by Chris Taylor
But now, hearing her father talk about the double life he’d led for so many years, she had no choice. She listened to his explanation and though she was angry he’d deceived them, she also felt a reluctant sympathy for his plight.
She couldn’t imagine how terrible it must have been to pretend he was something he wasn’t and to marry because there was no other choice. She hadn’t been born until the late eighties, but she knew enough about those times and about her Greek culture to understand where her father was coming from.
It didn’t make the discovery that he was a closet bisexual any easier, but some of the heat went out of her anger and was replaced by sadness. She tried to imagine living a lie for decades, denying an instinctive need and want, and she couldn’t. She thought of Dimitri and opened her mouth and then quickly closed it again. It wasn’t for her to disclose his situation, to her daddy or to anyone, but she vowed silently to talk to Dimi and encourage him to come out. She was sure he’d find an ally in their father.
With another quiet sigh, she pushed away from the couch and prowled around the office. The familiar assortment of knickknacks and expensive collectibles lined the dark wood shelves. Law books she was sure no one ever read filled another wall, floor to ceiling. She wandered over to his desk and spied a photograph of her mother. She clenched her jaw against a wave of anger.
Further along the shelf, behind the desk, were several more family photographs. Shelby featured in at least three of them, along with her brothers and sisters. Laughing, smiling, happy times. They were a close and loving family. Despite her father’s predilections, he and her mother had done a good job of raising their nine children and keeping them all together.
A Melbourne Storm Rugby League football cap sat on the shelf among the pictures. Shelby stared down at it and frowned. She turned slowly to face her father.
“I thought you were a Cronulla Sharks supporter, Daddy?”
He heaved himself to the edge of the couch and then stood and joined her on the other side of the room. “I am.”
“Then why do you have a Storm’s football cap?”
“A…client gave it to me,” he said after a slight pause. “I didn’t have the heart to tell him I go for the Sharks.” He chuckled, but it sounded forced and the humor didn’t reach his eyes. Shelby shrugged and moved away. She didn’t care less where he’d gotten it from. The truth was, she had far more important things on her mind.
* * *
The moment Shelby cleared her father’s building, she called her sister. Athena answered on the first ring.
“Shelby! How did you do? Please, tell me Daddy had a reasonable explanation.”
“I’m sorry, sis. I wish I had better news. It’s as we suspected. He’s bisexual. He’s been leading a double life.”
The shocked gasp on the other end of the phone was followed by a noisy bout of sobbing. Shelby bit her lip and waited it out. It was better to let her sister do what she needed to. If that meant letting it all out, then so be it.
If Shelby had her way, the discovery in the basement would remain a secret between them and would never be spoken of again. Her father had been relieved when she’d proposed the idea to him. She was hoping Athena would see it that way, too. After all, what good was there in exposing the dirty little secret to all and sundry? It wouldn’t change anything. Her dad hadn’t chosen to be attracted to men. Like her brother, he’d probably tried hard to fight it, ignore it, pretend it wasn’t true. After all, he’d gone to the extent of marrying, had nine children and had managed to keep up the pretense that he was happy with his life.
She thought of his comment to Samuel and was filled with a surge of anger at the hypocrisy. Her father had the nerve to accuse Samuel of being gay, when all along, he was a closet bisexual. She felt like turning on her heel and storming back to his office, demanding to know why he’d insulted her boyfriend like that and then she forced herself to let it go. What good would it do? What did it matter why he’d said it? He’d apologized for his rudeness. It was best she leave it at that. After today, she never wanted to think about his secret life again and she’d make sure neither of them spoke about it.
As Athena’s sobs quieted, Shelby murmured into the phone. “I understand how you’re feeling, honey, but this is how it’s going to be.” In simple tones, she laid it out for her sister.
“But—”
“No buts,” Shelby interrupted, her voice firm. “We aren’t going to speak of this ever again. Momma knows and she’s kept it secret all these long, long years. If she’d wanted us to know, she would have told us. It serves no purpose bringing it up now. We’re going to keep this between the two of us. Nobody else in the family needs to know. Do you understand?”
“Y-yes, but does it really have to be like that? I’m going to see those things in my nightmares. I might even need therapy.”
“By all means, if you feel the need to talk to a professional, go ahead. Just don’t go telling anyone who isn’t bound by a confidentiality clause. Okay?”
“O-okay, Shelby.”
Relieved that her sister was on board, Shelby shortly thereafter ended the call. She was about to return her phone to her bag when it chimed. Seeing Samuel’s number on the screen, she thought fast and then plastered a smile on her face. Doing her best to sound normal, she answered the call.
“Samuel! How are you? I’m so sorry I had to rush off.”
“No problem. I’m still at the beach. I hope everything’s all right?”
“Yes, of course, it was just Athena. She was freaking out about her exams. I think she’s fine now. I’ll be back soon.”
“Sure. That sounds good. How about I meet you back at my place? I’ve probably had enough of the salt and sand today.”
Shelby ignored the stab of guilt and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. The last thing she felt like was to take up where she’d left off earlier that morning, sunning herself on the beach. It felt like a lifetime ago that she’d been there, relaxing on the sand, without a care in the world. It just went to show how life could turn on a dime. Her world would never be the same again. She just hoped she could pull off pretending everything was fine. She’d never been good at deceit.
* * *
Samuel pulled two Cokes out of the fridge and handed one to Shelby. Ever since she’d arrived back at his condo, she’d been quiet and withdrawn. It was almost like the girl who’d been filled with smiles and sunshine that morning had up and moved away. He wondered what had caused her sudden change in mood.
Wanting to get to the bottom of it, he took a seat beside her on the couch. Putting an arm around her, he drew her close and pressed a kiss against her hair.
“Are you all right?” he asked quietly.
She nodded and took a sip of Coke, but her eyes remained distant and he couldn’t help but notice the death grip she had on her drink.
Setting both cans down on the coffee table, he turned to her and took her hands in his. “Shelby, look at me.”
It took awhile, but eventually she lifted her gaze to his. Tears sparkled in her eyes. She looked sadder than he’d ever seen her. His heart clenched at the sight of her distress. He reached up and tenderly wiped the moisture from her cheeks.
“Honey, what’s the matter? Talk to me. What happened?”
A sob escaped and she bit her bottom lip. Without another thought, he pulled her into his arms and held her close.
“Shelby, honey, what’s wrong?” he murmured and slowly stroked her back. The occasional tear erupted into a deluge of sobs until she was crying all over his shirt.
“Shh, honey, it’s all right. Nothing’s as bad as that.”
“Oh, Samuel! You don’t understand!” she cried, her voice muffled.
“Then talk to me, Shelby. Tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”
“You can’t h-help me anyway! No one can!” Her wail was met with a fresh round of sobs and the sound of them tore at his gut. Was it only a handful of hours ag
o that they’d been loving each other, delirious with happiness? The reality of those memories was now distant and fading, as if they’d never really been.
He tightened his arms about her and did his best to offer comfort. It was hard when he didn’t know what had happened to upset her. “Shh, babe, shh. It’s going to be all right.”
She lifted a tear-stained face off his shoulder. “No, it isn’t! It’s never going to be right again! My father—” She broke off and stared at him.
He frowned in confusion. “What about your father? I thought you went over to see your sister?”
She compressed her lips. “Forget about it. I promised I wouldn’t say anything. Here I was worried about Athena telling someone and I’m the one about to blab.”
Samuel stared at her. “What are you talking about, Shelby? You’re not making sense. Tell me what happened.”
She looked up at him and he was taken aback by the bitterness in her eyes. “Nothing about this makes sense, Samuel. I wish I’d never seen it. I wish I could rewind the past hours, go back to when I woke this morning with you beside me, holding me in your arms. But I can’t.”
Her voice broke with emotion. He was no closer to working out what had gone wrong. A sense of foreboding settled, heavy and suffocating, in his chest.
“Shelby, tell me what happened. I can’t stand seeing you so upset. Something terrible occurred while I was surfing. Please, talk to me.”
She was silent for so long, he didn’t think she was going to answer him. When she finally did, she drew in a ragged breath. “I told Athena not to say anything, but I didn’t know how hard it was going to be to keep quiet. I don’t want to have this burden. I didn’t ask for it and neither did Athena. It’s not fair that Daddy did this to us. It’s totally screwed up everything. I can’t—”
“Shelby! Listen to me!” Samuel’s voice was harsher than he intended, but he needed to cut through her haze of confusion and doubt and work out what the hell was going on.
The stern order seemed to work. Shelby let out a shaky breath and some of the tension left her body. When she spoke, her words were more controlled.
“I was enjoying the sunshine on the beach, working on my tan. You were out there on your board. I got a phone call from Athena. She was in a panic. She told me to get over to Momma and Daddy’s place right away. She sounded scared, but she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, so I packed up my things and hightailed it to the house.”
“Go on,” Samuel urged, all the while dread trickling through his veins. He hoped he could cope with what she was about to reveal.
“For as long as I can remember, Daddy has had a den in the basement and it was always a place that was off limits to us kids,” she said quietly. “Today, I found out why.”
He squeezed her hand in silent encouragement, bracing himself for the discovery of what had affected her mood so drastically. She turned to stare at him, her eyes huge in her pale face. She bit her lip, as if still undecided what to tell him and then finally, she just said it.
“My dad’s bisexual.”
If she’d told him she’d had a sex change when she was a teenager, he couldn’t have been more surprised. He shook his head, certain he’d misheard. “Excuse me?”
As if the act of making the shocking statement had given her courage, she lifted her head, straightened her shoulders and looked him directly in the eye.
“My dad likes men and women, although I believe he’s pretty much stuck to men the past two decades or so.”
Samuel tried hard not to let his shock show, but it was a struggle. “O…kay.” It was all he could manage.
She threw him a slight, wry smile. “It’s all right, Samuel. You’re allowed to be shocked after what he said to you at the wedding. I was.”
He frowned, his mind still reeling. “How did you find out?”
Shelby leaned back against the couch and folded her arms across her lap. “Athena. For the first time in her life, my sister went into Daddy’s den. She found a variety of sexual paraphernalia, including pornographic DVDs featuring men on the covers, sex toys and of course, there was a bed. She phoned me in a state of panic but wouldn’t tell me why. I went over. I saw it all.”
Samuel was shocked all over again. He couldn’t imagine how he’d feel finding something like that in his parents’ basement. He now understood the dramatic change in her mood.
“What did you do?” he asked quietly.
She surprised him again by saying, “I went to see him.”
“Your dad?”
“Yes. I went to his office in the city.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I knew about the den. We talked.”
She went on to tell Samuel about the conversation she’d had with Alexei. Samuel couldn’t help but remember the night of the wedding, when Alexei had been boorish enough to ask him if he were gay. And all along, the man had been entertaining men in his basement. The hypocrisy was laughable. Anger stirred in his veins.
Shelby might be able to see things from her father’s point of view and forgive him for his deceit, but Samuel didn’t have the same family ties binding him. What Alexei was doing was plain wrong. He was deceiving the people who loved him the most and in such an awful way. The fact his wife condoned it didn’t make it any more acceptable. Still, it wasn’t Samuel’s family and it wasn’t his battle. If Shelby was prepared to forgive and forget, there was nothing he could do and in her current fragile state, he would refrain from even mentioning it.
“How did Athena take the news?” he wondered aloud.
“About as well as you could expect. I told her what Daddy said. She was still in shock. We agreed not to tell anyone, and never to speak of it again. And now I’ve blurted it all out. I’m ashamed of myself.”
A fierce denial burst from Samuel’s lips. “You’re not the one with something to be ashamed of.”
She cupped his cheek with her palm. “I’m grateful for you saying it, but I’m not blaming Daddy for deceiving us. Yes, he’s lived a lie for all his married life, but he didn’t have a choice. And it’s not like Momma didn’t know about it. She could have left him years ago. She chose not to. I admire her for sticking with her marriage in the circumstances, but it was still her choice to stay. Twenty years ago, there were services available to single mothers. We wouldn’t have been as comfortable as we are now, but we would have gotten by. I think Momma was trying to save face as much as Daddy wanted to protect us. They did what they thought best—for them and for us. It’s not my place to judge.”
Samuel stared at her. “You’re a lot more forgiving than I would be.”
She shrugged. “That’s what love is. If you truly love someone, you can forgive them anything. Besides, none of us know what we’re capable of until we’re tested.”
He laughed without humor. He hadn’t told her much about his family. Perhaps it was time for him to come clean. It would probably bring her comfort, knowing she wasn’t the only one with skeletons in the closet. Then again, she had enough to deal with. Perhaps his revelations would make her head for the hills. But his feelings for her had deepened to the point where he wanted to take the chance. He wanted her to know everything there was to know about him, skeletons and all.
He shifted his weight until he was angled toward her. “While we’re doing the family reveal, I guess I ought to tell you a little more about mine.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Shelby felt a wave of curiosity. She didn’t know much about Samuel’s family. In the short time they’d known each other, they hadn’t talked a lot about them. She knew his parents lived on the waterfront in the ritzy eastern suburb of Point Piper and he was the oldest of eleven children, but that was about the extent of it. She shot him a rueful smile. “They can’t be any weirder than mine.”
To her surprise, his answering grin failed to materialize. “I guess that depends on your viewpoint,” he said somberly. “My parents are over-achieving, often emotionally distant workaholics.
I blame them for the fact one of my younger brothers is a drug addict, living on the streets, with no greater ambition than to find his next fix.”
Shelby gasped in shock. Samuel had a brother who was an addict? The image conjured up in her mind was so far removed from the suave, successful doctor she sat next to on the couch, it was almost unbelievable. And yet, he looked perfectly serious.
“What’s your brother’s name?” she asked, unable to think of anything else to say.
“Paul.”
“How old is he?”
“He’s three years younger than me. He’s twenty-seven.”
“Same age as me,” she murmured and tried to imagine what might cause her to turn to drugs.
“How did his life go so far off course?” she asked.
Samuel sighed heavily. “Who knows what makes someone choose a certain path over another? One thing I do know is that my parents have to shoulder some of the blame.”
She frowned. “But you turned out okay. Better than okay. They must have done something right.”
“Perhaps I was just more determined to make a success of my life.”
“What about the others? Your siblings? How did they fare?”
“They did okay. Some of them went to college, some pursued other career paths. Most of them still live in Sydney.”
“So it’s only Paul who went astray. Most people would think with that many kids to consider, having only one make a few wrong turns along the way is pretty good.”
Samuel grimaced. “I guess if you look at it objectively, take all the emotion out. Real life’s not like that. Paul’s a flesh and blood man, not part of the odds.”
“Tell me about your family,” she said softly, sensing there was a lot he hadn’t shared. He’d hinted at difficulties the night of their first date, but she hadn’t been brave enough to push for more information. Things were different now. Knowing about his family was important. She needed to know if there was anything that could come between them; anything that could jeopardize the future she was starting to believe in.