Lessons in Love

by Carlyle, Clarissa

  “Sorry, this won’t take a minute,” Alex said nervously, holding her white envelope before her like a shield.

  At the sound of her voice Mark instantly looked up in startled surprise.

  “Alex?” His eyes widened in disbelief as he took in the sight of her standing in his classroom, her body drowned by the oversized hooded top she was wearing.

  Her whole appearance had changed since he’d last seen her. There was something fresher about her. Her face was no longer laden with makeup; her hair, free from hair spray, was now neatly kept at the nape of her neck in a bun. Without the cheerleading trimmings, she looked younger, more innocent than she did before.

  Mark, however, looked just as dashing as ever. His chiselled cheeks showed the slight shadow of beard, and his crisp white shirt teasingly clung to his toned physique, as did his dark denim jeans.

  “I’m sorry to bother you,” she told him, her voice small.

  “It’s no bother.” Mark smiled at her as he got up and went to shut the classroom door. His movements always seemed so fluid and effortless, but now they seemed flustered and verged on being clumsy. It took him two attempts to settle himself against his desk. All the while Alex watched him with nervous eyes.

  “What can I do for you?” he asked as Alex tried to avoid his piercing gaze. She knew he was holding himself back from asking further questions.

  “I wanted to tell you something.”

  “I guess it’s no longer social suicide to be seen with me,” Mark commented, his teacher exterior falling to reveal the hurt man behind.

  “Mark.” Alex looked to the floor, feeling embarrassed by her previous behavior towards him.

  “I think it should be Mr. Simmons, don’t you?” Mark corrected her curtly.

  “You’ve every right to be mad at me,” Alex told him fretfully. “But I didn’t come here to argue.”

  “And why would we argue? I’m just a teacher, and you are just a student.” Mark’s tone was cold as he tried to suppress his feelings.

  Alex trembled slightly as she stood with her application, despite the warmth the hooded top provided. It was becoming too much. First her friends shunned her, and now Mark, the man she was crazy about, was also treating her like a pariah. Despite her best efforts to hold them in, tears began to trickle down her cheeks, and her lip quivered.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Mark said apologetically, coming over and placing an arm around her.

  “I’m sorry,” Alex gasped. “I’m sorry I was so terrible to you and so rude when all you’d done was to be kind to me,” She was crying harder now, her tears falling upon Mark’s shirt as he embraced her.

  “It’s okay,” Mark told her soothingly. “I’m just bitter because deep down I know you did the right thing. I should have been the adult in the situation, but you stepped in and beat me to it.”

  Alex laughed slightly at this.

  “I’m mad because I missed you, that’s all,” Mark admitted. “I miss talking about music and movies and learning about you.”

  Alex felt relieved to hear his admission, as it justified how she had been pining for him for the last four months. She wanted to tell him that she felt the same, that she missed their conversations, missed the smell of him and how she’d still smell him days after because his cologne clung to her clothes after just one brief embrace. She wanted to flood her senses with him, to smell nothing but him. But first she had to give him the big news, the news that he’d surely be delighted to hear.

  “I came here to tell you something,” she declared, pulling away from their embrace.

  “Oh?”

  Alex relinquished her shield and passed it over to Mark.

  “I got into Princeton,” she explained simply as he regarded the envelope.

  His eyes immediately widened with joyous wonder. “You did?”

  “Yes!”

  “On a scholarship?” he added carefully.

  “Yes!”

  “That’s fantastic!” Mark beamed before throwing his arms around her and holding her tight to his chest.

  “My God, I’m so proud of you I could burst!” he told her. When they eventually parted, Alex noticed how Mark’s eyes were watering.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you,” she admitted, blushing.

  “Yes, you could have.”

  “No, really, I couldn’t. You reminded me about who I was and who I want to be. For a long time I’d been adrift since my dad died, but you set me back on course, and I’ll be eternally grateful for that.”

  “I’m just glad I could help.” Mark smiled.

  For a moment they stood in the empty classroom, staring at each other but neither speaking. Alex wished she could be brave enough to tell him how she felt, how she’d missed him each and every day since she’d stormed out of his classroom. She had the application, surely now she could be brave enough to cross that invisible line and stop being Mark’s student and embrace him as she truly desired.

  But Alex’s feet remained frozen firmly in place. The line still existed between them, stopping her from moving towards him despite her heart’s yearnings.

  “Are you happy?” Mark suddenly asked her.

  “Happy?” the question caught Alex completely off guard.

  “Yeah, are you happy? You don’t seem ecstatic about getting into Princeton. In fact, you look troubled,” Mark noted, his eyes narrowing with concern.

  Alex wanted to shout that he was the reason she looked troubled. That as she stood there, she was engulfed by conflicting emotions. A part of her knew she should walk away, maintain that teacher-student relationship and conform to society’s ideals of relationships. But another part of her desperately wanted to run into his arms and kiss him and become lost in that kiss. Alex felt as though her body were trying to tear her in two.

  “I’m happy.” Alex smiled nervously, worried that her body language would reveal her inner turmoil. “Course I’m happy. I mean, Princeton, it’s what I’ve been working towards. It’s what I’ve always dreamed of.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “You’re what’s wrong!” Alex declared, gesturing to him with her hands.

  “Me?”

  “All I can think about is how much I want you, how desperately I miss you, and even the victory of getting into Princeton seems hollow because I can’t truly share it with you as I want to,” Alex blurted out, unable to conceal her true feelings any longer.

  “Are you going to graduation?” Mark asked her suddenly.

  “What?” Alex shook her head in confusion, unsure where the question had come from. “Um, no. I already got my graduation certificate, and I have no interest in going.”

  “Then you’re no longer a student here,” Mark said excitedly. But before Alex could register what he meant, he’d closed the distance between them in two easy strides, and he took her once more into his arms, although this time his intentions were not to comfort her. Mark was no longer the math teacher; he was purely just the man. He leaned in and kissed Alex passionately on the mouth. At first, just their lips touched, but then her lips parted, and she felt his tongue hot and heavy within her mouth, the sensation making her entire body tingle.

  They kissed passionately, Mark running his hands down her body, cupping her curves, as Alex ran her fingers through his thick hair.

  When at last they parted, panting breathlessly, Alex managed to smile coyly at him. Her heart was dancing madly in her chest. He felt the same. The jubilation was greater than when she’d heard her Princeton acceptance letter for the first time.

  “That was…” Alex was lost for words, her mind scrambled by the magic of an insatiable kiss.

  “I care about you, Alex,” Mark told her, taking her hand in his.

  “I care about you too.” Alex smiled shyly.

  “And now you’re no longer a student at Woodsdale, we can actually be together.” Mark grinned.

  “Yeah.” The thought made butterflies fly madly around Alex’s stomach. �
�But won’t people talk?” she added with concern.

  “We’re doing nothing wrong,” Mark reassured her. “We waited until you graduated school before we did anything.”

  The use of the word anything made Alex tingle in a place where she’d never previously tingled. She knew what anything meant and struggled not to get breathless at the thought of it.

  “So, since I’m now just a guy and you’re just an insanely hot girl, may I take you out on a date to celebrate you getting into Princeton?” Mark asked in a proper gentlemanly manner.

  “Yes,” Alex nodded eagerly, “of course you can.”

  She felt giddy with delight as Mark ran a hand down her cheek before taking a firmer grip of her face and pulling her in for another hot and delicious kiss.

  ****

  “So who is this guy?” Jackie interrogated her daughter for the tenth time as Alex paced nervously around the trailer.

  “A guy from school,” Alex answered ambiguously, aware she was only half-lying.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Mark.”

  “Is he going to come inside to meet me?” Jackie asked, visibly on edge. It was the first time she’d had to deal with her daughter going out on a date, and she felt out of her depth. She wished her late husband were there to help guide her through the situation. He’d have known exactly what to do. He’d have invited the guy in, made some friendly small talk before jokingly telling him about the colt beneath his pillow and how if he hurt his daughter, he wouldn’t be afraid to use it.

  But Jackie couldn’t do any of those things; all she could do was watch fretfully from the trailer.

  “No, Mom, he’s not coming in to meet you because this isn’t the fifties,” Alex remarked cheekily.

  “It’s only proper manners to meet the parents!” Jackie objected.

  The last thing Alex wanted was for Mark to come inside and meet her mother. She knew that his age would instantly be an issue. It was better for all of them if, for the time being, her mother was led to believe that he was just another student rather than a teacher.

  “Is he going to college?” Jackie asked after a brief silence, determined to learn what she could about the mystery man before Alex ran out into the night to commence her date with him.

  “Yeah.”

  “Where is he going?”

  “Notre Dame.” It was the first name that sprang to Alex’s mind.

  “What will he study?”

  “Teaching,” she replied. Again, only a half lie, as Mark had already gone to college to study teaching.

  “Oh.” Jackie nodded thoughtfully, seemingly satisfied by this piece of information. “Teaching is a noble pursuit,” she added.

  “It sure is.” Alex laughed, regretting telling her mother that she was going on a date. Whenever she thought she was going out with Claire she wasn’t nearly as concerned.

  “Is Claire dating anyone at the moment?” Jackie queried, continuing to seize the opportunity to ask her daughter questions.

  “Yeah, a guy named Jeff.” Alex didn’t want to go into details about how she and Claire were no longer friends. If her Mom knew that people were shunning her because she was now ousted as a brain, she would only pity her, and Alex despised being pitied.

  “Is he nice?”

  “Nice enough.” Alex shrugged.

  Car headlights shone just beyond the window, and before her mother could have a chance to wander out to the vehicle, Alex bounded through the door to the trailer, sending it smacking against the dwelling’s exterior.

  “Have fun!” Jackie called meekly after her daughter.

  “That was quick,” Mark noted as Alex hurriedly buckled herself in, eager to leave the trailer.

  “My mom is dangerously close to letting her curiosity get the better of her and coming out to meet you,” Alex explained.

  “Would that be so bad?” Mark asked as he backed out of the park.

  “No, I think she’d take it really well. Hey, Mom, meet my new boyfriend. Oh yeah, he used to be my math teacher,” Alex said sarcastically.

  “So I’m your boyfriend?” Mark smiled to himself as he drove away from the trailer park.

  “Hey, don’t go getting smug about that,” Alex warned, though she herself was smiling also. “Where are we going anyway?”

  “La Bistro Loco,” Mark answered. Alex had heard of it before. It was a boutique restaurant that had opened up in Charlottesville the previous year.

  “It’s supposed to be nice there.” Alex nodded in approval.

  “Yeah, a lot of the teachers talk about it,” Mark said the words, and then something in his face froze, as though it suddenly occurred to him that he might run into a colleague on his date with a former student.

  “We could go somewhere else,” Alex suggested, sensing his unease.

  “No, no, it’s fine,” Mark answered decisively. “People are going to find out sooner or later. And you deserve to be taken somewhere nice. After all, we are celebrating!”

  ****

  La Bistro Loco offered the best in contemporary fine dining. The moderately large restaurant consisted of wrought-iron tables and chairs, each chair filled with brightly colored cushions. On the terracotta-colored walls were hung beautifully pieces of modern art.

  Mark and Alex were shown to their table, encountering now familiar faces as they walked in hand in hand. Alex felt a surge of adrenalin when Mark took her hand as they walked from the car. It felt exciting and dangerous, but it also felt right, as though within his hand was right where her hand belonged.

  To an onlooker they looked just like any other young couple in love, gazing dreamily into each other’s eyes over their dinner as they discussed their dreams and aspirations.

  “Are you excited about Princeton?” Mark asked as he ate his pasta dish.

  “I haven’t really thought about it,” Alex admitted. “It’s all happened so quickly.”

  “Well, you’ve got the summer for it to settle in,” Mark noted.

  “Yeah.”

  After dinner Mark walked Alex through a nearby park, his strong arm wrapped around her waist. He looked irresistible in a T-shirt and blazer with jeans. With each step Alex desperately wanted to just surrender herself to yet another kiss. To her, being in Mark’s arms and tasting his kiss was like being in heaven.

  Alex had worn an old summer dress that was once a vibrant blue but had dulled with time. Her hair hung down her back, golden and luminous, but still she felt inadequate beside her more mature date. She couldn’t help but notice how other women stole glances at him, even though he was with her. It made her uneasy and a little jealous.

  “Are you having a good night?” Mark asked as they strolled through the park. Above them, some stars had begun to shine.

  “I’m having a perfect night,” Alex admitted while Mark leaned in to kiss her. They remained kissing in the park for several minutes, getting lost in the sensation of one another.

  “It’s getting late. I should get you back home.” Mark sighed as he checked his watch. Alex didn’t want to leave him, not yet, maybe not ever. She kissed him again, eager to keep the magic of the moment alive for as long as she could.

  “If you keep kissing me, then we’ll never get back,” Mark joked. “I don’t want to enrage your mother.”

  “Maybe I don’t have to go back,” Alex suggested seductively. She wrapped her arms around Mark’s neck and then slowly lowered them down his body, feeling the curvature of his spine as she did so.

  “What are you suggesting?” Mark asked a little breathlessly. Suddenly, spurred on by her own yearnings, Alex was no longer the timid teenager but a skilled seductress.

  “Maybe I could come back to yours,” she whispered into his ear.

  “Are you sure?” Mark asked nervously.

  Alex kissed him hard and deep to show him just how certain of her proposal she was.

  ****

  “I waited up for you,” Alex’s mom declared as Alex entered the trailer, the bright m
orning light warming her back.

  Jackie sat at the kitchen counter, her eyes bloodshot.

  “Well, you shouldn’t have bothered,” Alex retorted childishly.

  “I was worried.”

  “Well, I’m home now, so panic over.” Alex went to walk into her shared bedroom to change, but her mother stood up and grabbed her arm.

  “You should have called me,” Jackie told her sternly.

  “Mom, chill out, I’m eighteen, for God’s sake!” Alex shook her mother off.

  “What if something had happened to you?” Jackie cried in despair. “What if you’d been shot?”

  The talk of shooting made Alex immediately come to her senses, and she turned to her mother, her face apologetic.

  “I… I honestly didn’t think,” she admitted shamefully. “I just got caught up in the moment.” Alex slumped down at the counter, and Jackie sat beside her, her face etched with concern.

  “I know how exciting it is to meet a guy and start falling for him,” she began knowingly. “But you need to keep a focus on yourself. You’ve got so much going for you now, Alex. The last thing you want is some guy coming along and ruining that for you.”

  “It’s not like that, Mom.”

  “Just make sure you don’t get too caught up in him,” Jackie advised.

  “Mom, I love him,” Alex admitted, startled to hear herself say the words. She’d known she felt that way for a while, but it was the first time she’d said so out loud. It made the feeling seem more real, more tangible.

  “Young love can be so powerful.” Jackie sighed. “But don’t let yourself fall too far; it will just make things more difficult in the fall when you have to leave him to start college.”

  Alex nodded, but internally she felt panicked. The thought of leaving Mark to go to Princeton suddenly made her feel physically sick. She remembered all the looks he attracted when they were together. If that was how women behaved when he was with his girlfriend, then surely they would just be throwing themselves at him when he was alone.

  And what if while Alex was away he fell for another student? She’d come home to be with him only to have her heart crushed.