by Jerry Cole
Nothing. He wouldn’t hope for anything. He wouldn’t hope; he would just try. The one thing that he never did in the past was try. He gave in, accepted, ignored, exploited, colluded, anything short of trying his best to hold on to something real and meaningful.
By the time he found himself in front of Sparkle’s door, he was convinced that he had made a mistake. If he turned around right now, Sparkle would never even know he was there. He could leave the trunk. The building looked pretty secure. Sparkle would find it in the morning. Problem solved. End of discussion.
Simon dropped the heavy box and backed away from the door slowly. This was the best option. It would be easier for both to move on if they didn’t have to look at each other. Simon nodded curtly, and spun around to find himself face to face with Sparkle and Aaron, holding bags of carryout and watching his comical display with equal parts pleasure and appall.
“What in the hell are you doing?” Sparkle was the first person to break the silence.
“I was just…can we talk?”
Sparkle rolled his eyes. Aaron, smiling broadly, turned to Sparkle and handed him his bag.
“I think I should go. You two need to talk,” Aaron said, excusing himself quickly. He nearly skipped down the hall and exited through the stairwell.
Sparkle watched him retreat with disbelief. Not more than two minutes ago they had been planning Simon’s eventual castration, and now he was skipping out on them.
Men are fickle creatures.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Can we talk?”
“No.”
“Please.”
Sparkle allowed his eyes to roam over Simon’s face. He looked like he had aged a year in the two days they had been apart. His hair had lost its wind resistant lacquered quality and lay in well-trimmed tufts on his head. There was a sense of urgency in his eyes.
“Fine. You’re lucky I’m a sucker for you.”
Sparkle opened the door and walked in, refusing even to hold the door open for the man who hauled his trunk inside.
“Talk!” Sparkle commanded, dropping his keys on the end table and placing the takeout bags on the counter.
“Nothing happened that night between him and me.”
“Nothing? I remember when girls wondered if you could get pregnant from doing that kind of nothing,” Sparkle scoffed.
“No, I mean nothing happened. I know what it looked like. But, it wasn’t that at all.”
“So he wasn’t naked, on his knees, in your office, with your cock in his mouth?”
“No, I mean, yes, he was naked. We both were, but he was checking my scar, I swear it.”
“Bullshit!”
“It’s not bullshit. Think about it, have I ever lied to you?”
Sparkle paused.
“I do a lot of things, but I don’t lie to you. I’m telling you that I didn’t do anything with him. It looked bad, and I’m sorry about that. I was an idiot. But I never cheated on you. I never even thought about it.”
Simon’s eyes glistened with unshed tears.
“Why?”
“I had pain.”
“Why didn’t you tell the doctor?” Sparkle quizzed him.
“I just…”
“Fuck that. Why didn’t you tell me? ME!” Sparkle’s hurt over not being trusted was evident in his face.
“I didn’t tell anybody.”
“I am not fucking ANYBODY. Simon, who am I to you?” Sparkle stood in his kitchen with his hands on his hips, waiting for Simon to answer the most basic question in any relationship.
“Everything. You’re everything to me. And I can’t lose you.”
“Then why are you pushing me away?”
“I just…” Simon turned away from Sparkle’s open gaze. “I just don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to leave me.”
“Why would I leave you?” Sparkle’s baffled expression twisted the knife in Simon’s chest, making the reality of what he was going to say next more painful.
“Because I’m losing it. I’m not twenty anymore. I’m not even thirty-something anymore. You’re still young, and you have your whole life and the whole world waiting for you. You should have been out having fun. Instead you were stuck beside me in the hospital. How many times do you think you’re going to be willing to do that?”
The anguish on Simon’s face was real and palpable, like a third body in the tiny kitchen. Despite the hurt and rejection that he had suffered, Sparkle couldn’t help but be sympathetic to Simon’s fears. Wasn’t that what they all feared? Waking up one day to discover that you’re the old guy at the club is a nightmare they both shared.
“As many times as necessary,” Sparkle asserted.
“What?”
“I would have spent every night there if you needed me. I would do that as many times as necessary, until you were better.” Sparkle crossed the tiny space that separated them and cupped the big man’s face in his hands. Tears rolled down Simon’s face unchecked.
“You love me now, but in ten years?” Simon allowed his hands to grasp Sparkle’s waist, pulling him into Simon’s arms and deepening their embrace.
“I will keep waking up and deciding to be in love with you.” Sparkle kissed Simon’s nose. “Is that why you kept shutting me down when I wanted to have sex?”
The starkness of the question echoed in the quiet between the two of them.
“I couldn’t.” Simon looked Sparkle in the eyes as he spoke.
“Why?”
“Why do you always ask ‘why?’” Simon’s eyebrows flashed brilliantly.
“Because I need to know.”
“Because I knew you would leave me, and I was too weak to walk away. Every time I would touch you, I would wonder if this was the last time. In the mornings, I wondered if you would be gone by evening. In the evenings, I wondered if you would leave in the morning. I was trying to protect myself from getting caught up in you and then losing it all. In front of you, I’m nothing.”
“You’re an idiot.” Sparkle smiled, sweeping Simon’s tears away with the pads of his thumbs.
“I’m so in love with you. I don’t even know how to be without you. I can’t lose you. I can’t watch you walk away from me. I’m not strong enough to live through that.”
“You pushed me away.”
“I know.”
“You hurt me.”
“I'm sorry.”
“You’re an insecure asshole. I’m not going to stop being younger than you anytime soon. I’m always going to be like this, trying to catch up to you.”
Simon gritted his teeth, making the muscle in his jaw jump as he waited for Sparkle to say the words that would end their relationship forever.
“But I know a thing or two about feeling old,” Sparkle said.
Simon looked at Sparkle, surprise in his eyes. Taking the opportunity, he pulled Sparkle into a tighter embrace.
“So, will you come home?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not ready yet. I think I need my space, and I think you need yours. Having me by your side isn’t going to make you feel any more secure. I can’t fix your insecurities, but I can love you through them. And then, when you’re ready, maybe we’ll find a place that’s just for us. No baggage, no memories. But right now, I think I’m going to stay here.”
“What about me?” Simon pressed his body against Sparkle’s lean frame.
“What about you?”
“Where do I fit into your plan?”
“You’re a big boy. You’ll figure it out.”
The weeks of longing were taking their toll on both men, their breathing becoming heavy and exaggerated as they stood locked in an embrace.
“So does that mean we are still together?”
“Did I ever say we weren’t together?” Sparkle teased, leaning into the taller man so that his lips feathered across Simon’s skin.
Simon suppressed a shudder of excitement as Sparkle’s scent and feel took their
natural effect on him. Sparkle’s presence was like a healing salve to Simon's wrung out and raw emotions.
“So, this has all been in my head?” Simon asked, no longer caring about the answer. He buried his face in the soft waves of Sparkle’s cropped hair and let his hands lay suggestively on Sparkle’s firm behind.
“Mostly, though I didn’t help much by calling you Father Time. But, mostly,” Sparkle pulled away from Simon’s embrace and looked the man in the eyes. “You have to start telling me when you are hurt.”
Simon nodded resolutely. There was too much at stake to argue. He was at the end of his arguments, in any case. Hadn’t it cost him enough?
“You aren’t coming home?” Simon kissed Sparkle’s eyelids.
“No, but you’re welcome to stay the night,” Sparkle offered. His hands clutched at Simon’s clothes.
“Hmm,” Simon replied, tipping Sparkle’s chin back and running his lips along the length of his neck. He toyed with the skin along Sparkle’s collar bone, watching his Adam's apple bob several times before biting it. Sparkle clutched Simon’s body, allowing Simon to bear his full weight in his arms. For Simon, it was the best burden he had the privilege of carrying in quite some time.
“I’ve missed you,” Simon growled. “Have you missed me?”
Sparkle stayed silent, allowing Simon’s kisses to drug him.
“Tell me, have you missed me?” Simon’s hands slipped beneath Sparkle’s pants and grasped his full cheeks roughly.
Sparkle captured Simon’s lips and sucked them into a sensual kiss, quieting all demands and reassurances between them. Simon’s neglected body came roaring to life, the evidence of his arousal pressed against Sparkle stomach like a branding iron.
Sparkle tried to regain his composure, but his desire was undeniable. His body followed Simon’s example, his skin becoming hot and sensitive. Simon’s expert hands stoked every fire raging within Sparkle’s body until he was a quivering mess, as desperate for release as Simon was for absolution.
Simon snatched Sparkle up into the air suddenly, throwing him over his shoulder and walking towards the bedroom. Sparkle didn’t bother to complain. This was what he wanted too, after all.
Simon tossed the smaller man onto the bed, watching as his newly cropped curls bounced around his face, making him look almost innocent. It was a good look for a very controversial man.
“You love to play in the margins, don’t you?” Simon pulled his shirt over his head and then approached the bed with eagerness in his eyes.
Sparkle batted his eyes at Simon, waiting for him to make his next move.
“You cut your hair. It looks great. I don’t think I told you that,” Simon crawled onto the bed slowly. “I used to wait for you to fall asleep so I could watch you. You were always so sexy when you were sleeping. Unguarded and relaxed.”
Simon unbuttoned Sparkle’s shirt and slowly peeled it off his body. Once again, Simon was caught in the luminous sheen of his smooth bronzed skin. Simon tasted his chest, swirling the tip of his tongue over the tight pebbled tips of his nipples. Sparkle moaned seductively. His cock pressed against the zipper of pants, begging to be stroked. Simon didn’t hesitate to comply, unzipping his pants and fondling his slick length.
Lust cramped Sparkle’s lower belly, slowly spreading a delicious tension all over his body. Simon kissed him slowly, letting the moments tick by slowly, enticing and teasing Sparkle’s body without satisfying him. Inside, Simon still feared he wouldn’t be able to perform. Despite his throbbing erection, and all the evidence to the contrary, he was still afraid that he had finally turned a corner and wouldn’t be the lover he once was.
“Stop thinking about it,” Sparkle said, his voice husky.
“How do you know—”
Sparkle stopped his question by putting a finger over his lips. Smiling wickedly, Simon nodded as he realized the answer to his question.
“Women’s intuition,” he said with a chuckle.
“You know me, I like to play in the margins.”
Sparkle used his home-field advantage, pushing Simon onto his back and sliding out of his pants before helping Simon out of his. Sparkle wasted no time proving to Simon that age had not dimmed his ability to give or receive pleasure. Licking and sucking the thick length of Simon’s manhood, Sparkle took Simon to the edge of an orgasm and pulled him back several times before Simon squirmed out of his firm grasp.
“You’re trying to kill me,” he panted, sweat glistening on his body.
“Not yet, but if you ever keep things from me again, I swear to God, Simon Burns, it will be the last thing you ever do.”
“Do you promise?” Simon pulled the younger man into his arms and laid him down gently on the bed.
“Test me and find out,” Sparkle challenged. Simon responded by spreading Sparkle’s legs, resting Sparkle’s knees on his shoulders as he licked and prodded his tight entrance with his tongue. Sparkle wriggled and moaned, his own erection leaking, as he clutched at Simon’s hair and shoulders.
Without looking, Sparkle opened a drawer in his bedside table and pulled a tube out of the brightly colored array of lubes and condoms arranged inside. Simon noticed the motion and proudly presented his straining cock for Sparkle’s treatment. Sparkle ran his finger along the length swiftly, adding more of the gelatinous product until Simon’s cock made a squishing sound in Sparkle’s hand.
Simon rose above the delirious man and pressed the head of his cock against Sparkle’s pliant channel. The pair cried out as their bodies joined for the first time in too many nights.
The room filled with the sound of their lovemaking. Sparkle’s hands roamed freely over Simon’s skin, stroking and clawing at him as he gave his body over to the only man he could say ever truly loved him completely.
Simon felt his old self returning, asserting himself with each stroke. The moans and soft cries from Sparkle only drove him on and pushed him to fuck harder. He captured Sparkle’s hands and pinned them above his head, leaving the lean man’s body stretched and open beneath him. Sparkle whimpered as Simon dove into his body deeper and faster, until their lovemaking reached a feverish pitch.
“Ah, baby, fuck me!” Sparkle cried out wantonly. He was beyond shame or hurt or worry. His body vaulted off the mattress as the first deep spasms of his orgasm overtook him. Simon watched with delight as Sparkle lost his composure, succumbing to the pleasure. It had been too long since he had last seen Sparkle like that. It had been too long since he last allowed himself to indulge in this kind of union, soothing his heart and sating his body. Watching Sparkle struggle to catch his breath, Simon also gave in to his desire and was carried away on a wave of pleasure.
“I don’t feel quite so old now,” Simon admitted, rolling over and pulling Sparkle’s body close to his.
Sparkle shifted, laying his head-on Simon’s broad chest, and sighed.
“You know, we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble if we did this earlier.”
“My mistake.” Simon smiled happily.
“You think you’re getting off that easy?”
“I’m not?”
“No sir!”
“Then what?”
Sparkle smiled so sweetly that it frightened Simon. “You have several weeks of good loving you need to make up for.”
*fin*
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