Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald UK (Illustrated)
Page 363
“Sir — “ began Cedric, but he was interrupted by the stacatto noise of the huge forward turret pop-guns as the two fleets joined in battle. They could hear the sharp raps of the paddles as the bosuns spanked their crews to make them work faster. Their ears were deafened by the cursing of the pilots as the ships fouled one another. All the hideous sounds of battle rose and assailed them. Cedric rushed to the window and threw it open. He shrank back, aghast. Bearing down upon them, and only ten miles away, was the huge Hoboken, the biggest of all ferry-boats, captured by the enemy from the Erie Railroad in the fall of ‘92. So close she was that Cedric could read her route sign “Bronx West to Toid Avenoo.” The very words struck him numb. On she came, andon, throwing mountains of spray a mile in front of her and several miles to her rear.
“Is she coming fast, boy?” asked the Captain.
“Sir, she’s making every bit of a knot an hour,” answered Cedric, trembling.
The Captain seized him roughly by the shoulders. “We’ll fight to the end,” he said; “even though she is faster than we are. Quick! To the cellars, and stoke, stoke, STOKE!!”
Cedric unable to take his eyes from the terrible sight, ran backwards down the passageway, fell down the elevator shaft, and rushed to the furnace. Madly he carried coal back and forth, from the bin to the furnace door, and then back to the bin. Already the speed of the ship had increased. It tore through the water in twenty-foot jumps. But it was not enough. Cedric worked more madly, and still more madly. At last he had thrown the last lump of coal into the furnace. There was nothing more to be done. He rested his tired body against the glowing side of the furnace.
Again the telephone bell rang. Cedric answered it himself, not wishing to take the exchange girl away from her knitting. It was the Captain.
“We must have more speed,” he shouted: “We must have more speed. Throw on more coal — more coal!”
For a moment Cedric was wrapped in thought, his face twitching with horror. Then he realized his duty, and rushed forward
*****
**
Late that evening, when they were safe in port, the Captain smoking his after-dinner cigar, came down to the stoke-hole. He called for Cedric. There was not a sound. Again he called. Still there was silence. Suddenly the horror of the truth rushed upon him. He tore open the furnace door, and convulsed with sobs, drew forth a Brooks-Livingstone Collar, a half-melted piece of Spearmint gum, and a suit of Yerger asbestos underwear. For a moment he held them in his arms, and then fell howling upon the floor. The truth had turned out to be the truth.
Cedric had turned himself into calories.
F.S.F.
J.B.
The Short Stories
Fitzgerald, 1920
CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF SHORT STORIES
FLAPPERS AND PHILOSOPHERS
THE OFFSHORE PIRATE
THE ICE PALACE
HEAD AND SHOULDERS
THE CUT-GLASS BOWL
BERNICE BOBS HER HAIR
BENEDICTION
DALYRIMPLE GOES WRONG
THE FOUR FISTS
TALES FROM THE JAZZ AGE
MY LAST FLAPPERS
THE JELLY-BEAN.
THE CAMEL’S BACK
MAY DAY
PORCELAIN AND PINK
FANTASIES
THE DIAMOND AS BIG AS THE RITZ
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
TARQUIN OF CHEAPSIDE
“O RUSSET WITCH!”
UNCLASSIFIED MASTERPIECES
THE LEES OF HAPPINESS
MR. ICKY
JEMINA, THE MOUNTAIN GIRL
ALL THE SAD YOUNG MEN
THE RICH BOY
WINTER DREAMS
THE BABY PARTY
ABSOLUTION
RAGS MARTIN-JONES AND THE PR-NCE OF W-LES
THE ADJUSTER
HOT AND COLD BLOOD
“THE SENSIBLE THING”
GRETCHEN’S FORTY WINKS
TAPS AT REVEILLE
THE SCANDAL DETECTIVES
BASIL: THE FRESHEST BOY
HE THINKS HE’S WONDERFUL
THE CAPTURED SHADOW
THE PERFECT LIFE
FIRST BLOOD
A NICE QUIET PLACE
JOSEPHINE: A WOMAN WITH A PAST
CRAZY SUNDAY
TWO WRONGS
THE NIGHT AT CHANCELLORSVILLE
THE LAST OF THE BELLES
MAJESTY
FAMILY IN THE WIND
A SHORT TRIP HOME
ONE INTERNE
THE FIEND
BABYLON REVISITED
THE PAT HOBBY STORIES
PAT HOBBY’S CHRISTMAS WISH
A MAN IN THE WAY
“BOIL SOME WATER--LOTS OF IT”
TEAMED WITH GENIUS
PAT HOBBY AND ORSON WELLES
PAT HOBBY’S SECRET
PAT HOBBY, PUTATIVE FATHER
THE HOMES OF THE STARS
PAT HOBBY DOES HIS BIT
PAT HOBBY’S PREVIEW
NO HARM TRYING
A PATRIOTIC SHORT
ON THE TRAIL OF PAT HOBBY
FUN IN AN ARTIST’S STUDIO
TWO OLD-TIMERS
MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD
PAT HOBBY’S COLLEGE DAYS
MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
A FREEZE-OUT
A NEW LEAF
A NIGHT AT THE FAIR
AFTERNOON OF AN AUTHOR
AN ALCOHOLIC CASE
AT YOUR AGE
BASIL AND CLEOPATRA
THE BRIDAL PARTY
THE BOWL
DESIGN IN PLASTER
DICE, BRASSKNUCKLES & GUITAR
EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY
FINANCING FINNEGAN
FORGING AHEAD
THE HOTEL CHILD
“I DIDN’T GET OVER”
JACOB’S LADDER
THE LOST DECADE
LOVE IN THE NIGHT
MAGNETISM
MORE THAN JUST A HOUSE
NEWS OF PARIS--FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
ONE TRIP ABROAD
OUTSIDE THE CABINET-MAKER’S
THE ROUGH CROSSING
SIX OF ONE--
THE SWIMMERS
THREE HOURS BETWEEN PLANES
WHAT A HANDSOME PAIR!
THE ORDEAL
MYRA MEETS HIS FAMILY
THE I.O.U.
THE POPULAR GIRL
TWO FOR A CENT
THE PUSHER-IN-THE-FACE
ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS
THE UNSPEAKABLE EGG
PRESUMPTION
YOUR WAY AND MINE
LIPSTICK: A COLLEGE COMEDY
THE LOVE BOAT
ON YOUR OWN
BETWEEN THREE AND FOUR
FLIGHT AND PURSUIT
A WOMAN WITH A PAST
TOO CUTE FOR WORDS,
STRANGE SANCTUARY
INSIDE THE HOUSE
LO, THE POOR PEACOCK!
ON SCHEDULE,
THE PASSIONATE ESKIMO
IMAGE ON THE HEART
A FULL LIFE
SHAGGY’S MORNING
THREE ACTS OF MUSIC
THE ANTS AT PRINCETON
IN THE HOLIDAYS
THE GUEST IN ROOM NINETEEN
THE LONG WAY OUT
THE WOMAN FROM “21”
ON AN OCEAN WAVE
DEARLY BELOVED
PAT AT THE FAIR REUNION AT THE FAIR
THE MYSTERY OF THE RAYMOND MORTGAGE
READE, SUBSTITUTE RIGHT HALF
A DEBT OF HONOR
THE ROOM WITH THE GREEN BLINDS
A LUCKLESS SANTA CLAUS
PAIN AND THE SCIENTIST
THE TRAIL OF THE DUKE
LITTLE MINNIE MCCLOSKEY
THE OLD FRONTIERSMAN
THE SPIRE AND THE GARGOYLE
THE DIARY OF A SOPHOMORE
THE PRINCE OF PESTS
SENTIMENT — AND THE USE OF ROUGE
THE PIERIAN SPRINGS AND THE LAST STRAW
&nb
sp; CEDRIC THE STOKER
ALPHABETICAL LIST OF SHORT STORIES
“BOIL SOME WATER--LOTS OF IT”
“I DIDN’T GET OVER”
“O RUSSET WITCH!”
“THE SENSIBLE THING”
A DEBT OF HONOR
A FREEZE-OUT
A FULL LIFE
A LUCKLESS SANTA CLAUS
A MAN IN THE WAY
A NEW LEAF
A NICE QUIET PLACE
A NIGHT AT THE FAIR
A PATRIOTIC SHORT
A SHORT TRIP HOME
A WOMAN WITH A PAST
ABSOLUTION
AFTERNOON OF AN AUTHOR
AN ALCOHOLIC CASE
AT YOUR AGE
BABYLON REVISITED
BASIL AND CLEOPATRA
BASIL: THE FRESHEST BOY
BENEDICTION
BERNICE BOBS HER HAIR
BETWEEN THREE AND FOUR
CEDRIC THE STOKER
CRAZY SUNDAY
DALYRIMPLE GOES WRONG
DEARLY BELOVED
DESIGN IN PLASTER
DICE, BRASSKNUCKLES & GUITAR
EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY
FAMILY IN THE WIND
FANTASIES
FINANCING FINNEGAN
FIRST BLOOD
FLIGHT AND PURSUIT
FORGING AHEAD
FUN IN AN ARTIST’S STUDIO
GRETCHEN’S FORTY WINKS
HE THINKS HE’S WONDERFUL
HEAD AND SHOULDERS
HOT AND COLD BLOOD
IMAGE ON THE HEART
IN THE HOLIDAYS
INSIDE THE HOUSE
JACOB’S LADDER
JEMINA, THE MOUNTAIN GIRL
JOSEPHINE: A WOMAN WITH A PAST
LIPSTICK: A COLLEGE COMEDY
LITTLE MINNIE MCCLOSKEY
LO, THE POOR PEACOCK!
LOVE IN THE NIGHT
MAGNETISM
MAJESTY
MAY DAY
MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD
MORE THAN JUST A HOUSE
MR. ICKY
MY LAST FLAPPERS
MYRA MEETS HIS FAMILY
NEWS OF PARIS--FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
NO HARM TRYING
ON AN OCEAN WAVE
ON SCHEDULE,
ON THE TRAIL OF PAT HOBBY
ON YOUR OWN
ONE INTERNE
ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS
ONE TRIP ABROAD
OUTSIDE THE CABINET-MAKER’S
PAIN AND THE SCIENTIST
PAT AT THE FAIR REUNION AT THE FAIR
PAT HOBBY AND ORSON WELLES
PAT HOBBY DOES HIS BIT
PAT HOBBY, PUTATIVE FATHER
PAT HOBBY’S CHRISTMAS WISH
PAT HOBBY’S COLLEGE DAYS
PAT HOBBY’S PREVIEW
PAT HOBBY’S SECRET
PORCELAIN AND PINK
PRESUMPTION
RAGS MARTIN-JONES AND THE PR-NCE OF W-LES
READE, SUBSTITUTE RIGHT HALF
SENTIMENT — AND THE USE OF ROUGE
SHAGGY’S MORNING
SIX OF ONE--
STRANGE SANCTUARY
TARQUIN OF CHEAPSIDE
TEAMED WITH GENIUS
THE ADJUSTER
THE ANTS AT PRINCETON
THE BABY PARTY
THE BOWL
THE BRIDAL PARTY
THE CAMEL’S BACK
THE CAPTURED SHADOW
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE CUT-GLASS BOWL
THE DIAMOND AS BIG AS THE RITZ
THE DIARY OF A SOPHOMORE
THE FIEND
THE FOUR FISTS
THE GUEST IN ROOM NINETEEN
THE HOMES OF THE STARS
THE HOTEL CHILD
THE I.O.U.
THE ICE PALACE
THE JELLY-BEAN.
THE LAST OF THE BELLES
THE LEES OF HAPPINESS
THE LONG WAY OUT
THE LOST DECADE
THE LOVE BOAT
THE MYSTERY OF THE RAYMOND MORTGAGE
THE NIGHT AT CHANCELLORSVILLE
THE OFFSHORE PIRATE
THE OLD FRONTIERSMAN
THE ORDEAL
THE PASSIONATE ESKIMO
THE PERFECT LIFE
THE PIERIAN SPRINGS AND THE LAST STRAW
THE POPULAR GIRL
THE PRINCE OF PESTS
THE PUSHER-IN-THE-FACE
THE RICH BOY
THE ROOM WITH THE GREEN BLINDS
THE ROUGH CROSSING
THE SCANDAL DETECTIVES
THE SPIRE AND THE GARGOYLE
THE SWIMMERS
THE TRAIL OF THE DUKE
THE UNSPEAKABLE EGG
THE WOMAN FROM “21”
THREE ACTS OF MUSIC
THREE HOURS BETWEEN PLANES
TOO CUTE FOR WORDS,
TWO FOR A CENT
TWO OLD-TIMERS
TWO WRONGS
UNCLASSIFIED MASTERPIECES
WHAT A HANDSOME PAIR!
WINTER DREAMS
YOUR WAY AND MINE
The Plays and Screenplays
THE GIRL FROM LAZY J
In 1911 when Fitzgerald was only fourteen, he joined The Elizabethan Dramatic Club of St. Paul, a group of about forty youngsters. The group was named after its founder Elizabeth Magoffin, who had just turned twenty. She preserved a number of manuscripts, including her transcriptions of her friend Scott’s first four attempts at writing for the theatre. These are the first four plays in this section, which represent Fitzgerald’s earliest surviving works. The Girl from Lazy J is brief and flawed in many ways, but each succeeding play demonstrates the young playwright’s swift development. The club produced one of his plays each summer from 1911 to 1914. A year after her death in 1951, Princeton University Library purchased the manuscripts, but they remained until 1978.
Fitzgerald in 1915, a year after joining the St. Paul theatre group
CONTENTS
CAST OF CHARACTERS
DESCRIPTION OF FURNISHINGS
THE GIRL FROM LAZY J
CAST OF CHARACTERS
MR. GEORGE KENDALL, owner of the “Diamond O” Ranch — Ed. Power
MRS. KENDALL, his wife — M. Armstrong
JACK DARCY, his nephew from Frisco... — S. Fitzgerald
LETICIA LARNED, a cowgirl — D. Greene
TONY GONZOLES, a Mexican cowpuncher.. — R. Washington
SCENE: Living room of a Ranch in Texas
TIME: 11:45 to 12:15 at night
DESCRIPTION OF FURNISHINGS
Interior of rancher’s shack. Lights dim.
Some candles. Rustic furniture and hangings — elk horns, Mexican baskets, blankets, etc. — Two chairs, a table, and a lounge.
Door at L. Cabinet at R. Window at C.
Properties of Characters:
Jack Darcy — Girl’s picture.
Leticia Larned — Mask; rope; revolver.
Mr. Kendall — Note; revolver.
Mrs. Kendall — Telegram.
Tony Gonzoles — Shotgun; rope; packet of letters.
THE GIRL FROM LAZY J
(Curtain rises, showing Jack in chair, whistling.)
JACK: Accepted, accepted, by jingo, by the prettiest girl this side of the Mississippi. (looks at -picture.) Look at her. She’s a daisy. But I wonder what Mother will say. And say, I can just see Father’s face when he hears of it. But why should they care? Lord knows she’s a fine girl and I’m willing to give up Yale for Leticia. Why, put her in a decent dress and she’d be the belle of the country. My, I’m tired, but I know I can’t sleep thinking of this. If Mother says no, I’ll be all broken up. (Noise outside.
Rises.) What’s that? A row I guess. Probably Uncle’s after one of the men. (Yawns, calls.) Tony, Tony! I wonder where that lazy greaser is.
(Enter Mr. Kendall, kicking Tony before him.)
KENDALL: YOU will try to whip those horses, hey, you measly Mexican scoundrel? Didn’t I tell you, Ton
y, that the next time you laid a hand to them I’d skin you? I ought by rights to put a bullet through your low down yellow hide. Now git, before I let daylight through you. Wait a minute. (To Jack.) Did you want him for anything?
JACK: (TO Tony.) Tell José he can turn in now. It’s almost twelve.
(Exit Tony.)
KENDALL: What do you think, Jack. I just went out to the stable and found him beating Dolly. I think I taught him a lesson. He won’t be licking my horses in a hurry again.
JACK: I don’t like the looks of that fellow and you’d better be careful with these Mexicans, Uncle. They’d as soon knife a man as they would a dog and Tony’s no exception to the general rule.
KENDALL: Huh! They’re only good for beating horses. They haven’t got enough grit to tackle a white man. But that fellow’s been acting queerly for some time with the horses and I think I’ll discharge him tomorrow. Jim and José can do the work, if you and I do a little extra.
JACK: Sure. By the way, I’ve seen him hanging around at the Lazy J. Maybe he’s got some business with Mrs. Larned.
KENDALL: Oh you young scamp! What have you been doing at the Lazy J? Stuck on Leticia, hey? And say, I’ve got a note here that I received this afternoon. I don’t know whether to take it as a joke or not.
JACK: Let’s see it. (Reads.) “Mr. Kendall, I warn you that on the night of August 12 I will relieve you of the five thousand dollars that you received last week in payment for the yearling steers.
Yours very sincerely — D. S. H.” Well of all things! I think I’ll keep this for a curiosity.
KENDALL: Well, what do you think I ought to do about it? Just let it go?
JACK: DO about it? There’s nothing to be done.
KENDALL: But look. It says on the night of the twelfth and this is the twelfth.