the airport. The sun had only just risen and the air was chilly. I shivered when I climbed into the back of the taxi. I thought Australia was supposed to be hot. I gave the driver the name of the youth hostel I’d found online and relaxed into the journey, thankful he wasn’t the chatty type. I’d put my sociable and outgoing plan into action once I was settled.

  The cute guy at the reception of Sydney Backpackers asked me about my plans. Smiling weakly, I told him I was heading north, along the coast to Darwin. He nodded. It was the popular route, he informed me cheerfully. I didn’t mention that I planned to continue to a little outback town in search of the father I’d never met. All he saw was a young girl on a gap year looking for an adventure. He didn’t need to know otherwise. I rounded off the conversation with my complaints of jet lag and he handed over a key attached to a wooden fob, the number eight written haphazardly in marker.

  The room contained two sets of bunk beds. Two girls around my age stood between them, chatting as they rummaged through their backpacks. Declining their offer to join them for sightseeing, I crawled into bed. Sleep came in an all-consuming wave of black, leaving me confused and groggy when I woke more than four hours later.

  My roommates arrived back to find me showered and revived. I was keen to get out and explore, but the day had worn on and instead I joined them for a barbecue and drinks in the courtyard of the hostel. It was a nice scene: a canopy of dried palm leaves shaded the bar, and the outdoor furniture was crafted from untreated wood, giving a rustic feel.

  “You on a gap year?” Carol, the girl with a blonde bob and a hint of a Scottish accent, asked me.

  My mind raced through my complicated story before I made a decision. I could be whoever I wanted to be. Did I want everyone I met over the next few weeks to hear the story of my dead mother and my long-lost father? Did I want to see their reactions and encounter the inevitable uncomfortable silences? No, thanks. In fact, I didn’t want anyone to know. Not one person. Lying didn’t come naturally to me and would make me uncomfortable, but a twist of the truth would be okay. A smile tickled my lips as I realised I could finally shed my grieving daughter coat and just be me again. Whoever that was.

  “Yes,” I said. “I just finished uni and decided I’d see a bit of the world before I tied myself down to a proper job.”

  “You’ll have a brilliant time,” red-headed Jenny said, her eyes lighting up. “We’ve just done the coastal route up to Darwin. I want to do it all again now.”

  “How long have you been travelling?” I asked.

  “Six weeks,” Carol replied. “And we’re getting low on money so we’ll have to look for jobs when we reach Perth.”

  “Is that where you’re heading next?”

  They nodded in unison. “We blew the last of our savings on tickets for the Indian Pacific,” Jenny said, joyfully.

  “This one’s quite excited,” Carol said, patting Jenny’s knee. “I’m not quite sure how I feel about spending sixty-five hours on a train.”

  “A historic train across the Nullarbor Plain!” Jenny said, her eyes glazing over. “Doesn’t it sound romantic?”

  “It does,” I agreed, wondering for the briefest moment about the nature of Jenny and Carol’s relationship. When Carol reached over to kiss Jenny tenderly, my question was answered. Sipping my tequila sunrise, I caught the eye of the barman, blushing when he winked at me. In that moment, the world was a wonderful place. This adventure was exactly what I’d been in need of. I’d find myself, find my dad, find some peace, find some closure. But first, I’d drink cocktails and dance the night away with my new friends while stealing glances at the dishy barman.

  Chapter 12

  LIBBY – August 2017

  Daylight burned my eyeballs, and I gru
nted at the person gently shaking my shoulder.

  “We’re going,” Jenny said. “We’ve got to catch the train.”

  Confused, I battled to make my dry mouth produce the right words. “Today? You’re leaving today?”

  “Yeah. Why don’t you come with us?” Carol said.

  “To Perth?”

  “Yes!” Jenny said. “Come with us.”

  “Can’t,” I muttered. “Going up to Darwin. And I can’t move.”

  “You’re such a party animal!” Carol teased. “What time did you get to bed in the end?”

  I rubbed my eyes as memories of the previous evening hit me in flashes. A jumble of faces and voices, snippets of conversations. I’d danced, I’d laughed, I’d had fun. “No idea,” I said. “Too late.”

  “We’ve got to go,” Jenny said with a frown. When she leaned down to hug me awkwardly, I felt a pang of regret. It would have been fun to spend more time with them. The idea of travelling alone seemed suddenly lonely. I wished the three of us were heading in the same direction.

  Carol patted my arm. “Go back to sleep. We left our email addresses on top of your bag. Keep in touch, won’t you?”

  “And look us up if you find yourself in Perth,” Jenny said as she lugged her backpack onto her shoulder. “We’ll probably be there a few months at least.”

  “I will! Have a great time.”

  “We will!” they promised. The door closed behind them, and I was asleep again within minutes.

  When I came round, it was the middle of the afternoon, and I cursed myself for wasting so much of the day. I was slightly perturbed by the book and hairbrush which lay on the adjacent bunk. Someone had been in the room and I hadn’t even stirred. My new roommate had obviously arrived and then left to explore for the day without me noticing. I didn’t even feel refreshed by my mammoth sleep; a hangover lingered and my head was banging. The bottle of water beside my bed was a welcome sight, and I gulped every last drop before moving to the bathroom and sticking my mouth under the tap.