by E. L. Todd
“My father could still change his mind. It’s not too late. Although, since it’s been so many years, I don’t think he ever will.”
The pain on his face wounded her heart. “I’m so sorry, Fernan.”
“I know you are, darling.” He kissed her hand again. “Tell me something personal about you.”
Abby thought for a moment. “I’m not close with my mom. Not my dad, either.”
“Why?” he asked.
“She’s just…difficult.”
Fernan stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.
“She’s a drunk. That pretty much sums it up. She cared more about her booze and cigarettes than raising her two daughters. When we were finally old enough to leave the house, my mother tried to pull us back by making us doubt our ability and intelligence. I know some of the words got to Alexandra. It explains her lack of confidence.”
“So, she tried to hold you back so she wouldn’t be alone?”
“Essentially.”
“It seems like you and your sister did very well without her.”
She nodded. “I always tease my sister, but I’m very proud of everything she’s accomplished. She’s in medical school and my mom has no idea.”
“Does she know she’s engaged?”
“No.” She sighed. “And I have to go with her to break the news.”
Fernan stared at the anxiety on her face. “I could go with you, if you’d like.”
She smiled. “As what?”
“Whatever you want me to be,” he said immediately.
“I wouldn’t put you through that…”
“What are friends for?” he asked. He held her gaze for a long moment before the waiter placed their dishes on the table. Fernan dug into his food while Abby stared at him. When she was with him, she always felt something for him. But it just confused her even more. When she was with Toby, she felt the same way.
“Fernan?”
“Yes?”
“Sometimes I feel like there’s something here.”
He stopped eating and stared at her. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know…I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“I think you do.”
“When I’m with you, sometimes I feel like I could be in a relationship again.”
His eyes widened. There were subtle changes in his body and his frame, but nothing overtly. “Because you could.”
“But I feel the same way about Toby.”
“Which you shouldn’t,” he said immediately. “I know I’m the better man. I’m more mature than he is. And I understand what your needs are.”
“But you don’t even know him.”
“I don’t need to.” He finished his plate then pushed it away. “What’s holding you back, Abby?”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you love me.” He looked her straight in the eye, not showing any signs of looking away.
“What…?”
“Think about it. Every time you’re with me, it’s right. You can open up to me, be vulnerable with me. You wouldn’t have invited me to spend time with your family if I didn’t mean something substantial. So, I’ll ask again. What’s stopping you?”
“I—it’s complicated.”
“I can keep up.”
“I haven’t healed from my past. And until I move forward, I can’t love someone else. At least not in the way I should.”
“But you already do, Abby. If you want to be with me, be with me. We can take the relationship slow, if that’s what you want.”
Toby kept popping into her mind. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Fernan backed off. “Okay.”
She finished her wine then stared at the wall, unable to look at him. She never felt more confused in her life. There was only one person she could talk to about all of this. And she was in the US.
Chapter Six
“I had a great time,” Abby said when they stood on the curb.
“I did too, darling.”
She pressed her face close to his and breathed his scent. “And I can’t believe I got paid for it.”
“You’re kinda a prostitute,” he said with a smile.
She laughed. “You could say that.”
He kissed her forehead. “Would you judge me if I said I didn’t want to say goodbye.”
“No. I feel the same way…”
“Sleep with me tonight. I love waking up next to you.”
“Because you have to have it every morning,” she said as she rolled her eyes.
His cheeks blushed. “I am a morning person.”
“I have something I need to take care of.” She rested her head against his chest. “But maybe after that.”
He held her close. “You know where to find me.” He got into his limo and drove away.
After she carried her luggage to her apartment, she left for her sister’s place. It was past dinnertime, so she assumed both of them would be home.
Alexandra answered the door with a smile. “What did you bring me?”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Hello to you too.”
“Seriously, what did you bring me?”
She held up the bag. “Sweaters and key chains.”
Alexandra snatched the bag. “I accept your offering.”
“So I can come in?” she asked.
“I guess.”
Abby sat at the kitchen table. “What’s new?”
“Blaise and I are just planning the wedding.” She sat across from her sister.
“Actually, she’s planning everything.” Blaise sat on the couch, watching a baseball game. “I just nod when I’m supposed to.”
Alexandra shook her head. “If I wanted to have a gorilla at the wedding, he wouldn’t care.”
“He sounds like a typical guy.”
“He is a typical guy,” she said with a laugh. “So what’s up?”
Abby sighed. “I need help…”
“Are you pregnant?” Alexandra blurted.
“Fuck you, Alex.” She shook her head.
“So you aren’t?”
“Do I look pregnant?” she asked incredulously.
“Do you really want me to answer that?”
Abby glared at her. “Give me back those souvenirs.”
Alexandra shoved them under her chair. “Nope.”
“I have a problem,” Abby said. “I’m being serious.”
“Okay,” Alexandra said. “Spill it.”
“I don’t know what to do about my love triangle.”
“What do you mean?” Alexandra asked.
“Is it possible to be in love with two different people at the same time?”
Alexandra glanced at Blaise on the couch. His eyes were glued to the screen. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “Are you in love with Fernan and Toby?”
“I think I might be…”
“So you don’t know who to pick?”
She shook her head.
“Well, I can’t make this decision for you.”
“It doesn’t matter even if I knew who I wanted. I just don’t want a relationship right now. I couldn’t handle one.”
“Abby, you need to move on.”
“I agree,” she snapped. “But you can’t force it.”
“Are you trying to put yourself back together on your own?” Alexandra asked. “Because you’ve done a shitty job so far.”
“Thanks for being so sensitive about it…”
Alexandra sighed. “What do you want me to say? Toby is a great guy, and I miss seeing him. But Fernan is the one, Abby. It’s always been him.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I can just tell. He reminds me of you so much, but in a good way. He has the qualities you lack, but the same heart you possess. And he makes you really happy, Abby. How many men can you work with and still want to see afterward?”
She immediately thought of Toby. They banged heads like rams on a mountain, fighting for mates. Even when they overcame their differences, their bi
ckering was still present. The relationship was completely different from the one she had with Fernan. It was unsteady, emotional, and trying. “You’re right…”
“I know I am. Pick Fernan.” She hit her hand on the table. “I love him and Blaise loves him.”
‘Well, that isn’t fair,” Abby said.
“What?”
“Of course he’ll never like Toby. It’s Paul’s brother.”
“That’s another good point I should have mentioned. Could you have a serious relationship with Paul’s brother? I mean, you would be Paul’s in-law. And by extension, he would be mine. It’s not a good idea. It would never go anywhere…”
“That’s really selfish,” she snapped. “If I love him, I’m going to be with him.”
Alexandra glared at her. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just saying it would be complicated. You would have to avoid having Paul and I in the same room all the time. It would pull us apart no matter what.”
Abby couldn’t deny her point.
“And that might not be a big deal to most siblings, but since we’re so close, it’s a problem for us. And you’re the only family I have left…”
Abby nodded.
“I would never let you slip away, but the relationship will change. Just take that into consideration. Just seeing Paul the other day was extremely awkward and we’ve been broken up for months.”
“What?” Blaise turned to her. “When did you see him?”
Alexandra sighed. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Alexandra.” His voice carried his authority.
“I saw him with Abby. They were having breakfast.”
“And what else?” His anger was unmistakable.
“Nothing,” she snapped. “I would have told you.”
“You didn’t mention seeing him.” He openly glared at her.
“We’ll talk about this later.”
“You bet your ass we will.” He turned back to the TV, still pissed.
“I apologize,” Alexandra whispered.
“It’s okay,” Abby said.
“But my point is still valid. Fernan wins in every category. You have the same passion, the same personality, the same beliefs, and he’s successful, charming, sweet, and gorgeous.”
“Ah-hem.” Blaise cleared his throat.
Alexandra turned to him. “I’m just saying…” She rolled her eyes. “And isn’t he amazing in bed?”
“He’s pretty damn good.”
“There’s your husband,” she said. “He’s right in front of your face. What does Toby have? He works for a firm that was given to him, he’s Paul’s brother so that ruins our relationships, he’s argumentative, has no understanding of art, he’s a playboy, and he’ll never be close with me and Blaise—ever.”
Abby sighed. ‘You’re right…”
“I’m sorry I had to be so blunt about it.”
Abby felt the depression sink in. “At least I solved my problem.”
“Then why are you so depressed?”
“I don’t know…”
“What are you going to do?”
“I think I’m going to end it with both of them.”
“Wait. What?”
“And start over with Fernan, take it slow. Hopefully, that gives me enough space to work through my own issues.”
“Fernan is patient. And he’s totally in love with you. He’ll wait for you.”
“I know he will.”
“But I have a feeling Toby will just be pissed.”
Abby didn’t want to think about the conversation. “You’re right.” She grabbed her purse and rose from the kitchen. “Thanks for the talk, sis.”
“Anytime,” she said. “And we’re seeing Mom and Dad soon. You’re coming, right?”
“Of course.”
Alexandra breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“I wouldn’t let you suffer alone. And I don’t want them to drive Blaise away.”
“Alexandra can do that herself if she keeps running into Paul,” he yelled.
Alexandra walked her to the door. “Well, I’m going to be fighting with my fiancé all night. I hope your night goes better.”
“At least you’ll have good make up sex.”
“Good point.” She winked.
Abby left her apartment then walked to Fernan’s. She didn’t call him because she didn’t feel like talking. And he said she was welcome to come over whenever she wanted. When she knocked on the door, he took a while to answer it.
“Abby?” he asked. He was shirtless and sweaty.
“Is this a bad time?”
“No,” he said quickly. “I was just working out. After all that food we ate this week, I needed to hit the weights.”
She stared at the sweat on his chest and realized this conversation was going to be harder than she thought. She imagined licking away the drops.
“Abby?”
“Huh?”
“Come in.”
She stepped through the door and put down her purse.
“I’m glad you changed your mind.” He stepped closer to her but didn’t touch her. She assumed it was because all the sweat.
“Actually, we need to talk…”
He sighed. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
She moved to the couch and sat down.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I’ve been thinking…”
“Yeah?”
“I think I’m in love with you.”
An explosion appeared behind his eyes. His breathing increased slightly, and his muscles automatically tensed. He took a deep breath and released it. “But?”
She was surprised he read her thoughts that well. “I don’t think I’m ready to be…that serious.”
“I know,” he said gently. “I said I was okay with that.”
“But, I’m in love with Toby too.”
The same explosion happened behind his eyes, but in a different way. “Are you sure? It might just be lust.”
“No, I think it’s real.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Fernan, do you feel the same way?”
He ran his fingers through his hair then rested his hand on his knee. “You already know the answer to that, Abby.” After a long pause, he looked at her. “I loved you before I even asked you out. When I hired you, I knew. And I knew you loved me too. You just didn’t know it at the time.”
“Fernan…”
“What?”
“You’re so…sweet.”
“Trust me, I’m not that way to just anybody. You’re different, special to me.” He grabbed her hand.
“You’re special to me too.”
“Then pick me,” he said firmly. “And don’t make me suffer anymore.”
“Suffer?” The word shattered her heart.
“I can’t think of a better word.” His face was stoic but his eyes burned in pain.
“After talking about it with my sister, I realized I don’t have a future with Toby. Since he’s my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s brother, nothing could ever really happen. And we fight…a lot.”
“I noticed.”
“He’s just not the right person for me.”
“Then why do you love him?”
“I—I have no idea.”
He squeezed her hand. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
“Yes…and no.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“I can’t keep going back and forth between you. I just feel too guilty. So, I’m going to end it with Toby. But I’m also ending it with you.”
“I’m not following…”
“I want to start over. Take it slow. I still have a lot of issues to work out on my own.”
He smiled. “I can work with that.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you.”
He cupped her face and kissed her. “It was worth it.”
Feeling him close to her burned her skin. “I don’t want to have sex anymore.”
&nbs
p; “It seems like you do.”
“But I can’t.”
“I understand.” He kissed her forehead. “Take all the time you need. I’m always here to help you in whatever way I can. If you need an ear, you can talk mine off.”
“I know.”
“Let me know when you’re ready to be together. I’ll wait forever for you.”
“I don’t know how long it will be, Fernan. If you find someone else, you should be with them.”
He shook his head. “For me, there is no one else but you.”
Her eyes softened. “Fernan…”
“I love you, Abigail.”
She stilled when she heard her full name. “And I love you, Fernan.”
Chapter Seven
Abby sat at the table and waited for Toby to walk in. The bar was crowded. There were lots of conversations, loud noises, and blaring music. She figured it was the best place to have the conversation.
He walked in then darted to her. His hands cupped her cheeks and kissed her hard, taking her breath away. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, she moaned involuntarily.
Toby pulled away. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“Yeah.” She waited for him to ask her about her trip but he never did. “How are you?”
He shrugged. “Better now that you’re back. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“Why are we here?” he asked. “Let’s go back to my place.”
She knew that was a disastrous idea. “Let’s have a drink first.”
“I’d rather pour a drink on you and lick it off.”
Her spine shivered at his words. She wished he didn’t have that affect on her. “I wanted to talk to you about something first.”
He eyed her, studying every line of her face. His look lingered on her eyes, examining her. “No.”
“What?” she said. “What do you mean no?”
“Make love to me first. Then we’ll have this conversation.”
“No,” she said. “Your horniness isn’t my problem.”
“I’m not horny,” he said. “Fernan got his airtime. I should get mine before you say whatever bullshit you’re going to say.”
“Bullshit?”
“Yes. Most of the words that come out of your mouth are.”
“Fuck you, Toby.”
“Then let’s go back to my place.”
She glared at him. “No, we’re having this conversation.”
He stood up and stepped away from the table. “I’ll be at my apartment if you need me.”