by Chris Taylor
The double oak doors opened before she could ring the bell and she guessed that Athena had been watching for her.
“There you are! You took long enough!” her sister complained.
Shelby chose to remain silent. There was a tension in Athena’s eyes that seemed to be more than merely the stress of studying for exams. She followed her sister into the wide entryway and dropped her beach bag inside the door.
“So, what’s so important I had to hightail it up the hill in this heat?” she asked with her hands on her hips.
Athena’s lips tightened and her face lost a little more color. “Come with me.”
Without waiting to see if Shelby was behind her, Athena strode down the hallway, past the display of family photographs and limited edition prints, across the wide expanse of white Italian marble tiles that covered the floor of the large open-concept living and dining room and finally came to a halt beside the basement door.
Athena twisted the door knob and Shelby frowned in confusion. “What are you doing?”
“Come with me.”
“That’s Daddy’s den. You know we don’t go in there.”
Athena’s gaze sharpened. She stared at Shelby. “Yes, and have you ever wondered why?”
Shelby shrugged. “Not really. It’s Daddy’s private domain. It’s his hangout, a place where he can escape the world. What’s so wrong with that?”
Athena’s expression revealed nothing. Without another word, she opened the door that had been closed to them ever since Shelby could remember and proceeded down the stairs. A light switch had been turned on, illuminating their progress, but Shelby still felt a shiver of unease. She was entering a forbidden place and even though she was a grown woman and hardly likely to upset her father and his things, it still didn’t feel right.
Still, she was curious about what the room looked like and why Athena was so worked up. What could it be that she wanted to show her that she couldn’t tell her about on the phone?
Her sister rounded the corner ahead of her and stood back to wait. Shelby couldn’t help but notice the renewed tension on Athena’s face. More and more apprehensive, Shelby crept the final few steps. Rounding the corner, the room was laid bare to her gaze.
“What the hell?” she gasped in disbelief, hardly able to comprehend.
“Exactly,” Athena declared solemnly. “You see why I told you to come quick.”
* * *
Back upstairs, Shelby paced the kitchen in a daze, still unable to believe what she’d seen. Athena sat on a bar stool, hunched over the counter.
“I can’t believe it,” Shelby muttered. “I just can’t believe it.”
“I know. I didn’t want to either. I saw what was down there and I didn’t know what to think.”
Her sister still sounded shocked and confused. Shelby went over to her and gave her a hug.
“Who else have you told?” she asked.
“No one,” Athena replied, her voice dull.
Shelby thought for a moment and came to a decision. “I’m going to talk to Daddy.”
“Shelby, no! You can’t do that! Then he’ll know we’ve been down there. What if he gets mad?”
“Getting mad at us is the last thing he’ll do. Besides, we’re not babies. It’s not like we knew the real reason why he’s kept the door to the basement locked all these years.”
Athena frowned. “Do you think Momma knows?”
Shelby shook her head, bewildered. “I don’t know. Maybe. Who knows? That’s why I’m going to speak to Daddy. I want some answers.”
“But what if he does get mad? What if he gets so mad he disowns you? What then?”
“He’s not going to disown me, Athena.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Shelby squared her shoulders. A surge of determination went through her. “Okay, I’m not sure, but I’m willing to take that chance.”
Athena jumped down off the stool and threw her arms around her sister. Shelby hugged her back.
“Be careful,” Athena whispered.
“Of course. Don’t worry. I’m going to talk to Daddy, remember? I’m sure he’ll be fine. Surprised that we’ve discovered his secret, perhaps, but what’s he going to do? Call the police? I don’t think so.”
Stepping away from Athena, Shelby walked back to the front door and collected her things. She thought fleetingly of Samuel, no doubt still soaking up the surf. She’d catch up with him later. There was nothing else she could do. She’d seen what was in the basement. The need to speak with her father took precedence. When Samuel found out what she’d discovered, she was sure he’d understand. With her mind made up, she let herself out of the house and headed for the bus stop.
* * *
“Mr Gianopoulos, I have your daughter out here. She’s wondering if she can have a word?”
Alexei heard his secretary speak and started in surprise. “Which one, Jennifer?” he asked, curious.
“Shelby.”
He smiled with genuine pleasure. Ah, his eldest daughter. Most of the time, they got on well. “Send her in.”
Pushing away from his over-sized walnut-and-beech wood desk, he came around to greet her. The door opened a moment later and Jennifer ushered Shelby in.
“Shelby! What a surprise!” He leaned down to peck her on the cheek.
She turned her head slightly away and his kiss landed in her hair. He frowned in surprise. The tiniest frisson of fear tingled down his spine. Had Rodriguez made good on his threat? Had he exposed their secret? No, he wouldn’t dare. Alexei was sure of it. With renewed confidence, he stood back and surveyed his daughter.
She was dressed in a short-sleeved, loose floral top and cotton shorts, their bright colors in stark contrast to the paleness of her face. Her long tanned legs were bare except for a pair of flip flops on her feet. Her hair was held loosely back with a hairband and looked a little wild—like she’d been sleeping on it and hadn’t brushed it, or like she’d been caught out in the wind.
“What is it, honey? What brings you here?” he asked, forcing a casual tone.
Still, she remained silent. Crossing the room, she set her bag down on the floor next to a wingback chair. Richly upholstered in a deep blue fabric, the chair was one of a matching pair and faced a small, butter-yellow leather sofa.
He liked that the furniture formed a little nook away from his desk. It was a space he sometimes used for important clients when he needed to hash out the details of a deal. Cleverly hidden in a cavity in the wall behind the couch was a wet bar that also came in useful at such times.
At Shelby’s continued silence, a frisson of unease danced along his spine. She stood stiffly, staring through the huge plate glass window that took up a large portion of the wall. The view looked out onto Hyde Park and the Sydney Harbour Hospital. He enjoyed looking down upon the hustle and bustle of the city as people hurried along the paths that cut through the park, fed bread to the ducks who lived near the pond or lay on blankets on the soft grass, eating their sandwiches and soaking up the sunshine.
But right at that moment, with his daughter acting so strangely, blankets and sunshine were the last thing on his mind. Once again, he thought of Rodriguez.
“What’s the matter, Shelby? You seem upset. Has something happened to your mother? Your brothers or sisters?” The thought momentarily filled him with concern.
She took a long time to respond. At last, she turned to face him. The devastation in her eyes sent fear racing through his veins.
“Shelby…” He took a step toward her and held out his hand. “Talk to me, honey. What’s going on?”
She remained where she was, as if rooted to the spot. Her expression grew even more haggard.
“I know about your den, Daddy.”
Shock arced through him. His mouth gaped open in disbelief. Rodriguez. It had to be him. The son of a bitch. First the football cap and now this. He was playing him.
Alexei’s head spun with the enormity of Shelby’s discovery. Fear
of the repercussions gripped his gut like a vice. In the very next moment, he wondered what explanation he could give. He had to think of something. She was a smart girl. She wouldn’t be appeased with vague platitudes and flat-out untruths.
“Shelby…” He spread his arms wide in supplication. “Please, let me explain.”
Her eyes turned to flint. “What’s there to explain, Daddy? All these years, you’ve been living a double life.” She shook her head in disgust and disbelief. “How could you have been married for three decades and yet be a closet homosexual?”
CHAPTER TEN
Dear Diary,
For so many years I kept the secret, honored my promise to my spouse. I smiled and nodded and kissed and hugged. It was all an elaborate lie. I did what I had to do for my family and I’d probably do it all over again. That’s the thing about family—they get to you, take over your heart, infiltrate your mind until every thought, every action is about them. Well, not anymore. I’m done with the deceit. It’s time the world, and my family, knew the truth…
* * *
Alexei winced at the anger in Shelby’s voice. The disillusionment that flooded her face pierced his heart. She was his little girl, his Shelby, and right now, she was looking at him like he was a monster who’d torn her life apart.
“Shelby, honey. Let’s sit down. I… I want to explain.”
There was a stubborn tilt to her jaw. She remained where she was. “Does Momma know?”
The words came out hoarse and low. He drew in a slow, deep breath and eased it out on a heavy sigh. His shoulders slumped. All of a sudden, he felt a hundred years old. It was time to come clean. Rodriguez had gotten to her. She knew about his den. There was nowhere left to hide.
Feeling like he carried the weight of the Harbour Bridge on his back, slowly and laboriously, he made his way over to the couch and sat down. He glanced at his daughter encouragingly, but still she didn’t move. He cleared his throat and cast his mind back to a lifetime ago.
“I think I always knew deep down I was gay, even though I spent years in denial. I went out of my way to date girls in high school. I kissed them, fondled them, I even went all the way. It was pleasant, but I never felt the way the other boys did. They’d gather behind the sports shed and joke and brag about their experiences and how they felt like they were soaring to the moon and I’d wonder what they were talking about and why I didn’t feel the same.
“Then, one weekend I was home alone, studying for my final exams. My parents and siblings had gone to a christening on another island. We had a boarder staying with us who was helping out on the farm. He came to me after dinner… It was then that I knew.”
His voice drifted off as memories beset him. He’d spent the rest of the weekend in his lover’s arms, coming up for air only to attend to the basic necessities. It was the most magical time of his life.
He glanced at his daughter and was relieved to discover some of the anger had faded from her face. She shook her head slowly back and forth. When she spoke, her voice was laced more with confusion than disgust.
“I don’t understand, Daddy. Why did you get married?”
He compressed his lips and sighed and did his best to make her understand. “You have to remember, honey, it was the early eighties. I came from a very traditional Greek family. So did your mom. Though there was the occasional rumor about someone who was suspected of being gay, it was still very much frowned upon and for a young man living in a small Greek village, it just wasn’t possible for me to shame and dishonor my family that way. And that’s exactly what would have happened.”
He shrugged. “So, I did what was expected of me. I did the only thing I could do. I found a nice girl in a neighboring village and I married her.”
Shelby’s eyes welled up with tears. Her face was filled with sadness. “I can’t believe you’ve spent the past thirty-two years living a lie. In all that time, have you ever been happy?”
He heard the anguish in her voice and immediately rushed to reassure her. “Of course I have! And I love you and your brothers and sisters with all of my heart.”
“What about Momma? Do you love her? Did you ever love her?”
“Yes, Shelby, I did and I still do. The truth is, I’m probably bisexual. I didn’t know it at the time. I married because it was the acceptable thing and I managed to be intimate with your mother frequently enough that I thought we were doing fine. I still visited gay bars in secluded parts of the city and those illicit meetings with strangers in the dark of night helped to keep me sane.”
Shelby stared at him. “Did Momma know?”
“Not in the beginning, although she must have suspected something wasn’t right. There were many times over the years she came to me to talk about our relationship, but I always shut her down. I wasn’t brave enough to say anything. I was terrified she’d hate me; that she’d take my children away.”
He looked down to where his hands were clenched in his lap, remembering the agony of indecision. He’d hated to deceive his wife, but he had been even more frightened of the consequences if she were to discover his secret life.
“We’d been married for more than a decade when she found some magazines I had hidden in the basement,” he said quietly. “They were gay porn magazines.”
Heat rushed up his neck and swept across his cheeks. He stared at the carpet and willed his embarrassment away. He’d never dreamed he might one day be having this conversation with his daughter and the thought that the secret he’d lived with for so long was no longer a secret left him feeling vulnerable and exposed.
Who else had Rodriguez told? Did all of his children know? What would they say? Would they still love him, respect him, be proud to call him their dad?
“What happened then? Did Momma ask you to leave?”
He stared down at his hands and sighed. “No. Your mother is the kindest, most forgiving woman in the world. She confronted me with them and I finally broke down and told her the truth. She was relieved she’d finally worked out what was wrong with us, relieved that it had nothing to do with her. She understood she couldn’t compete with my male lovers and I think it provided her a kind of closure.
“We had the nine of you by then and I was doing well in my career. I was almost guaranteed a partnership and with that, came a good deal more status and money. We agreed that as long as I remained discreet, she’d stand by me. And she has. To the world, we’re a normal, loving couple.”
Shelby’s expression grew distant and he could tell she was trying hard to process everything she’d learned. It would take some time before the shock wore off. After that, it was anybody’s guess how she’d react.
“Who else knows?” he forced himself to ask.
His daughter sighed heavily and slowly made her way over to the couch. Perching on the edge, her gaze remained fixed on the carpet. He didn’t care that she couldn’t look at him. It was enough that her disgust and anger had apparently eased and she was sitting there, beside him.
When she spoke, her voice was soft. “Athena.”
Alexei cursed under his breath and anger swelled up inside him. “Damn, Rodriguez! Wait until I get hold of him! He had no right to approach either of you. He’s—”
“Who’s Rodriguez?”
Alexei blinked and focused on his daughter. Her forehead was creased in a frown. She looked confused. Was it possible Rodriguez hadn’t been the one to blow his secret? Had his daughters found out another way?
Ignoring her question, he forced himself to ask. “How did you find out about the den, Shelby?”
She remained silent, as if gathering her thoughts. Again, she kept her gaze focused away from him while she spoke.
“It was Athena. She told me you’d come home looking for a file. She noticed you left empty-handed. She thought she’d help you out by going into your den and finding it. She was going to bring it to your office.” Shelby grimaced before continuing.
“Instead, she found a stack of gay pornographic DVDs and maga
zines, a double bed with black satin sheets; handcuffs, whips, leather thongs and masks and expensive camera equipment.”
She stared at him and her gaze turned accusatory. “You entertain men down there, don’t you? Is Rodriguez one of the men you bring home for sex? Is that what’s on the extensive DVD collection I found in the cabinet near the bed? I could see they were recorded discs. Do you feature on them, Daddy? Does this Rodriguez? Has it gone as far as that?”
Once again, Alexei stared at the floor and rode out another wave of shame, even as relief poured through him that his lover hadn’t ratted him out. He wished he could issue an emphatic denial and erase the anger that was back on Shelby’s face, but he couldn’t. He’d spent hours and hours filming his bed partners, including Rodriguez, and the mutual pleasure Alexei offered and received. The DVDs were among his most prized possessions. He couldn’t imagine not having them in times of need.
At his wife’s request, he hadn’t slept with her since the day he’d come clean about his sexuality. When he was in between lovers or was just taking a break, he liked to slip in one of his home movies. Watching a scene he could remember participating in never failed to relax him and it gave him mindless pleasure. Reliving the experience was almost as good as the real thing.
But having the daughter he loved look upon him with such horror and loathing was almost more than he could bear. It tore him up inside.
“I’m sorry, Shelby. I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
In the silence that followed, he could hear her breathing and how it hitched on the occasional quiet sob. He wished he could do something to ease her distress, but it was way too late for that. She’d discovered a secret that he’d kept carefully hidden for most of his adult life. Now that she knew, there was no going back.
* * *
Shelby clenched her fingers together and tried hard to get a grip. Ever since she’d discovered her father’s shocking secret, her emotions had been all over the place. She’d looked around the den, taking in the bed, the movies, the TV. Though her brain screamed that she was standing in some kind of weird sex room, she hadn’t wanted to accept the truth.