Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  When we pulled up to her office building, I grabbed her hand before she exited the Rover. “Cassidy, it’s going to be alright. We’ll get through this. Together.” She nodded; I kissed her cheek and watched her walk into the building, slamming my hand on the steering wheel before driving away.

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  Avoiding eye contact with everyone, I walked into work making a beeline for my office and shut the door when I got there. I was attempting to massage my temples when there was a light knock on the door.

  I took a deep breath, “Come in.”

  Cecily came in and shut the door behind her. She placed a coffee on my desk. “Do you have a moment?”

  Her appearance in my office couldn’t be good. “Of course. Everything okay?”

  She eyed me suspiciously for a moment before she sat down across from me. “I won’t beat around the bush, Cassidy. I saw the paper this morning and I can only imagine what you’re going through.”

  Feeling myself pale, I grabbed the coffee she set down for me and took a sip, willing myself to keep it together. I thought this was all dead and buried and that I would never have to deal with the questions and judgmental looks again. I barely survived my teens because of this drama with my mother; I wasn’t sure what to say to her.

  “I…thank you.”

  “Cassidy, are you alright?”

  Her words were kind and sincere and the tears began to well up in my eyes. Don’t cry, she’s your boss!

  “I’m sorry. I’ll be fine. I just wasn’t prepared to deal with all of this again.” I quickly swiped at a rogue tear.

  “James has brought a whole new element to your life. You’ll have to decide if this added spotlight on your life is worth the drama.”

  I tried not to flinch, knowing she was right. James was practically a celebrity around this town and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. We had only been dating a couple weeks and already the skeletons in my closet were being hung out for all to see.

  “I have big plans for you here at B & C. I’d hate for this romance to get in the way of that. I don’t care who you date, I just don’t want you to lose focus.”

  “Of course not. My job here is my number one priority, I assure you. My personal life won’t get in the way.”

  “Alright then. Are you on track with everything; the wedding and the upcoming holiday parties?” I nodded and she stood. “Hang in there. I’ll be heading out after lunch. Have a good weekend.”

  “You, too.” She closed my door. Resting my forehead on the desk, I tapped it a few times against the hard surface before picking it back up. “Get it together, Cassidy.”

  I worked through lunch. And to my surprise, no one disturbed me. The only interaction I had with Lena was asking her to handle all my calls unless it was an utter emergency. Crash into Me started singing from my cell and I pulled it out of my purse and answered.

  “Hey, I’m almost done here. I can get a cab home if it’s a problem.”

  I heard him say, “It’s almost seven p.m., Cassidy. I’m downstairs in the parking garage. I can wait.”

  I was shocked that it was so late, “Okay, I’m shutting down. I’ll be down in a few minutes.” Disconnecting the call, I smiled for the first time all day.

  I left my office, noticing I was the last person there. The main office doors were locked and I dug in my purse for my keys so I could exit. After locking back up, I hopped into the elevator to the underground parking garage. I spotted him leaning against the back of the Rover. He looked up and his expression was composed but he was flashing half a smile. Seeing him was an instant stress reliever. I picked up my pace, practically running, and threw my arms around his neck, burying my face in his collar.

  He squeezed me tightly, “You okay?”

  “Better now,” I mumbled into his collar.

  “Your brother called.” Pulling back to examine his face he said, “He’s worried about you. He said you’ve been ignoring his calls all day.”

  Dropping my head back to his chest I sighed, “Should I be concerned that you two are getting all chummy?” He pushed me to arm’s length and rubbed his hands up and down my upper arms. “I’ll call him when I get home.”

  “I already called him. He’s picking up dinner and headed to your place. He’s really worried about you. Is there something else going on I don’t know about?”

  Cal was over reacting, as usual, “No, there’s nothing else going on. He’s overprotective that’s all. I’m starving.” I pulled away and walked to the passenger door, refusing to discuss it further.

  He stopped me from opening the door and pressed me against the SUV. “You can trust me, Cassidy.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond and just pressed his lips to mine. The kiss soon got heated—like it always did with us—hands tugging and pulling on each other. He abruptly pulled away and opened the door. “Get in, we’ll resume this later.”

  *****

  We were getting out of the Rover when Cal pulled up. He was carrying a large carryout bag and I could see that Jane was with him. James and Cal shook hands and James took the bag of food from him. I opened the front door and ushered James and Jane inside. I was about to follow them in when Cal asked me to hang back.

  “What’s up?” I closed the door and waited for him to question me, knowing what was coming.

  “Don’t give me that. I saw the papers. Are you good?”

  Cal stood at the bottom of the porch steps looking up at me as I shoved my hands in my back pockets. I shrugged my shoulders while rocking back and forth on my heels.

  “Cassidy I know what all this did to you when we were teens. You’re not alright.”

  I had avoided his eyes until that moment, “Cal, can we NOT do this? What do you want me to say? I’m angry, no infuriated and sad. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.”

  “Does he know?” He motioned his head inside, to James. “Does he know how badly you took it all before?”

  “NO! And I’d like to keep it that way. I was a stupid kid crying out for help. I got the help. Leave. It. Alone.”

  “Cass…”

  “Everything okay out here?” Jane poked her head out the front door.

  “Yup, we’re good.” I seized the opportunity to walk inside, leaving her on the porch with Cal.

  I heard her ask, “Cal, what’s going on?”

  *****

  A couple hours later, Cal and Jane were heading out the door and Cal gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, “You should tell him.” I glared at him when he pulled away and he took Jane’s hand heading down the stairs.

  “Night.” I waved to both of them before shutting the door.

  James was lounging on the couch with his arms outstretched to me when I walked back into the living room. I smiled and sat down between his legs, resting my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me as he kissed my temple. It was only ten p.m. on a Friday and I just wanted to go to bed. I couldn’t suppress the yawn that followed.

  “You alright?”

  “I’ll be fine when everyone stops asking me that.” Remaining quiet, I immediately felt guilty for snapping at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t understand why this is being dragged through the papers again. What did I do?”

  Sighing he said, “You did me, so to speak. This is my fault. If we weren’t together this wouldn’t have happened.”

  I repositioned myself so that I could see his face. “I don’t understand. What’s the fascination with my dead mother? Why can’t this stay dead and buried?”

  “I have a feeling whoever’s behind this is out to deliberately hurt you or me.”

  That got my attention. “What? Why?”

  “I have Annie and Smith working on it.”

  “Who’s Annie?”

  “She’s my attorney.” He looked at me like there was more, “The same attorney who helped me out when I was in college.”

  “Ok, wait, you mean the Domme?” I groaned, “This just
gets better and better.” I stood up and began pacing the floor.

  “Cassidy, I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to take you to bed and hold you. We need to talk about all this. The more details you can give me the more Annie, Smith and I can help. Okay?”

  Taking a moment to process everything he said and asked of me, my head began to spin. He was right; we should just go to bed. “I don’t want to fight, either. We can talk about it later. Let’s go to bed.”

  Once we were upstairs, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I reemerged, he was standing in front of me wearing a skin tight tank and boxer briefs. Fucking hell. He smirked at me and walked into the bathroom. Had I just said that out loud? I climbed into bed, naked, and flopped onto my stomach while hugging my pillow under my head.

  He wasn’t in the bathroom long before climbing in next to me. Propping his head up on his hand looking down at me he said, “You’re exhausted.” He started running his fingers through my hair as I closed my eyes and savored his touch. His hand started lazily caressing my back and then he started gently scratching my back.

  “Mm,” he stopped and I opened my eyes, “Don’t stop, that feels wonderful.”

  He smiled, picking up where he left off. Soon he was lying down next to me and I turned my head away from him as he pulled me into my James cocoon that was fast becoming my happy place.

  “Closer.”

  I heard him groan in response as he tucked me under him; the right side of his body covering my left. The weight of him on me was glorious. I was aware of his arousal as he wedged his leg between my two, drifting off as the warmth of his body became a fog around me.

  I whispered, “This, this is my heaven.”

  *****

  I was aware of hot, large hands kneading the flesh of my thighs and ass. My eyes flickered open and it was almost entirely dark as I felt hot moisture gliding up my spine to my neck and then he started sucking on my neck. I turned slightly to give him better access and he bit down.

  “Feels good.” I was not coherent enough to speak properly, I could only feel. Oh God could I feel.

  I was still on my stomach as he hovered over my back. His hands were positioned on both sides of my head, keeping his weight from pinning me entirely, and I realized that I wanted his entire weight pinning me. Reading my thoughts, he gently laid on top of me and I spread my legs, moaning at the feel of his hard cock pressed against my ass. He was not dressed anymore, wholly naked.

  “I want you, Cassidy,” he whispered in my ear and I shivered from head to toe.

  “I need you, James.” He growled in my ear before pulling my lobe between his teeth. “Please, I need to feel you and nothing else. Make it all go away.”

  He moved down lower between my legs and I lifted my hips to give him access. His hand traveled between my legs, moving down to cup my mound. He pressed his fingers to my pubic bone then ran them across my labia, easily slipping a finger inside.

  “You’re already wet for me.” He pulled his hand away and a second later I felt his head at my entrance. I couldn’t wait any longer.

  “James!” It was a plea for him to take me.

  He crashed into me at that moment and we were both left pulsing and panting before he began thrusting over and over again. I tossed my pillow to the side and grabbed the headboard in front of me. After several minutes of him hammering into me, he stilled and resumed biting and sucking on my shoulders. His hand moved over and down my side until it slid between me and the bed. Finding my clit, he started circling it.

  “Cassidy…”

  He started moving in and out again while applying pressure to my clit. “Please, James.”

  “What is it? Tell me what you want.” He continued stroking me inside and out.

  “Harder, I need you harder.” Ramming into my backside over and over again I panted, “Oh, yes. Like that.”

  He placed his free hand between my shoulder blades and now I truly felt the weight of him on me. My breasts were pressed against the sheets, almost painfully so, and I couldn’t move. My hips jumped and my clit pressed harder into his hand.

  “You’re so close, baby.”

  He was as out of breath as I felt. My knuckles were white as I gripped the headboard tighter and the spiral began. My toes were tingling and my belly was tensing.

  I was aware that I was holding my breath when he bellowed, “Dammit, Cassidy, breathe!”

  I took in a massive breath trying to get back under control, “James I’m going…”

  “Me, too.”

  His thrusts become jerkier and soon I felt him shooting his seed into me as he changed direction against my clit. It was the final straw and my orgasm took over. My eyes saw white as the reverberations of my orgasm shot through my limbs, my grip on the headboard slackened and my hips relaxed.

  He started to move out and off of me when I begged, “Please stay. I want to feel you like this just a little longer.” Dropping down onto his forearms, his breath was hot and heavy on my neck, and I smiled. “You, I just want to feel you.”

  “Anything for you, Blackbird.”

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I felt myself drifting off. “What time is it?”

  “Who cares? Got somewhere to be?” We both chuckled as he rolled to his side and pulled me to his chest while kissing me. Kissing slowly and deeply for a long time, we explored each other’s mouths before going back to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Wounds

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I woke in the morning to the familiar whir thump whir thump of the treadmill. I rolled over and grabbed his pillow, drowning my senses in his smell. I remembered our lovemaking from the middle of the night and smiled. I never thought sex could be so good and I loved what he did to me and with so little direction. I love everything about him. I love him.

  I love him?

  No, it was too soon. I was crazy. It was just sex. Fucking hot, amazeballs sex. Nothing more. I knew that wasn’t true. I loved him? I pondered that and recounted every single memory with him, the good and the bad. I struggled to process it all. I had only felt this way about one other person and that was so long ago.

  “Morning, beautiful. What are you thinking about?”

  My eyes darted to the doorway where he was standing—no, where he was posing. He was wiping his face with a towel only wearing his shorts and running shoes.

  “You.”

  “What about me?” He crossed his arms and stared at me intently.

  “That’s for me to know and you to wonder.” I got up on my elbows grinning from ear to ear. I loved him. I did. Fucking hell.

  He sauntered over to the bed only like he could. He was considering his next move and so was I. He pounced first and started tickling me.

  “You’re going to tell me right now what you’re thinking about, lady.”

  “James, agh. Stop.” I was laughing uncontrollably, knowing I was a shit liar. “Please, I have to pee!”

  Stopping his attack, he kissed my nose before releasing me. I scampered off the bed and he smacked my ass before I ran to the bathroom. After I was finished, I cranked on the shower as he walked in. I stepped into the shower once the water was warm enough and he followed behind me. He gathered my hair, pulling it over my shoulder and I felt him freeze. He spun me around to face him and started examining me.

  “What are you doing?” He was touching a spot on my hip, and as I followed his gaze I noticed a faint bruise on my hip.

  “Does it hurt?” I shook my head and he stood back up and turned me away from him again. “What about here?”

  I felt his fingers caressing the spot on my upper back, where he held me down last night. “No.” He kissed the spot before I turned to face him.

  “I’m too rough with you.”

  “We’ve discussed this, I’m fine. I’ll let you know if you’re too rough.” He smiled down at me. “I really enjoyed last night, especially when you were holding me down. I love the weight of your
body on mine. Makes me feel safe, free, loved.”

  I realized what I had said and abruptly turned to grab the shampoo. I started lathering my hair as he did the same to his. “So, you like being immobile while I’m having my way with you?”

  Blushing I confessed, “I do. Don’t tell anyone, they might get the wrong idea.”

  “I don’t kiss and tell, Miss Charles.” He winked at me and we finished our shower.

  We went down to the kitchen and I pulled out two cereal bowls and spoons. He was grinning from ear to ear with one eyebrow raised as I moved to the pantry and pulled out my favorite cereal.

  “Cocoa Puffs? Really?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Guilty pleasure. You want some or not?”

  We finished our bowls of cereal and I put our dishes in the sink, and then sat back down at the table next to him.

  “We need to talk.” His tone was foreboding. “I have a meeting with Annie and Smith this afternoon if you’d like to come. I’d like to be honest with them about everything. I need you to fill in the gaps and what really happened.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his.

  I felt my throat getting tight, “I haven’t talked about this in so long. Holly didn’t even know the details.” Pulling me to my feet, he guided me to the couch.

  “What can I do to make it easier? I’m trying to protect you, but I need to know what I’m up against.”

  “I know. Umm, I’m not sure where to start.”

  “Wherever you want. Take your time.”

  “Alright.”

  With a deep breath and a heavy heart, I began my story.

  “It was the summer before eighth grade. I was taller than most and awkward, so awkward. I played sports and had lots of friends or at least I thought I did. Mom wasn’t around much that summer. We didn’t know why back then, but we do now. It was a Saturday night and school was starting in just over a week. Dad, Cal and I were sitting around the living room coffee table eating pizza and playing board games.