Holding Onto Forever (The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Book 1)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  With my phone in my hand, I crouch down next to my sister and wrap my arm around her waist. She nestles into my side and all but hides her face in the crook of my neck. Paige is a bit camera shy, not that I blame her, but I want to capture this moment. “Smile, Little B.” She does, but most of her face is hidden. Honestly, I don’t mind. Fear of the paparazzi has been ingrained into her mind, and rarely has anyone ever truly photographed her. For the longest time, my dad would make her wear a hood whenever she was out and about. He wanted her to have as much anonymity as she could.

  “Are you putting that on Instagram?”

  “I am.” Paige leans closer and watches me upload the photo and add the caption, “My perfect girl.” I add various hashtags and wait a few seconds for the comments and likes to start. Most often, everything is positive. But occasionally, someone will post something that I have to delete. Thing is, I know what my mom, Aunt Katelyn and Aunt Jenna go through when it comes to the band. The last thing they need is to see sexual comments about me as well. And as far as Paige is concerned, I don’t want her seeing the nastiness of social media.

  “Look, everyone says I’m cute.”

  “That’s because you are.” She wraps her arms around me, giving me the strongest hug she can.

  “Tell me all about the dance and what Peyton is wearing when you get home, okay?”

  “You bet.” I stand and shake out my pant legs. Taking one last look in the mirror, I head for the door where my mom meets me with Peyton’s corsage in hand. The three champagne colored roses are nestled in baby’s breath and tied together with a pink ribbon. The fact that I know anything about flowers has really upped my dating game. Chicks dig random knowledge.

  As if on cue, the limousine I rented for the night is idling in the driveway. Technically, it’s easier for me to pick Peyton up, but I want her to have the full experience. Also, Elle and her date will join us for the ride over. That is one thing I’ve learned about living in a massive city like Portland – the teens really go out of their way to make prom something spectacular. In little ole Beaumont, it’s held at the school gym with paper streamers and balloon arches. That’s how it was when my parents went, and it was the same way when I went. I can’t imagine much has changed.

  The black limo stops in front of the Powell-James home, and I’m out of the car with Peyton’s corsage in my hand before the driver can do his job by opening my door. I’ll let him focus on the girls and let them feel like a million dollars. One would think considering how famous their dad is, boys would flock to them, but they don’t. When Quinn and I were in high school, it was the other way around, and we learned early on our popularity had a lot to do with our fathers. Believe me, Quinn and I don’t mind if the girls are left alone.

  Harrison opens the front door before I reach the final step. Even though I’ve known him for half my life, I extend my right hand to shake his. “Good evening, Mr. Powell-James.” Harrison tries to hide his smile but accepts my hand firmly.

  “Evening, Noah. Peyton is almost ready.”

  I follow him into the house and am immediately introduced to a tall lanky kid in a tuxedo. “Noah, this is Ben. He’s Elle’s best guy friend.”

  We shake hands, but it’s awkward. “You’re Noah Westbury.”

  No shit.

  “Man, this is surreal. I mean, Peyton said you were taking her, but most of us thought she was bullshitting us.”

  I shake my head slightly. “Nope, no bullshitting here. I’m happy to take her to prom.”

  “Man, the guys at school are going to flip,” Ben says. He turns his back toward me and from what I can gather is pulling out this phone. There isn’t a doubt in my mind he’s informing everyone of my presence. Unfortunately for him and his “guys” I won’t sign autographs or pose for pictures tonight unless Peyton instructs me to. This is her night.

  The sound of heels coming down the hardwood steps grabs my attention. I step out into the entryway in time to see Katelyn leading her twin daughters down the stairs.

  “Thank you,” she whispers into my ear before giving me a kiss on my cheek. I don’t tell her that it’s my pleasure, but I should.

  When Peyton comes into view, all wind is knocked out of my proverbial sail. She’s gorgeous with her long tresses curled and pinned to the top of her head, and her dress… I swallow hard and chance a look at Harrison. His eyes are hard and there’s a noticeable tick in his jaw.

  “The night of your prom, you wore that pink dress. Do you remember it, Peyton? When you were coming down the stairs I thought Harrison was going to make you go change. I can’t even tell you what Elle was wearing because I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. Everything changed for us that night. I thought things were going to turn out differently, but I was wrong.”

  I stand up and stretch. A quick glance out her window shows my father and Harrison talking. I’d like to think my father won’t sell me out, but who knows at this point. The fact that Peyton and I have been intimate shouldn’t matter, and won’t if she doesn’t make it. It was her choice, and I was too enamored with her to tell her no. I thought we’d be together afterward, but I was mistaken.

  My dad glances toward me or at least at the room. I’m not ready to leave Peyton. It’s selfish of me, I know. There are others out there that want their time with her, but I can’t bring myself to walk out the door or even invite them back in.

  The hard plastic chair is as inviting as being sacked in an outdoor stadium. Both suck beyond words. Yet, I find myself sitting down and picking her hand back up. Her body temperature is questionable, and probably a bit on the cold side. I refuse to believe she’s dying. Peyton wouldn’t do that to me.

  “Okay, you’re going to let up on the break, but do so gently.”

  It’s midnight and Peyton’s birthday. Legally, I’m not allowed to teach her to drive, but she asked me to. She’s nervous about her permit test in the morning and thinks that a crash course behind the wheel of my Wrangler is the way to pass. She’s not fooling me though. I know she’s been waiting for this day since I got my Jeep for my eighteenth birthday. Peyton is often hanging out in my dad’s garage, taking pictures of herself in it, so who am I to deny her this late night or early morning ride.

  For good measure, I grab hold of the ‘oh shit’ handle and hold my breath. Peyton eases my prized possession out of my parents’ driveway and onto the darkened street.

  “Which way do I go?”

  “Where do you want to go?” I ask, sitting up straighter so I can be more attentive to her. “If you turn left, we can drive toward the school. Right and we go by your house.”

  Peyton looks in both directions, and honestly, neither seems appealing. For the longest time, the twins refused to drive on the road in front of the school where their father died. Over the years it’s gotten easier, but most of us detour when they’re in the car to prevent any uneasiness for them. However, going by her house probably isn’t the best option either.

  “Want me to drive us out of town?”

  She nods and puts the car in park. We quickly switch seats and within seconds I have us speeding out of town. I drive us to Greenfield High, one of Beaumont’s rivals and strongest nearby competition.

  “This is where you’re going to teach me to drive?” she asks, as we meet in front of my Jeep. The headlights give off a strong enough glow that I can see her face clearly. Her lips are pursed and kissable. There have been many nights, alone in my dorm room, where I have dreamed of kissing her. No one, not even Quinn, knows about my fantasies. No one ever will.

  I never cared when she followed me around with her football or wanted to scrimmage with the rest of the guys. I always knew she was in the stands, watching and cheering me on, ready to tell me about my game. If she were like a sister, I would’ve been annoyed. I would’ve pushed her away, but I didn’t. I found excuses to keep her close.

  “Sure, why not?” I look around the deserted parking lot, which are the best places to learn the basics. “You’ll be fi
ne, Peyton. I promise.”

  “Remember when you took your permit test? You aced it while Elle missed four. That was the last time I was home for your birthday because I was drafted a year later. Sure, we celebrated when we’d see each other, but it’s not the same. Don’t forget we have big plans for your twenty-first. You remember the plan right? We’re going to live the high life and use our names to get us everything we want. You just have to wake up, Peyton, or we can’t celebrate.”

  “Noah?”

  Elle’s voice is soft as she calls my name. I turn in the chair to find her resting against the doorjamb. She comes to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and cries softly into my shoulder. I hold her and find myself quickly following suit. My tears are hot and streaming fast down my cheeks.

  “You have to tell her,” Elle mumbles, but I’m shaking my head.

  “No. I can’t. I won’t.”

  9

  Peyton

  My mom stands in the doorway watching Noah and Elle comfort each other. Her stance mimics the way Elle was standing earlier. She and my mother are clones of each other. We may be identical twins, Elle and I, but we’re nothing alike. From early on, I favored our father, while Elle took after our mother, or so we’ve been told. Elle was the cheerleader in high school. I preferred football, choosing to stand on the sidelines until I joined the school paper. She liked to dress up, making sure her clothes were perfect. I didn’t care as long as I was comfortable. The one thing that’s the same, well was until now, is our hair. Neither of us has cut it without the other doing the same, and we’ve never dyed it.

  Elle and I changed when we went away to college. I started dressing more like her, while she took on the grunge rocker look. I had never seen my sister wear flannel before until she moved to Los Angeles. Now she owns combat boots, nylons with holes and wears black nail polish. Our dad calls it a phase.

  “Noah… Elle… may I have a few moments with Peyton?”

  My sister removes herself from Noah’s lap and goes to our mom. They hug each other and by the shaking of Elle’s shoulders, I’m assuming she’s crying. My attention is on Noah though. He clears his throat before standing. He hovers over me, his thumb brushing lightly along my forehead and finally, he leans down to kiss me. I wish I could feel him. Feel the warmth of his lips against my tepid skin. I try to move my arms, wiggle my fingers, open my eyes and even grunt, but no amount of straining produces the results I’m seeking. Noah seems to be the only one who hasn’t given up on me.

  Is that a sign that I’m supposed to find my way out of here? Have I been lingering in this ‘in between’ because I’m waiting for something more meaningful to show me that I need to leave this realm? Everyone except for Noah is hell bent on saying goodbye to me. He’s the only one refusing to give up. Why is that? Since when do we not pray or have hope?

  Noah stops and gives my mother a hug. She’s short and has to stand on her tippy toes to get her arms around his broad shoulders. I’m jealous that she and Elle get to hug him and I can’t. I’d give anything to feel his arms around me, at least one more time.

  Mom waits until Noah and Elle are out of sight before she comes in and sits down. She picks up my hand and holds it to her face. The ring that my dad gave her when our adoptions were final doesn’t sparkle inside this drab room. It’s almost as if the ring has died a bit because I’m in here. I remember, after he gave it to her, I used to try it on. It’s always been my favorite piece of jewelry and I think it’s because it represents my family.

  “My sweet baby girl,” she whispers against the back of my hand. I’d give anything to tell her how much I love her, to make sure she knows she is the best mother I could’ve asked for, but I can’t, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance.

  I vaguely remember speaking to her yesterday. Or was it the day before? My memory before the accident is fuzzy. Did I interrupt her time with my aunts? Would she have told me if I did? No, I can’t imagine she would’ve. My mom has always put Elle, Quinn and I first, over my dad and the band. Even though I can’t remember my conversation with her, I’m telling myself that she was happy for me. I hope I told her I love her and miss her.

  I wish she had come to visit me instead. If she did, maybe I wouldn’t be here right now. There is no way I would miss time with my mom to go out to dinner with a handsome quarterback, although she probably would’ve encouraged me to.

  “There are so many things I want to say to you, Peyton, but I don’t know where to start. I hope you know that you have been the best daughter. You remind me so much of your father. I see him in your eyes, your smile and the way you command a room when you walk in. You’ve always been noticeable, even when you thought Elle was stealing the spotlight.”

  “That’s because she was,” I blurt out. Elle has always had an indescribable air about her. When she walked into a room, people flocked to her. We were both popular in school, but Elle seemed to hold herself higher than I did. I suppose there isn’t anything wrong with being that way.

  “When you see--”

  A gut-wrenching sob takes over my mom’s voice. Her head falls to my leg as she cries. I’m there to comfort her, wishing with all my might she could feel my hand rubbing through her hair. I rest my body on top of hers, holding her as tightly as I can. “It’ll be okay, Mama.” But I’m not sure I even believe what I’m saying.

  She cries louder, hiccupping and muttering words that I can’t make out. In a flash, she’s out of my arms and being held by my dad. It’s as if he knew she needed him. He’s always known. He sits on the floor with her on his lap, holding her to his chest as he rocks her back and forth.

  “I know it hurts, baby. Our girl is strong though, we have to have a little hope.”

  “She’s so cold, Harrison.”

  “I can feel her slipping away from me,” Elle says, causing my mom to cry louder. I glance at the door to find my sister and Quinn. They both descend on our parents, arms all tangled within a tight circle, one that I’m not a part of. “I haven’t felt right since before we got the call. And now I’m starting to feel numb in certain places.” The freaky twin connection is real, at least it is between us. We can sense things about each other. It’s weird and most of the time I don’t like it.

  I especially didn’t like it the morning after Noah and I… well, the morning after prom. Elle knew something had happened and even though I smiled and acted like nothing was amiss, she hounded me for days, wanting to know why she felt odd. When she lost her virginity, I didn’t have to say anything because she told me about it. Every. Last. Detail. We’re sisters. We share. Except when we don’t. Any and everything I feel about Noah is off limits. As far as Elle and the rest of my family is concerned, Noah’s my best friend. To me, he’s the man I’m desperately in love with.

  Being in love with Noah is difficult. It’s like chasing a butterfly without a net. He’s there, looking catchable and when I think I can get close enough, he flutters away and is out of reach. I know being with him is a stupid fantasy, but part of me wishes it’d come true. And now it’s probably too late.

  Quinn starts humming. The sound is soothing. Not only to me but our mother as well. She finally stands with the help of our dad and returns to the chair that seems to be glued to the floor next to my bed. He stands behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders and his eyes staring down at me. Elle and Quinn are on the other side of my bed. She holds my hand, while his hand rests on my leg.

  I’m at the end of my bed, wondering if this is my moment. Is Elle right? Can she feel me dying? I don’t feel any different now then I have since I’ve been here.

  “How’s our girl?” Jenna the nurse walks in and immediately squeezes by Quinn and Elle to access the machines I’m plugged into. She pushes a few buttons, writes notes in my chart, and studies the printout, which spits out of one the monitors. I stand next to her, trying to decipher whatever it is she’s looking at. “No change,” she mumbles.

  That’s good, right?

&nb
sp; I look at my family with an expectant smile, but either they didn’t hear her or they don’t believe her.

  “You’re a fighter.” My nurse brushes my hair. “If you’d like, I can redress her wounds.” Mom nods and Dad helps her out of the chair. My siblings follow, leaving me alone with Jenna. “You have a lot of family waiting for you out in the waiting room. I can’t imagine they’ll leave here tonight, not knowing… just like I’m not leaving. I know I said I would once your mom arrived, but I can’t.”

  Jenna cleans and redresses the wound on my scalp before she pulls the blankets down that have been keeping my chest hidden from everyone.

  “You’ll have a scar,” she says this as if it’s something I don’t already know. “But surviving what you did… well, I think you’d be okay with it like this.”

  Once she has it cleaned and covered my wounds, she dresses me in a new nightgown. It’s my second one, and I haven’t been here very long.

  “I’ve watched your family. They love you. Your dad pulled a lot of strings to make sure everyone was allowed in the waiting room. Everyone out there is waiting for you to wake up, for you to defy what the doctors say. What a miracle you’d be.”

  Once I’m dressed, she pulls the blankets back up and makes sure the wires protruding from my body aren’t constricted in any way. I sit, crossed legged on the bed, watching her care for me as if she’s known me her whole life and not hours. I hope that I get the chance to thank her… if I remember any of this when I wake.

  “All the nurses are going crazy because of your family. Who knew you were rock star royalty? I think more nurses are pulling overtime so they can sit and stare at your dad and uncles. What was it like growing up with them?”

  “The best.” It’s true. Many think that we’re spoiled, Noah, Quinn, Elle and I, even Eden and Paige. It’s so far from the truth. Sure, our mothers could’ve sent us to private school. We could’ve been chauffeured around like brats. Had a maid service, landscapers, everything else our peers have, but our parents refused to let money dictate our lives. Quinn and Noah mowed lawns. I worked at an ice cream shop until I graduated. Elle worked at the mall. I don’t know much about what Eden does, aside from the surfing career she’s building, because she lives in California, and Betty Paige… well, she’s still too young to work.