by Dayna Quince
“I’m glad you think so. You see? We can all be friends.” Thea smiled encouragingly.
Maddie frowned. “You think it is that easy? I’ve spent years being the center of mockery. I prefer to be alone.”
“But you are not alone. You will have a husband, and you will have a very large family,” Thea urged.
“I can’t change, Mrs. Felton.” Maddie turned away and examined a flat shell that was pressed into the sand.
“Thea. Call me Thea. And Lucy is only Lucy and Anabelle is only Anabelle.”
“I could never be so informal with them. Lady Anabelle may as well be royalty compared to me.”
“Anabelle is uncommonly beautiful, yes, but she is still just a woman. We would all benefit from knowing you, and you would benefit from knowing us.”
Maddie straightened. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Do you think I knew what I was going to do when Lucy pulled me from the wall and made me dance with her brother the year we came out together? It was horrifying. My family had such hopes for me after that dance, and I crushed them one by one. You and I are very much alike.”
“I never had a come out,” Maddie admitted.
“You were spared, then. But know you will have something so much better. We will accept you. Jonathan has said how wonderful you are and we all believe him. Even Draven touts of your charms, which is a feat in itself. Can you give us a chance, Maddie? You don’t have to change, just accept that we want the chance to know you as you are.”
Maddie felt her throat swell with emotion. She stared at the small shell in her hand as she fought the urge to cry. Lucy came to her side and bent to peek at her face.
“What the devil did you say, Thea? You were supposed to be our ambassador, and you made her cry!”
To Maddie’s astonishment, she giggled. One tear escaped, and she quickly wiped it away. “You needed an ambassador? Am I a foreign country?”
“You would like to be, wouldn’t you? An exotic place with high walls and turrets with cannons.”
“Lucy,” Thea scolded.
“And with dragons,” Maddie added.
Lucy and Thea went silent.
“Dragons? That would be interesting,” Lucy finally said. “The point is. I understand that we are very frightening people, but we can also be nice and very entertaining. If you can accept us as we are, we can most certainly accept you.” Lucy stepped closer and look Maddie’s hands. “You are going to marry my brother. You will need all the support you can find.”
Maddie laughed. She didn’t want to, but she could feel herself opening a little to the idea of befriending them. “Fine. I’d hate to be a hypocrite,” she conceded.
“There you go. Lower your drawbridge, Maddie. I want to see these dragons.” Lucy took her arm and linked their elbows.
The three spent some time gathering shells and talking about lighter topics before returning to the house.
That evening the gentlemen departed for some bachelor revelry while the ladies remained. Maddie did her best to not push them away, and one by one, she began to feel comfortable with each of them. Even the duke. It helped that he wasn’t very ducal. He was incredibly likable and friendly. For the first time, she spent an entire evening doing the things she’d always been excluded from. They played parlor games, played music and danced, and they talked and laughed until Maddie’s cheeks hurt. She knew she’d been missing something, but what she hadn’t known was that she was half of the problem finding it.
It was still terrifying. At the end of the evening, she was ready to retire and have some peace and quiet to herself. She suspected she would never stop needing that. But now that her company was eagerly being sought by others, she wanted that, too. So what did it mean for her and Jonathan? If she changed her mind about being left alone on one of his estates, how would it change their relationship? Suddenly, they wouldn’t be separated to live their own lives. They would be together almost always, and it would almost be like…a real marriage.
Chapter 19
Jonathan woke the morning of his wedding with a strange calm. The quaint Inn he’d slept in was quiet, except for the snoring that came from his floor. He looked down and saw Winchester sleeping on his bunched up coat still fully dressed from the evening before. Draven was asleep in the chair by the fire and Felton was nowhere to be found.
It was incredibly odd how only a few days ago, Jonathan could claim a distinct dislike of Felton, but from the moment of his arrival with Thea yesterday, he couldn’t imagine why. He was a solid fellow. The biggest surprise of all was how the sight of them together hadn’t bothered him at all. He’d finally rid himself of his anger and resentment. The bitterness was gone, and he could only think of one reason why.
Maddie.
He’d been angry at her most of the week, hurt by her stubborn refusal to accept the people he loved. She didn’t want to see how if she only just opened her heart to friendship, they, in turn, would see how beautiful and intriguing she was. But she wouldn’t. Day after day, she did the bare minimum of communication and acted as though she was the one being shunned.
Then something changed yesterday. She left the drawing room, and Thea and Lucy had gone after her. Anabelle had reassured him that all would be well. They were going to talk things through. He’d had very little chance to see the effects of their talk because, once Ablehill and his duchess had arrived, the men dragged Jonathan from the manor to celebrate his last evening as a bachelor.
Everything after that was hazy. Ablehill had brought a bottle of strong whiskey and then drank Jonathan under the table. Now, as he got up to wash his face, he was surprised he didn’t feel worse. A knock on the door pre-empted Ablehill and Felton returning with a trail of maids bearing breakfast trays.
Jonathan kicked Winchester awake, and Draven woke with a start. Jonathan smirked as he took in everyone’s bleary-eyed state. It was the morning of his wedding, and despite his worries over Maddie’s tenuous relationship with his family, he was damned happy it was his wedding day. And tonight was his long-awaited wedding night.
* * *
Maddie woke as Anne opened her curtains. The tub was brought in, and steaming water poured in with a dash of scented oil. Maddie soaked while nibbling on her breakfast and tried to keep herself from pinching her own arm. This all had to be a lovely dream.
She could scarcely eat a thing. The butterflies in her stomach danced wildly. When she was finished bathing, she put on her robe and Anne studiously brushed out her hair. Her dress was already hanging over the dressing screen, and Maddie kept stealing peeks at it. She saw it in a brand new light now that she would be wearing it on her wedding day. The peachy-pink sheer overdress was embroidered with little flowers covering a silk underdress of the same color.
Last evening, after everyone had gone to bed, Lady Heath had come to Maddie’s room and given her diamond earbobs and a matching necklace. Maddie had cried. She’d cried harder than she’d ever meant to and Lady Heath held her like mothers were so good at doing. Last night, Maddie had dreamt of her own mother, only instead of the sad memories she usually dreamed of, this one was happy. In the dream, Maddie was fifteen again, but she was wearing her wedding dress and her mother was holding her shoulders and just looking at her with a big smile. Just remembering that dream brought tears to Maddie’s eyes.
“Are you all right?” Anne asked.
Maddie nodded. “I’m just thinking of my mother. I wish she were here.”
Anne handed her a handkerchief. “I’m sure she is in spirit. Our loved ones never leave us. They are always looking out for us.”
Maddie stilled and caught Anne’s gaze in the mirror. “Do you truly believe that?”
“I do.” Anne nodded.
Maddie took a deep breath. “I dreamed of her last night. She was smiling at me in my wedding dress.”
Anne surprised her by dabbing at her own eyes. “It twas a sign. She is giving her blessing.”
That was how Lucy, Thea, Anabel
le, and Lady Heath found them. Tearfully smiling. The ladies filled the room with excited energy and helped Maddie into her dress. Maddie couldn’t stop laughing, but she also couldn’t stop crying. She was overwhelmed with joy and sentiment. She couldn’t believe how in only one day, since her conversation with Lucy and Thea on the beach, she could become so sentimental about these women. Her friends, she thought. Her very first friends.
Even now, Anabelle was directing Anne with her hair, and Lucy was standing by. Hazel, Anabelle’s twin sister, had also joined them last evening and was now sitting on Maddie’s bed watching them.
“I have a surprise for you, so you cannot face the mirror while we put the finishing touches on your hair. Do you trust me?” Lucy asked.
Maddie bit her lip. “You’re brother says that to me all the time.”
“You mustn’t listen. He’s only trying to get under your skirt,” Lucy said.
“Lucy!” Lady Heath scolded from her chair near the hearth.
The ladies giggled as Maddie blushed and turned away from the mirror.
Anabelle sat on a stool in front of her, spreading her legs to make room for her big stomach. She met Maddie’s gaze with a small smile. “Do you have questions about anything?” she whispered, and she raised a brow.
“I always have questions about everything. You’ll have to be specific.”
Lucy laughed behind her. “She means about your wedding night. If you haven’t already…”
“We haven’t, but I’m not completely unaware in that domain,” she admitted with a blush.
“My advice is to take no advice,” Anabelle said. “Things will follow a natural course and trust that he will know what to do.”
“He seemed very informed thus far,” Maddie stated.
“Ugh. Please do not elaborate. I shall be sick,” Lucy said with a groan.
Maddie and Anabelle giggled.
“There. I’m done.” Lacy handed Maddie a hand mirror. Maddie held the mirror to examine her hair. She gasped, a fresh bout of tears coming on. Lucy had pinned Scarlet Pimpernel, Maddie’s favorite little flower, throughout the elegant swirls and loops of her hair.
Lucy gave her a watery smile. “You have to stop crying. Father Tim will think you aren’t there of your own free will.
“Thank you,” Maddie cried, and then she stood and wrapped her arms around Lucy in a fierce hug.
* * *
The wedding went off without a hitch. Maddie managed to not cry, though it was a struggle. She wasn’t used to being such a watering pot. She rarely cried when she was hurt, but it seemed happy tears came upon her without mercy. Jonathan had looked so handsome standing there at the altar she nearly stumbled on her shaky knees. She forgot about everyone behind them as they said their vows. She was freed yet at the same time tied to another person for the rest of her life.
There was, however, one sore spot in all the joy.
She’d mended fences with Lucy and her friends, but not with Jonathan. There was so much she wanted to tell him, so many revelations she wanted to share, but there simply wasn’t time. The day was a whirlwind of activity and smiling faces. After leaving the church under a flurry of rice and flower petals, they arrived at the breakfast buffet that was set up on a grassy cliff overlooking the water. It was filled with magic and joy, but there was never a moment to talk to him alone. Maddie decided to just wait. At some point, they would be alone. At some point, everyone would have to leave and allow them to be together.
In the meantime, she enjoyed herself, danced, ate, and barely gave her father and brother a second glance when they departed in the early evening. She didn’t care if she ever saw them again. As the sun faded into twilight, many of the guests had departed, and it was only the last few and the most special to Maddie that now remained. They too were preparing to leave. It was then she discovered she and Jonathan would have the house to themselves. Lord and Lady Heath, and Lucy and Winchester would be traveling to Margate to continue visiting with their friends.
“You must plan a visit to Scotland,” Heather, the Duchess of Ablehill, said as she hugged Maddie.
“As soon as possible,” Maddie agreed.
Two by two, they departed, and Maddie stood back as Jonathan closed the door. He turned and offered his arm.
“Dinner should be ready.”
He led her to the dining room, and the table leaf had been removed, making the table much more intimate. Two plates were set next to each other and the courses set before them so they could serve themselves. Maddie tried to get a sense of his mood, but he was quiet and intent on eating his food.
* * *
Jonathan hated to admit it, but he was nervous. He didn’t know what Maddie would expect from tonight. He’d never been with a virgin before, and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin what should be a very special evening. It didn’t help that they hadn’t settled things. There was so much to say, but all of it could easily turn into another argument. He didn’t want today of all days to be forever ruined in her memory, but he didn’t know what to do or say.
“I’ve never had crab before. I like it,” she murmured.
Jonathan realized they’d been utterly silent since the start of dinner. He didn’t mean to ignore her.
“It’s one of the many perks of living near the coast.” He smiled at her.
She took a sip of wine and watched him. “Can I stay here?”
“What?” He blinked.
“We never talked of where I would live. May I live here?”
Her eyes were so wide and innocent as she said it. It was so clear she thought she’d be living alone. In astonishment, he realized he didn’t want that. Wherever Maddie was, he would be, too. She was his wife now, and he could never just leave her to spend her days alone, no one to share her opinions with, and no one to protect her.”
“Um…about that.”
“Please.” She reached out and touched his hand.
He looked down at it oddly, the gold band catching his eye. Something strange happened inside him. It rocked him. He could feel a flush climbing up his neck.
She took her hand away, but he snatched it back and held it under his. “You like it here?”
She nodded emphatically.
“Then we will stay. This will be our main home. I warn you, the storms can be brutal in the winter.”
“I love storms.” She smiled excitedly, then her smile faltered. “You said we?”
“I know I did.” His heart hammered as he took a sip of wine and prayed she wasn’t going to argue with him about this.
She didn’t. She left her hand under his and took another bite of her asparagus. He watched her as she ate and thought of the past two days, the past week really. He couldn’t believe they’d actually done it. They faked a courtship, became betrothed, and now they were married. They’d fooled everyone, even themselves. There was no denying their attraction to each other, and when they touched, their passion burned hotter than the sun.
Their courtship may have been fake, and they may have married for convenience, but there was no reason they couldn’t have love. No one was more worthy, more in need of his absolute love and devotion than Maddie. He felt hot now as if his body were filled with smoldering coal. He gulped down his wine and refilled his glass, then pulled off his cravat.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“It’s hot in here, isn’t it?”
She looked at him with concern. “I’ll open a window.”
Jonathan tried to calm himself as the opened window brought in the chilled salty breeze. “Thank you.” He sighed in relief.
“Your color is heightened.” She touched his forehead with the back of her hand.
He smiled at that. It was such a wifely thing to do. “I’ll be fine in a moment. Would you like dessert?”
She nodded, and he scooped some pudding into a dish for her. They ate in silence again, and Jonathan thought about the day. It had been utter chaos, but he did remember a few shining moments. Madd
ie had smiled and laughed, and she’d looked to be enjoying herself when dancing with his friends.
“Thank you for looking as though you enjoyed the festivities today. I know it’s difficult for you to spend so much time in the company of others.” He was watching her scrape the last of her pudding from the dish when he said this. Her spoon stopped mid-scrape.
“I didn’t have any difficulty. I enjoyed myself,” she said stiltedly.
He sighed. “You can be honest with me. It’s just us now. But you do realize that this is where my family comes for the little season every year, so every summer it is a full house. That won’t change.”
She set her spoon down with a thud. “I didn’t expect it to.”
“During those times you can always go somewhere else if it is too much to bear.” Though he said it, he didn’t like it. It would be hard to explain her absence every summer, and he wouldn’t like being apart, he knew that already.
“It won’t be too much to bear.”
“We’ll make it work, Maddie. I’ll find a way to make it work. I…I can change.”
She shot up from her seat. “I didn’t ask you to change.”
“I know. I’m choosing to. There’s nothing the ton has to offer now. I can see my friends less, and my mother will understand if we don’t make it to every gathering being newlyweds—” He stopped when she put a hand up.
“I don’t understand what you’re asking for.” She was visibly upset, and it struck him to the core. She must have tried so hard just for him.
“I’m just trying to find a way for us to be together, Maddie. I don’t want to leave you here alone. I want to live with you. I want to wake up next to you. I want us to have a real marriage.”
She choked on a sob. He shot out of his seat and put his arms around her.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. Tell me what you need me to do. Tell me how I can make you happy.”
She shook her head, her hands covering her face.
“Please, Maddie. I’ll do anything for you. Just tell me I don’t have to leave you.”