by Obert Skye
“The dressing is in the small bottles near your plates,” Beatrice informed us. “It’s a fig-and-lavender syrup.”
My head was getting light.
“I find a good salad makes me feel right with the world. The bunnies we all love so well know how to eat properly. This dish is inspired by them. Tell me, Zeke, what did you eat while in your bunny condition?”
Zeke was poking at his salad with his fork, looking almost as disappointed as me.
“We ate a lot of purple carrots,” he answered. “But they tasted like pizza and chips.”
“Well, I believe you’ll find this salad to be equally delicious. The field greens are so fresh you can still taste the dirt on them.”
My will to live began to shrivel.
I looked at my friends and was shocked to see that Juliet and Rain were actually eating their salads. They didn’t look happy about it, but they were being polite and putting forkfuls of green in their mouths. Zeke also took a bite of his. I refused to give in, so I moved the grassy food around on my plate to make it look like I had eaten some.
“Tell me, Perry.” Beatrice acted like polite society, but she was talking with her mouth full and bubbling. “How did you ever come to find an antidote for your uncle’s bunny condition?”
“It was an accident, really.”
“How interesting.” A small fleck of lettuce flew out of her mouth and landed on the other end of the table. “It’s amazing how accidents can save the day. Of course, in my day children didn’t go about saving the world. They kept to themselves and let the adults worry about such matters.”
I was confused. “So I shouldn’t have saved my uncle? Someone had to do it.”
“And someone did,” she said, followed by a long sniff. “Of course, we have a police force on the island. My nephew, Rolly, is the sheriff. I’m sure he had things well in hand.”
“I don’t think he did,” I told her.
Zeke looked at me as if I was being rude.
Lady Beatrice wiped her pale face with a napkin. “You’re an outsider, Perry,” she said in the most patronizing way she could. “You don’t understand that we locals have certain ways to handle things. Your friends are locals. They understand. You’re just lucky that all’s well that ends well. You saved the day, and we will be grateful.”
It didn’t sound like she was grateful, but I was happy to have the conversation end.
“Now”—Lady Beatrice clapped—“the meal continues.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
HARENAPPED
Beatrice rang the bell again and the servants returned. They mercifully took our salad plates and then vanished into the kitchen.
“A small bit of green salad helps with digestion.” Beatrice bubbled. “It also prepares the palate for the main course. You should all take a moment to wipe your faces.”
There was nothing on any of our faces, but we all picked up our napkins and took a good swipe. I was relieved that the first part of dinner was over, but worried about what was coming next.
“Before the main course comes out, I thought I should tell you both something,” Beatrice said.
“Both?” I asked, knowing that she had four guests.
“Juliet and Rain can listen, but I think this will mean more to you and your uncle than to them. You see, I’ve done a little research. You’re sort of famous here, Perry. You found the antidote. Because of that I want to know all about you.”
“What sort of research have you done?” Zeke asked, sounding confused.
“I like to know who’s coming to dinner. For example, I didn’t know that you and Rain’s mom, Flower, were seeing each other.”
“We’re trying to keep that a secret,” Zeke said.
“Whoops, the secret’s out. Also, I was fascinated to learn that Perry brought junk food here when he first came. According to island law, that’s illegal.”
“That junk food helped save us all,” I reminded her.
“Don’t worry. Please keep calm. I’m not going to turn Perry in. I just wanted you to know that I know how to find things out.”
“I thought this was a friendly visit.” Zeke seemed upset.
“Oh, it is friendly,” Lady Beatrice insisted. “It’s just that I take the activity of this island very seriously. When my husband and I first brought bunnies here, it was with the desire to make it a haven of sorts. A place where they would be free to hop and live. Now Perry has saved us all, and I need to make sure he’s the kind of person I want representing our island.”
“I’m not representing anything,” I insisted. “I just wanted to save my uncle from being a rabbit forever.”
“How sweet. Let’s not talk about this any longer.”
She stared at me and then rang the bell again.
The doors opened and once more the servants were coming in with trays. They set them on the table and then divvied them out to all of us. Our plates were covered with silver domes again. I left mine covered until Beatrice gave us permission to remove the lid. I pulled off the cover, and there sitting in front of me was a sight worse than salad. It was gray and charred and it reminded me of . . .
“Wait . . .” I pushed myself away from the table. “What is this?”
Beatrice smiled. “Why, it’s squid, of course.”
I didn’t want to scream, but I did. It was a long, loud, terrifying yelp. Lady Whoever said she had done her research. Now here she had slaughtered some squids and placed them on our plates. It had to mean something. She was working with newts, or she was part of some evil plan to put an end to squids everywhere.
“What’s the matter, Perry?” she asked. “Squid is quite the delicacy. Once you taste it, you’ll be hooked.”
I stood up and dropped my napkin on my plate. I wanted to cover the poor squid who had given its life to help Beatrice make her sick, twisted point.
“This isn’t right,” I said. “We should go.”
“Why?” Beatrice asked. “Is the squid not cooked to your liking?”
Zeke looked at me and then motioned for me to sit down. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t as outraged as I was. There was a dead squid on my plate, and someone needed to pay for it. Lady Butt Face must have found out that we were fans of Admiral Uli and then found one of his compadres to fry up.
There was no way I was going to eat it. I thought it might be a good idea to point at Beatrice and call her evil, but my thoughts were interrupted by the stained glass window breaking due to a giant whirling cyclone of fur that broke through it and tore into the room. Amid the whirling and spinning, I could see that it was a gigantic bunny that swooped in.
Our hostess screamed, and I flew back into my chair and onto my butt.
The beast lifted Beatrice up and wrapped its arms around her. As it was grabbing her, I could see that it was a massive brown rabbit with ears the size of ironing boards and a body as large as a car. It had red eyes and a collar of some sort around its neck. The animal screeched and whipped its whiskers around, cutting me on the right cheek and Juliet above her left eye.
“Help!” Beatrice screamed.
Bouncer and the other servants came running into the dining room. One of the servants fainted when she saw the rabbit. Another began to pray. Bouncer picked up a broom and began swinging at the monster. I grabbed my fork and tried to stab it.
But the massive rabbit threw Beatrice over its shoulder and then it bounded back out of the broken window and into the trees outside.
“Stop that beast!” Bouncer screamed.
Zeke ran to the window and climbed outside, but it was too late. The massive bunny and Lady Beatrice were long gone.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SAVED BY THE TAIL
Juliet, Rain, and I caught up to my uncle, who had run out the shattered window.
“Do you think that’s the same rabbit that tore down those trees earlier?”
“I hope so,” Zeke replied. “Because I don’t want to think about what it means if there’s more than one.”
<
br /> “Should we chase after it?” Rain asked.
“It’s just a giant bunny,” Juliet pointed out. “A giant bunny that picked up a full-grown woman and carried her off.”
I looked at all of them. “I feel bad, but she did serve us squid.”
“It doesn’t matter if she served us squid or if she stole anything in the past and fired me when I caught her, we have to help her,” Zeke insisted. “To the Squidmobile!”
“I’m just happy I don’t have to eat any more of her food.”
Everyone stared at me.
“And sad that she was harenapped,” I added.
We ran as fast as we could to the Squidmobile and hopped in like we were part of an action movie. But instead of tearing off, Zeke fumbled around, looking for something on the floor.
“Where are the keys?” he asked. “I know I left them in the ignition,” he said.
“Maybe Bouncer knows where they are,” I suggested. “Or maybe they have a car we can use.”
“Good thinking,” Zeke said. “Well, not good thinking, but adequate thinking.”
Zeke jumped out of the Squidmobile and ran back up the steps and into the house while Rain, Juliet, and I waited in the cart.
“How come whenever you come here, things get nuts?” Rain said. “It was so nice and peaceful while you were gone.”
“That’s true,” Juliet said. “You’re here one afternoon and stuff is already crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re back, but just once, I’d like it to be for a normal visit.”
“You and me both,” I said. “Normal would be nice.”
“You two are way past normal,” Rain said. “Even small things get big and weird with you around.”
“Like that rabbit. It was huge,” Juliet said. “Way bigger than anything I’ve seen before.”
“And it just picked her up,” Rain said sounding a little impressed.
“I know,” I said. “I was wishing she would go away, but I didn’t mean like that.”
Zeke ran back then, huffing like he’d been sprinting the whole way.
“Bouncer is inside mumbling and not making any sense. But one of the cooks said that the large bunny had been spotted earlier in the week out by the swimming pool.”
“Why didn’t they tell anyone?” I asked.
“Beatrice was afraid someone would hunt it. They think it lives somewhere in the sanctuary.”
Juliet’s face scrunched up. “If they thought there was a giant rabbit out there, then why did they have us visit the place?”
Zeke looked at me. “Perry, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Someone should invent hand shoes?” I answered honestly.
“No.” Zeke shook his head. “I think we should pay another visit to Furassic Park.”
Juliet shivered as Rain pretended not to. Me? I put aside thoughts of hand shoes and tried to look half as brave as my uncle.
Before we could turn to walk toward the tram, we were stopped in our tracks by Bouncer. He was holding a large machete and squinting at us.
“Not so fast,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. Lady Beatrice is missing, and it looks like you’re to blame.”
“What are you talking about?” Zeke asked. “That makes no sense.”
“It is the only explanation I can think of.” Bouncer continued to hold the enormous knife. “So I have summoned the law. The police are on the way.”
I was going to say something, but my words were halted by the faint sound of an approaching police siren.
CHAPTER NINE
FRAME GAME
I don’t know how the police had gotten to Lady Beatrice’s so fast. It had only been a few minutes since the ladynapping, and already there was a cop coming straight toward the house. The only way anyone could have arrived so soon was if they had been driving in the jungle nearby when Bouncer called.
Bouncer held the machete like it was his duty and insisted we not move. The cop golf cart had red and blue lights on it and was painted blue. At the wheel was Sheriff Rolly, Lady Beatrice’s nephew. He pulled up to the house and got out of his vehicle.
“What’s going on?” Rolly asked. “I should be helping set up for Carrot Con right now. This better be important!”
“Lady Beatrice is gone,” Bouncer said.
Rolly looked bothered. “That’s what you said on the phone.”
“A rabbit took her.”
Rolly laughed.
“It’s true,” I said. “A huge rabbit. Probably the same one that tore up those trees earlier. And now this man is waving a knife at us.”
“The reason I am holding them at knifepoint is because I know Zeke had something to do with what happened,” Bouncer announced.
“What?” Zeke said as all of us stared at him.
“You came for dinner and now she’s gone. Lady Beatrice told me before you arrived that if anything odd happened, make sure they investigate you.”
“Why did she say that?” Rolly asked.
“Because of their past. Plus, just months ago Zeke was a rabbit. Now a giant one takes her away. There must be a connection.”
“That’s a bunch of crab!” I argued. “We had nothing to do with it.”
“That’s true,” Bouncer agreed. “You are children and therefore unable to plot or pull off such a terrifying act.”
“Wait a second!” Rain protested. “I could think that up if I had a massive bunny.”
“Excuse me,” Bouncer said. “The adults are talking.”
“I’m fourteen!” Rain argued.
Zeke spoke. “Listen, Rolly. You know me, and I’m telling you I had nothing to do with her being taken away. What we need to be doing is going to find her.”
“You should probably read this before you do anything.” Bouncer handed Rolly a folded piece of white paper.
The sheriff unfolded the paper and read it. When he was finished, he looked at Zeke and walked right up to him.
“Turn around,” Rolly said.
“What?”
“Turn around.”
Zeke turned around.
“What’s that in your back pocket?” Rolly asked.
My uncle Zeke reached back and pulled out a thin pink wallet from his back pocket. Zeke looked as surprised to see it as the rest of us.
“I have no idea where this came from,” Zeke said.
“Right.” Rolly looked defeated. “Well, this letter is from my aunt. And it says that you stole her wallet and were the mastermind behind her being bothered by the bunny.”
“That’s a lie!” I yelled. “She’s setting my uncle up.”
“Remember, we’ve had disagreements with Zeke before,” Bouncer said. “Now do as your aunt instructed and place Zeke under arrest.”
Rolly looked at Zeke. He then looked at Bouncer and sighed. “Sorry, Zeke, but you need to come with me to town. Most of my officers are helping to set up Carrot Con, but I’ll radio for some of them to get out here to find my aunt.”
“I can’t believe this.” Zeke was baffled.
“You’re arresting us?” I questioned angrily.
“Not you,” Bouncer explained. “You’re just kids.”
Bouncer was the worst. He reminded me of a sponge named Phil Up from Ocean Blasterzoids. Phil was always talking down to young urchins and baby shrimp.
“I’m not arresting anyone,” Rolly said. “I’m going to detain Zeke until I figure out what’s going on. Come on, Zeke.”
Rolly motioned for my uncle to get into his cop cart. I thought Zeke might try to argue or put up a fight, but he climbed on board without resisting.
“What should we do?” I yelled.
“Find the keys! Take the Squidmobile home! They can’t hold me for long. In the meantime, remember Uli,” he yelled back. “Issue #3!”
Zeke and Rolly sped away.
Bouncer looked down at us.
“Whatever you children do,” Bouncer said, “you should do it somewhere else. There will be grown-ups coming to h
elp Lady Beatrice. You being here is only going to complicate things.”
I stared at Bouncer. “Did some kids pick on you once? Because you really seem to have it out for us.”
Bouncer reached out with his left hand and gave me the keys to the Squidmobile.
My face grew hot and red like the top of a boiled crab. “You had them?”
“I didn’t want anyone taking your cart.”
“Or you didn’t want us to leave before the police got here,” Juliet said with some fire in her words.
“Something like that.” Bouncer walked off.
My friends and I hopped into the Squidmobile.
“What are we going to do?” Juliet asked.
“Something,” I answered.
Rain frowned. “Sounds like a solid plan.”
It wasn’t, but I knew before any plan was made I needed to get to my uncle’s house and take a look at Issue #3.
CHAPTER TEN
HOP COPS
When we got back to my uncle’s house, Rain ran to the fridge, Juliet ran to the phone down the street to call her mom, and I ran to my uncle’s bedroom and opened the large wooden trunk where he kept all of his Ocean Blasterzoids comics. Okay, I did check my hair also to make sure it was still just the way it should be.
The comics in the trunk were carefully organized, and I quickly found number three. I pulled it out and flopped onto my uncle’s bed to flip through it.
The issue was called “To Eel and Back,” and I was pretty familiar with it. In the story Admiral Uli had to visit Slither, which was a city filled with shifty eels. Someone in Slither had stolen the ocean-famous Ink Diamond.
Juliet was back from her phone call.
“Do you know why Issue #3 is important yet?” she asked.
“Not yet. I don’t think there are any ink diamonds involved with Lady Beatrice getting snatched, but . . . here it is.”