Holding Onto Forever (The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Book 1)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Want to grab lunch?”

  She smiles softly. “Sure, Noah.”

  After I open the car door for her, I run around to the other side. Beaumont is small. Everyone knows everyone. But they don’t bother my dad or I for autographs, which is rather nice. However, small also means our options for lunch are limited. I decide to take her to Ralph’s. Not the classiest place, but the lunch menu is decent and the place is big enough that we’ll be able to talk.

  My mom doesn’t hide her emotions well. I know something is bothering her, and honestly, I’ve been avoiding her. In all the years I’ve been dating, I’ve never asked her if she’s liked any of my girlfriends. Mostly, because I was afraid that whoever I was with at the time wouldn’t live up to her standards. Not that she has crazy high expectations, but I’m her son, and I think it’s hard for moms to let go.

  A few years back, the owner of Ralph’s died. The band did a huge tribute to him, mostly out of respect for my dad. It was here, when my dad played a song he had written for my mother, that everything changed for them.

  We step into the pub that hasn’t changed much over the years. The lights are still fairly dim, the floor is some kind of tile, but no one knows what color it is. The stage is waiting for the next band to set-up. I wave at Ralph’s son, who is now running the place. We call him Ralph, even though his name is Charlie, and he doesn’t correct us, so I assume he doesn’t mind.

  “Hey Josie, Noah. What can I get you to drink?” Lonnie, the lone waitress asks.

  Mom and I both order water.

  “I haven’t eaten here in years.” I peruse the menu, trying to remember what’s good. Honestly, most pub food is good as long as you don’t try to get too fancy and order a steak or seafood.

  “It’s because you never come home.” Mom sounds bitter, but I get it. “Paige loves the steak fries here.”

  I decide quickly on a burger, fries and a chocolate shake, and set my menu down so I can focus my attention on the woman across from me. For the longest time, she was my best friend and cheerleader, and while she’s still my number one fan, something has shifted. Since Christmas, she’s been unusually quiet and I have a feeling it’s because of the situation I’m in.

  As soon as she puts the menu down, I lean toward her. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m fine, Noah.”

  “Rule number one,” I start to say, closing my mouth as the waitress arrives. We give her our orders and once she’s out of sight, I look at my mom and smile. “As I was saying. Dad has always preached if a woman says fine, you know she’s not. Don’t make me use the word.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “I would. I so would.”

  Mom squints her eyes as she looks at me, testing my resolve. I cock my eyebrow at her and smirk. “Mommy, please tell me what’s wrong.” My lower lip juts out as her willpower crumbles. Only, she ends up covering her face. Her shoulder shakes and there’s a soft whimper coming from behind her hands.

  I’m up and out of my seat, sliding into her booth and wrapping her in my arms. “I’m sorry, Mom. Whatever it is. I’m so sorry.”

  She pulls her hands away and wipes away her tears. “I’m fine, Noah.”

  “Clearly, you’re not.”

  “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

  “Hurt them. I don’t care.” It’s not like I’m feeling much these days anyway.

  Mom takes a deep breath. She looks at me before she stares down at her napkin. “I don’t like Dessie. I never have. I think she treats you poorly, is self-centered and I’m questioning if she’s even pregnant.”

  My gaze lands on what was my seat until I moved to comfort my mom. The torn and worn out pleather shows its age. The inside lining of the booth is threadbare and it’s only a matter of time until there’s nothing left of the cushions. Her last statement replays through my mind. I can’t make heads nor tails of it.

  “Dessie told me you didn’t like her, but I didn’t believe it.”

  Mom shakes her head. “I’ve tried, Noah. I really have, but something about her rubs me the wrong way. She’s superficial. I’m not the only one who sees it. Both your grandmothers feel the same way.”

  My jaw clenches. Wonderful. All the women in my life can’t stand the soon to be mother of my… “Wait, why do you think she’s not pregnant?”

  “Because I’ve been there, Noah. Twice. There are signs and she doesn’t show any of them.”

  “Everyone is different though, right?”

  Mom nods but doesn’t say anything else as our food is brought to the table. I excuse myself and slip back onto my side, picking at my fries. Mom takes a few bites of her cheesesteak and puts it down. “Noah, I love you more than life. I’ve been trying to tell myself I need to get over these feelings I have for Dessie, but I can’t. Yes, everyone is different, but she shows very little signs of being pregnant. I’ve cooked garlic, onion, tomatoes – she’s helped and eaten everything. When I was pregnant with you and Paige, garlic upset my stomach. I find it strange that she seems to be okay with everything, that nothing seems to make her feel queasy or she has no pregnancy-related sickness of any kind.”

  “Are you trying to make her sick?” I don’t want to believe my mother would do something like that, but I’m starting to second-guess how well I know her, and I never thought I’d think that of my mother.

  “I would never. But your girlfriend has been in the hot tub, and I’m sorry, but anyone who is pregnant knows you can’t go in the hot tub.”

  “Maybe she forgot.”

  Mom nods and goes back to eating her food. The rest of lunch is done in silence, and so is the drive back to the house. She gets out of the car and instead of going to the front door, she runs down the back steps where my dad’s studio is.

  I contemplate going in and asking Dessie but have a feeling each answer will be opposite of my mom’s and that’ll force me to pick. Instead, I head back into town and stop at Nick’s office. Inside, the receptionist he’s had for years smiles.

  “Hi, Noah. Your dad is with a patient. I’ll let him know you’re here.”

  “Actually, Jody. I’m here to see Aubrey.”

  Jody smiles and presses the buzzer for the door. “You know where to find her.”

  “Thank you.” I walk down the hall where behind one closed door there’s a baby crying. I can hear Nick and one of his nurses trying to soothe the child.

  I find my stepmom at her desk, reading some manual. Knowing her, it’s about some disease in Africa, and she’s trying to find a way to help.

  “Knock knock,” I say as I lightly rap my knuckles on her door. Aubrey looks up in surprise and grins.

  “Noah! What a pleasant surprise. What brings you by?”

  “I need some advice.”

  She motions for me to sit down in the chair across from her desk, which is filled with pictures of all of us, including Betty Paige. A few years back, she and Nick had family photos taken and asked that Paige and I be included. I was an automatic yes and surprisingly my parents agreed to let Paige do it as well.

  “So what’s up?”

  “As you know, Dessie’s pregnant.”

  Aubrey nods.

  “Would she be allowed to go into a hot tub?”

  Her eyes widen. “Absolutely not. The temperature of the tub is more than the uterus can shield from the baby. In laymen’s terms, the baby would essentially boil.”

  I rest my head in my hands. I’m sick to my stomach thinking Dessie would harm our child like this. “What about doctor’s appointments? We’ve been here almost a month and she hasn’t mentioned needing to go back to visit a doctor or anything.”

  Aubrey seems to think on this one a bit. “It really depends on when her last one was, but normal appointments are twenty-eight to thirty days apart so there’s an accurate record of the baby’s growth and how well nutritionally the other is doing. Why all the questions?”

  I shrug. “My mom doesn’t think Dessie is pregnant.”

  Aubre
y sits back in her chair and sighs. “Women’s intuition. We’re not always right, but sometimes you can sense things. It’s also a mother’s sense. We suspect, always. It’s why we’re constantly asking you questions, it’s because we have a suspicion something isn’t right. And sometimes we’re wrong.”

  “Dessie says she’s heard the heartbeat--”

  “When was this?”

  “At her first appointment. I had a road game so I couldn’t go.”

  Aubrey pulls some wheel type gizmo out and writes a few numbers down. “It’s possible, but doctors normally don’t check for a heartbeat at the first appointment unless the mother says she’s farther along. Honestly, Dessie didn’t share much when we saw her at Christmas, no due date or anything like that.”

  “Can’t say I know either.”

  My stepmom leans forward with her hands clasped on her desk. “Are you having second thoughts?”

  I nod. “About everything. I don’t know what to do or who to believe. What questions to ask or what information to demand.” I stand up and start pacing. “It’s like my world is crashing all around me and I can’t stop it. I’m in love with another woman and Dessie knows this, and now she’s pregnant and I just…” My heart rate accelerates, causing my breathing to become sporadic. I bend at my waist, even though I know this isn’t the answer. Aubrey is there to help me back to the chair.

  “Noah, you’re facing an uphill battle. Your feelings for Peyton are getting stronger, but your desire to do the right thing is also playing a heavy part in your decision-making. Have you spoken to Dessie about how you feel?”

  “She knows I’m in love with Peyton.”

  “Is that when she told you she was pregnant?”

  I nod. “We broke up. I told Peyton how I felt, and Dessie shows up in Chicago with the news.”

  “And just like that your happily ever after is swirling down the toilet.”

  I look at Aubrey, who is smiling. “Nice analogy.”

  She shrugs. “If I knew more about football, I’d use one of those, but this coach’s wife is not well versed on the terminology. I only know that when Mack has the ball, he has to run fast.”

  Aubrey opens her arms and I fall into her embrace. “It’ll all work out, Noah. I don’t have the answers, but your dad and I have the resources. You could always bring her in to hear the heartbeat if you want.”

  Her suggestion gives me a lot to think about, but still, I don’t know what to believe. Dessie has no reason to lie to me, but neither does my mom.

  29

  Peyton

  For the first time in my life, I hate Beaumont. It breaks my heart to even think this, but being in the same location as Noah and Dessie makes me long for the solitude of the condo or the active life of my sorority. The only positive is I can move about our former house with ease. Quinn thought it would be funny to, in fact, buy me the Rollator. It’s hot pink with a bell. I hate it, and secretly love it because it gives me the ability to move from room to room without having my parents hovering, hoping I don’t fall.

  But being here makes it hard to escape. My mom has been going on and on about this wedding, mostly because my aunt Josie is stressed and my mom is trying to help her stay calm. With my mom constantly with Josie and my dad with Liam, I’m left to my own devices. I still can’t drive and can barely walk on my own which makes me completely dependent upon others.

  There used to be a time when I loved sitting out on our covered porch. Back when Noah was in high school, my parents had a massive sign in our yard letting everyone know we supported Beaumont High and Noah Westbury. I look around now and see the names of kids Elle and I used to babysit, being honored by their parents, reminding me of how simple life was when I was in high school. I didn’t have to worry about anything and when I needed something, Noah was always there.

  Quinn and Elle will arrive tomorrow. I don’t know if either of them are a part of the ceremony, and honestly, I don’t care. I’m not going. Even if I have to pretend I have the stomach flu or am in an incredible amount of make-believe pain – I’m not going. I refuse. Although, standing up when the minister asks if someone objects does sound like a fun way to ruin their wedding day. I’m not petty, even though I want to be. My parents would be shocked and I’m not sure I’m ready to explain myself to them where Noah is concerned.

  Speaking of Noah, he’s walking up my front steps. I knew sitting outside on the porch was a mistake, and as much as I’d love to run into the house, I’d never make it.

  “Hey, Peyton,” he says as he leans against the post with his hands pushed into the pockets of his track pants.

  “Hey.” I avoid eye contact as best I can. I don’t want to look at his new haircut or wonder what it feels like to touch his five o’clock shadow.

  “Your mom said you’re doing really well in therapy.” Noah sits down next to me but keeps a healthy space between us.

  “I have a good therapist who doesn’t care if he’s killing me day after day.”

  “He loves you. Xander only wants to see you strong again.”

  How does he know what Xander wants? Who says I’m not strong now? I’m strong enough to stay away from him, to not bend and ask him to choose me over Dessie. If refraining from making a fool out of myself isn’t some major strength, I don’t know what is because saying those words, to beg him to give us a chance would be so easy.

  “Look, Peyton. I know we’re not on the same page right now and maybe we won’t be for a long time, but I still value your opinion and I need your help.”

  I continue to stare at the road, the houses across from me, the tree branches swaying in the light breeze, anything but him.

  Noah clears his throat. “I was benched for my last game. My performance… it took a hit after you were in the accident. I was afraid to lose you and even though I’m right here sitting next to you, I’ve lost you anyway. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need you. I do. For years, you’ve told me what’s wrong with my game, and if I don’t fix the issues this time, I’m likely going to be traded or regulated to being a backup. You and I both know I’ve worked too hard to let my career slip like this.”

  “Maybe you could try baseball. You wouldn’t be the first player to do so. Bo Jackson had a pretty decent career in both sports.”

  “You’re right, he did. I’m sure Nick would love it.”

  I’m sure all the women would love it, and you’d never be home with Dessie.

  “I need your help, Peyton.”

  I look at him and scoff. “What? You want me to watch game film? Do you think I have time for that?” I do. I totally do because I have nothing else to do.

  “Actually, I was thinking you could come with me. Nick gave me the keys to the storage shed and I thought I’d get the snap machine out, put the net up and even let you beat me with a bump stick.”

  “I do like the idea of beating you,” I tell him. He smiles, but I don’t because let’s face it, I’m not joking. “However, I can’t stand on my own for very long so I’d be useless.”

  He nods. “I asked your mom if it’d be okay, she said it was up to you. She thought you’d like to get out for a bit.”

  Of course she did because she wants to see me happy. She doesn’t know Noah is the source of my pain that my injuries pale in comparison to the heartache I feel. “I should tell you to figure it out yourself, and if you fail, it’s on you.”

  “I know.”

  “But I won’t, and you know this. You’re playing on my weakness and I hate you right now.”

  “I know,” he says softly with his eyes trained on me. I feel an onslaught of tears coming so I look away and nod.

  “One condition.”

  “Anything.”

  “When I’m done, I’m done. You’ll bring me home with no questions asked.”

  “Of course, Peyton.” Noah smiles like he’s been triumphant. He has, but I’ll never tell him.

  “I’m sorry, I have another condition.”

  “Let’s hear
it,” he says, angling his body toward mine.

  I look him square in the eyes, wishing I could get lost in his blue eyes. “No Dessie. If she’s going to be there…” I don’t know what I’ll do considering I can’t walk home. I could scoot home though, or at least far enough away from the school to wait for my parents.

  Noah grabs for my hand, and I let him. “Just us, Peyton.”

  “Here’s the deal. I can’t do stairs so you have to carry me. If you mock, tease or steal my walker, I’ll maim you. Got it?”

  Noah laughs. “I got it, captain.”

  Captain. He hasn’t called me that in years. I haven’t realized until this moment how much I’ve missed it. When he was named captain his sophomore year, he gave me the title, saying I earned it too, so we’d share it. Back then the five-year age difference was huge. My friends and I used to sit about and gush about how cute Noah was or they’d all want to come over when Quinn was having a birthday party so they could not only see my brother but his friend as well. Elle and I learned rather quickly that having an older brother was not beneficial in the friends department.

  Noah takes my walker and sets it in the back of his truck. “Does this thing have brakes or something to keep it from rolling?”

  “Yeah, on the wheels,” I yell. I find myself laughing as I watch him fumble around.

  “Got it.” Noah shakes it back and forth for good measure, and then he goes to the door and opens it. Against my better judgment, my eyes are focused on him the entire time, at the way his shirt moves against his muscles and the long strides he takes to get up the stairs quickly. Everything about him is ingrained in my mind. “All right. Are you ready? Do you need anything?”

  I shake my head and reach my arms out. I could walk a little with his assistance, but I don’t want to pass up the opportunity to be held by him. It’ll be my last time ever and as much as it’ll torture me later, this is what I want.

  Noah cradles me to his chest. I refuse to read anything into the gesture, and can’t help but wonder if this is what it would be like to be carried to bed by him. If I’m going to survive today, I need to look at everything objectively and remind myself he’s getting married this weekend. He chose someone else.