Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald UK (Illustrated)

by F. Scott Fitzgerald

  “I gather from your tone that someone is going to have to pay for it,” he said.

  “I hope so,” she answered rather grimly. She felt tears rise in her eyes. Everything was wrong. Everything seemed to be fixed against her.

  “Please let me come up there on the settee,” she asked suddenly.

  There was a creak as it stopped swinging.

  “Please don’t. I hate to ask you, but really I’ll have to go if you do. Let’s talk about--Do you like horses?”

  She got up swiftly, mounted the steps and walked toward the corner where he sat.

  “No,” she said, “I think that what I’d like would be to be liked by you.”

  In the light of the moon just lifting over the woods his face was positively haggard. He jumped to his feet; then his hands were on her arms and he was drawing her slowly toward him.

  “You simply want to be kissed,” he was saying through scarcely opened lips. “I knew it the first time I saw that mouth of yours--that perfectly selfish, self-sufficient look that--”

  Suddenly he dropped his arms and stepped away from her with a gesture of horror.

  “Don’t stop!” she cried. “Do anything, tell me anything, even if it isn’t complimentary. I don’t care.”

  But he had vaulted swiftly over the railing and, with his hands clasping the back of his head, was walking across the lawn. In a minute she overtook him and stood beseechingly in his path, her small bosom rising and falling.

  “Why do you suppose I’m here?” he demanded suddenly. “Do you think I’m alone?”

  “What--”

  “My wife is with me.”

  Josephine shivered.

  “Oh--oh--then why doesn’t anybody know?”

  “Because my wife is--my wife is colored.”

  If it had not been so dark Josephine would have seen that for an instant he was laughing silently and uncontrollably.

  “Oh,” she repeated.

  “I didn’t know,” he continued.

  In spite of a subconscious scepticism, an uncanny feeling stole over Josephine.

  “What dealings could I have with a girl like you?”

  She began to weep softly.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. If I could only help you.”

  “You can’t help me.” He turned gruffly away.

  “You want me to go.”

  He nodded.

  “All right. I’ll go.”

  Still sobbing, she half walked, half backed away from him, intimidated now, yet still hoping he would call to her. When she saw him for the last time from the gate, he was standing where she had left him, his fine thin face clear and handsome in the suddenly streaming light of an emergent moon.

  She had gone a quarter of a mile down the road when she became conscious of running footsteps behind her. Before she could do more than start and turn anxiously, a figure sprang out at her. It was her cousin, Dick.

  “Oh!” she cried. “You frightened me!”

  “I followed you here. You had no business going out at night like this.”

  “What a sneaky thing!” she said contemptuously.

  They walked along side by side.

  “I heard you with that fellow. You had a crush on him, didn’t you?”

  “Will you be quiet! What does a horrible little pill like you know about anything?”

  “I know a lot,” said Dick glumly. “I know there’s too much of that sort of thing at Lake Forest.”

  She scorned to answer; they reached her aunt’s gate in silence.

  “I tell you one thing,” he said uncertainly. “I’ll bet you wouldn’t want your mother to know about this.”

  “You mean you’re going to my mother?”

  “Just hold your horses. I was going to say I wouldn’t say anything about it--”

  “I should hope not.”

  “--on one condition.”

  “Well?”

  “The condition is--” He fidgeted uncomfortably. “You told me once that a lot of girls at Lake Forest had kissed boys and never thought anything about it.”

  “Yes.” Suddenly she guessed what was coming, and an astonished laugh rose to her lips.

  “Well, will you, then--kiss me?”

  A vision of her mother arose--of a return to Lake Forest in chains. Deciding quickly, she bent toward him. Less than a minute later she was in her room, almost hysterical with tears and laughter. That, then, was the kiss with which destiny had seen fit to crown the summer.

  V

  Josephine’s sensational return to Lake Forest that August marked a revision of opinion about her; it can be compared to the moment when the robber bandit evolved through sheer power into the feudal seignior.

  To the three months of nervous energy conserved since Easter beneath the uniform of her school were added six weeks of resentment--added, that is, as the match might be said to be added to the powder. For Josephine exploded with an audible, visible bang; for weeks thereafter pieces of her were gathered up from Lake Forest’s immaculate lawns.

  It began quietly; it began with the long-awaited house party, on the first evening of which she was placed next to the unfaithful Ridgeway Saunders at dinner.

  “I certainly felt pretty badly when you threw me over,” Josephine said indifferently--to rid him of any lingering idea that he had thrown her over. Once she had chilled him into wondering if, after all, he had come off best in the affair, she turned to the man on the other side. By the time the salad was served, Ridgeway was explaining himself to her. And his girl from the East, Miss Ticknor, was becoming increasingly aware of what an obnoxious person Josephine Perry was. She made the mistake of saying so to Ridgeway. Josephine made no such mistake; toward the end of dinner she merely asked him the innocent question as to who was his friend with the high button shoes.

  By ten o’clock Josephine and Ridgeway were out in somebody’s car--far out where the colony becomes a prairie. As minute by minute she grew wearier of his softness, his anguish increased. She let him kiss her, just to be sure; and it was a desperate young man who returned to his host’s that night.

  All next day his eyes followed her about miserably; Miss Ticknor was unexpectedly called East the following afternoon. This was pathetic, but certainly someone had to pay for Josephine’s summer. That score settled, she returned her attention to her sister’s wedding.

  Immediately on her return she had demanded a trousseau in keeping with the splendor of a maid of honor, and under cover of the family rush had so managed to equip herself as to add a charming year to her age. Doubtless this contributed to the change of attitude toward her, for though her emotional maturity, cropping out of a schoolgirl dress, had seemed not quite proper, in more sophisticated clothes she was an incontestable little beauty; and as such she was accepted by at least the male half of the wedding party.

  Constance was openly hostile. On the morning of the wedding itself, she unburdened herself to her mother.

  “I do hope you’ll take her in hand after I’m gone, mother. It’s really unendurable the way she’s behaving. None of the bridesmaids have had a good time.”

  “Let’s not worry,” Mrs. Perry urged. “After all, she’s had a very quiet summer.”

  “I’m not worrying about her,” said Constance indignantly.

  The wedding party were lunching at the club, and Josephine found herself next to a jovial usher who had arrived inebriated and remained in that condition ever since. However, it was early enough in the day for him to be coherent.

  “The belle of Chicago, the golden girl of the golden West. Oh, why didn’t I come out here this summer?”

  “I wasn’t here. I was up in a place called Island Farms.”

  “Ah!” he exclaimed. “Ah-ha! That accounts for a lot of things--that accounts for the sudden pilgrimage of Sonny Dorrance.”

  “Of who?”

  “The famous Sonny Dorrance, the shame of Harvard, but the maiden’s prayer. Now don’t tell me you didn’t exchange a few warm glances with Sonny Dorran
ce.”

  “But isn’t he,” she demanded faintly--”isn’t he supposed to be--married?”

  He roared with laughter.

  “Married--sure, married to a mulatto! You didn’t fall for that old line. He always pulls it when he’s reacting from some violent affair--that’s to protect himself while he recovers. You see, his whole life has been cursed by that fatal beauty.”

  In a few minutes she had the story. Apart from everything else, Sonny Dorrance was fabulously rich--women had pursued him since he was fifteen--married women, débutantes, chorus girls. It was legendary.

  There actually had been plots to entangle him into marriage, to entangle him into anything. There was the girl who tried to kill herself, there was the one who tried to kill him. Then, this spring, there was the annulled marriage business that had cost him an election to Porcellian at Harvard, and was rumored to have cost his father fifty thousand dollars.

  “And now,” Josephine asked tensely, “you say he doesn’t like women?”

  “Sonny? I tell you he’s the most susceptible man in America. This last thing shook him, and so he keeps off admirers by telling them anything. But by this time next month he’ll be involved again.”

  As he talked, the dining room faded out like a scene in a moving picture, and Josephine was back at Island Farms, staring out the window, as a young man appeared between the pine trees.

  “He was afraid of me,” she thought to herself, her heart tapping like a machine gun. “He thought I was like the others.”

  Half an hour later she interrupted her mother in the midst of the wedding’s last and most violent confusion.

  “Mother, I want to go back to Island Farms for the rest of the summer,” she said at once.

  Mrs. Perry looked at her in a daze, and Josephine repeated her statement.

  “Why, in less than a month you’ll be starting back to school.”

  “I want to go anyhow.”

  “I simply can’t understand you. In the first place, you haven’t been invited, and in the second place, I think a little gayety is good for you before you go back to school, and in the third place, I want you here with me.”

  “Mother,” Josephine wailed, “don’t you understand? I want to go! You take me up there all summer when I don’t want to go, and just when I do want to, you make me stay in this ghastly place. Let me tell you this isn’t any place for a sixteen-year-old girl, if you knew everything.”

  “What nonsense to be bothering me with just at this time!”

  Josephine threw up her hands in despair; the tears were streaming down her cheeks.

  “It’s ruining me here!” she cried. “Nobody thinks of anything but boys and dances from morning till night. They go out in their cars and kiss them from morning till night.”

  “Well, I know my little girl doesn’t do anything like that.”

  Josephine hesitated, taken a little aback.

  “Well, I will,” she announced. “I’m weak. You told me I was. I always do what anybody tells me to do, and all these boys are just simply immoral, that’s all. The first thing you know I’ll be entirely ruined, and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t let me go to Island Farms. You’ll be sorry--”

  She was working herself into hysteria. Her distracted mother took her by the shoulders and forced her down into a chair.

  “I’ve never heard such silly talk. If you weren’t so old I’d spank you. If you keep this up you’ll be punished.”

  Suddenly dry-eyed, Josephine got up and stalked out of the room. Punished! They had been punishing her all summer, and now they refused to punish her, refused to send her away. Oh, she was tired of trying. If she could think of something really awful to do, so that they would send her away forever--

  Mr. Malcolm Libby, the prospective bridegroom, happened upon her fifteen minutes later, in an obscure corner of the garden. He was pacing restlessly about, steadying himself for the rehearsal at four o’clock and for the ceremony two hours later.

  “Why, hello!” he cried. “Why, what’s the matter? You’ve been crying.”

  He sat down on the bench, full of sympathy for Constance’s little sister.

  “I’m not crying,” she sobbed. “I’m just angry.”

  “About Constance going away? Don’t you think I’ll take good care of her?”

  Leaning over, he patted her hand. If he had seen the look that flashed suddenly across her face it would have alarmed him, for it was curiously like the expression associated with a prominent character in Faust.

  When she spoke, her voice was calm, almost cool, and yet tenderly sad:

  “No, that wasn’t it. It was something else.”

  “Tell me about it. Maybe I can help.”

  “I was crying”--she hesitated delicately--”I was crying because Constance has all the luck.”

  Half an hour later when, with the rehearsal twenty minutes late, the frantic bride-to-be came searching through the garden and happened upon them suddenly, Malcolm Libby’s arm was around Josephine, who seemed dissolved in uncontrollable grief, and on his face was a wildly harassed expression she had never seen there before. Constance gave a little gasping cry and sank down upon the pebbled path.

  The next hour passed in an uproar. There was a doctor; there were shut doors; there was Mr. Malcolm Libby in an agonized condition, the sweat pouring off his brow, explaining to Mrs. Perry over and over that he could explain if he could only see Constance. There was Josephine, tight-lipped, in a room, being talked to coldly by various members of the family. There was the clamor of arriving guests; then frantic last minutes’ patching up of things, with Constance and Malcolm in each other’s arms and Josephine, unforgiven, being bundled into her dress.

  Then a solemn silence fell and, moving to music, the maid of honor, her head demurely bowed, followed her sister up the two aisles of people that crowded the drawing-room. It was a lovely, sad wedding; the two sisters, light and dark, were a lovely contrast; there was as much interest in one as in the other. Josephine had become a great beauty and the prophets were busy; she stood for the radiant future, there at her sister’s side.

  The crush was so great at the reception that not until it was over was Josephine missed. And long before nine o’clock, before Mrs. Perry had time to be uneasy, a note from the station had been handed in at the door:

  My Dearest Mother: Ed Bement brought me here in his car, and I am catching the train to Island Farms at seven. I have wired the housekeeper to meet me, so don’t worry. I feel I have behaved terribly and am ashamed to face anyone, and I am punishing myself as I deserve by going back to the simple life. It is, after all, better for a girl of sixteen, I feel, and when you think it over you will agree. With dearest love.

  Josephine.

  After all, thought Mrs. Perry, perhaps it was just as well. Her husband was really angry, and she herself was exhausted and didn’t feel up to another problem at the moment. Perhaps a nice quiet place was best.

  JOSEPHINE: A WOMAN WITH A PAST

  I

  Driving slowly through New Haven, two of the young girls became alert. Josephine and Lillian darted soft frank glances into strolling groups of three or four undergraduates, into larger groups on corners, which swung about as one man to stare at their receding heads. Believing that they recognized an acquaintance in a solitary loiterer, they waved wildly, whereupon the youth’s mouth fell open, and as they turned the next corner he made a dazed dilatory gesture with his hand. They laughed. ‘We’ll send him a post card when we get back to school tonight, to see if it really was him.’

  Adele Craw, sitting on one of the little seats, kept on talking to Miss Chambers, the chaperon. Glancing sideways at her, Lillian winked at Josephine without batting an eye, but Josephine had gone into a reverie.

  This was New Haven--city of her adolescent dreams, of glittering proms where she would move on air among men as intangible as the tunes they danced to. City sacred as Mecca, shining as Paris, hidden as Timbuktu. Twice a year the life-blood of Ch
icago, her home, flowed into it, and twice a year flowed back, bringing Christmas or bringing summer. Bingo, bingo, bingo, that’s the lingo; love of mine, I pine for one of your glances; the darling boy on the left there; underneath the stars I wait.

  Seeing it for the first time, she found herself surprisingly unmoved--the men they passed seemed young and rather bored with the possibilities of the day, glad of anything to stare at; seemed undynamic and purposeless against the background of bare elms, lakes of dirty snow and buildings crowded together under the February sky. A wisp of hope, a well-turned-out derby-crowned man, hurrying with stick and suitcase towards the station, caught her attention, but his reciprocal glance was too startled, too ingenuous. Josephine wondered at the extent of her own disillusionment.

  She was exactly seventeen and she was blasé. Already she had been a sensation and a scandal; she had driven mature men to a state of disequilibrium; she had, it was said, killed her grandfather, but as he was over eighty at the time perhaps he just died. Here and there in the Middle West were discouraged little spots which upon inspection turned out to be the youths who had once looked full into her green and wistful eyes. But her love affair of last summer had ruined her faith in the all-sufficiency of men. She had grown bored with the waning September days--and it seemed as though it had happened once too often. Christmas with its provocative shortness, its travelling glee clubs, had brought no one new. There remained to her only a persistent, a physical hope; hope in her stomach that there was someone whom she would love more than he loved her.

  They stopped at a sporting-goods store and Adele Craw, a pretty girl with clear honourable eyes and piano legs, purchased the sporting equipment which was the reason for their trip--they were the spring hockey committee for the school. Adele was in addition the president of the senior class and the school’s ideal girl. She had lately seen a change for the better in Josephine Perry--rather as an honest citizen might guilelessly approve a speculator retired on his profits. On the other hand, Adele was simply incomprehensible to Josephine--admirable, without doubt, but a member of another species. Yet with the charming adaptability that she had hitherto reserved for men, Josephine was trying hard not to disillusion her, trying to be honestly interested in the small, neat, organized politics of the school.