Engaging Sam

by Ingrid Weaver

  “They did an emergency cesarean half an hour ago. The baby’s fine, but Geraldine went into shock.”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. She yanked her hands from his and backed away. “No, not Geraldine.”

  “They’re treating her for it, Audra. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

  Whirling around, she headed for the door. “I have to be there.”

  “I’ll take you to see her tomorrow on the way to the courthouse.”

  “No. Now. Tomorrow could be too late.”

  He strode after her and caught her elbow. “We can’t risk taking you back this close to the trial. The security we planned won’t cover you if—”

  “For God’s sake, Sam, don’t you understand? I have to be there,” she repeated. “My family needs me. And I need them.”

  “I’m sure the doctors are doing everything possible.”

  “This isn’t about medical treatment. It’s about love.”

  “Your safety is my priority here, Audra.” He tightened his grip on her arm. “I can’t let you—”

  “Love, Sam. Pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make it go away.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Her eyes filled with sudden, hot tears. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  “It’s my job to protect you until you testify,” he went on. “I can’t ensure your safety if we go back now.”

  She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “We’re going to have to go back eventually, Sam. We both know this has to end.”

  “Not yet,” he said, clenching his teeth. “Not yet. We have another day here.”

  Shaking her head, she tried to tug her arm free. “Sam, let me go.”

  The tension in his body tremored through his hand. He stared at her, his hardened jaw and stubbled cheeks making his expression grim. Behind his gaze emotion flashed, a naked spark of raw need.

  They’d played out this scene before. She’d demanded to leave, he’d insisted she stay. That argument had ended on a blanket in front of the fireplace. But it hadn’t really ended. No, it had only been postponed, glossed over, pushed to the back of her mind.

  “All right, Audra,” he said finally. “Pack your things. We’ll leave in five minutes.”

  Yet he didn’t let her go. Instead, he pulled her into his arms and held her tight enough to hurt.

  Chapter 15

  Constance McPherson engulfed Audra in a tearful embrace the minute she stepped from the elevator. Sam stayed by her side defiantly. He knew he wasn’t welcome here, but he wasn’t going to leave Audra to face this crisis by herself.

  Who was he fooling? She wasn’t by herself, she never would be. She had her family, she didn’t need him.

  “How is she?” Audra asked, pulling back to look into her mother’s face.

  “There hasn’t been any change in the last hour,” Constance said. “I guess that’s good, in a way. She’s holding her own.”

  Judy joined them, her face pinched with worry. “I know Gerri won’t let this beat her. She’s got so much to live for.”

  Audra looked around. “Where’s Jake? Is he okay?”

  “He’s with Geraldine.” Constance lifted up her glasses to wipe her eyes on her sleeve. “He hasn’t left her side. He loves her so much, I don’t know what he’ll do if she... Oh, Lord.”

  “Whatever happens, we’ll get through it, Mom,” Audra said. “How’s the baby?”

  Constance sniffed and gave her a watery smile. “He’s perfect. An absolute angel.”

  “Why don’t you go and see him,” Judy said. “We’re on our way to the chapel.” She paused as she met Sam’s gaze. “I’m glad you’re here,” she added. For a moment it looked as if she were about to say more, but then she blinked hard and moved away.

  As Sam followed Audra down the corridor to the nursery, he noticed John and Christopher among the group of people outside the window. The last time the McPhersons had gathered in a hospital like this, it had been because of Audra. Sam vividly remembered the desperation he’d felt. He hadn’t wanted to lose her. She’d been his responsibility. He cared for her.

  And yet in a matter of days, he would walk out of her life for good. Once she gave her testimony, his job would be over. Case closed. He’d have no more excuses to stay.

  It was inevitable. He’d always lived alone. He thrived on independence. He didn’t belong in her world. She deserved better than him. He’d only end up hurting her more.

  Damn, it had all seemed so clear two weeks ago. There were reasons, good reasons, why his relationship with Audra shouldn’t continue. Sure, the physical thing had been great while it had lasted, but he wasn’t cut out for the kind of emotional closeness she wanted.

  If not you, then who?

  His hands tightened into fists as he tried to push that particular thought out of his mind. It was because he’d been her first, that’s all. It was natural that he’d feel possessive about her. That’s why he couldn’t picture another man touching her body or holding her in his arms while she slept. Or greeting her with a morning kiss. Or seeing her smile as she found whimsical creatures in the clouds.

  Or standing beside her to dry her tears.

  Her chin trembled as she stepped closer to the nursery window. “Oh, Sam,” she murmured. “He’s beautiful.”

  He glanced past her. A nurse was handing a red-faced, wrinkled infant to a woman in a rocking chair. “Isn’t that one of your sisters-in-law?” he asked.

  “Yes, that’s Esther,” Audra said. “I don’t know why she’d be in the nursery.”

  “We drew straws to see who’d get to feed him,” John McPherson explained, moving next to Audra. He gave his daughter a brief hug, then turned to look at Sam. “Detective Tucker.”

  Sam nodded a cautious greeting. For Audra’s sake, he hoped her father wouldn’t insist that he leave. Because as long as Audra wanted him, he wasn’t going to let anyone drive him away.

  But once this job was over...

  His mind couldn’t seem to get past that.

  “I see Lieutenant Jones passed on my message.”

  “Audra insisted on being here.”

  “She would. She’s always been very devoted to the people she loves.” He looked back at his newest grandson. “Jake hasn’t named him yet. He’s waiting for Geraldine.”

  “They wanted this baby so much,” Audra murmured. “She has to pull through.”

  “We’ve got to have faith.”

  “I know, Dad. It’s just that it seems so unfair.”

  “There aren’t any guarantees in life, Audra. Especially when it comes to love and marriage. It’s always a risk.” His expression grew thoughtful. “Geraldine hadn’t told any of us that she was risking her life with this pregnancy.”

  “What? I didn’t know—”

  “It seems she hadn’t told Jake, either. He’s blaming himself, but he shouldn’t. She knew very well the chance she was taking.”

  Sam returned his gaze to the baby. Oblivious to the turmoil his birth had created, the child had relaxed in his aunt’s arms and was contentedly emptying his bottle.

  And why shouldn’t he? The baby was completely innocent. He couldn’t be blamed for his mother’s condition. No child could be held responsible for the circumstances of his birth....

  Weeks ago, Audra had said those same words to Sam, but there really was no comparison between this child and the baby he had once been. There hadn’t been a crowd of relatives anxious to welcome Sam into the world. No one had competed for the chance to hold him. He hadn’t been born from love. He hadn’t even been given any. It wasn’t any mystery why he didn’t understand what it was.

  Audra reached for his hand. Without hesitation, he laced his fingers with hers, drawing her closer so that she could lean her head on his shoulder.

  John met his gaze above Audra’s head, his expression as inscrutable as always. Then he looked past him, his face suddenly draining of color. �
��Jake?”

  Keeping a firm hold on Audra, Sam turned around. Jake was walking toward the nursery, his steps unsteady, his shoulders stooped with weariness. For a moment he stared blankly at the people who were gathered in the hall.

  Christopher was the first to react. He stepped forward to meet him, grasping his twin by the shoulders. “Jake?”

  Jake scrubbed his face with his hand. “I’ve come for the baby.”

  “What?”

  “My son.” His throat worked as he swallowed. “I want to bring him to Geraldine. She’s asking for him.”

  “She’s awake?”

  “Fifteen minutes ago.” Tears ran freely over Jake’s cheeks as his face creased into a smile.

  Memory reverberated through Sam at the sight of Jake’s frank emotion. He recognized that incredible relief—a month ago he’d felt it himself.

  “The doctor says she’s going to be fine.”

  Audra sighed and leaned heavily against Sam. “Thank God.”

  Her brother’s grin was ebullient as he moved to the nursery door. “And Gerri told me if I didn’t get our son down there in the next thirty seconds, she’s going to come and get him herself.”

  “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

  Audra rested her left hand on the smooth cover of the Bible and kept her gaze on Larry Fitzpatrick. “I do.”

  After so many weeks spent worrying about what she’d say, and so much effort spent ensuring she’d have the chance to say it, actually testifying proved to be somewhat anticlimactic. Audra had been warned what to expect, and the cross-examination was brutally thorough. Yet the memory of that night was unshakably clear in her mind. All she had to do was tell the truth.

  It wasn’t as difficult as she’d thought. Although witnessing a murder was something she’d never be able to regard dispassionately, by revealing what she saw, at least she’d be able to achieve some balance in her mind. Fitzpatrick wouldn’t escape justice this time—his carefully crafted public image had been shattered, and his financial base was crumbling as his money-laundering network was being shut down. Even some of his lawyers were rumored to be deserting him, now that his assets had been frozen.

  Marion and her new husband had come to the courtroom. She looked years older than the bride she’d been a month ago, and she rarely smiled when she looked at her father, yet beneath her air of disillusionment there was a new hint of strength. Other rumors had been circulating, hints that Fitzpatrick’s daughter was trying to sell her father’s estate, not to keep the money but to donate the proceeds to charity. That wouldn’t surprise Audra—she’d always felt that Marion was a good person in spite of her roots. After all, she knew of certain people who had managed to overcome backgrounds that were far worse.

  Yes, everything was working out. Everything was coming to an end. Everything.

  “Thank you, Miss McPherson. That will be all.”

  Holding herself stiffly, she stepped down from the witness stand.

  Sam met her in the hall outside the courtroom. The sight of him sent a thrill all the way to her toes, as it always did, but she didn’t run to him as she would have two days ago. He looked like a stranger, with his hair freshly combed and his suit neatly pressed. But it was more than his clothes that made her hesitate. He’d been unusually withdrawn since they’d left the hospital yesterday, as if he were concentrating on some internal argument that only he could hear.

  “I’ll give you a ride,” he said.

  Although it was only going to prolong the inevitable, she didn’t have it in her to object. She let him guide her to where he’d parked his car and sank back against the seat, achingly conscious of how near he was. And how the distance between them was getting greater by the minute.

  But this was what they’d agreed on, wasn’t it? It was working out exactly as they’d planned. He was going to see Fitzpatrick convicted. She’d get the reward money and be on her way to the complete independence she’d always wanted. She’d known their relationship was temporary. She’d told herself she’d be satisfied with whatever he was willing to give....

  No. She wasn’t satisfied. After the emotional roller coaster she’d been on for the past few days, there was no way she could simply shut off her feelings. Seeing Jake and Geraldine with their baby had made Audra take another look at her plans for her own life. Although her sister-in-law had been too weak to sit up, and it was painfully obvious that her usual vitality had been drained by her ordeal, the radiance on her face brought a lump to Audra’s throat even now.

  As her father had said, there were no guarantees. She’d learned that with Ryan. Risk and love. The two always seemed to be intertwined. She loved Sam. Yet she didn’t want to risk losing him by telling him she loved him.

  What had once been a valid concern now seemed pointless. Worse, it seemed downright cowardly.

  They arrived at the apartment building just as the afternoon shadows were lengthening into evening. Sam waited until she’d unlocked her door, then insisted on going inside first to check the place out. “Okay,” he said after he’d made a circuit of the rooms. “Everything seems to be just how we left it.”

  She closed the door behind her and tucked her key back into her purse. “I thought there wouldn’t be any problem about my safety once I testified.”

  “I just wanted to make sure.”

  “So that’s why you wanted to drive me home,” she said, striving to keep the pain out of her voice. “You’re still just doing your job.”

  “Audra, I can’t forget what happened to you.” He slipped his forefinger under the knot of his tie and tugged it loose. “Being at the hospital yesterday, and then listening to you talk about it up there on the stand today was like living through it all over again. I failed to protect you before.”

  “You can’t keep blaming yourself for that. It was my choice to get involved in this case.”

  He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it on the back of the sofa. “It wasn’t your choice to get shot.”

  “I thought we’d gotten past all this. But maybe it’s better to bring it out in the open instead of pretending it’s not there. I’ve been doing too much of that lately.”

  “Too much of what?”

  “Pushing things to the back of my mind instead of talking about them.” She walked up to him and laid her hand on his arm. “Once and for all, Sam, my being shot was an accident.”

  “If it hadn’t been for me—”

  “If it hadn’t been for you, I might have died,” she said firmly.

  “No, you’ve got it wrong. I got you mixed up with this case. It’s my fault you were hurt.”

  “My family had already agreed to do that catering job before you told me Fitzpatrick was a criminal. I would have been at that wedding whether you were or not. Fitzpatrick’s meeting still would have taken place. Falco still would have been killed.”

  Beneath his sleeve, his muscles hardened into taut ridges. “You were in the line of fire because you were talking to me.”

  “The wedding was over. I would have been counting the supplies and loading the van, so chances are I would have been outside at that particular time anyway.”

  “But—”

  “Think about it, Sam.” She tightened her grip. “You pulled me down. You called the paramedics. If you hadn’t been there, Fitzpatrick might have seen me and made sure not to leave a witness.” She paused to take a steadying breath. “Or I might have bled to death before anyone noticed I was missing.”

  His breath hissed out. “No.”

  “Yes. You can’t look back and change just one thing in the past. There’s no way of knowing what else would have happened differently.”

  Moving suddenly, he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her to his chest. “I can’t even think about losing you, Audra.”

  “You won’t.”

  “I don’t know how your family does it,” he went on, pressing his cheek to the side of her head. “There are so ma
ny of you, and you all care about each other. So many things can happen. Like with Jimmy, and Geraldine. And you. When one of you is hurt, you all hurt.”

  “That’s love, Sam. It’s a risk.”

  “It’s so much easier being alone.”

  “I used to believe that.” She flattened her palms on his chest and lifted her head. “I swore I’d never again set myself up for the kind of pain and guilt I went through when I loved Ryan. But you know what? I was wrong.”

  “I don’t know anything about love.”

  She smiled. “Yes, you do.”

  “Audra...”

  “I love you, Sam.”

  Except for the steady rise and fall of his chest, he didn’t move.

  “I love you,” she repeated. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but you’ve felt it.” She pressed her palm over his heart. “No one gives medals for the courage it takes to risk your heart, and love never makes front page news. You live with danger and excitement all the time in your undercover work, but do you know something? Love is the real adventure.”

  “I’ve never...”

  “It’s okay.” Moving her hands to the center of his chest, she started undoing his buttons. “I know it’s your first time. I’ll show you.”

  He dropped his arms, his body humming with tension. “Audra.”

  His voice was low and rough, with a new note of resolution she hadn’t heard before. She tugged off his tie and tossed it over her shoulder, then parted his shirt and pressed her lips to the base of his throat.

  Two weeks ago her boldness would have amazed her. But not now. Taking his hand, she led him into the bedroom.

  Dusk had darkened the corners of the room, but there was a glimmer of bronze sunlight at the edge of the curtains. She bypassed the bed and drew him beside the window. “That first time I saw you, this is where you were standing.”

  “I remember.”

  She pushed the shirt from his shoulders, running her palms over the sinewy outline of his biceps as she eased the sleeves down his arms. “At first I thought I had to be dreaming.”

  “You fought like a wildcat.”

  She reached for his belt, sliding the leather through the buckle by feel. With an ease that had come from plenty of practice, she lowered his zipper. “You terrified me, but when I realized you didn’t mean me any harm, you fascinated me. You made me feel things I didn’t want to feel.”