Holding Onto Forever (The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Book 1)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “How do you know?”

  “When I’m here, visiting you, she’ll leave me for a bit, upwards to an hour or so. At first, I thought she was visiting you, but that wasn’t the case. She’s hiding her phone too, being secretive.”

  “Elle hasn’t really visited much since I’ve been awake. Quinn says she’s nervous around me, that the accident freaked her out.”

  “You guys have that weird twin thing going on, she probably felt some of your pain.”

  I hadn’t thought about of it that way, but he’s probably right, but it’s not an excuse to avoid me. I’m her sister. I need her.

  “So Noah, huh? For how long?”

  I sigh and lean into my pillow. “For as long as I can remember. I don’t know when it started or when the childhood crush turned into stupid adult feelings, but… always. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore though because Dessie’s pregnant and he went back to Portland with her.”

  “He may still come around.” Ben’s hopeful. It’s a nice attribute.

  “Not with a baby. Noah grew up not knowing his real father. He would never do that to his own child. I can’t compete with a tiny human. I won’t.”

  “Sounds like we’re in the same boat, sharing the same paddle and going nowhere.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder and he places his hand in mine. For as long as I’ve known Ben, I always thought he and my sister would end up together. At least for them, there’s still hope.

  22

  Noah

  I stand in front of my living room window, watching as snowflakes fall from the sky. Down below, it doesn’t look like anything is sticking, which means Dessie and I shouldn’t have any problems flying.

  My season is over and so is my career if I don’t play my cards right. After I left Peyton in the hospital, breaking both our hearts, I continued to play like crap and was benched for the last game of the season. If that’s not a slap in the face, I don’t know what is.

  Dessie comes into the room and turns on the Christmas tree. I study her profile through the reflection, looking hard to see if there’s a baby bump yet. The one appointment she’s had since she burst into Peyton’s room and dropped the bomb, I was out of town for. Dessie gushed on how she was able to hear the heartbeat, but never thought to record the sound for me.

  I avert my eyes so she doesn’t see me looking and stare out into the city. At best, our relationship is strained. She tries. I avoid. And I’m the biggest ass for doing so. I should be happy she’s carrying my child. Babies are miracles and I know there are millions out there who struggle to get pregnant. I just don’t want her to be the one to have mine. Of course, I should have thought about that long before I ever slept with her.

  “Do you think this snow is going to hamper our trip?”

  I shake my head and take a sip of the whiskey I poured myself over an hour ago after I came back from meeting with my coach. He yelled. I listened. I came home and poured a drink, which is something I never do.

  “I still don’t understand why your father couldn’t let us use the band’s plane,” Dessie says as she walks away. It’s probably because I never asked him. When I told my mom I’d be home for Christmas, she didn’t seem so thrilled to hear Dessie was coming with me. I have yet to tell my parents she’s pregnant and I’m not sure if Peyton told anyone. If she did, my parents are doing a damn fine job of hiding it from me.

  “My luggage is packed,” she hollers from the room. I set my glass down on the table and head toward the bedroom. Since I returned from Chicago, I haven’t slept in here, opting for the guest bedroom. I don’t want Dessie to get the wrong idea. I may be here, but I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing.

  “The car will be here in an hour,” I say, turning into my room. I stare into my closet. I used to look forward to going home, especially at Christmas. When I was ten, it became my favorite holiday, and now I have no desire to go at all.

  “Do you want some help?” Dessie asks. She doesn’t wait for me to answer before coming in. She starts pulling clothes out of my closet, setting them on my bed. “What do you think we’ll do while we’re there?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Well, maybe it’d be a good time to get married since we’ll be in your hometown.”

  I sit down on my bed and sigh. She’s been pushing for marriage since we flew back to Portland, reminding me her friends often comment on how she’s not engaged and now she’s pregnant, this seems like the right time.

  “I’m sure Beaumont is beautiful at Christmas time.”

  “It is. Listen, Dessie, I haven’t told my parents yet about the baby.”

  “Why not?” she asks, sitting down next to me.

  I rest my elbows on my knees and sigh. “I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “Maybe because part of me wishes it weren’t true, while the other part wishes our situations were different. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  I glance at her from over my shoulder and shake my head. “No, I don’t.”

  “Well, what can I do?”

  “Nothing, Dessie. They’re my demons I need to work through. I’ll finish packing so we can go.”

  She stands and heads toward the door. “Everything will be okay, Noah.”

  I nod and feign a smile, waiting until she’s gone before I pull out my phone and scroll through the calls I recently made. Each one is to Peyton. Each one unanswered. For all I know, she’s changed her number. There isn’t anyone I can ask though, except her. Everyone would question why, if she did, in fact, change her number, wasn’t it given to me. I have a feeling she won’t be in Beaumont for Christmas, which leaves me no choice but to dwell on the fact I screwed up big time and she’s not willing to speak to me.

  Pocketing my phone, I try to focus my attention on packing. I throw a few dressy items in my bag, but most of what’s going in there are jeans and sweats. I purposely leave my suit hanging in my closet. Maybe if I don’t have it, she won’t bring up marriage again.

  By the door, her three pieces of luggage sit. I try not to think I’m under packing with my one bag, but clearly I am. Dessie comes out of the bedroom with another suitcase being towed behind her.

  “Are you moving in with my parents or something?”

  “These are presents.”

  Right, presents, for Christmas. I’ve been so caught up in my personal drama I completely forgot to buy presents.

  “I picked up things for your parents, grandparents and your grandma, your sister, as well as Mack, Aubrey, Mack and Amelie.”

  “Wow. I think you thought of everyone.” Except for Peyton, Elle and Quinn, but I can’t imagine she wants to buy them anything. “I suppose we should go?”

  “Or we wait another half hour until the car arrives,” she suggests, laughing.

  “I’ll start taking these down.”

  I open the front door and use my foot to keep it open. Dessie helps pile luggage into my arms and follows me out to press the button for the elevator. “This is going to be a great trip, Noah,” she says. I nod, thankful for the high-pitched ding that sounds when the doors are about to open.

  When I arrive downstairs, I set our stuff down near the doorman. “Taking a trip, Mr. Westbury?”

  “Heading home for the holidays now that the season is over.”

  “Ah, yes. Rough year, but the fans are confident.”

  I wish I were. “Thanks. I’ll be back with the rest of our luggage. The car should be here in thirty minutes or so.”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Westbury.”

  Instead of the elevator, I opt for the stairs. It seems to be the only way I can get my aggression out these days since I’m not actually allowed to go boxing or tackle anyone during practice. The thought of one-on-one with Trey Miller, my left tackle, is very appealing right about now. After my shitty performance to end the season, he’d probably take me up on the opportunity to kick my ass without repercussion.

  I
reach my floor with very little time to spare. Dessie is pacing the hallway with the rest of her luggage sitting outside our door. “I thought you forgot me,” she says, rushing to give me a hug.

  “Are you ready?” I know she is, but the alternate thought in my head would come off very snotty and the last thing I want to deal with is a pissed off Dessie. Since she broke the news of her pregnancy, she’s done everything she can to appease me, while I’ve been a miserable jerk.

  The ride to the airport is done in relative quietness. It’s barely six and pitch black outside with the exception of the decorations. We’ll arrive at my parents late, far too late for us to stay up and talk. I planned it this way. Tomorrow… well, it’s another day and one I won’t be able to dodge.

  As soon as we get out of the car, someone screams out my name. I’ve been trained over the years to ignore the fans. I try with this one, but he’s relentless.

  “Hey, Noah, can I get a pic?” He puts his arm around me before I can even agree to the invasion. I smile and try to step away, but he pulls out a pen and scrambles in his pocket, searching for a piece of paper for me to write on.

  “Here, babe,” Dessie says, handing me a half sheet out of her oversized purse.

  “Thanks,” I say before turning to the guy. “What’s your name?”

  “Jeff, but can you make it to my little brother? He’s in the hospital and you’re his favorite player.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Leo,” he says, giving me pause.

  “Leo, huh?” I can’t say the name without smiling. I wish I had contact information for Leo back in Chicago. I could certainly use his advice right about now. “Can you FaceTime him?”

  Jeff’s eyes go wide. He starts to fumble with his phone. His face lights up when his brother comes on. “Leo, you’re never going to guess who I ran into at the airport.” He angles the phone so we’re both in the screen.

  “Holy shit,” Leo says after he removes his oxygen mask. The way he looks reminds me of Peyton. “You’re my fave.”

  “Thanks, Leo, for the support. I hope you get better, man.”

  “Yeah, me too. And I hope you kick ass next year.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  Jeff takes the phone and tells his brother he’ll see him later. I don’t know why I continue to watch their exchange but I do. When he hangs up, I hand him the sheet of paper I autographed and the card for my manager. “When you get a chance, call this number. It’s my manager. Tell him we met and you’re leaving word about your brother. I’d like to visit him when I get back in a week.”

  “Wow, really? Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Jeff.”

  “Yes, you too. I can’t thank you enough.”

  “It was my pleasure.” I watch Jeff walk down toward the taxi line, waiting until he’s out of sight before I turn my attention back to Dessie and all her luggage. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s fine. The porter took our stuff and security is ready to escort us to the first class lounge.”

  I nod and fall in line behind her. Now that we’re inside the airport, both our names are called, but neither of us stops. For the past year and a half, we’ve been a high-profile couple, and the media is going to have a field day when they find out she’s pregnant.

  By the time we get through the TSA checkpoint, our flight is about to board. The security guard drops us off at our gate just as first class is being called. Dessie and I walk by, listening to the murmurs of people, wondering if it is in fact us.

  “What you did back there for that kid, that was very nice of you,” Dessie says once we’re situated.

  “It felt like the right thing to do. I’m going to go see him next week when we get back. Maybe round up a few of the guys if they’re in town.”

  “You’re going to make a great father, Noah.” I turn away from her so she doesn’t see the anger in my eyes. I want to be excited about this baby, I do, but I can’t help to think we’re doing the wrong thing by staying together for the sake of the baby. All I know is that when I get to Beaumont, my dad, Nick and I are having a long talk. I need their advice, their guidance and help. I don’t want to make a mistake I’ll regret later or make a rash decision that comes back to bite me in the ass. I have to remember, Dessie and I created this baby together, it’s just shitty luck I don’t want to be with his or her mom anymore.

  23

  Peyton

  I miss the snow. I miss the gloom of overcast days. The wind, rain and feel of Christmas that Chicago has. I never thought I would say those words, but it’s true. I enjoy the beach, but being here in December seems all sorts of wrong. Watching my dad, brother and Ben surf, while carols play loudly from the surrounding houses, doesn’t make sense.

  In hindsight, I would’ve been home this week no matter what, but things would’ve been different. Normally, I’d be able to come and go as I please, but now I’m stuck, literally, in the sand, sitting in a wheelchair, without an escape.

  After Christmas, I start physical therapy. Interesting considering I still have both casts on, but Xander says we need to strengthen my core and my left side. He’s afraid the weakened state of my body will result in further injuries and he’d like to prevent those from happening. I agree. Being immobile and having to depend on others isn’t my idea of a good time.

  Ben comes out of the water and strips out of his wetsuit. The arms dangle at his sides, making him look like an odd octopus. He walks toward me, slamming his board into the sand, and sitting down next to me.

  “I suppose your sister isn’t home?”

  “Nope, and you’re here. Doesn’t that make you feel sort of odd?”

  “Quinn invited me.” He nods toward the water where Quinn and my dad are riding a wave. “Not that I expect you to find out, but has Elle said anything about who she’s dating?”

  I shake my head slowly and glance down at Ben. Since our chat in the hospital, we’ve grown closer as friends. I can confide in him about my feelings for Noah, and he does the same when it comes to Elle. “Nothing. I even asked her one night and she became defensive.”

  “I don’t know why she won’t tell me. It’s not like she hasn’t dated before.”

  “Maybe it’s someone you know or won’t approve of.”

  Ben nods and lies back on the beach blanket. I feel bad for him. He’s been in love with Elle for so long and the feeling isn’t mutual. It sucks being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. It’s worse when the other person loves you but chose someone else. I don’t blame Noah, yet I do. I’m so mad at him for telling me how he feels, for kissing me, and then walking away without an explanation. But I know why he did it. I know how he struggled with Nick and Liam, both wanting to be his dad. He confided in me years ago about how classmates used to tease him because Nick wasn’t his real father. It’s one of those things where everyone in town knew he was Liam Page’s son, except for him, until my father died and Liam showed up. Everything changed then.

  My mom comes out of the house and hollers to Dad and Quinn, telling him lunch is ready. “Ben, are you joining us?”

  “Yes, Mrs. KPJ.”

  I roll my eyes at the ridiculous nickname he’s given her. Ben is polite and insists on calling my parents by their last names, but I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Powell-James is a mouthful. He’s been told numerous times to call them Katelyn and Harrison, but he refuses and instead started calling them by their initials. My parents don’t seem to mind though because they really like Ben. I think they’re waiting for Elle to open her eyes as well to see what’s in front of her.

  Quinn and my dad walk out of the water and drop their suits, much like Ben did. I giggle at my own inside joke, thinking we have a house full of squid.

  “What’s so funny?” Quinn asks as he rights his board.

  “You look like an octopus,” I tell him. He shakes his hair, letting the saltwater spray all over me. “A giant hairy one.” I scream as he picks me up out of my whee
lchair and starts running toward the water. “Quinn, Mom will kill you.” I clutch onto his neck as hard as I can, but with one arm, it’s about useless. If he wanted, he could drop me and there wouldn’t be anything I could about it.

  “I’m not going to drop you,” he says as he wades out into the water. “I thought you’d like to come out and at least feel the breeze. You can tell me you don’t miss this, but I know you do. You talk about missing Chicago, but it’s peaceful here. No stress. No one’s clamoring to take your photo when the band releases a new album. You can hear for miles with no traffic or noise.”

  “I can hide in Chicago.”

  “You can hide here, Peyton. He’s not going to show up.” As far as I know, Quinn has no knowledge of what went down between Noah and I, unless I talk in my sleep and he’s been listening. I rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes, getting lost in the ebb and flow of the waves. Quinn’s grip on me is tight, never wavering.

  We stay there until we hear our dad whistle. The spot where we were sitting is clean, my chair likely in our house. Inside, the smell of freshly baked bread and marinara sauce causes my stomach to growl loudly.

  “Someone’s hungry,” Quinn says as he sets me down at the table.

  “She needs her strength for when she starts PT.” Dad places his hand on my head and smooths my hair down, careful not to touch the scar I now have. I’ve contemplated shaving my head, but the thought of being bald makes me cry. Still, I’m going to be forced to make a decision soon because it’s going to take years for my hair to grow back to where the rest of it is now.

  A mound of food is placed in front of me, and yet another gurgling sound emits from my stomach, causing everyone to laugh. If I never have to eat another meal at the hospital, it’ll be too soon. Halfway through the meal, my cell vibrates. I look down at my lap and at the unfamiliar number, wondering if I should even read it. Very few people have my number and the one time I answered an unknown call, it was Dessie, telling me in some very unfavorable language to stay away from Noah. I didn’t even know he was dating her at the time. It was shortly after prom… and I thought things were going to be different for us.