by Dayna Quince
“Don’t leave.” She dropped her hands. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Don’t ever leave.”
Jonathan felt something set off inside him like a burst of fireworks in his chest, sparks sizzling, pops and bangs exploding in colorful plumes. She shook as he held her, and for one startling, illuminating moment, he knew this was what love felt like. He loved her. He loved her, and he would do anything for her because she was his place. He held her tightly, resting his head on hers as he pinched his eyes closed, fighting the sudden dampness. Thank God, he mouthed. He found it. He wasn’t broken. He could love—he did love, and it was so powerful he wondered how he could have mistaken anything else for it.
“Maddie.” He said her name over and over.
“Jonathan,” she said as she pushed back.
She tried to say more, but he kissed her, taking her mouth with the energy of all that he was feeling. When he pulled away, she looked dazed, but she quickly recovered.
“I’m sorry. I was overcome.”
She smiled. “Don’t apologize for a kiss like that. But—” she stopped him from kissing her again, “before we lose ourselves, I have something I must say.”
He nodded for her to go on.
“We don’t have to leave here during the summer or cry off from gatherings. Thea, Lucy, and I talked and…they asked me to accept them as they are. They said they had already accepted me. It was…odd and magnificent. From that point on, I made a concerted effort to just be myself with them, and we all had a wonderful time. There are some people I will never forgive for the way they have treated me, but your friends are now my friends, and your family is now my family. I accept them, and I’m sure I will grow to love them as you do.”
He hugged her tightly again. “Oh, Maddie, I love you.”
He felt her jerk in his hold, but he didn’t let go.
“You what?” was her muffled reply.
He grinned over her head. “I think it’s time we retired. Don’t you?”
Chapter 20
How Maddie found herself in her room so quickly, she had no idea. He carried her upstairs, deposited her in her room, and told her to wait for him there. Anne stood there ready to await her.
“Shall I help you change? There is a gift on your bed.”
Maddie couldn’t stop hearing what Jonathan had said. He very clearly said he loved her. She shook herself. “Yes, I need to change.” She walked to her vanity, and Anne undid the back of her dress.
He said he loved me.
He said he loved me.
Maddie closed her eyes and absorbed the words. She hadn’t heard those words since her mother died. She’d never felt this sort of whole body glow before. Like she could fly away at will, like she could walk across the surface of the ocean and skip over the waves. Was she drunk? No. She hadn’t even finished her glass of wine. Was this…was this what being in love felt like? It always sounded so horrible and tragic in books. This feeling was opposite of that. This feeling was soul lifting; it was the light of dawn kissing the earth, it was the touch of moonlight on flowers. Maddie shook herself.
This was why poets wrote so much about it. There was no way to describe this feeling. Did she truly love him? How could she not? He was her champion. He’d slain her dragons and freed her from a life of pain. He accepted her. Even when he didn’t like what she offered, he still accepted her, and at the end of it all, he chose her. It was impossible not to love him, so she would. She would own her love and find a way to show him her love any way she could. But first, she needed to tell him.
Anne had her dressed down in her nightgown and finished braiding her hair. “Will you be needing anything else?” Anne smiled and winked.
“I don’t think so.” Maddie blushed.
“I’ll be going, then. Don’t forget your gift.”
“Oh, yes.” Maddie moved to the bed. She pulled the ribbon from the box and opened it. It was a very sheer nightgown, a crystal flask full of amber liquid, and a pile of folded notes scattered about the box. She smiled as she opened one and read it. It was from Lucy.
* * *
We bought you this nightgown to celebrate your wedding night. Don’t let him rip it! The whiskey is to help you through the horrific experience of sharing a marriage bed with my brother. Anabelle told me not to write that part, but I thought it too important to leave out.
Your new sister, Lucy.
* * *
Maddie laughed as she set the note aside. Each note was from one of her new friends, and they each gave her a bit of advice. She was still smiling when Jonathan entered her room as she was piling the notes together to tuck away.
“What is that?” he asked. He was wearing a thick robe, and his feet were bare.
“A gift from your sister.”
He strode forward and looked in the box, raising a brow and whistling. “You should put it on now.”
“If you think I should…” she teased.
She saw him pick up a note. She bit her lip as he read it and scowled. “That bloody sister of mine. I curse the day she was born.”
Maddie laughed and stepped into him. “No, you don’t.”
He tossed the note aside and looked down. “Are you going to put the gown on?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Lord, yes, but you’ll need to put something warm over it.”
“Why?”
He winked. “It’s a surprise.”
Maddie coyly picked up the nightgown and sailed behind her dressing screen. It was the work of a moment to switch nightgowns. “Will you get my wool cloak?”
She could hear him open the wardrobe, but instead of passing it over the top, he came behind the screen.
Maddie gasped. His eyes swallowed her in flames with their heated examination. He draped the cloak over her shoulders and tied it. “Ready?”
“As much as I’ll ever be,” she said breathlessly.
He took her hand and led her from the room. Downstairs, he collected a basket and blanket by the door, and they left the house. Maddie didn’t ask where they were going. She had a pretty good idea, but either way, she didn’t care. She was with Jonathan, the only place she belonged.
The wind whipped at her braid as they climbed down to the beach. Once on the sand, things were calmer, and it wasn’t as cold as she expected. He spread out the blanket and handed her down, then sat beside her and opened the basket. Out came a bottle and two champagne flutes.
“A gift from the gentlemen.”
“I wonder if they know what their wives did for me?”
“What did they do?” He looked at her askance.
“Nothing.” She smiled mischievously.
He handed her a flute of champagne and Maddie sipped. It was sweet and light. She leaned over and made a little nest for her glass in the sand and set it down. As she righted herself, she found herself in his arms. He’d gone up to his knees and lifted her to hers.
Under her cloak, he cupped her bottom, pressing her to his hardness. Her hand slipped inside his robe to his chest where she touched hot bare skin.
“Are you naked?” she said in scandalized delight.
He grinned as he leaned in to kiss her. “You’ll have to use your hands to find out.”
Maddie opened her lips as his settled over hers, her hands spreading the halves up the robe further. She spread her hands over his skin, marveling. She shivered. She wasn’t cold, she was eager. She couldn’t wait to see how much further this passion could go. It was almost too much to bear to wait. After all they had said before, and everything she was feeling inside, she couldn’t wait any longer. She wanted to be known by him. She wanted every last barrier stripped away until he knew her better than she knew herself. It was scary and exhilarating.
She stopped moving.
“What’s the matter?” he said as he pulled away.
“Nothing,” she said breathlessly. She was so happy, so filled with joy and love that she just needed a moment to feel it. To breathe and know it was real.
She swallowed and looked up. Her breath caught as she saw the stars above them. There were so many of them.
“Maddie?” He kissed her temple.
“Look up, Jonathan. Look at all the stars.” She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sky.
“I’d rather look at you.”
“I’m serious, Jonathan. It’s magnificent.”
“I am, too. I have seen the stars, Maddie. It’s you who I need to see now. You I want to discover and worship at this moment. The stars can wait, but I cannot.”
She pulled her eyes away. “I can’t wait either.”
She pulled the tie of his robe, unearthing his body. She trailed her hands down until he stopped her. He pulled her tightly against him, into the searing heat of his body. Maddie gasped. His manhood pressed against her bringing a fevered need to her skin to be touched, to be closer to his. He untied her cloak and tossed it aside, slowly pulling up her nightgown until little by little their skin kissed. She raised her arms as he pulled it over her head. Off it went, floating down to the sand. They both looked at each other. Maddie wanted to explore him, but her need to be close was greater.
He cupped her breasts with both hands. Maddie sighed with pleasure as he kneaded and molded them. He bent and took one into his mouth and then the other. She could feel the dampness between her thighs. She now knew it meant she wanted him. She needed him desperately.
“Jonathan, please,” she begged. She knew what was going to happen and she knew she was made to fit his body. His thick rigid staff pulsed with his heat, branding her. His fingers slid over her cleft, and for a moment, she was appeased. He stroked her. The pleasure was so exquisite it was difficult to stay on her knees. She leaned into him, catching his lips, telling him with her tongue and her teeth that she wanted him, that this was no longer enough.
He must have understood, because he scooped her up and gently laid her down. He covered them with his robe as he settled over her, his hardness naturally finding her softness. Maddie moved her hips to adjust and found that sliding over his manhood with her slick core felt wonderful. She did it again.
“We don’t have to rush.” He groaned.
“I want to rush. I can’t wait a moment more. Take me, Jonathan. I want you to. I love you, and I want to feel everything that loving you means.
“Maddie…” He shuddered. “Oh, Maddie.”
He picked up one of her knees and brought it to his hip. He positioned himself at her core, and Maddie watched him in amazement against a backdrop of pale gold stars. He pressed forward, looking down at her.
She could barely see his face, but she could feel his love for her, feel his strength and restraint as he slowly breached her body and joined with her. She arched her back, the stinging pain a surprise at first, but then he began to move, and it gave way to pleasure again. Slowly and steadily, the fire inside her built as he moved against her. He dropped kisses on her cheeks and lips.
Catching his mouth, she claimed it, and she kissed him hard. He started moving faster, her body thrumming with the building fire, her heart singing as pleasure raced through her veins.
She closed her eyes, but she could still see the stars, she was part of them now, shattering into thousands of tiny points of light. She cried out and arched, breaking their kiss. He groaned into her neck, thrusting hard, shaking as he found his release. He rested on top of her, his arms coming under her and holding her tightly. Maddie held him with her entire body, damning the happy tears that wanted to spill over.
“I love you,” they whispered at the same time.
Jonathan pulled his head back and grinned down at her. They both started laughing.
He rolled to the side and tucked the robe around them. Maddie rested her head on his shoulder and looked up at him. “What do we do now?”
He stroked her hair slowly. “Get dressed, go to our room, and let me undress you all over again.”
Maddie smiled and kissed his nipple. “I like that plan.” She thought of the notes that her new friends had left her. They’d written little bits of advice about making love and Maddie was extremely eager to try some of them.
Epilogue
Maddie swatted Jonathan’s hand away from her bottom for the third time as they strolled along the boardwalk. Granted, his hand was hidden under her cloak, but by the flags of color in her cheeks, surely everyone knew he was up to no good. But as she looked around, she could see no one was paying them the least bit of attention. Jonathan pulled her toward the open shops and encouraged her to buy something.
“If you don’t, I'll kiss you here in front of everyone,” he teased.
Maddie shoved at his chest. “Fine. I’ll buy one thing. Something for your mother and Lucy.” They hadn’t left the house for three solid days, but on this lovely day, the sun was warm, and not a cloud could be seen. It was a day to be spent outside, not in bed.
“Something for yourself.” He wagged his finger at her. “My mother and Lucy have enough trinkets they could build a bridge from Dover to Calais. You need to spoil yourself for once and allow me to spoil you.”
“It goes against my nature. I don’t want to be spoiled.”
“But you need it. You need to feel how much I love you in every way impossible. That includes letting me buy you frivolous things like glass birds and ornate clocks that inevitably break after the first coo.”
“Fine, I’ll do it, but I can’t have you looking over my shoulder as I look.”
He stepped back and sat on a bench across the boardwalk. Maddie grinned as she turned back to the tables of wares and browsed. She looked over the trinkets, all so delicate and lovely, and considered what she might want. Little porcelain ladies posed elegantly with their parasols on one table. She didn’t mind them but nor did she feel anything when she looked at them. As a girl, she browsed shop windows with her mother and was always intrigued by the ornate woodcarvings. She looked around to see if this shop had any. Toward the back was a table of wood figures. She approached the table and smiled, picking up a darling little frog made of wood.
She turned to look for Jonathan to show him and bumped into another person. The poor woman fell to the ground.
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Maddie cried. She set the frog down and bent to help the woman up. At the same time, the woman brushed her hair out of her face and looked up. She had tears streaking down her face.
“Please forgive me.” Maddie offered her hand to help her up.
“Tis no bother,” the young woman said. She allowed Maddie to help her up.
“But you’re hurt!”
“No…it wasn’t the fall.” She sniffed gently.
Maddie observed her black dress. “You’re in mourning,” she stated quietly. “You have my sincerest condolences.”
The young woman nodded. “Thank you.”
Jonathan appeared at Maddie’s sighed. The girl quickly averted her face.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
“Yes,” Maddie assured him.
He looked at the girl. She was obviously avoiding him. “Perhaps you should go,” Maddie whispered. But Jonathan didn’t. He touched the girl's shoulder gently. “Miss Owens?”
She stiffened, then quickly wiped her face and turned to face him with a forced smile. “Lord Rigsby.”
Maddie hid her surprise.
“Miss Owens is a friend of Lucy’s,” Jonathan told Maddie. “This is my wife, Maddie.”
“How do you do, my lady.”
Maddie grimaced. “Please call me Maddie.”
“Then you shall call me Rose if we meet again.” Rose smiled.
It was the saddest smile Maddie had ever seen. Her heart broke for her. She didn’t know what to say.
“Lucy would love to hear from you. We’d be delighted if you could join us for dinner. Are you staying with your father?”
Rose shook her head. “He passed eight months ago, I’m afraid.”
“I’m sorry.”
“He was very ill.” Rose looked about unco
mfortably. “I must be going.” She hesitated. “Please tell Lucy I miss her, I miss all of them.”
“She’s near in Margate with everyone. She’d love to see you.”
“I really can’t.” She began to back away.
“May I have an address so she can write to you?” he pressed. Maddie took his hand and squeezed it.
Rose shook her head. “Goodbye.” She darted from the store. Maddie and Jonathan followed her, but she was climbing into a carriage.
Jonathan studied the crest.
“Who is that?” Maddie asked.
“I’m not certain. I will have to look in Debretts Peerage.”
“But you knew her?”
Jonathan took her hand, and they walked down the boardwalk toward home.
“Not very well, but Lucy has spoken of her letters from time to time. She left to care for her ill father about two years ago, and her communications simply dwindled to nothing. Lucy has been very concerned.
“Do you think she is in trouble?”
“I don’t know.”
Rose leaned back against the seat of the carriage and closed her eyes. She knew coming down here was a mistake, but Lady Belfrost had insisted they all needed a bit of respite, and as her companion, Rose wasn’t in any position to argue about where they went and whom they saw. Even if it was humiliating for Rose. She prayed that, at some point, she’d stop caring. Being a companion was a respectable position, but when she saw people she knew, which thankfully, was infrequently, she was reminded of all the things she’d lost. Like her father, her friends, and her youth. She was only two and twenty, but as a companion, her social life was exactly nothing, which meant her dreams of love and children were likely never to happen.
The carriage stopped in front of the teashop where Lady Belfrost was having tea with Lady Fenwick. Lady Belfrost exited, and Caleb jumped down to open the door. He winked at Rose before turning to hand Lady Belfrost inside.
Rose rolled her eyes and then schooled her features to hide her sadness.