Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

  Andrew appeared a few minutes later, grabbing a towel to pat himself dry before perching on the next sunbed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You weren’t joking, were you?”

  I closed my eyes into the sun. “Just forget I said anything.”

  “I feel terrible.”

  “Don’t feel terrible. It doesn’t matter.” I turned and squinted at him. “Please don’t say anything to Simon and Yvonne. I don’t want anyone to know.”

  “I won’t say anything,” he said, his eyes narrowed in concern. “Sorry about your mum.”

  “Thanks,” I said, biting my lip as I turned away.

  “You’ve never met your dad?”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it,” I said, more harshly than I’d intended.

  “Sorry. Do you want a drink?”

  “No,” I said, standing when I realised he wasn’t going to leave.

  In the cabin, I lay on the bed, enjoying the gentle sway of the boat. In an attempt to keep my mind occupied, I shot off a few messages to Heidi, telling her I was on a yacht for a few days, but not to worry, there was Wi-Fi on board so I’d still get all her messages. I sent an almost identical message to Aunt Mel. The time difference meant I hardly ever heard back from them immediately so my mind quickly drifted back to Andrew.

  I couldn’t believe I’d blurted everything out to him. It had been so easy keeping it to myself up until then. Now Andrew would feel sorry for me and ask me loads of questions. That’s ruined my time on the yacht. It wasn’t as though I could easily avoid him either.

  “You okay?” Yvonne asked when she came and found me later. “You looked upset.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine thanks,” I replied. I’d had a shower and put on fresh clothes for dinner. Things didn’t seem so bad, and I decided I could handle Andrew for one last evening. I’d go back to travelling alone when we docked the following day. “I’m ready for some more delicious food. I’m just waiting for you.”

  “I just need a quick shower,” she said. We exchanged a look; she needed more than the ten minutes it took me to get ready.

  “I’ll see you up on deck,” I told her, leaving her to get ready in peace.

  The sun was hanging low on the horizon, and it was peaceful looking out over the water. It was such a beautiful location. When I was handed a glass of champagne, everything seemed perfect. This is what I’d been in need of: a break from reality. That was all; finding my father would surely only cause me more stress, and right now all I wanted was to have some fun and enjoy this wonderful part of the world.

  When Simon and Andrew appeared, I joined them at our table, ignoring the sympathetic smile Andrew flashed my way. Yvonne arrived soon after, and we slipped into another pleasant evening of eating, drinking and chatting.

  “I asked the crew about that full moon party,” Andrew said, once we’d finished dessert. “It actually sounds like it might be worth going to.”

  “I’m planning on staying on at Airlie Beach for a few more days,” I told them. “I’d like to see a bit more of it before I move on.”

  “No,” Yvonne cried. “You’ve got to come. It’ll be so much fun!”

  “Yeah,” Andrew said. “You can’t leave me alone with these lovebirds! Besides, what are you going to do in Airlie? Mope about on your own? I thought you were all about having a good time?”

  I glared at him. How utterly stupid of me to have said anything to him. I reached for my drink to avoid having to reply.

  “How often do you get to go to a full moon party?” Simon asked. “You don’t want to miss that.” Without making an excuse, he took Yvonne’s hand and led her away to a quiet corner of the boat.

  “They make me sick,” Andrew said.

  “No, they’re cute. True love.”

  “He’s always the same. When he falls for someone, he falls hard.”

  “You still feeling left out?” I asked, knocking back the last of my drink.

  “No,” he said with a crooked smile. “I’ve got you to keep me company, haven’t I?”

  “Not for long!”

  It annoyed me that he knew my secret. He didn’t say anything more on the subject, just stared at me with his silly smile until I gave in and laughed, pushing his face away when I couldn’t stand him looking at me any longer.

  Chapter 21

  EVELYN – August 1994

  I first met Kai in the kitchen at the Croc. He was sitting on the stainless-steel sideboard and held out a plate of sandwiches, telling me he’d made too many. I took one gratefully; I was always ravenous after work. He introduced himself and I reached to shake his hand.

  “This is divine,” I said, devouring the sandwich. “What’s in here?”

  “Pretty much one of everything that’s in the fridge. Best way to make a sanger.”

  “You stealing food?” Admittedly, I did it occasionally, but only when I was really desperate. Generally I didn’t approve of people who helped themselves to other people’s food.

  “No one will notice. I only took a bit from everyone.” He laughed. “What are you, the fridge police?”

  “It annoys me when people eat my food. I have to hide my chocolate in the fridge in the office. I want to get a little fridge for my room, but Stan says I’ll raise his electricity bill too much.”

  “You been here a while then?” he asked.

  “About four months. How long are you staying?”

  He shrugged. “I’m on my way to Darwin, thought I’d stop here for a night. What is there to do around here?”

  “I usually spend my afternoons at the pool.”

  “Ace! Mind if I join you?”

  “You expect me to show you around now that you’ve fed me?”

  “Yep,” he said with a cheeky grin. He was pretty skinny and his dark hair was gelled into spikes, but he wasn’t bad-looking, and there was something endearing about him. He had a positive energy and I decided I liked him immediately, which was rare for me with backpackers. At some point during my time in Kununurra I’d started to see backpackers differently. I thought I was above them.

  “I’ll get changed and see you in five minutes,” I said to Kai.

  Stan was loitering by the office when I came out of my room a few minutes later.

  “You ever gonna put plants in those beds?” he asked.

  My enthusiasm for gardening had waned when I started working at the hotel, and I hadn’t done much of what I’d planned. To be honest, I hadn’t had time: my social life had been better than I’d expected and my plans for the Croc had been put to one side.

  “I’ll get to it,” I told him before turning to Kai. “Let’s go.”

  “This place could be sweet as,” he said as we headed to the road. “Needs a pool though. Who runs a hostel in this part of the world and doesn’t have a pool?”

  “A bar wouldn’t go amiss either, would it?” I added.

  Kai turned, walking backwards as he evaluated the grounds. “A few hammocks. Sunloungers around a pool.” He raised a hand, planning exactly where everything would go. “A bar by the pool. It could be amazing.”

  “I’ve been saying this since I arrived. And the place looks way better than it did when I got here.”

  “Hey!” Joe’s voice got my attention as we crossed the road. He was standing outside the shop.

  The smile crept automatically over my face. “Hello!”

  “Going anywhere nice?” he asked with a smirk.

  “Thought I’d check out the pool.” We’d had this conversation a hundred times.

  “I hear it’s a good place to spend an arvo.”

  “I’ll let you know!” I said as I strutted past. “Fancy joining us?”

  “I wish! Drinks after work?”

  I nodded and turned away from him. A car horn got my attention and I waved at Cam as we passed the post office.

  “Do you know everyone around here?” Kai asked.

  “Not quite,” I said, happily.

  I called a greeting to Jack, the lifeguard, a
nd then set up my towel in my usual shady spot in the corner. A few kids splashed with their parents in the toddler pool and an older guy swam laps, but otherwise the place was deserted.

  “So what’s in Darwin?” I asked Kai.

  He smiled coyly. “A girl.”

  “I see.”

  “It’ll sound crazy but I met her back home, in Broome. She was visiting a friend and I met her in a bar. This was about six months ago. We’ve been talking on the phone every day and I’ve been to visit her a couple of times. Then I just thought, why not go for it and move over there?”

  “Yeah this is crazy. You’re crazy.”

  He beamed at me. “I know! But . . .”

  “Oh God. You love her?”

  “Yes!”

  “No, you don’t,” I protested. “You hardly know her.”

  “We talk on the phone all the time.”

  “She probably has a boyfriend already. You did tell her you’re coming, didn’t you?”

  “Of course.”

  “And she was happy about this?”

  “Yes.” He hesitated slightly. “She’s happy,” he said, trying to be more convincing.

  “Where you going to live?”

  “Dunno yet,” he said. “I’ll figure it out when I get there.”

  “It’s not going to work out,” I told him, flatly. “Sorry to break this to you, but you will be passing through Kununurra on your way back to Broome within the month.”

  I couldn’t bring him down from cloud nine – this boy was in love. “Make sure you give me your address so I can send you a wedding invite!” he said.

  I shook my head. “When you’re travelling back through here can you do me a favour and stay longer? You can help me with renovations at the Croc!”

  “Not gonna happen,” he said. “We swimming or what?”

  ***

  Kai was great company. Following an afternoon at the pool, he managed to get Stan’s barbecue working and served me up a decent steak with salad.

  “I hope things don’t work out with the Darwin girl,” I said. “I could get used to having you around.”

  Cam arrived with Leslie and a case of beer. “This could get messy,” Cam said, looking at the beer Kai had already brought. “You got the barbie going?”

  “Kai did,” I told him, nodding my head in his direction as way of introduction. He’d also dragged a couple of old wooden tables around which had previously lain weathered and abandoned behind the shed. There were a bunch of fold-up chairs in the shed too. It made a nice change to our usual picnic-blanket-on-the-grass arrangement.

  Joe arrived soon after and left again to get sausages when he saw the barbecue was up and running. I sat beside him when he returned, stealing bites of his hot dog and listening to Kai retell the story of the Darwin girl.

  “Someone tell him it’s not going to work out,” I said with a laugh.

  “What?” Cam looked shocked. “He’s packed up his life and is moving thousands of miles for her. That’s true love!”

  “True stupidity more like,” I said.

  Leslie’s eyes widened, puppy-like. “I think it’s romantic.”

  “Me too,” Joe declared, nudging me. “It’s just you who’s cynical and miserable.”

  “Realistic more like.”

  “Speaking of romance,” Leslie said to Joe. “Is Beth working again tonight?”

  He shook his head as he swallowed the last of his hot dog. “She’s on her way over.”

  It was an effort to keep my face from betraying my emotions. I really liked Beth, but I wished she wasn’t coming. Then I was annoyed at myself for thinking that.

  She swept in five minutes later, her smile as warm and beautiful and annoying as ever. Sitting beside Joe, she held his face as she kissed him. My stomach lurched, and I moved to join Kai by the barbecue.

  “Vicky’s driving me crazy,” Beth said, referring to the owner of the beauty salon, whom she often complained about. “She’s just got no vision. It’s like she’s scared of change. Such small-town mentality.”

  Joe laughed. “Maybe she should move to a small town . . . Oh, wait!”

  Beth gave him a playful slap and then leaned closer into him. “I can’t wait to have my own place. It would be so nice to be the boss.”

  I caught the look that passed between Cam and Leslie and wondered what it was about. Did Joe and Beth already have plans to leave Kununurra? I couldn’t imagine Joe anywhere but here. And I couldn’t imagine Kununurra without him.

  I was deliberately slow getting through beers that evening. My emotions were all over the place, and I was sure that too much alcohol wouldn’t work out well for me. Kai made no move to go to bed when the others left, and I accepted when he offered me another beer.

  “What’s with you and Joe?” he asked, cracking open his beer.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was just surprised he had a girlfriend. I thought you and him might have had something going on.”

  My snort of laughter was forced and unconvincing. “No way. We’re just friends.”

  “Well obviously, since he has a girlfriend!”

  I sipped my beer and searched for a change of subject.

  “This is why you’re so cynical, isn’t it? You love him!”

  “Get lost,” I said, forcing another laugh.

  “Aww,” he purred, wrinkling his nose. “That’s so cute. I’m leaving tomorrow. You can tell me all about it.”

  “There’s nothing to tell.”

  “What’s his girlfriend like?”

  I shrugged. “Beth’s lovely. She’s nice . . . and kind.”

  “But . . .”

  “But nothing!” I said. “We’re just not close. We’ve never really become friends. I’m not sure why.”

  His eyes sparkled in amusement as he looked at me, his head at an angle. “I think it’s bloody obvious why!”

  “Shut up,” I said, giving him a playful shove. I wouldn’t admit my feelings though. What would be the point?

  “Are Leslie and Cam an item?” Kai asked.

  “No.” I raised my eyebrows. “You’ve not been distracted from Miss Darwin already, have you?”

  Now it was his turn for the unconvincing laugh. “No. Of course not. This time tomorrow my new life begins!”

  Chapter 22

  EVELYN – August 1994

  Kai was in the kitchen when I went for breakfast the next morning.

  “Thought I was gonna miss you,” he said with his infectious grin. “I’m gonna hit the road now.”

  He wrapped me in a bear hug and I squeezed him tightly, suddenly feeling in need of a hug. “Good luck with the girl,” I said as we moved apart. “I hope you prove me wrong and it all works out.”

  “I’ll send you a postcard and let you know how it goes,” he said. “And let me know what happens with you and Joe!”

  “Ha ha,” I said dryly, in no mood to joke about him. “Drive safely!”

  I smiled sadly as he left. I’d met so many people who were travelling through Kununurra but very few had made me feel connected to them in the way Kai had. I was sad to see him go.

  As it turned out, I saw him again very soon.

  “Decided to stay?” I asked ten minutes later when I set off for work and found him loitering by the payphone across the road. He looked confused.

  “I just called to say I was setting off . . .”

  “Uh oh! What did she say?”

  “She forgot she was going away with the girls this weekend but she’ll see me on Monday.”

  “Oh,” I said. “That’s . . .” I struggled for the right words.

  “It’s weird, isn’t it?” He looked at me seriously, as though I held all the answers.

  “A little bit,” I agreed. You’d think she’d be waiting excitedly for him. At least, if she were even half as keen as Kai was.

  He shook his head and the light came back to his eyes. “It’s probably an honest mistake. And what’s a couple more days?”


  “You gonna stay for the weekend then?”

  “I ought to get up to Darwin and start looking for a place to live.”

  “Friday’s a great night in the Tav,” I said, nodding in its direction.

  “I guess I could stay one more night.”

  I flashed him a smile and carried on my way. “I’ll see you this afternoon,” I called behind me, my day seeming much better.

  When I approached the hotel, I saw Joe sitting on the wall in front.

  “Hey,” I said casually, although my stomach seemed to think I’d taken a drop on a rollercoaster. “What you doing here?”

  “Waiting for you,” he said.

  “Any particular reason?” It was strange for him to search me out, and I wasn’t sure I was comfortable being alone with him.

  He paused for a moment, staring into the distance. “Beth wants to move to Sydney.”

  “Yeah, she seems pretty obsessed with that idea,” I said, perching beside him on the wall.

  He looked at me seriously. “She wants to go soon. She’s just flown down for the weekend to start checking things out.”

  “That’s sudden,” I said. Although, maybe it wasn’t. Perhaps it was just me who was only hearing about it now. “You didn’t want to go with her?”

  “Dad needs me at work,” he said. It sounded like a well-rehearsed line.

  “But she wants you to move with her?” I asked with a feeling of dread.

  He nodded. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, what do you want to do?”

  “I don’t think I want to move to Sydney.”

  “So you’d try a long-distance relationship?”

  He bit his lip and took a moment to answer. “I don’t know. It all seems so complicated.”

  “You should probably be talking to Beth about this, not me.” I stood up and moved towards the hotel.

  “Sorry,” he said. “We’re friends though, right?”

  Swallowing hard, I nodded.

  “So, what do you think?” he asked.

  “I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask,” I said, taking a step back when he moved closer to me. I was about to walk away, then I turned back to him. “But I can’t imagine you not being here.”