Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  “And I’m sorry I gave up so easily. That won’t happen next time.”

  With a shake of my head I state plainly, “There won’t be a next time.”

  “Good.” He squeezes my hand and my whole world feels right. “So let’s just move forward, okay? No more about this. Live and learn and move on.”

  “Yes. Move on. I agree.”

  “So you’re coming back with me?” Bending down so he can look up into my eyes, he says, “You’re coming home?”

  “I’m coming home.” A peace settles over me, peace that I’ve missed since that weird day. I’m coming home. What Jaz doesn’t understand is that no matter where I went, as long as he was there, I’d be at home. I belong with him. And I won’t ever forget that or take it for granted.

  We get my car loaded up with Michael and Robyn’s help – thank goodness they showed up – and then head to the house. They help unload it while I get him settled, and once they’re gone, we’re alone for the first time since everything fell apart. I sit down beside him on the sofa and, before I know it, his head is in my lap and I’m combing my fingers through that thick, dark hair. His eyes are bright when he looks up into my face and just says straight out, “Kimmie, I want you. It’s been too long.”

  “It has been too long. But you just got out of the hospital.”

  “I don’t care. I need you.” He waits. After a few moments, he sits up, then stands and takes my hand. “Let’s go. I’m not waiting anymore.”

  The authoritative tone in his voice sets me on fire. “Yes, Sir,” I gasp out and practically skip to the bedroom. Once there, he undresses me slowly, and I note that he doesn’t grimace in pain one single time. Either he feels pretty good or he’s putting on a pretty good front. When I’m undressed, he undresses himself, and I tremble all over at the sight of that utterly stunning maleness in front of me. “You sure you feel all right, Sir?” I ask out of sheer concern.

  “No. I’m really tired. So I want to watch you make yourself come, and then I want you to ride me.” He wraps both arms around my waist and leans down to kiss me but, just before he does, he mutters quietly into my lips, “Is that something you’d be interested in, submissive?”

  I whisper back into his mouth, “Most definitely, Sir.”

  Straddling his hips, I let myself down slowly on his length and, once seated, I stroke my nub until I’m crying out. His hands trail up my torso and cradle my breasts, his fingers curved upward and teasing my nipples. I can’t help it – the tears start and I can’t stop them. I’m sobbing when I choke out, “Oh, god, Jaz, I’ve missed you so much!”

  Every ounce of emotion comes through in his voice when he says back, “I’ve missed you too, baby girl. Every day and every night. I didn’t want to live without you.” His hands slide on up my neck and he cradles my face in his hands. “Come for me, baby. I don’t want to wait.”

  The spasms of my orgasm are interrupted when he orders, “Now, ride me, submissive. I want us to come together. You can do it; I know you can.”

  And that’s exactly what we do, with a cry from me and a groan from him. It’s glorious, our bodies together in that simple, primitive act, and I slump onto his chest and feel his arms tighten around me. I’m still crying when I whisper into his chest, “I missed your arms. I can’t be away from you ever again.”

  *****

  “Sit down right now! I mean it! I’ll do it.” Shooing him out of the kitchen, I pick up the lunch dishes and carry them to the sink. About the time they’re all cleaned up, I hear Jaz’s phone ring.

  “Yeah. Yes, she is. She’s kind of bossy, but I really don’t have any complaints.” That just makes me snicker. “I’m sure I’m a terrible patient. Uh-huh. No, honey, don’t do that. You need to just stay there and make up your work. Kimmie’s taking good care of me. I’m fine.”

  Melissa. She’s been working hard to make up her school work from the time she spent here with her dad. As they talk, I hear the baby cry out and Candy shows up in the kitchen. “I was an adult film star. Who knew big boobs don’t mean a lot of milk?” She picks up one of the bottles I sterilized in the dishwasher earlier that morning and fills it with formula for Petunia; we’ve all taken to calling her Pet. I’d panicked when I first realized Candy was living here with Jaz, but it didn’t take me long to realize that it was simply his way of being kind to her, and she’s been a lot of help to me while he’s been recuperating.

  Once she’s wandered back down the hallway with the bottle to feed Pet, I meander back into the living room where Jaz has hung up with Melissa and sits quietly, flipping through a new auto magazine. The smile he gives me is brilliant, and I plop down beside him and take his hand. “So did you talk to them at the office?”

  “Yes. They said not to worry about anything. It’s all there waiting for me when I’m ready to come back.”

  I want to scream, You’re not going back!, but I don’t. That’s my secret. Instead, I say, “You’re looking very good today, Mr. Givens.”

  “And you’re looking quite well yourself, Ms. Hendricks.” He kisses my cheek and then wraps an arm around me. “So when are we going to do something about that?”

  “About what?”

  “About that name.”

  “Whenever you want, Sir. I’m all yours.” And I know right then: I’ve got some phone calls to make. The plan for The Most Important Thing is back on.

  *****

  It’s been six weeks since he came home from the hospital, and the doctor has pretty much turned him loose. There’s three feet of snow on the ground, and Christmas is bearing down on us, but I’m looking forward to it for the first time in a long time.

  The dinner dishes are done and I plop down on the sofa, closing my eyes and putting my feet up. “Whew! That was a good dinner, but I’m beat.”

  “Me too. But it’s been a great day. I got released to go back to work next week so everything will be back on track, and . . .”

  “Jaz, there’s something I need to tell you.” He sits bolt upright when I say those words. No doubt he detects the seriousness of my voice.

  “Yeah? Please, god, don’t let it be bad news. I don’t think I can take it. Oh, god, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

  “What? Hell no! I couldn’t be pregnant if I wanted to be. I’m fifty-one, for the love of all that’s holy.”

  “Well, that’s a relief. You know, accidents happen.”

  I roll my eyes. “That wouldn’t be an accident. That would be a miracle.”

  “You know, miracles happen.”

  “Jaz, please, be serious here.”

  “Okay. You’re scaring me, but okay.”

  I summon up all my courage before I blurt out, “I have an early Christmas gift for you.” He waits until I say, “I sold my house.”

  His brows drop into the bridge of his nose. “You what? I could’ve sworn you said you sold your house.”

  “I sold my house.”

  “Yeah. So that is what you said. Why?”

  “Because I needed the money.”

  His face reddens. “Look, I know things have been tight, what with you having to help me and me not working and Candy and Pet living here, but I’ll go back to work next week and . . .”

  “Jaz, would you just shut up for a minute?”

  “What?” His eyes go round. “Did you just tell your Dominant to shut up?”

  “Yes. I did. And I have a good reason for it too.” My bag is sitting right beside the sofa, and I reach in and pull a folded paper out. “Here.”

  Jaz takes it in his hands and opens it. I watch as his eyes get bigger and his mouth drops open. “Kimmie?” He doesn’t say another word.

  “Yes, babe?”

  Now his hands are shaking. “Kimmie, is this . . . it looks like . . .”

  “It’s a deed. A clear deed.”

  In nothing more than a whisper, he ponders out loud, “It’s the farm. Our farm. Grandma and Grandpa’s farm.” His head swivels to look at me. “How did you . . .”

/>   My eyes close and I bow my head, praying he’s not going to be furious with me. “I wanted your dreams to come true. That’s all I wanted. It’s all I want. Because you deserve that.”

  The next sound I hear shocks me to my core. Jasper is weeping. Not managing to completely choke down the sobs he’s trying so hard to hide, he has the deed clutched to his chest, and he’s breathing so hard that he’s heaving. I’m just a little scared until I hear him whisper out hoarsely, “Kimmie, why? Why would you do this for me? You sold your house! The one thing you owned! Why? Why did you do this?”

  I’m still not sure if he’s angry or happy, so I just say, “I loved that house. But I love you more.”

  Without warning, he clutches me to him like he’s afraid he’ll lose me and cries into my hair. So softly that I can barely hear him he whispers, “All my life. All my life I prayed I’d find someone who’d love me, someone who understood me. It took me so long, but it was worth the wait. You were worth the wait.” Pressing me back, his tear-filled eyes catch mine, and his voice is weak but clear when he says, “If all of my dreams are going to come true, I’m glad they’re coming true with you. You’re the woman I’ve been searching for all these years, and I don’t have to look anymore. You’re really here.”

  “I’m really here,” I nod through my own tears. “I’m really here and I love you. I want this dream to come true too, baby. It started out to be your dream, but now it’s mine too. It’s ours. Jaz, the guys are there working on the house right now. Mr. Jennings says it’ll be liveable in three weeks. Let’s do it. Let’s go.”

  The smile he gives me is brilliant. It’s the smile of a man who knows his life is exactly where it needs to be, and he nods as the last tear rolls down those perfect cheeks. “Let’s go. Tomorrow. Let’s just pack up and go, Kimmie. We’ll take Candy and Pet with us if they want to go.”

  I have to chuckle. “Let’s wait until we can at least live in it! And that gives us time to get everything together.”

  “Okay.” Then he adds, “And I want to marry you in front of our new home. Please say yes, please?”

  My heart is bursting with joy. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you in front of our new home. Nothing would make me happier.”

  “Good. Now, let’s go down the hall to our bedroom and let me show you how much I love you, future Mrs. Givens.”

  Yeah. That’s all the repayment I need.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “What the hell is this about?” Jeffrey’s looking at me like I’m insane.

  “Private joke.”

  “But this is very public.”

  “I wouldn’t call this very public,” I say, looking in the mirror. “I’d call this somewhat public.”

  “Are people other than you and him going to see you and him?”

  “Yes.”

  Jeffrey shakes his head. “Then it’s public.”

  “Oh, get over it. We’re just trying to have some fun. And Jaz is going to love this.”

  He leads me down the stairs and helps me. I’m afraid I’m going to fall and kill myself. But the look on Jaz’s face when I step through the front door and glide, er, almost tumble across the porch and down the front steps, is priceless. I can see him shaking with the effort to keep quiet, but when I step off the last step, turn my ankle, and almost go down, he loses the battle and starts to howl with laughter. I’m laughing too, and everyone is looking at us like we’re crazy – well, everyone except Candy. She’s laughing too because she gets it.

  After Jeffrey passes me off to Jaz, the groom leans in to me and whispers, “Girl, you drive me crazy.” He reaches up to straighten the tiara, and I take a look down at the necklace and rearrange it. “You could’ve killed yourself in those shoes!”

  “It would’ve been worth it just to see the look on your face!” I whisper back, trying hard not to laugh right out loud.

  “Tawdry little slut,” he growls out under his breath.

  “Kinky bastard,” I shoot back in a whisper.

  “You guys getting this out of your system?” the minister asks us.

  “Uh, yeah, reverend. Inside joke,” a red-faced Jaz stammers.

  “I don’t want to know, do I?” We both shake our heads. “Okay, then, ready?”

  I nod. “Yup. Let’s do this thing.”

  Three hours later I’m standing, barefoot and exhausted, listening to thunder. “Oh good lord. What a mess.” I look around at the house and the porch and wonder how in the world I’ll ever get it all cleaned up.

  “You don’t worry about that. We’ll all take care of it. You two just go sit down and relax,” Candy says as she shoos me away. “Go on now. Git.”

  “What she said,” Greta echoes. “You shouldn’t be messing with this stuff. Hey, Melissa, can you throw me that box of zippered storage bags?” Melissa tosses them toward my daughter-in-law, and Greta catches them with ease. I finally take a deep breath and head back into the living room.

  Jeffrey and Jaz are sitting in there, chattering away, and when I walk in I hear Jaz saying, “. . . and I’m going to build a little pier out over the water. Of course, we’ll stock it, probably with catfish.” He looks up when I walk in. “Hey, wifey! Come sit down with us!”

  “I like that. Wifey,” I say with a smile so big that it hurts my cheeks.

  “You guys make me sick, all mushy-mushy,” Jeffrey whines, but he’s grinning like a jack-o-lantern.

  Jaz shrugs. “Get used to it. There’ll be a lot of that mushy stuff going on around here.”

  “I just can’t believe you redid the house but put a metal roof back on it.” Jeffrey’s shaking his head. “I don’t know how we’ll ever get any sleep with all that racket going on overhead.”

  Candy picks that moment to pass through the room with Pet. “We like the sound. It’s soothing when you get used to it. Right, baby?” She tickles Pet’s belly to make the little blond cherub giggle. “She actually sleeps better when it’s raining.” Candy laughs and gives her a peck on the cheek as she carts her down the hall for a diaper change.

  Jeffrey’s shaking his head again. “You’ve even brainwashed the little one. If you’d told me my mom would be a farm wife, I would’ve called you crazy.”

  “Crazy mad in love,” Jaz corrects.

  “Oh good lord.” Jeffrey stands and points toward the kitchen. “Want anything? Because I sure as hell need a drink.”

  “Oh, like you and Greta never acted like that?” I mock.

  “Acted like what?” Greta asks as she strolls in.

  “All lovey-dovey and silly and goofy,” Jaz offers.

  Greta grins and pinches Jeffrey on the cheek. “What? Me and my pookie-wookie here? Oh, no, never.” Jeffrey rolls his eyes and makes a face. “We would never ever act like that, now would we, babycakes?”

  “No, we would not.” I watch with delight as my big son bends down and gives the curvy little blond an enormous, lingering, sloppy, wet kiss on the cheek and she shrieks in disgust. “Never ever. Beer?” he asks as he heads out of the room.

  “Me!” Jaz calls back.

  “Me too!” I yell out.

  “Whatever it is, I want one!” Candy yells back up the hall.

  “Beer,” I call down to her.

  “Yuck! No!” she yells back to our laughter.

  Thirty minutes later, Candy and Greta sit at the table while Melissa tells them about her new girlfriend, Rebecca, and they laugh and talk and giggle. Jeffrey, oddly, is entertaining Pet, and I wonder if that’s a sign I’m going to eventually have a grandchild. I hear a psssttttt and look up to see Jaz standing on the stairs. He motions for me to follow him, and I dart that direction and bound up the risers in record time. At the top, he grabs my hand and leads me through our bedroom and to the door on the far wall.

  It opens out onto the balcony, which is really the old roof of the back porch, and the balcony roof is covered with the same metal roofing as the rest of the house. Rain is pouring down and falling in sheets from the edge of the overhang, and when I
rest my hands on the railing and look out across the property, Jaz steps in behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Happy, Mrs. Givens?”

  “No.” I turn to face him and see the surprised look on his face, but it dissolves into joy when I add, “Beyond happy. There are no words for what I feel right now.” I stare into those soft, chocolate eyes and draw a finger down his cheek. “I love you. I have everything I’ve ever wanted right here with you.”

  The kiss he gives me unfurls itself like a wide, colorful ribbon and wraps around us in its beauty. I’m lost in it, lost in him, and I don’t ever want to be found. He breaks it and stares down at me. “Kimmie, how did this happen? How did you do this? I still don’t understand, but I have to tell you, not only am I eternally grateful, but I’m really fucking impressed. You’re quite the woman, baby girl.”

  “But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I wanted all your dreams to come true. Have they?”

  He just shakes his head at me and snorts. “This isn’t about me. This is about us. And yes, all my dreams came true about three hours ago right out there in front of this house. Baby, I don’t need this farm to be happy, or a new car, or a job, or anything else. I only need you.” He takes my hand and runs a finger over that leather bracelet, the one he brought back from Topeka. “And just think – I’m a lot closer to Bixby’s now! I can get you another one of these any time you want.”

  “I don’t want another one. I want this one. When it gets too ragged to wear, I’ll put it back in the little Bixby’s box and put it away. I don’t ever want to be without it. It’s the first gift you ever gave me, and every time I look at it, I remember everything we’ve gone through and how hard we’ve had to fight to be here. When I look at this bracelet . . .” I have to stop and swallow hard before I start again. “When I look at this bracelet, I see two scarred, scared hearts trying to find their way to each other. I think about all the fun and all the wrong turns, and all the stupid things we did trying to figure out how to have a relationship that would work. And I see all the sweet nights we spent together back when we were first realizing that if our hearts would just follow our bodies, everything would be fine. Because let me tell you something, Sir,” I say, my tone growing serious as I try to stifle a laugh, “I’ve never wanted any man the way I want you.”