Rayne's New Beginnings

by Dannie Marsden

  “Why don’t you come in?” Grace had a surprised look.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Grace opened the door wide and moved aside so Rayne could enter.

  “So, uh, I’ve been thinking about what you said. I’m sorry I’ve been such a jackass toward you girls. I never meant to insult you.”

  “We know that. It’s just we care about you and at first we knew you weren’t thinking about it, then it just got to be like you thought we felt you were just another costumer and you aren’t. We don’t want pay, never have.”

  “I know. Again, I’m sorry. I suppose I just figured since I was taking you away from a paying costumer, I might as well pay so that you weren’t out that money.”

  “Now, damn it, Rayne, there you go again. Do you think anyone of us woulda brought you up here if we didn’t want to? Truth is, well, you treat us better than most men, and well, some of us girls actually prefer you to any man.”

  Not knowing what to say, Rayne just kicked her foot at some imaginary mud clod and looked at the floor.

  “You’re taking off, I know, but don’t be a stranger, okay? Stop by just to say hi sometimes.” Grace said finally, wrapping her arms around Rayne.

  “I surely will, Gracie.” Rayne enveloped the smaller woman in her strong arms, holding her tight. Rayne released Grace and turned and headed back downstairs. As she walked toward the swinging doors of the bar, she heard joking jabs from the men in the bar. “Well damn, Rayne, least ya could do is take your time and enjoy.”

  She just waved her hand in the air as acknowledgement and a goodbye to the men.

  Rayne stepped through the swinging doors and spied a young boy rifling through her saddle bags. With a few long strides, she was behind the boy.

  “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you know I can have you arrested?” Her hand grabbed at the collar of the youngster’s tattered coat, preventing him from running. “In fact, let’s take a walk over to the sheriff’s office so you can explain to him what you were doing in my saddlebags.”

  “No, please don’t.”

  Rayne heard a soft, shaking voice and knew it couldn’t possibly belong to any boy. She quickly spun the wisp of a person around and looked at the very feminine, yet boyishly smudged face. The anger she felt coursing through her must have flashed in her eyes for she felt fear emanating from the small person in her hands. This fear slowly made its way to her brain. She loosened her grip and spoke in a calmer voice. “You’re a girl? Where’s your family? Why were you trying to steal from me?”

  The frightened girl shook her head. “I don’t have any family. I’m sorry, I was just looking for a little food. I haven’t eaten in a couple of days, and I-I’m,” she stuttered. “I’m just hungry. Please, Mister, I don’t wanna go to jail. I was just…hungry.”

  “Why don’t you have family?” Rayne studied the girl.

  “They… well, they’re dead,” the girl answered softly.

  At hearing that, Rayne instantly felt her anger leave. As she studied at the girl, she saw she wasn’t a girl at all. “How old are you?” she asked.

  “I’m nineteen, almost twenty. Almost an old maid,” the woman said with a nervous laugh.

  “Not likely,” Rayne snorted. “What’s your name?”

  “Lisbet Stone. What are you gonna do with me, Mister?”

  “Well, for starters, don’t call me mister, my name is Rayne. And I can’t take you to jail just for being hungry now, can I? Nor can I let you run around stealing food from everyone—someone is likely to shoot you. Where are you staying?” Rayne asked.

  “Anywhere I can find that no one will mind,” Lisbet said and shrugged. “Mostly in barns, where I can hide.”

  “Well, hell, you’re gonna freeze. Come on, you’re going home with me.” Rayne put her foot into the stirrup, and sat down in the saddle before reaching her hand down to pull Lisbet up behind her.

  Chapter Four

  About an hour later, they arrived at the house and Rayne dismounted from Samson and helped Lisbet get down before leading the horse into the barn.

  “You go inside the house and build up the fire. I’ll be in as soon as I’ve brushed down Samson and fed the other animals,” Rayne said.

  Nervous and not wanting to displease Rayne, Lisbet went to the house got the fire going then returned to the barn to help with the animals. She saw the surprised look as Rayne just stared at her.

  Lisbet looked back, her eyes widening as she seemed to realize Rayne was a woman. “I need to do something to help pay you for your kindness.”

  Rayne just nodded toward the tack and the two worked together feeding the animals and getting fresh hay for their stalls.

  Once they finished the chores, Rayne turned and headed to the house. Lisbet didn’t follow and began arranging a little corner with some straw.

  Rayne walked back into the barn. “What are you doing?”

  Lisbet’s eyebrows creased as she looked around before motioning to the straw in the corner. “Well, I’m arranging a little bed for myself.”

  Rayne frowned. “No, you aren’t. Come into the house.” Then she turned around again and walked to the house.

  Confused, Lisbet stood staring at the retreating figure before she followed her rescuer.

  †

  Inside the house, Rayne removed her hat and coat, hung them up, took her boots off, and placed them under her coat muttering to herself the entire time.

  What am I doing? My life is fine…I don’t need anyone in my home to keep me company, let alone some thieving kid.

  She went to the kitchen area and placed the coffee and salt pork on the counter. Rayne quickly walked to the fire, mixed coffee grounds into the pot of water that sat off to the side heating up now that the fire was going again.

  “Take your coat and boots off and come sit down and eat. After that, we’ll talk about where you’re staying and all that,” Rayne said as she heard Lisbet close the door. She grabbed the pot holding the chicken stew from the day before from the cold room and placed it on the hook in the fireplace to heat up. With luck it would be ready at the same time as the coffee. Rayne placed two cups on the small table, and soon dished the chicken stew into a bowl while the coffee boiled. She carefully placed the bowl on the table, brought the coffee pot over and waited for the grounds to settle before she poured the steaming coffee into the cups.

  Lisbet hesitated for a moment before she sat down. Her eyes closed with the first taste of the stew and Rayne thought she heard a sigh. It seemed to her that the girl was forcing herself to eat slowly, even though her belly was growling loudly. When her bowl was empty, Lisbet looked up.

  Rayne was watching her with amusement in her eyes.

  “What?” Lisbet’s cheeks turned pink.

  Rayne saw the girl’s embarrassment and smiled. “Nothing. I just enjoyed watching you eat. Would you like some more?”

  “Oh, yes please!” Lisbet answered quickly. “If that’s all right.”

  Rayne laughed and stood to get the young woman more stew. She sat the bowl in front of the blonde then sat down.

  “Lisbet, fact of the matter is, I’m assuming you have spent the winter hiding and you need a place to live. I can’t see letting you wander around trying to stay warm, finding something to eat and trying to stay alive. So, for the time being, I think it’s best if you stay here. I don’t expect you to pay me anything, but I would like some help around the place and…well…to be honest after the long winter, the company would be nice.”

  “What about your family? Won’t they mind?”

  “I don’t have a family,” Rayne answered quietly.

  “Oh, well in that case, thank you for you kind hospitality. I’ll do whatever I can to help out. I’ll make sure to stay out of your way.” Lisbet continued to eat stew and sip her coffee. “Can I help you wash the dishes and then wash up?”

  “Sure.” Rayne showed her where the buckets for washing the dishes were along with the bathtub that she had bough
t for Emma long ago. “Do you have any clothes?” Rayne couldn’t recall Lisbet having any sort of bag.

  Lisbet looked down and shook her head “No, I don’t. I left with what I had on my back,” Lisbet started before she caught herself and stopped speaking.

  Rayne saw Lisbet’s embarrassment. “Go ahead and wash the dishes.”

  Rayne grabbed a couple of buckets, went outside to fill them with snow, and placed the buckets by the fire to melt the snow and warm the water for Lisbet’s bath.

  †

  Rayne strode into her room and pulled out the trunk she hadn’t opened in five years, not since the day she had packed it with Emma’s things. She opened the trunk with care and lovingly stroked the first dress she saw folded there. The memories overwhelmed her as she pulled the dress out. It was one of the few items Emma let Rayne buy her when she had taken her in. Rayne remembered that the color had brought out the color of Emma’s eyes. She couldn’t stop the memories from taking her back.

  “Emma you need new clothes, and I don’t see why you have to fight me on this. I told you before that I can afford a dress or two.”

  “I fight you because I don’t have the means to pay you back, Rayne Mathews.”

  “Have I asked you to pay me back? Jesus woman, if you want, I’ll pay you for what you’ve done around the house, but it seems kind of ridiculous to do that for you to just turn around and give me the money back,”

  “Stop being stubborn, you don’t have to pay me for taking care of the house, you work hard out in the fields and with the cattle. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Who is being stubborn? You work hard keeping house and cooking and yet you won’t let me buy you a dress or two?”

  Emma laughed when she realized Rayne had a point and finally relented. She tried the dress on. Rayne couldn’t take her eyes off Emma when she walked out of the dressing room wearing the blue dress. Emma was beautiful.

  Lost in memories, Rayne was unaware of the tears coursing down her face. Each dress she touched, each item she pulled out, made her recall Emma, their conversations, the way a certain dress looked on Emma or the joy dancing in her eyes.

  Slowly she became aware that she was crying and with effort, she pulled herself away from the painful memories that washed over her. Removing a few items she knew Lisbet would need, she closed the lid and walked out of the room before the memories and the ache consumed her again.

  †

  When she returned to the main room, Rayne saw Lisbet looking at the family of wolves that sat on the mantel

  Lisbet turned in Rayne’s direction and gave her a nervous look. “Um, dishes are done and I was just looking around.” She gestured to the carvings. “Did you carve this family of wolves? They are beautiful!”

  Rayne smiled at the woman, who so reminded of her of Emma and found herself warming toward Lisbet. A fact which shocked her. She didn’t want to like the woman and certainly didn’t want the woman in her home

  Home? It hasn’t been a home in a long time, so why does it feel like home now?”

  “Thank you for doing the dishes. I’m never entirely sure how I carve them. I just start thinking and, to get my mind off the things running through my head, I start carving and…well…the next thing I know I have them,” Rayne answered as she walked toward Lisbet, who was holding the newest addition to the wolf carvings.

  “They all look like they belong together.”

  “Yes, I suppose they do.” Rayne felt her stomach lurch. “Never thought too much about it but they do look like maybe they are a family, don’t they? Um, so here are some clothes. I…” She held out the clothing. “They should fit you. I’ve got some water heating up so that we can pour it into the tub and you can have a bath.”

  Rayne grabbed up the two buckets of warm water, went to the back room, and poured the water in the tub. Not wanting to examine her thoughts or feelings, she quickly went outside, grabbed another couple of buckets of snow, and dumped them in the hot water. She repeated the process a few more times to fill the tub before getting two more buckets of snow and placing them near the fire. Rayne motioned awkwardly to the tub. “Tub’s ready for you.”

  “Thank you,” Lisbet murmured. Before going into the room, she glanced over her shoulder to look at Rayne.

  †

  Rayne left the house to give Lisbet privacy and because it bothered her that another woman was naked in her house. It brought back memories of the times she would come in from work and find Emma bathing and of the times she would join her. Coming in from a hot day in the field there were times Emma would have a cool bath waiting for her and more often than not Rayne could talk Emma into joining her.

  “Oh, come on, I need someone to scrub my back,” Rayne said.

  “Somehow I don’t think it’s your back you think needs attention,” Emma laughed as she turned away.

  “Em, wait a minute will you, I got a cramp in my neck and I can’t reach it. Will you help out?”

  “Oh my, I knew you overdid it…,” Emma started to say only to have Rayne’s strong arms catch her and pull her into the tub.

  “Oh…” she said before Rayne’s lips descended on hers. “Cramp you say, mmm, not likely,” she murmured when Rayne pulled her lips away.

  Rayne shook her head to clear it of memories. She and Emma had had a lot of good times. The idea of another woman in her house, in Emma’s tub, and wearing Em’s clothes made her feel like she was betraying Emma—she didn’t like that feeling, at all.

  “What was I supposed to do, Em? I couldn’t very well leave her out in the cold,” she said, then jerked her head around when she heard a soft voice answering.

  “You did exactly what I knew you would do, my love. You opened your home to someone in need.”

  “But, I feel like I’m betraying you.”

  “You aren’t, you are finally finding the strength to live again. It’s what I’ve been hoping for, my love.”

  “Em, I know it’s your voice I’m hearing, I don’t know why and I sure as hell don’t know how, but I don’t think I can handle living again. It’s too hard. But then living as I have been is harder…I don’t know what do.”

  “You do what you started doing this morning, my love. Keep opening your heart.”

  “But it hurts. Losing you once was bad enough. I’m scared if I let someone else in I’ll lose what I have left of you.”

  “My love, I’ll always be with you. I’ve always been with you…you just haven’t wanted to realize that. Just because you find another doesn’t mean you lose the memories or give the part of your heart that you gave to me to someone else. The heart is an amazing thing; there is always room for and the ability to give love. Once a heart loves, it never forgets, sweetheart.”

  “I don’t know if I can…it’s been too long, Em.” Rayne turned to look at the house.

  “Just try, Rayne. Just try.”

  Rayne heard the last sounds of the soft wind and Emma’s voice. “Don’t leave me again, please?”

  Rayne knew her pleas were unheard. Emma was gone again and it tore at her heart.

  She walked to the barn, and as she entered, Samson lifted his head and walked to the door of his stall. He waited patiently for his master to walk over to him and then he nuzzled his nose against her. Rayne felt as if he sensed her turmoil and was offering the only kind of support he was able to.

  “Hey there, boy. How are you?” Rayne stroked the soft nose and stood with Samson, soaking in some of the comfort that the big horse gave her. Sometimes she thought he understood her better than any of the humans around her did. With a resigned sigh, she walked away from Samson to give the rest of the animals the same attention.

  †

  Once Rayne pulled the front door shut and left, Lisbet took a deep breath of longing, stripped, and stepped into the nice, warm water with a sigh. She enjoyed the hot water. It felt like years since she had washed her hair or enjoyed a nice hot bath. Only when it started to get too cold did she reluctantly step out. S
he pushed up out of the tub and shivered when the cool air hit her body. After drying off, she put on the clothes that Rayne had given her to wear. The dress was beautiful and fit her as if someone made it for her. There was a lingering scent of rose on the dress and Lisbet couldn’t help wondering about the woman who previously wore the dress.

  She was braiding her hair when Rayne walked back into the house and she looked up as Rayne stopped dead in her tracks.

  †

  The image of the woman standing before her took her back to a time when she had watched Emma braid her hair. For a moment, Rayne found it hard to breathe. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought Emma was back in the house waiting for her to come in from work.

  “Hi,” Lisbet said as her fingers fumbled with the braid. “Um, thank you for the clothes and the bath. I can’t begin to tell you how good it feels to be clean…and the dress…well…it’s beautiful.”

  Rayne cleared her throat, shaking the memory from her head. She nodded as she took her coat off. “You’re welcome. The dress fits you well.”

  “Yes, it does, it feels like it was made for me,” Lisbet said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect or anything. I realize that who this dress belonged to meant a lot to you. I thank you for your generosity.”

  “It’s okay. I’m the one who should apologize. I just didn’t expect to see….” Rayne shook her head again. “When I walked in … you just looked so much like Em that it took my breath away for a moment.”

  “Em? That was her name? She must have meant a lot to you. I can see the hurt in your eyes when you say her name. Sometimes it helps to talk about it, you know?”