Sparkle

by Jerry Cole

  Simon hovered over Sparkle’s body, kissing his chest and neck. Sparkle turned his head away as Simon’s handsome face descended towards his lips.

  “Is my breath that bad?” Simon smirked at Sparkle’s startled expression.

  “It’s like kissing a corpse. It’s so disgusting.”

  “I’m disgusting?”

  “No, I think I am.” Sparkle waved away the thoughts and offered a smile. “It doesn’t matter. It looks like it’s going to be a long day.”

  Rolling off the bed, he walked away, collecting his clothes and redressing, without looking back. That damned bed was too much to face. Another failed seduction. Another disappointment. This one hurt more than the others because there had been fire there. There had been passion. Or at least he thought there had been. It turns out he was wrong…again.

  “Ah, that reminds me. I have to go into the bathhouse tonight. I should be home late. Don’t wait up for me,” Simon informed, shuffling into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. “There’s a mountain of paperwork waiting for me. The manager has been slacking off. I suspect he has a new boy toy and has been negligent.”

  Sparkle nodded silently, knowing the Simon wasn’t looking for verbal confirmation. Dressing quickly, he set out Simon’s breakfast and packed a lunch for him, making sure that there was plenty of fiber in his diet.

  In the beginning, Simon had complained about the food Sparkle introduced into his diet. “You can’t get full eating rabbit food,” he would argue, trying to coax Sparkle into frying an egg to go with his avocado and whole grain toast. Ultimately they settled on salmon, but they had one hell of a shouting match before the older man relented. But that, like everything else, had passed away. Now he obediently ate whatever was presented to him without a fight.

  Sparkle headed out of the door as soon as he heard Simon emerge from the bathroom. He couldn’t stomach one more bland, routine morning. He didn’t want to see his firm, nude, wet body. Somehow the sight of him looking virile and strong only made Sparkle’s heart ache more. He was losing Simon, and he wasn’t sure why or even how to get him back. It was all of the unanswered questions that made breaking up more painful. It was the silence that didn’t allow him to leave, and also prompted him to go. Unsure or unable to turn left or right, he was simply traveling the road in front of him.

  It sucked.

  Sparkle was several blocks away from the high-rise when the weight of it all finally fell on him. The sight of an elderly couple, still obviously in love, crossing the street, hand in hand pushed his already fragile heart over the edge. Turning away from the sight, he quickly began walking without thinking of his destination. At times like this, old habits reassert themselves, and before he knew it his phone was in his hand, and he was dialing a number as familiar as his social security number.

  “Sparkle?” Jerrod sounded confused by the appearance of his best friend’s number.

  “I don’t know what I did wrong, and I think he doesn’t love me anymore!” Sparkle sobbed, ducking into a tiny alley and crouching low as the tears and heartaches flowed out of him.

  “Are you okay? Should we come and get you? Where are you?”

  Sparkle smiled at the list of questions that Jerrod volleyed. That was his way. Always there, always willing to help take care of others, never changing. Why couldn’t all men be like Jerrod? Dependable. Unchanging.

  “I’ll be fine. I think I’m just hormonal today.”

  “It sounds like this didn’t just happen today.”

  “No.”

  “So?”

  “Since he came home, he has been different.”

  “How?”

  “He doesn’t want to touch me anymore. He doesn’t love me anymore. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me.”

  “Is he cheating?”

  “No.”

  Jerrod didn’t say anything for nearly a minute, allowing the evidence to turn over in his mind.

  “Did you ask him about it?”

  “He says it's nothing. And he never turns me down if I initiate. But there’s something missing. He doesn’t make a move on me either. We are like—”

  “Roommates,” the two men said in unison.

  Sparkle chuckled through his tears and wiped his face.

  “You always know my mind.”

  “After all these years…”

  “I know. Don’t remind me. I’m already depressed. Every year I get older, and the competition gets younger.”

  “In love, there is no competition. You either love each other, or you don’t.”

  “What the hell would you know about it!” Sparkle said indignantly.

  “I taught him well,” Aaron’s voice cut in.

  “What in the blue hell?” Sparkle realized he was on speaker phone the whole time.

  “Sorry. I didn’t know this wasn’t going to be a private conversation and some people don’t know how to mind their business.” Jerrod’s half-hearted apology was accompanied by the sound of shuffling and a door closing.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Why don’t you come by tonight?”

  “I can’t. I have work early in the morning.”

  “Then why don’t you do yourself a favor and go find him and let him hear you out. Just yell or scream or whatever. When you love somebody, you hate to see them hurting. Maybe the problem is that you have always been too strong.”

  “It can’t be any worse than continuing to pretend like everything is okay.”

  Jerrod agreed. That was always a good sign. If Jerrod agreed, then Sparkle could be sure that he was doing the reasonable, mature, level-headed thing.

  That sucked too, but not more than sobbing alone in an alley.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Jesus, this is a mess!” Simon threw the stack of receipts and invoices on the desk in front of Garret. “I pay you to keep track of this place. I can’t be in two places at once!”

  The portly man watched Simon stalk across the office like a caged tiger. Unchecked male aggression filled the space between them. With his gaudy gold watch and chain, Garret looked like a middle-aged gangster. All he needed was a pair of rose-colored sunglasses to complete the look. Despite that, he was normally a very astute and reasonable guy. Simon hired him because he was the kind of person who made sure that business deals always felt like a win for everybody, even if that wasn’t the truth. Even if he fucked you, he at least bought you dinner.

  “I don’t know how this happened.”

  “Who is he? I won’t tell your wife, but you should. Believe me; you don’t want to get old and find out that the people who have been closest to you…have drifted away.”

  “She knows everything she needs to know. There isn’t any reason for me to break her heart with the details.”

  “Why are you two even still together?” Simon sat on the edge of the desk, propping one leg up and folding his hands in his lap.

  “We have kids. I love my kids. I can’t just up and run off and leave them.”

  “Do they know what you do?”

  “What do I do? I’m a business manager. I’m a damned good one too. That’s all they need to know.”

  “And does he know?”

  “These things…they aren’t supposed to be serious. They’re just flings. Letting off a little steam.” Garret admitted, looking bewildered by his own feelings.

  “And?”

  “And…”

  The two men stared at each other. Both understanding completely the reality of their situation. Love. Something unexpected for them both. Something that both enticed and confused them. Now that it had arrived, what were they supposed to do? It was something they could neither deny nor dared to hold onto.

  “Just keep your head in the game.” Simon stood up, brushing imaginary lint off his slacks. That was the only advice he had. What did he know about love? He had only felt it twice in his life, and he wasn’t able to hold onto it either time.

  Things weren’t yet over
with Sparkle. That was probably his fault. He didn’t have the heart to end it. Even if it made him look weak or pathetic, he wanted to hold on to that man for as long as he could. He wanted to be able to continue watching him sleep, and eating the meals he prepared, and waking up next to that guy. Just that guy. Every day.

  It seemed like such a simple wish. Why was it feeling more and more out of reach these days? To be honest, he knew exactly why. He was the problem. Since he recovered, he had been building a wall around his heart, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable. He had even entertained the idea of bedding somebody new, just to get back into the swing of things. Ultimately, his body understood his heart better than he did. He couldn’t even manage an erection. Slowly, he began wondering if this was the onset of ED.

  “That’s pretty common for guys your age,” his doctor said during a follow-up appointment. After a few tests, they couldn’t find anything physically wrong with him. They concluded that the cause must be psychological. He was cracking up and couldn’t get hard.

  Flashes of this morning turned the corners of his mouth down in a dissatisfied frown. Sparkle wasn’t a fool. He knew something was wrong, but he wasn’t saying anything. Not really. Maybe he just felt pity for an old man whose dick wouldn’t work anymore.

  Goddammit, even if that’s all I get, I’ll take it. I’m so fucking pathetic.

  He could see Sparkle’s primed body, pulsating with need and unfulfilled passions. The thought alone was enough to arouse him. But in that moment, when he was aching to give the sultry diva the ride of his life, his body wouldn’t respond. No matter how much he tried, his cock remained flaccid. Finally, he resorted to giving Sparkle a hand job.

  The disappointment in his eyes was unbearable. All Simon could do was pretend that he didn’t see it. Since he returned home, that seemed to be all they were doing. Pretending that they were still happy, even though it was obvious that they were still in love.

  Once again, his body was giving out on him when he needed it the most. Now that he had somebody he wanted to make love to every day of his life, his cock was giving out. He was losing it. He was eating twigs and berries to avoid colon cancer and taking pills to avoid complications with his ulcer.

  He was an old man. It had finally happened. Why would Sparkle stay with him? It was only a matter of time before he would leave. That much he knew was true. He was just holding on, taking whatever he could get out of every day, until the day finally came. The more he hung on, the less he felt like a man, but he couldn’t seem to let go.

  The night wore on and Simon, not ready to return home yet, found himself making his usual rounds. Clad in only a towel, he walked the floors of the bathhouse, inspecting the facilities more than the men. For the first time, he saw this place as a business instead of a playground. For the first time, his pet project did nothing for his vanity or his ego. Love was a fucked-up thing. It filled all of the simplest moments with immense joy and stole all of the joy in the very next breath.

  “I thought you looked familiar,” said a familiar voice. Simon turned around to see a very naked and very tan Surfer Nurse standing in the hallway. The soft lighting along the walls emphasized his fit and well-oiled, body.

  “Beau, right?”

  “You got it!” The naked man smiled, walking over and offering his hand as if it weren’t the most inappropriate thing to be doing.

  Whatever happened to anonymity? Patient-doctor confidentiality?

  “How do you like the facilities?”

  “You work here?” Shock and admiration showed on the young nurse’s face.

  “I own this place.”

  “Oh, wow, the man himself! You are something of a legend around here. I don’t know why I didn’t put the face and the name—”

  “I don’t usually use my name. And, other than the fact that I’m the owner, people try not to pay too much attention to the faces. We try to protect the privacy of the clients. Although, I can see the times are changing.”

  “Oh, yeah, right. I’m sorry about that.” Beau scratched his head and blushed, looking every bit like a country boy who just realized he had committed a big-city taboo.

  “Don’t worry about it. Like I said, times are changing.”

  “Yes, sir. They are. So, uh…” Beau looked around dramatically. “Where is your partner?”

  “At home.”

  “Oh…so how is your recovery. No tenderness or swelling?”

  “A little bit but I think it’s mostly a skin irritation. Nothing to be worried about.”

  “Mind if I take a look?”

  “No, of course,” Simon volunteered, turning on his heel and walking back up the stairs to his office. Beau followed obediently, seemingly unaware of his nudity. When Simon unlocked the door to his office, Beau hesitated for a minute at the door.

  “Good God, this is swank!” His reaction was so unexpected and honest that Simon couldn’t help but to laugh at the man.

  “Do you want something to drink?” Simon poured himself a bourbon from the mini-bar.

  “No thanks. I have to work tomorrow.”

  Simon glanced at the wall clock.

  “Cutting it a little close aren’t you? I would hate to think of you making a mistake because you didn’t sleep well enough.” Simon eyed the wedding band on the naked man’s hand.

  “He’s here too.” Beau smiled, looking out of the office window down onto the pool and lounge deck below.

  “Who?”

  “My partner. Phillip.”

  “He lets you come here?”

  “He insists on it. We aren’t much good at monogamy, but honesty and trust is a must in any relationship. I trust him. He trusts me. And we’re open about what’s going on, so none of this is a problem.”

  Simon smirked bitterly.

  “How old are you, kid. Twenty-five? You can be that way now because you don’t have anything to hide. Trust an old man when I tell you, it won’t stay that way.”

  “Then we’ll work it out. We wrote the rules. We can change them, as long as we still want to be together…”

  “Yeah, then there’s that,” Simon muttered. His chest began to ache, and he tipped the contents of his glass down his throat quickly.

  “So, how long have you had this irritation?”

  “Not long. I don’t think it’s an infection. It’s just a little tender,” Simon admitted, slipping comfortably into his clinical cool.

  “Okay big boy, drop the towel and let me see what you got,” Beau said, rubbing his hands together before squatting in front of Simon.

  Simon untied the knot in his towel and let the fluffy terry cloth drop to the floor. Without looking down, he poured himself another drink and let the naked nurse examine the site of his incision.

  “It looks good,” Beau said, touching the scar lightly.

  “Yeah, it doesn’t seem infected. No redness or oozing.”

  “You should probably slow down on the drinking. It's not good for your ulcer.”

  “Maybe,” Simon added ice to this drink.

  “I’m going to put some pressure here. Just let me know if it hurts or not,” Beau instructed, tapping lightly on Simon’s abdomen. Using the pads of his fingers, he applied light pressure all around the scar and under the navel.

  “Anything?”

  “Not really, it’s just a little sensitive.”

  “How about this?” Beau pressed harder causing Simon to jump a little and suck in his breath. There was not pain, just the sensation of stretching tissues that had only recently knit together.

  “Sorry for interrupting.”

  The sound of that voice sent chills running through his entire body. The dull ache in his belly was quickly replaced by a sharp pain in his chest. Something that had been stretched too thin for too long had finally ripped and he had nobody to blame but himself.

  Simon looked over his shoulder at Sparkle, whose graceful silhouette was framed perfectly in the doorway. With his back to the door and Beau crouched betw
een his legs, it was hard not to see this as a completely compromised situation. Even if he was inclined to, how would he explain himself?

  “I’ll just get my things and go. No need for you to stop on my account.” Sparkle turned on his heel and walked away.

  That was the way it ended for them. No fighting. No drama. Like that, Sparkle walked out of his life as quickly and dramatically as he walked in.

  “Aren’t you going to go after him and explain?”

  “No.” Because he was going to leave sooner or later. Better now than later, when I’ve lost all of my pride and can’t keep myself from begging him to stay.

  “What are you doing? He’s going to misunderstand!”

  “Thank you for taking the time to look at this. I think I’m just taking a little longer to heal than I’m used to.”

  “Yeah…I guess,” Beau stood up and looked quizzically at the older man. “Just be sure to eat enough protein. Try one of those plant protein supplements to help if you have holes in your diet.”

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  Beau walked to the door and hesitated before walking through.

  “I know it's not my business, but he really loves you. You could see that clear as day when he came to get you at the hospital. You might not want to give up on that.”

  Simon didn’t say anything else as the door closed.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Sparkle didn’t see anything on his way back to the place he had become accustomed to calling home. In his mind, all he could see was the image of Simon naked in his office, his body shivering softly as somebody, somebody who was no Sparkle, pleasured him. After days and weeks of trying, wondering what it was that had made things change between them, he finally had his answer. The novelty had worn off.

  The whole thing seemed unreal. From beginning to end, nothing was adding up or making sense. But Sparkle was wise enough to know how to cut his losses. If he couldn’t believe his own eyes, what could he believe? What was left to say between them?

  How?

  How had it come to this?