by Jerry Cole
How had they drifted apart so rapidly, despite all of Sparkle’s best efforts and sincerity? Not having any answers was the worst kind of torment. Sparkle was no shy beauty. He had seen the end of countless love affairs, but this one stuck in his chest like a poisoned barb. He could feel the doubts and betrayal seep into his skin. In the end, it was like this for everybody. One day there would be somebody younger, more eager, and less demanding. Somebody, who would outshine his sparkle.
That was the truth of his life, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Whether it was on the stage or in his love life, his moment in the sun was coming to its end, and he had almost nothing to show for it.
Sparkle packed his things quickly, trying to vacate the penthouse before Simon arrived. That was assuming he was coming back tonight. That was assuming he was coming back alone. Sparkle gritted his teeth. It seemed like the only thing he attracted was bastards and lunatics.
What he couldn’t carry, he packed into the heavy trunk he had dragged over to Simon’s place, putting a note on the lid letting Simon know that he would come and pick it up the following day. Leaving the keys and the security card on the table, Sparkle made his way out of their home.
This wasn’t the way he had planned this evening. He thought that the pair could treat themselves to an evening in Simon’s playground, and maybe rediscover what it was that they lost. He thought Simon would be happy to see him. He thought a lot of things. He was hopeful. He had thought wrong.
The look in Simon’s eyes, as he looked at Sparkle over his shoulder, wasn’t one of warmth. It was of resolution. This was the end for them and, without ever telling Sparkle a word, Simon had accepted it. He didn’t even bother to try and explain. Even if Simon had tried to put together a feeble lie, it would have been better.
It couldn’t have gone worse if it had been planned that way.
***
Sparkle returned to his cold and abandoned apartment.
“It’s a good thing I didn’t get rid of this place,” he said to the four walls. If he had, he would have had to face Jerrod and admit that everything he feared came to pass. Putting fresh sheets on the bed, he showered and got ready for bed without shedding a tear. Somehow, he used to think, if ever this moment came, he would be devastated. He was upset by his calm and composure. It was the first time he could remember trying to be with somebody who just might be THE one. Somebody whose flaws weren’t so glaring and inexcusable that there was no question that the relationship would implode brilliantly in a matter of weeks.
When you honestly love somebody, and it doesn’t work out, aren’t you supposed to die inside? Sparkle had no experience in this area. As he climbed into bed and closed his eyes, the one vision that kept replaying was Simon’s face. More than sadness or surprise, the look of acceptance was what troubled Sparkle. Like he knew this moment would come and he had already accepted the outcome. That look, somehow, gave Sparkle hope.
For tonight he was going to try and sleep. Making his mind up to call Jerrod in the morning, Sparkle let the effects of his long day work their magic on his troubled mind.
***
The sun was barely in the sky when Jerrod’s phone rang. Like always, he didn’t need to look at the display to know who it was. There were only two people on earth who would call him at that hour. And his mother, God bless her, was off on a trip to the Mediterranean for a meditation retreat. Jerrod stretched over Aaron’s sleeping body, snagging the phone from the nightstand and answering without opening his eyes.
“This had better be important. I have had exactly forty-five minutes of sleep this week, and I’m not in the mood for bullshit,” Jerrod snapped.
“Prone to hyperbole today, aren’t we?”
“Sparkle!” Jerrod warned.
“It’s over. We broke up.” The words dropped like a ton of bricks on Jerrod’s chest. The thinly veiled pain in Sparkle’s voice told him all he needed to know about how his old friend was taking it. In typical Jerrod fashion, rather than ask the obvious questions, he waited for the whole story.
“I went to his bathhouse last night to see him. I thought we could just talk it out. Maybe get a massage, fool around…I was so stupid. Of course, he would be doing that there. I don’t know why I expected anything else from him.”
“He did this before?”
“No, but he had a life before me. And in that life, he was a legend. That place is like his personal harem.”
“Oh.” The image of Simon Burns that Sparkle was painting didn’t seem like the man Jerrod had known during his years at Taft.
“I mean, I checked up on him before. He was always doing exactly what he said he was doing. He was always where he said he would be. He never missed my phone calls. There was no reason to think…except…I guess after a while somebody was bound to take my place.”
“You’re not okay,” Jerrod said, reporting what he was hearing instead of parroting what was said.
“No, I’m not. I…” tears halted Sparkle as he spoke. “I really tried this time. I really wanted my happy ending, too.”
“Do you want to come over and have breakfast? I don’t have any clients this morning, so we could just talk,” Jerrod offered.
“You mean I talk, you listen. Your mom’s shrink has trained you too well.”
“Okay, how about you and Aaron talk, and I’ll make breakfast.”
“You can cook? How did I miss this memo?”
“That’s the Sparkle I know. See you in about an hour?”
Hearing his name volunteered to console Sparkle, Aaron held up two fingers.
“I mean, two hours. How does two hours sound?” Jerrod corrected.
“I think I can put on my face by then. Hey Jerrod…thank you, man. You’re a great friend. Seriously, you are the best guy I know.”
“I’m not sure how to take that. You know a lot of men, but most of them are pretty unappetizing.”
“Take it any way you want it. I always do.”
Jerrod ended the call and rolled over. As he turned the details of Sparkle’s love life over in his mind, he kept drawing a blank on the cause of this turn of events. It wasn’t like Sparkle was Simon’s first lover. He wasn’t freaking out because he suddenly discovered that he was gay. And, as far as he could tell, Simon seemed to be serious about Sparkle. So why would he make such a blunder?
“Don’t worry too much about it. Some guys are like that. They’re constantly looking for something new, even if the person they are with is amazing.” Aaron offered, his thoughts revealing the fact that, he too, was thinking about Sparkle.
“Maybe.”
“I know. It didn’t seem that way to me either. But you never can tell. Look at me and you.”
A satisfied smile spread across Jerrod’s lips.
“Who would have thought somebody as sexy as I am would end up with a guy like you.” Aaron teased, rolling over and pulling the blanket off of Jerrod’s naked body. The cold morning air did nothing to flag his erection.
“If I wasn’t such a level-headed guy, I would be upset by that.”
“Nothing upsets you. That’s why I like you.”
“True,” Jerrod admitted, pulling Aaron into his arms, blankets and all, and wrapping his heavy limbs around Aaron’s warm form.
“Isn’t it a shame that all men can’t be like you? Some of us are a little more insecure. You have enough heart breaks, and you begin to wonder…” Aaron’s body relaxed in Jerrod’s strong embrace. His mind was far away, recalling the faces of past lovers he gave his whole heart to without any return. Every new romance was a chance for happiness, and he threw himself into each one at first. He learned the hard way to be careful with his sincerity. Soon, he went from cautious to wary and from wary to nearly reclusive.
“If it hadn’t been for you, I think I would have given up on dating,” Aaron said.
“Hmm.”
“If you and I fell apart, I don’t know how I would handle it. There aren’t many guys out there like you.”
/> “Hmm.”
“Are you asleep?”
“Hmm.”
“Jackass.”
Aaron snuggled closer to Jerrod’s solid comfort and tried to fall asleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. His mind kept thinking about Sparkle and Jerrod and all the horrible relationships he had been in until the day he and Jerrod met.
He pondered over it during his shower and while he got dressed. The entire situation put him in a nasty funk. After pouring himself a cup of coffee, he finally found words for what he was thinking.
“What if this isn’t about Sparkle at all? What if it’s about Simon’s fear?”
“Fear?” Jerrod moved around the kitchen quickly, exercising the economy of movement and space that he was known for.
“You said it yourself. He’s a man who’s used to being in control. Respected. Feared.”
“Feared?” Jerrod paused for a moment before returning to his task.
“Yeah, he scared the hell out of me the few times that we met. He’s so large and poised, like a serial killer. Maybe it’s his teeth. Too white and too straight for my taste. Do you think they’re veneers?”
“Where the hell do you come up with these things?”
“All I’m saying is that, put the cheating aside. Maybe he stopped sleeping with Sparkle because he was feeling insecure about something.”
Jerrod stood still and looked up. “You might be on to something,” he admitted, cracking eggs into a bowl in preparation for Sparkle’s arrival.
“And, if that’s the case, then maybe what he needs is a good talking to from a certain somebody who knows all about handling your fear when it comes to love.”
“No.” Jerrod could already hear where Aaron was going with this.
“I’m not saying—”
“No. I’m not meddling in other people’s affairs. I can barely hold my own relationship together. That’s just asking for trouble.”
“I’m trouble. You didn’t have a problem meddling with me,” Aaron argued.
“That was different.”
“No, it wasn’t. Besides, you have more reasons to get involved now because they’re both your friends.”
“Simon Burns isn’t my friend. He’s my ex-boss who happens to be sleeping with my best friend. The situation is already weird without putting myself in the middle of their break-up.”
“Fine.”
Aaron’s tight-lipped response let Jerrod know that this conversation was anything but over. And somehow, he was sure that he would end up having a heart-to-heart chat with Simon Burns. Whether he liked it or not.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Simon wasn’t sure who he was expecting to see when the doorbell rang. Some part of him had hoped that it would be Sparkle standing there with his hand on his hip and a nasty sneer on his face. What he got instead was a rather embarrassed Jerrod Polaski.
“What?” Simon croaked through the intercom.
“I’m here to get Sparkle’s things. I was sent…sir.”
Simon chuckled a little. He should have known Sparkle would be that cruel. He wouldn’t even darken his doorstep to get his own things. He wouldn’t give Simon the satisfaction of a chance to apologize or grovel. Nope. Instead, he would send the most steady, respectable man either of them knew to collect the last shreds of their love.
“Come on in,” Simon said, leaving the front door ajar as he made his way back into the kitchen. He was a mess, and he knew it. “Everything is there in the living room.”
Jerrod entered the penthouse gingerly. Simon watched Jerrod’s face for a reaction. As always, Jerrod was measured in his response. Some things never changed. The wrong things mostly.
“Uh, Mr. Burns, can I…”
“Did Sparkle send you here to kick my ass?” Simon tied his robe around his solid frame and lifted his chin indignantly.
“What? No! Not at all…though, it had been suggested.”
“Of course not. He would have kicked my ass himself if he was going to.” Simon leaned heavily on the counter.
“I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I haven’t seen him this upset since his mom kicked him out.”
Simon looked up from his hands and stared at Jerrod in disbelief.
“I know you two are having problems, but you said we’re a family once. I’m hoping that still applies.”
“No, no, of course it does.”
“Then, can I ask? What the hell are you doing?”
Simon stared at the mild-mannered former executive. In all of the years he had known Jerrod, he had never known him to be moved enough by anything to warrant a such a harsh tone.
“We broke up.”
“Right, but before then. Before that night. He was miserable. He thought you didn’t love him. Did you know that? I mean it’s obvious that you do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here looking like shit. So, what gives?”
I did, Simon wanted to shout. He wanted to yell and break things. He wanted to get drunk and fuck every pretty twink he saw until he forgot his name. But, his time was up. He wasn’t the superhero Sparkle thought he was. He was a fraud, a man succumbing to the passage of time. And Sparkle deserved better. He deserved somebody who wouldn’t abandon him on the cold, hard ground at the end of his mother’s driveway. He deserved somebody who wouldn’t need to be rushed to the hospital during their first public appearance as a couple. He deserved somebody who wouldn’t die before him and leave him all alone.
He deserved more.
“I can pick this trunk up and take it back for you, or you can do it. If you love him, you don’t have to tell me what you were doing, but you should at least tell him. For the first time since middle school, I can say that Sparkle was taking his relationship seriously. He wasn’t in it out of boredom or because you could get him into all the clubs. He was with you because he loves you. And to string him along and then just dump him like that isn’t fair. He deserves some answers.”
Simon jumped as if an electric current passed through him.
Answers. Yes, he deserved that too.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.” Relief swept over Jerrod’s face as he rubbed his palms on the thighs of his pants.
“It would have been better if he had sent you to beat me up.”
Jerrod stood still, watching Simon agonize over what it was he needed to do.
“What happened that night?” Jerrod asked, leaning against the wall and crossing his legs in front of him.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing. There was a nurse I recognized. I was having some pain from the surgery—”
“Did you tell Sparkle?”
Simon stared blankly as if the idea had never crossed his mind. Jerrod exhaled audibly. “Continue.”
“I brought him up to the office to get a look at the incision.”
“Where is the incision?”
Simon pointed to the spot low on his abdomen. Jerrod rolled his eyes. He didn’t need any more details to figure out the rest of the story.
“He was checking it when Sparkle walked in,” Simon said softly, not looking the other man in the eyes as he spoke.
“You have got to be the biggest fool I have ever met.” Jerrod shook his head.
“You think so too, huh?”
“I know so. And when Sparkle saw you there with a good-looking nurse on his knees checking your scar, you didn’t bother to try and explain?”
“What could I explain? Don’t trust your eyes? I’m not getting a blow-job. I’m just letting him palpitate my abdominal cavity.” Simon smirked at the absurdity of the truth.
“Yes!” Jerrod raised his voice.
“Who would believe that?” Simon shouted back, frustrated by Jerrod’s refusal to see things his way.
“Sparkle would,” Jerrod said softly. “He wanted so desperately to believe in you; he would have believed anything you told him. All you had to do was say something!”
“Well…�
��
“Yeah, well. I don’t know why you two started drifting apart and I don’t want to know. I’m not the one you need to tell, anyway. But, I’m not going to take those things back to his place. You do it. You look him in the face and explain to him why all of his good intentions and devotion aren’t worth fighting for.”
Simon swallowed several times, trying to clear the lump in his throat. There were so many things that he wanted to express, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
“He thought I didn’t love him?”
Jerrod walked over to the man he had once looked up to as the epitome of everything a man should be. Patting Simon on the shoulder, he shook his head and sighed once again before leaving the penthouse empty handed.
***
Simon stared at the trunk full of Sparkle’s effects for twenty minutes. He was stuck in an untenable situation. He couldn’t bear to open it. He couldn’t bear to get rid of it. And he couldn’t bear to keep it.
He would have to do something, but every choice promised just as much pain as its opposite. Considering what Sparkle saw, there was no way for them to go back to the way things were. There was too much damage and too many misunderstandings to untangle. Even if Sparkle didn’t hate him, they would be forever changed.
What Jerrod said was right. Sparkle deserved an explanation. He deserved to hear it from the horse’s mouth. Why things changed, why he didn’t speak up earlier, why they ended the way they did. Sparkle deserved to understand it all.
“I won’t hope for anything,” Simon said to himself as he walked into the master bedroom. Stripping, he quickly showered and dressed, running a comb haphazardly through his hair. He didn’t know how long his courage would hold out, and he needed to be past the point of no return before he had a chance to talk himself out of this foolish endeavor.
He hoisted the heavy trunk up over his shoulder and headed to the car, speeding out of the parking garage and into the evening traffic. Already, his doubts were beginning to pile up.
What if Sparkle wouldn’t open the door? What if he wouldn’t listen? What if he didn’t believe him? What the hell was he going to say? What was he hoping to accomplish?