Unsettled

by Ellington, S. C.

  “Let me help you with that,” he said, polishing off his vodka cranberry. He stood and took the coat from my hand. I let him help me into it and picked up my purse.

  Logan retrieved his jacket from the back of his bar stool. “Merick is waiting outside. He can take you home,” he said.

  “Oh it’s okay, I can take a cab.”

  “It’s not safe taking a cab alone at night. Please let him drive you home.”

  “All right, thanks,” I said, digging through my purse to retrieve my wallet. I unclasped my billfold and took out a twenty. As I was laying the money on the counter Logan scoffed loudly.

  “Are you trying to insult me?” he asked. I was both confused and surprised at his outburst.

  “What are you talking about? I am just paying for my martini,” I responded, nonchalantly.

  “Put your money away,” he said, frowning. “I asked you to have cocktails with me, I’ve got it covered.”

  “Logan, I can pay for my drink. I don’t like men purchasing things for me—it makes me feel indebted to them,” I replied evenly.

  “Brooklyn, I appreciate the thought, and you certainly don’t owe me anything. If it makes you feel better I pay for all my dates,” he said grinning. We were back to that.

  “Well this wasn’t a date, so I am perfectly fine paying for myself.”

  “Please put your money away. It’s just drinks,” he said.

  “Fine.” I returned my money to my coat pocket. Logan pulled crisp bills from his wallet to pay for our drinks, then escorted me from the bar counter of Legends to the sidewalk where the Range Rover and Merick were waiting.

  “Would you be willing to give me your cell number? It only seems fair since you already have mine, although I doubt you’ll actually use it,” he grimaced playfully.

  “That’s going to be a no. I still need to assess if you have stalker capabilities,” I responded wryly.

  “Wow, you drive a hard bargain.”

  “I’ve heard that once or twice. Thanks for tonight. It was…unexpected.”

  “Anytime, it was my pleasure,” he said while opening the door to the SUV. I climbed in and he closed the door behind me. Surprised, I rolled down the window.

  “You’re not riding with me? How are you getting back to…”

  “I’m staying near here. I’ll take a taxi,” he responded.

  “Oh so you can take a taxi, but I can’t?” I countered.

  “I have double standards—sue me,” he said, shrugging. He was clearly amused. I just shook my head and rolled up the window. Merick asked for my address and we pulled away from the curb.

  When I returned home I was still conflicted regarding my reaction to Logan. Thankfully Alex wasn’t home so I didn’t have to play twenty questions with her. It would be hard for me to be truthful with her about how I was feeling regarding Logan anyway. I really didn’t know how to react to him.

  Logan could have his pick of a multitude of available women who were probably less emotionally damaged than I was. I knew that when his time in D.C. was over, we’d probably just go our separate ways. I enjoyed Logan’s company, but I wasn’t misguided enough to think that it would last longer than his short time that he was obligated to be in D.C. for meetings with Copple.

  After I got out of the shower, I noticed I had a missed call. I hit redial and waited for Alex to pick up.

  “Hey—you make it home?” she asked.

  “Well being that I didn’t send you a text asking for a bail out phone call, you should know it went as well as can be expected” I said, hopping on both feet to slid into my pajama pants, while cradling my cell.

  “True. Well I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get chopped into little pieces. I’m still at work so I got to go, but don’t think you’ve escaped me. I want all the details later!”

  “Yeah I know, trust me. Thanks for checking in on me. See ya later. Be careful coming home.”

  I hung up with Alex and placed my phone on the charger.

  It had been a long while since a man insisted on treating me like a lady, and Logan did so with such ease without wanting something in return aside from my time. I enjoyed the freedom of single life, but I did yearn for…more. I just didn’t want to put my heart out there again for it to get trampled.

  I took a shower and then settled into bed. I replayed the conversation that I had with both Danielle and Alex. The one thing that they both kept pointing out was that they didn’t think I was “happy” being single. I laid in the dark for a long while after climbing into bed.

  “Screw it” I said, throwing back my comforter. Logan made me want to test the shark infested waters.

  I turned my light on and leaned over the side of my bed to excavate the business card Logan left for me. I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and typed out a short message before I could change my mind.

  “Thanks for earlier. G’nite, Thelma.”

  I read my message three times wondering if he’d get the joke before I finally pressed ‘Send.’ I set my phone back on my nightstand and snuggled into my comforter. I was nodding off when my phone lit up and buzzed once.

  “Hi Thelma—I’m afraid you have the wrong number. This is Doug.”

  I read the text message twice wondering if I had typed in the wrong phone number. Then my phone buzzed again.

  “Just kidding—you’ve got the right person. Is this your way of giving me your cell number?”

  I replied:

  “I plead the Fifth; I am impaired by alcohol, thanks to your pesky persistence.”

  “Well, you better go sleep it off. Is now a good time to tell you I am a maniac?”

  A yellow smiley face was at the end of his message.

  “Not funny—goodnight Logan.”

  “Nite Brooklyn.”

  I smiled at the fact that he caught onto my intentions, and saved his number in my phone.

  I hoped I hadn’t made a mistake as I set my phone back on my nightstand. I was immensely tired of the cyclical pattern of meeting men cloaked in childish habits—instant gratification, self-absorption, and indecisiveness…and there was no way for me to be sure that Logan would be any different.

  It was eleven o’clock and I had to get up in the morning. I lay back down in my bed and finally nodded off.

  AS I GOT DRESSED the next Saturday to hang out with Alex, I smiled as Logan crossed my mind. It had been a week since I’d had drinks with him. Since then we’d developed a dialogue, even though he was back at his company headquarters in Virginia to handle some things. I enjoyed talking to him. I found myself looking forward to our short chats because they flowed naturally. I didn’t feel forced to bring up unimportant events to keep the conversation going.

  One night all we did was talk about traffic conditions and how annoying it was when a person on the freeway cut you off only to go one mile faster than you were driving. We shared a bunch of laughs that night.

  “Ready to go?” Alex asked. We were heading out to Columbia Heights to do some shopping.

  “What are you looking for today?” I asked as I slid my feet into the ballet flats next to my bed.

  “Oh, I don’t know yet. Me and Jay are celebrating our anniversary next weekend, so I want to look nice.”

  “You mean nicer than you normally do?” I joked, winking at her. Alex followed Fashion Weekly and always knew what colors were in and out. She always chastised me if I wore a color out of season.

  “Exactly,” she laughed.

  We walked down the street in the cool air to where she’d parked her brand new cobalt blue BMW 320i. Alex traded in her old Civic for the sporty car when she learned that she had passed the bar exam with flying colors. I had to say, she knew how to pick a good ride.

  “Well I think I’ll splurge today and pick up a few lotions at Bath & Body Works. I got a coupon in my e-mail.”

  “That’s right Brooklyn, let’s seize the day!” Alex joked. I laughed with her as she drove down the street.

  “So…how did
drinks with le CEO go? I never got to grill you since I’ve been so wrapped up lately.” Alex and I hadn’t had much time to catch up since she accepted her new position at Merlow and Beckett. I thought that might deter her indefinitely but as usual I was wrong and so it began.

  “It was…good,” I answered honestly, as she steered us onto 4th Street.

  “Good, or good?” she asked, drawing out the last syllables.

  “He was nice. Different from what I expected of a CEO, although the restaurant he met me at was too fancy.”

  “Where did you go?”

  ‘Some place called Calibré,” I answered. I adjusted my seat to give my legs some more room.

  “Oh that’s a swanky place!” Alex exclaimed.

  “I told him let’s go to Legends instead. I preferred that over sitting around with a bunch of stuffed shirts. Plus, Griffin now has a band playing at the bar, so that was cool.”

  “Yeah, Calibré can be a lot to take in.” Alex knew how I was when it came to pretentious settings. She’d grown up in a wealthy family, but was so down to earth that most of the time I forgot she came from money. Even though her family was well known and connected, Alex worked hard to chart her own course, and I respected her for that. For some reason Logan’s comment about not wanting his name to be synonymous with CEO replayed in my mind.

  “What kind of band?” Alex’s question brought me back to our conversation.

  I filled her in on Code Red and my brief meet and greet with Logan.

  “I gave him my cell number,” I confessed, fidgeting with my seatbelt strap.

  “Eek!” she shrieked. She gripped the leather-padded steering wheel in excitement. “Brooklyn Caldwell, are we turning a corner in the romance arena?!” I couldn’t believe how enthusiastic she was about me giving out my phone number.

  “I wouldn’t say all that. It just seemed right. Who knows what will happen,” I said.

  Alex pulled her Beamer into the parking lot of the shopping mall. She circled the parking lot until she found a spot she liked.

  “Let’s go, chica!” she said, swinging open her door. “My palms are itching.”

  “Um, doesn’t that mean you’re supposed to be receiving money, not spending it?” I laughed, stepping out of the car.

  “Who knows! Whatever, let’s go. It’s windy out here!” she said, activating the alarm.

  I TOOK A SEAT on a bench outside Victoria’s Secret. Alex had been in there for thirty minutes trying to decide what shade of bra to purchase. When my feet couldn’t take it anymore I told her I’d wait for her outside.

  My phone buzzed in my pants pocket. I was excited and surprised to see a text from Logan on my screen.

  Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

  Hi—depends on your definition of good. Alex has dragged me out into the masses for a shopping expedition.

  I attached an emoticon giving him the side eye.

  LOL, so you’re not really ‘that girl’ either? The one who likes to spend hours on end at the mall? That’s great news.

  His response was accompanied with a smiley face.

  Haha, not really. I have to be in the mood. It’s all good though, having fun with my best friend.

  Well your excursion sounds better than looking over request for proposals.

  You’re right, it does, haha

  All right, have a good one.

  You too.

  FIVE HOURS LATER I dropped my bags next to my closet door. I knew there was a reason I didn’t shop with Alex often. I was pretty sure we had gone into literally every store in the massive complex.

  I plopped down on my bed and slid off my shoes. I rested my head on my pillows and closed my eyes. I was pooped.

  I had slept for two hours. I sat up in bed and propped myself against my mound of pillows.

  I pulled my cellphone off the charger and noticed I had a missed call from an unknown number, accompanied by a voicemail. Excitement surged through me at the thought that the voicemail could be from a potential buyer. I’d decided to take Alex’s advice and see if anyone actually thought my photos were any good by posting them online for purchase. I was a little surprised when I received three e-mails from people saying they loved my work.

  My hopeful fingers entered my password and pressed the blinking message icon. As soon as I heard the voice float out of the box that was firmly attached to my ear, I froze.

  “Uh…hey Mystic.” Mystic. That was his name for me.

  “It’s Damon. I’m sure you’ve figured that out already because I’m the only one who calls you that. Um… I know we haven’t spoken in a long time but I’m sure you heard by now that I’ll be in town soon. I thought I’d reach out to check in on you. I hope things are going well. I miss you Mystic. Okay… I’ll talk to you soon. Take care.”

  The message stopped playing and I dropped my phone as if my hand had been scalded with boiling water. I hadn’t heard his voice in over three years. My chest was contracting and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. His message was too much to process. I immediately questioned myself for not changing my phone number. He’d never called me after our breakup, but then again there really wasn’t a reason for him to call, either. I’d made it pretty clear that I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

  I knew Damon was only reaching out because we’d inevitably be forced to share the same living quarters while he was in town. The more his message replayed in my mind, the more infuriated I became. I couldn’t believe that he had the fucking audacity to use the nickname he gave me and say that he missed me. For his comments, Damon had demoted himself from self-serving prick to rat bastard in my eyes.

  He had no right to call me by that name. There was absolutely nothing mystical about the way our relationship ended. When he said it was over, I was in a state of shock. He made it more than clear that I was no longer enough for him…we weren’t enough for him.

  I didn’t tell Alex about Damon’s phone call and I sure as hell didn’t call him back. Talking to Alex about Damon would cause me to dwell on the situation longer than I already had. I didn’t need the aggravation.

  I holed up in my bedroom for the rest of the evening. Alex started uttering words like “intervention” and “mediation.” She made various attempts to pull me out of my funky mood, but I wasn’t ready. Every time she would try to pry what was bothering me out of my mouth, I just responded indifferently. I was sure at one point she entertained the idea of applying vice grips to my eyelids to make me talk.

  I didn’t usually second-guess sharing things with her, but for some reason I just didn’t feel like rehashing my sordid past. I was determined to maintain a brave face for everyone else’s benefit, no matter what the cost. I never wanted to portray myself as the weak woman who needed a man. But for all my boastful pontificating, I still suffered with the reality of our breakup silently.

  Alex was my nearest and dearest friend, but the reality was that she had never experienced the heartache I went through. The longest her and Jay had ever separated was three days.

  By Sunday evening I’d decided I was going to make a concerted effort to keep my interactions with Damon cordial, but I had no plans of extending my hospitality more than absolutely necessary. I planned to keep things very simple; hello and goodbye. Kudos to those people who could maintain a friendship after a breakup, but I wasn’t that forgiving.

  Damon and I would never be friends.

  As I got ready for bed I lamented that my weekend had whisked away and I was only left with memories of shopping, eating, and relaxing. I wished my life was always so carefree with no regrets, especially when it came to my past relationship with Damon.

  9

  I made it into the office early. My arriving to work early two times within the same month should definitely have qualified me for some type of world record.

  I booted up my PC and headed to the kitchen to make Trent’s coffee. I then got started on assignments Trent had left on my desk the night before. As usual, every assig
nment was marked “High Priority.” I failed to understand how ordering Trent the latest laptop on my company credit card was a high priority when his current computer worked just fine. This would mark his fifth upgrade in two years, but whatever. I wasn’t his boss, so I clearly didn’t get a vote.

  Logan had texted me again on Wednesday saying that things were crazy busy and he would call me when he had time. I’d managed to get through four days of the week without calling him, but my willpower was waning by Friday. I felt weird contacting him. I knew he was busy and I didn’t want to be a bother. My pleasant thoughts brought a smile to my face as I responded to one of Trent’s rude e-mails.

  After wrapping up for the day at Copple I decided it would be nice to take an evening walk through the city and snap photos. Sometimes being out and about helped me take my mind off of internal skirmishes; my most recent being images of Logan’s face and green eyes.

  It took years for me to build a solid moat around my heart—and I hated that I was letting Logan’s simple gestures chip away at my armor.

  I made it home quickly and changed into my favorite jeans, sneakers, and boyfriend tee while grabbing my digital camera and sweater on the way back out the door. I hit the sidewalk and decided to head toward the capital. I drove Aspen since I knew I might end up being out late.

  After parking, I leisurely strolled along in the brisk air. I was able to get a couple really nice shots, but I still couldn’t shake thoughts of Logan. I spent a couple hours taking stills from a park bench in front of DiMaggio’s, then decided to text Jay to see if his friend Chris was covering at a local hotel bar in the area. Whenever Chris covered at the hotel he’d pull strings to get me access to the concierge level bar so I could take photos from the high-rise windows.

  I was a little bummed when Jay hit me back an hour later to let me know Chris wasn’t working. I was really in the mood to get some great night shots.

  After two hours of taking photos I called it a night, stopping at DiMaggio’s to grab two slices of pepperoni pizza before I headed home. I’d only gotten mediocre shots from the bench. None of them were awesome enough to terminate thoughts of Logan.