Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  Matt backed out of the garage and into the dreary elements. Large rain clouds loomed overhead, ready to burst at any moment. I was trying to be upbeat, but I really didn’t want to attend this party and be forced to put on a happy face and tell everyone that everything was fine. I couldn’t contain my unhappiness anymore.

  “Who does this?” I asked sourly as I flipped the radio to a rock station. My mellow mood was slipping away fast.

  “Who does what?”

  “This is a bit much, don’t you think?” I shoved the invitation closer to Matt so he could have a better look. “I mean, this invite is nicer than our wedding invitations were.”

  The announcement was crafted on heavy white cardstock and scripted in navy ink broadcasting Jordana’s sixteenth birthday party. A beach print served as the backdrop indicating some type of tropical luau theme. The invitation was professionally printed and quite extravagant for a teenager’s birthday party.

  “Come on, Allison,” Matt glared at me. “It’s a party; we’re supposed to have fun. I was really hoping your good mood would stick around for one night. Can you at least try to have some fun?” Matt grabbed my hand and I met his eyes briefly before he returned his to the road. “Besides, Melissa will be there and I know you love hanging out with my sister.”

  “Fine,” I said. I did love hanging out with Melissa and her husband David. Both had bubbly personalities and were full of life. Plus, Melissa always had a good story or two to share about her hair salon customers. Spending time with her tonight could be a good thing if some of her enthusiasm rubbed off on me, or it could be an utter disaster if I couldn’t control my gloominess. I hoped for the former, but knew the latter was going to win out. My aura was getting heavier, a sign I must not have spent much time dreaming about my tropical paradise. It seemed the longer I dreamt about that place, the longer my contentment lasted.

  We drove most of the way in silence. I watched small farmhouses and large farms pass us by, and the fields filled with corn stalks ready for harvest served as a reminder that winter was just around the corner. I counted cows in the pastures to pass time and I tried to ignore all of the roadside memorials marking where someone had lost a life in a car wreck on these treacherous roads. Some of the displays were placed at intersections, others on the berm; some were quite elaborate with pictures and flowers, others were as simple as a cross with the victim’s name and date of his or her demise. I cringed every time we went through an intersection where we had the right of way but the cross street traffic had to stop. I feared someone would barrel through the stop sign resulting in my own personal roadside memorial.

  We drove another mile or two when Matt finally announced, “And here we are.”

  We turned off the road onto a winding concrete driveway that curved its way past an expertly manicured lawn and led to a mammoth, two-story house. Seeing the house, I knew the invitation wasn’t out of place at all. Leslie and Shawn were highly successful owners of a landscaping business, and their clients included some of Ohio’s most elite families as well as some lucrative local government contracts.

  Matt parked the Jeep in the reserved parking area in the front yard.

  “What, no valet?” I asked sarcastically. Matt ignored me.

  I climbed out of the car and examined the weather. It was humid and looked like it was going to storm but I, of course, felt chilled. I grabbed my jacket knowing I would need it sooner rather than later.

  Matt eyed me. “Really, Allison? A jacket? Everyone here is in shorts, and you’re dressed like you’re ready for winter.”

  “Hey, I’m wearing flip flops,” I responded sourly, sticking a foot out for his observation. I couldn’t imagine why he would care what I was wearing. He should want me to be warm and somewhat happy versus cold and cranky.

  “Whatever,” Matt replied.

  He grabbed my hand and led me around the side of the house, through a wrought iron gate to the pool area. I whistled a snarky tune as I inspected the scene.

  Just like the fountain out front, the pool was full of flowers, but these were accompanied by floating candles. Twinkling lights and paper lanterns zigzagged through the air casting a warm glow against the dark sky. Cabanas draped in white flowing gauze provided seating. We were ushered to the back gate where we were given fresh Hawaiian leis.

  “This had to cost a good buck,” I said, as I toyed with the fragrant necklace.

  “Be nice,” Matt responded. “Jordana is their only child; you knew they were going to spoil her on this occasion.”

  The backyard stretched out around us. Candlelit bags anchored with sand directed us to an enormous party tent.

  “I’m sure they needed a tent, like they couldn’t fit this shindig in their house,” I hissed.

  “Allison Carmichael, would you please knock off the attitude?” Matt pleaded.

  He was right. I needed to knock off the attitude but I didn’t know how. This crabbiness emanated from my core and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

  We walked inside the tent, which was decorated with the same lights and lanterns that swung over the pool. Tables covered in orange silk and crowned with tropical floral and fruit centerpieces outlined the perimeter of the dance floor. A glittery disco ball hung above. The air smelled vaguely familiar and pleasant but was also overwhelming.

  “Do you smell that?” I asked, as I leaned into Matt so he could hear me over the deejay.

  “Smell what?”

  “All of the flowers. It smells like a damn flower shop in here.”

  Matt shot me a look. I sensed he was about through with my attitude so I decided to be quiet.

  We continued to make our way through the tent. The far wall housed a shrine to the birthday girl. Photos from the time she was born to the present day were displayed in frames and on poster board. Trophies and ribbons showcasing her athletic triumphs and academic achievements were scattered across a table. I mulled over the pictures…cheerleading, homecoming, bonfires and football games. It took me back, reminding me how full of hope and promise I once was at her age. Bitterness swelled inside me. “She better enjoy it now, because she’ll be disappointed ten years down the road when life doesn’t pan out the way she expects it to.”

  “Calm down, Ali,” Matt scolded. “Here comes Jordana.”

  Jordana skipped over to us. She looked vibrant in a yellow and white sundress, gold bangles and wedge sandals. Just looking at her outfit made me feel cold. Her long brown hair, highlighted with golden tones, swung just beneath her tanned shoulders.

  “Hi guys,” Jordana gushed as she hugged me. “I’m so happy you could make it!”

  I forced another fake smile. “Happy birthday, Jordana. Thanks for inviting us. We’re so happy to be here.”

  Jordana hugged Matt and pecked him on the cheek. “Mom and dad are over there talking with guests.” She pointed towards the front of the tent, clear on the other side from where we were standing. “I gotta greet more guests. Please, grab something to eat and drink and have fun!”

  “Enjoy your night, Jordana!” Matt yelled as she bounded away.

  “Very nice,” Matt said.

  “What?”

  “Nice fake smile. It was passable, but I could see right through it,” Matt smirked as he kissed my forehead. I rolled my eyes. At least I was trying.

  We walked across the tent and said our hellos to Leslie and Shawn before finding an empty table where we waited for Melissa and David.

  “You want something to drink?” Matt asked. “A Mai Tai or Pina Colada?”

  “Corona, please.” Maybe a beer would take the edge off my disposition.

  Just as Matt went off in search of a bartender, I was tackled from behind. It was Melissa and David. Thank goodness, I thought.

  “How are you, my sweet sister-in-law?” Melissa gushed as she ran her fingers through my hair, rearranging the pieces. “Your hair looks awesome,” she added. “Maybe next time, we’ll take a little off the back. Ya know, for something different.�
� I was glad she thought my hair looked good. The hour-long struggle in front of the mirror must have paid off.

  “I’m fine, Melissa,” I said, trying to muster enthusiasm. I hugged David. “So happy to be at the event of the year.” I waved my hand at the festivities around us.

  “Oh, I see.” David stepped back. “In a gloomy mood, huh?”

  “Matt warned us about this,” Melissa said, winking at Matt as he returned with our drinks.

  I looked at Matt and playfully punched him in the arm. “What? Are you telling everybody my problems?” I feebly joked. I was mortified that Matt would do that to me. It was enough that he and my best friend had to put up with me; I didn’t need to bring my in-laws down too.

  “No, no, you know I wouldn’t do that. But I couldn’t let my sister walk into a lion’s den without any warning!” he joked back.

  “Fair enough,” I responded. It was probably better this way. At least I wouldn’t have to endure questions from Melissa and David since they already knew something was wrong. Maybe I could even drop my front.

  The four of us sat at the table and made small talk about work, the latest news headlines and the local sports team. I halfheartedly listened to the conversations and barely spoke. I wished I were someplace else but where, I didn’t know. This party and my presence at it felt forced and awkward and I wanted out.

  “Let’s go get something to eat. It smells delicious in here,” Melissa suggested.

  “Looks like Ali needs another beer,” David said, nodding his head at my empty beer bottle.

  “Geez, Ali, you thirsty?” Matt asked. “I just got you that beer.”

  My cheeks flushed. I felt parched but that was no excuse to guzzle a beer in a few minutes. “Um, yeah, I guess I am a little thirsty,” I stammered and threw everyone a sheepish grin.

  The food smelled delicious, but I wasn’t hungry. Nevertheless, I joined everyone in line. Like the rest of the party, the buffet was overflowing with excess. The plates and flatware were one step below fine china. The table was staffed with servers in fancy chef jackets and silly hats. The food was over the top…spiced veggies, bacon wrapped scallops, shrimp cocktail, coconut breaded shrimp, meat rolls, sushi, chicken kabobs, Po Po, spare ribs, and Poi. And of course, no luau would be complete without a roasted pig and a chocolate fountain.

  “Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Matt asked.

  I looked at my plate and sighed. I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch today and my plate was a sorry excuse for dinner with a handful of veggies and one scallop. I didn’t want to make a fuss about my appetite, or lack thereof. I looked up at the server I was standing in front of, prepared to take whatever he offered so I wouldn’t draw any more attention to myself.

  “Would you like some Mahi Mahi?” the server asked in a velvety voice.

  He was deliciously handsome, tall with a muscular build. His shoulder length blond hair was pulled back into a low ponytail that accentuated his angular jaw and high cheekbones. His chef’s hat looked too average for his beautiful face. This man could be a model; I couldn’t fathom why he was serving food. Stitched into his shirt above his heart was his name - Lorenzo. The name struck me as uncommon but his eyes captivated me more. Lorenzo’s eyes glowed like emeralds, polished and smooth as glass. The lights from the dance floor played off of them like a mirror in which I could see everything going on behind me. The golden speckles around his pupils were bright and full of life, like how mine looked earlier this morning. But his were different; they danced in circles. I couldn’t help but stare.

  “Um, Ali?” Matt’s words broke my gaze.

  I cleared my throat and looked at the buffet table, then back up at those eyes. Lorenzo looked at me with a crooked smile as he pushed a piece of fish on my plate. He must get this all the time, I thought. Women probably gawked at him wherever he went, especially if he routinely worked out here in the middle of nowhere.

  “Uh, thank you,” I whispered. I turned in embarrassment and walked toward our table.

  “Are you okay?” Matt asked, balancing his plate in one hand while wrapping his arm around my waist. He glanced over his shoulder at Lorenzo.

  “Um, yeah, I’m fine. I was just about to say something to Melissa while we were in line but the thought left my mind,” I lied. “Like you say, your memory goes out the window after thirty, right?”

  “Right,” Matt replied suspiciously.

  I flushed again with embarrassment. What was I doing? My husband, the love of my life, was standing at my side and I couldn’t help but stare at the wait staff? Where were my manners? Where was my self-control?

  Matt pulled my chair out for me, my back to the buffet. I was sure that wasn’t a coincidence. My napkin fell to the floor and as I bent to retrieve it, I couldn’t help but look back at Lorenzo. He wasn’t looking in my direction; he was busy doing his job. I didn’t know what I was hoping for, but a little glance from him would have been a nice ego boost. I pushed the thought from my mind and returned to the conversation at our table.

  I was quiet during our meal. Matt and David talked cars and work, but neither subject interested me. Melissa chatted in my ear about all the town gossip she had heard the past few days at her hair salon. I didn’t care to hear it but threw in the occasional “uh huh” and “mmm hmm” to appear politely interested.

  “Ali?” Melissa’s voice broke through my haze.

  “Yeah, I heard you. The Johnston’s barn burned down and the police suspect arson.”

  “No, not that. Aren’t you hungry? I don’t think you had a bite of food all evening.”

  Melissa was right; I had only played with my food throughout dinner.

  “Actually, I don’t feel well.”

  “Well you must be thirsty because you sucked down your other two Coronas.”

  I looked at the table and sure enough, there were two empty beer bottles. I wasn’t sure what my problem was tonight. I typically didn’t drink this much and definitely not this fast.

  “I have a sore throat,” I replied. “I fell asleep on the hammock this morning and woke up with a sore throat. The cold feels good against it.”

  “Well you better switch to something a little less potent if you’re going to drink like that,” she smiled.

  “Ha, yeah, you’re right. I’ll grab some punch from the fountain. Who has a chocolate fountain and a punch fountain at a birthday party?” I lamely joked, trying to divert attention from me.

  The evening wore on and I had to admit it was a nice party. The rain held off for most of the night; heavy drops had just started to tap on the tent’s roof. The lanterns swayed in the breeze casting a hazy light. The deejay turned tunes and every kid, young and old, was on the dance floor. I stuck to my seat the entire night as my social butterfly husband and in-laws went off to converse with others. I couldn’t blame them. It was probably uncomfortable sitting around me with my moods fluctuating from semi-sociable to completely petulant.

  I also stayed in my seat for another reason. I wanted to look for him...Lorenzo. I had felt so drawn to him in the buffet line. I didn’t know why, but I craved another inappropriate stare into those eyes. There was something there, pulling me towards him, but not in a romantic way; I only had eyes like that for Matt. It was like Lorenzo’s eyes were calling me, but I couldn’t decipher the message. I glanced around the room, but the buffet tables were gone. I thought Lorenzo was, too, but I finally caught a brief glimpse of him where the buffet line had been set up. It appeared he was looking in my direction, but that was silly of me to think. There was no reason he would be looking for me.

  I stood and walked towards Lorenzo. His back was to me as he packed the last of the serving utensils. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was going to say to him. I didn’t know why I felt the need to meet this stranger, to figure out what his eyes were trying to say. As I crossed the dance floor, Lorenzo turned and looked in the direction of where I had been sitting. He noticed I wasn’t there and his eyes nervously scanned the r
oom until he spotted me. He stared at me for the briefest second before he tucked the box under his arm and turned around the corner of the tent. I quickened my pace, reaching the spot where he had just stood. As I carefully peered around the side of tent, two teenagers collided with me.

  “Excuse me,” I said, flustered by the unexpected guests.

  “Sorry, we didn’t see you there,” the girl said. I recognized her as one of Jordana’s friends from the pictures I looked at earlier.

  “Yes, excuse us ma’am, we were just makin’ our way to the dance floor,” the boy said in a familiar twang. I examined his face; narrow nose, dark blond hair spiked with gel, and the bluest of blue eyes. He had on a white t-shirt, jeans, black Converse sneakers and a leather jacket flung over his shoulder.

  “I know you,” I blurted out.

  “You know who?” the girl asked and rolled her eyes.

  “Him. You’re Caz Devoe.”

  “Sorry ma’am, you must have me mistaken for someone else. My name is Bill Smith. This here is my girlfriend Tammy Styles. We go to high school with Jordana.”

  “No,” I stuttered. “I met you yesterday morning in the parking lot at the hospital. You found my phone and insurance card by my car.”

  “I was in school yesterday morning,” Bill replied. The expression on his face seemed to question my sanity, but there was no mistaking his sapphire eyes or the narrow nose. Sure, his hair was styled differently, but this had to be Caz.

  “Come on, Bill, let’s go dance.” Tammy tugged on Bill’s arm. I stood there and watched them pass. As I turned my head to finish my original mission, I caught a glimpse of “Bill” looking over his shoulder, but I was too slow in turning my head to catch him. I would swear on my parents’ graves that Bill Smith was Caz Devoe. But it didn’t really matter. I returned my attention to my original goal.

  I grabbed the tent pole in an effort to hide behind it and peered around the corner. Lorenzo was nowhere to be found. I wasn’t sure where he could have gone. I didn’t hear any cars start when I ran into Bill and Tammy. There was one catering truck left but it appeared locked and was dark inside.