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Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald UK (Illustrated)

Page 363

by F. Scott Fitzgerald


  “Sir — “ began Cedric, but he was interrupted by the stacatto noise of the huge forward turret pop-guns as the two fleets joined in battle. They could hear the sharp raps of the paddles as the bosuns spanked their crews to make them work faster. Their ears were deafened by the cursing of the pilots as the ships fouled one another. All the hideous sounds of battle rose and assailed them. Cedric rushed to the window and threw it open. He shrank back, aghast. Bearing down upon them, and only ten miles away, was the huge Hoboken, the biggest of all ferry-boats, captured by the enemy from the Erie Railroad in the fall of ‘92. So close she was that Cedric could read her route sign “Bronx West to Toid Avenoo.” The very words struck him numb. On she came, andon, throwing mountains of spray a mile in front of her and several miles to her rear.

  “Is she coming fast, boy?” asked the Captain.

  “Sir, she’s making every bit of a knot an hour,” answered Cedric, trembling.

  The Captain seized him roughly by the shoulders. “We’ll fight to the end,” he said; “even though she is faster than we are. Quick! To the cellars, and stoke, stoke, STOKE!!”

  Cedric unable to take his eyes from the terrible sight, ran backwards down the passageway, fell down the elevator shaft, and rushed to the furnace. Madly he carried coal back and forth, from the bin to the furnace door, and then back to the bin. Already the speed of the ship had increased. It tore through the water in twenty-foot jumps. But it was not enough. Cedric worked more madly, and still more madly. At last he had thrown the last lump of coal into the furnace. There was nothing more to be done. He rested his tired body against the glowing side of the furnace.

  Again the telephone bell rang. Cedric answered it himself, not wishing to take the exchange girl away from her knitting. It was the Captain.

  “We must have more speed,” he shouted: “We must have more speed. Throw on more coal — more coal!”

  For a moment Cedric was wrapped in thought, his face twitching with horror. Then he realized his duty, and rushed forward

  *****

  **

  Late that evening, when they were safe in port, the Captain smoking his after-dinner cigar, came down to the stoke-hole. He called for Cedric. There was not a sound. Again he called. Still there was silence. Suddenly the horror of the truth rushed upon him. He tore open the furnace door, and convulsed with sobs, drew forth a Brooks-Livingstone Collar, a half-melted piece of Spearmint gum, and a suit of Yerger asbestos underwear. For a moment he held them in his arms, and then fell howling upon the floor. The truth had turned out to be the truth.

  Cedric had turned himself into calories.

  F.S.F.

  J.B.

  The Short Stories

  Fitzgerald, 1920

  CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF SHORT STORIES

  FLAPPERS AND PHILOSOPHERS

  THE OFFSHORE PIRATE

  THE ICE PALACE

  HEAD AND SHOULDERS

  THE CUT-GLASS BOWL

  BERNICE BOBS HER HAIR

  BENEDICTION

  DALYRIMPLE GOES WRONG

  THE FOUR FISTS

  TALES FROM THE JAZZ AGE

  MY LAST FLAPPERS

  THE JELLY-BEAN.

  THE CAMEL’S BACK

  MAY DAY

  PORCELAIN AND PINK

  FANTASIES

  THE DIAMOND AS BIG AS THE RITZ

  THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

  TARQUIN OF CHEAPSIDE

  “O RUSSET WITCH!”

  UNCLASSIFIED MASTERPIECES

  THE LEES OF HAPPINESS

  MR. ICKY

  JEMINA, THE MOUNTAIN GIRL

  ALL THE SAD YOUNG MEN

  THE RICH BOY

  WINTER DREAMS

  THE BABY PARTY

  ABSOLUTION

  RAGS MARTIN-JONES AND THE PR-NCE OF W-LES

  THE ADJUSTER

  HOT AND COLD BLOOD

  “THE SENSIBLE THING”

  GRETCHEN’S FORTY WINKS

  TAPS AT REVEILLE

  THE SCANDAL DETECTIVES

  BASIL: THE FRESHEST BOY

  HE THINKS HE’S WONDERFUL

  THE CAPTURED SHADOW

  THE PERFECT LIFE

  FIRST BLOOD

  A NICE QUIET PLACE

  JOSEPHINE: A WOMAN WITH A PAST

  CRAZY SUNDAY

  TWO WRONGS

  THE NIGHT AT CHANCELLORSVILLE

  THE LAST OF THE BELLES

  MAJESTY

  FAMILY IN THE WIND

  A SHORT TRIP HOME

  ONE INTERNE

  THE FIEND

  BABYLON REVISITED

  THE PAT HOBBY STORIES

  PAT HOBBY’S CHRISTMAS WISH

  A MAN IN THE WAY

  “BOIL SOME WATER--LOTS OF IT”

  TEAMED WITH GENIUS

  PAT HOBBY AND ORSON WELLES

  PAT HOBBY’S SECRET

  PAT HOBBY, PUTATIVE FATHER

  THE HOMES OF THE STARS

  PAT HOBBY DOES HIS BIT

  PAT HOBBY’S PREVIEW

  NO HARM TRYING

  A PATRIOTIC SHORT

  ON THE TRAIL OF PAT HOBBY

  FUN IN AN ARTIST’S STUDIO

  TWO OLD-TIMERS

  MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

  PAT HOBBY’S COLLEGE DAYS

  MISCELLANEOUS STORIES

  A FREEZE-OUT

  A NEW LEAF

  A NIGHT AT THE FAIR

  AFTERNOON OF AN AUTHOR

  AN ALCOHOLIC CASE

  AT YOUR AGE

  BASIL AND CLEOPATRA

  THE BRIDAL PARTY

  THE BOWL

  DESIGN IN PLASTER

  DICE, BRASSKNUCKLES & GUITAR

  EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY

  FINANCING FINNEGAN

  FORGING AHEAD

  THE HOTEL CHILD

  “I DIDN’T GET OVER”

  JACOB’S LADDER

  THE LOST DECADE

  LOVE IN THE NIGHT

  MAGNETISM

  MORE THAN JUST A HOUSE

  NEWS OF PARIS--FIFTEEN YEARS AGO

  ONE TRIP ABROAD

  OUTSIDE THE CABINET-MAKER’S

  THE ROUGH CROSSING

  SIX OF ONE--

  THE SWIMMERS

  THREE HOURS BETWEEN PLANES

  WHAT A HANDSOME PAIR!

  THE ORDEAL

  MYRA MEETS HIS FAMILY

  THE I.O.U.

  THE POPULAR GIRL

  TWO FOR A CENT

  THE PUSHER-IN-THE-FACE

  ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS

  THE UNSPEAKABLE EGG

  PRESUMPTION

  YOUR WAY AND MINE

  LIPSTICK: A COLLEGE COMEDY

  THE LOVE BOAT

  ON YOUR OWN

  BETWEEN THREE AND FOUR

  FLIGHT AND PURSUIT

  A WOMAN WITH A PAST

  TOO CUTE FOR WORDS,

  STRANGE SANCTUARY

  INSIDE THE HOUSE

  LO, THE POOR PEACOCK!

  ON SCHEDULE,

  THE PASSIONATE ESKIMO

  IMAGE ON THE HEART

  A FULL LIFE

  SHAGGY’S MORNING

  THREE ACTS OF MUSIC

  THE ANTS AT PRINCETON

  IN THE HOLIDAYS

  THE GUEST IN ROOM NINETEEN

  THE LONG WAY OUT

  THE WOMAN FROM “21”

  ON AN OCEAN WAVE

  DEARLY BELOVED

  PAT AT THE FAIR REUNION AT THE FAIR

  THE MYSTERY OF THE RAYMOND MORTGAGE

  READE, SUBSTITUTE RIGHT HALF

  A DEBT OF HONOR

  THE ROOM WITH THE GREEN BLINDS

  A LUCKLESS SANTA CLAUS

  PAIN AND THE SCIENTIST

  THE TRAIL OF THE DUKE

  LITTLE MINNIE MCCLOSKEY

  THE OLD FRONTIERSMAN

  THE SPIRE AND THE GARGOYLE

  THE DIARY OF A SOPHOMORE

  THE PRINCE OF PESTS

  SENTIMENT — AND THE USE OF ROUGE

  THE PIERIAN SPRINGS AND THE LAST STRAW

&nb
sp; CEDRIC THE STOKER

  ALPHABETICAL LIST OF SHORT STORIES

  “BOIL SOME WATER--LOTS OF IT”

  “I DIDN’T GET OVER”

  “O RUSSET WITCH!”

  “THE SENSIBLE THING”

  A DEBT OF HONOR

  A FREEZE-OUT

  A FULL LIFE

  A LUCKLESS SANTA CLAUS

  A MAN IN THE WAY

  A NEW LEAF

  A NICE QUIET PLACE

  A NIGHT AT THE FAIR

  A PATRIOTIC SHORT

  A SHORT TRIP HOME

  A WOMAN WITH A PAST

  ABSOLUTION

  AFTERNOON OF AN AUTHOR

  AN ALCOHOLIC CASE

  AT YOUR AGE

  BABYLON REVISITED

  BASIL AND CLEOPATRA

  BASIL: THE FRESHEST BOY

  BENEDICTION

  BERNICE BOBS HER HAIR

  BETWEEN THREE AND FOUR

  CEDRIC THE STOKER

  CRAZY SUNDAY

  DALYRIMPLE GOES WRONG

  DEARLY BELOVED

  DESIGN IN PLASTER

  DICE, BRASSKNUCKLES & GUITAR

  EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY

  FAMILY IN THE WIND

  FANTASIES

  FINANCING FINNEGAN

  FIRST BLOOD

  FLIGHT AND PURSUIT

  FORGING AHEAD

  FUN IN AN ARTIST’S STUDIO

  GRETCHEN’S FORTY WINKS

  HE THINKS HE’S WONDERFUL

  HEAD AND SHOULDERS

  HOT AND COLD BLOOD

  IMAGE ON THE HEART

  IN THE HOLIDAYS

  INSIDE THE HOUSE

  JACOB’S LADDER

  JEMINA, THE MOUNTAIN GIRL

  JOSEPHINE: A WOMAN WITH A PAST

  LIPSTICK: A COLLEGE COMEDY

  LITTLE MINNIE MCCLOSKEY

  LO, THE POOR PEACOCK!

  LOVE IN THE NIGHT

  MAGNETISM

  MAJESTY

  MAY DAY

  MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

  MORE THAN JUST A HOUSE

  MR. ICKY

  MY LAST FLAPPERS

  MYRA MEETS HIS FAMILY

  NEWS OF PARIS--FIFTEEN YEARS AGO

  NO HARM TRYING

  ON AN OCEAN WAVE

  ON SCHEDULE,

  ON THE TRAIL OF PAT HOBBY

  ON YOUR OWN

  ONE INTERNE

  ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS

  ONE TRIP ABROAD

  OUTSIDE THE CABINET-MAKER’S

  PAIN AND THE SCIENTIST

  PAT AT THE FAIR REUNION AT THE FAIR

  PAT HOBBY AND ORSON WELLES

  PAT HOBBY DOES HIS BIT

  PAT HOBBY, PUTATIVE FATHER

  PAT HOBBY’S CHRISTMAS WISH

  PAT HOBBY’S COLLEGE DAYS

  PAT HOBBY’S PREVIEW

  PAT HOBBY’S SECRET

  PORCELAIN AND PINK

  PRESUMPTION

  RAGS MARTIN-JONES AND THE PR-NCE OF W-LES

  READE, SUBSTITUTE RIGHT HALF

  SENTIMENT — AND THE USE OF ROUGE

  SHAGGY’S MORNING

  SIX OF ONE--

  STRANGE SANCTUARY

  TARQUIN OF CHEAPSIDE

  TEAMED WITH GENIUS

  THE ADJUSTER

  THE ANTS AT PRINCETON

  THE BABY PARTY

  THE BOWL

  THE BRIDAL PARTY

  THE CAMEL’S BACK

  THE CAPTURED SHADOW

  THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

  THE CUT-GLASS BOWL

  THE DIAMOND AS BIG AS THE RITZ

  THE DIARY OF A SOPHOMORE

  THE FIEND

  THE FOUR FISTS

  THE GUEST IN ROOM NINETEEN

  THE HOMES OF THE STARS

  THE HOTEL CHILD

  THE I.O.U.

  THE ICE PALACE

  THE JELLY-BEAN.

  THE LAST OF THE BELLES

  THE LEES OF HAPPINESS

  THE LONG WAY OUT

  THE LOST DECADE

  THE LOVE BOAT

  THE MYSTERY OF THE RAYMOND MORTGAGE

  THE NIGHT AT CHANCELLORSVILLE

  THE OFFSHORE PIRATE

  THE OLD FRONTIERSMAN

  THE ORDEAL

  THE PASSIONATE ESKIMO

  THE PERFECT LIFE

  THE PIERIAN SPRINGS AND THE LAST STRAW

  THE POPULAR GIRL

  THE PRINCE OF PESTS

  THE PUSHER-IN-THE-FACE

  THE RICH BOY

  THE ROOM WITH THE GREEN BLINDS

  THE ROUGH CROSSING

  THE SCANDAL DETECTIVES

  THE SPIRE AND THE GARGOYLE

  THE SWIMMERS

  THE TRAIL OF THE DUKE

  THE UNSPEAKABLE EGG

  THE WOMAN FROM “21”

  THREE ACTS OF MUSIC

  THREE HOURS BETWEEN PLANES

  TOO CUTE FOR WORDS,

  TWO FOR A CENT

  TWO OLD-TIMERS

  TWO WRONGS

  UNCLASSIFIED MASTERPIECES

  WHAT A HANDSOME PAIR!

  WINTER DREAMS

  YOUR WAY AND MINE

  The Plays and Screenplays

  THE GIRL FROM LAZY J

  In 1911 when Fitzgerald was only fourteen, he joined The Elizabethan Dramatic Club of St. Paul, a group of about forty youngsters. The group was named after its founder Elizabeth Magoffin, who had just turned twenty. She preserved a number of manuscripts, including her transcriptions of her friend Scott’s first four attempts at writing for the theatre. These are the first four plays in this section, which represent Fitzgerald’s earliest surviving works. The Girl from Lazy J is brief and flawed in many ways, but each succeeding play demonstrates the young playwright’s swift development. The club produced one of his plays each summer from 1911 to 1914. A year after her death in 1951, Princeton University Library purchased the manuscripts, but they remained until 1978.

  Fitzgerald in 1915, a year after joining the St. Paul theatre group

  CONTENTS

  CAST OF CHARACTERS

  DESCRIPTION OF FURNISHINGS

  THE GIRL FROM LAZY J

  CAST OF CHARACTERS

  MR. GEORGE KENDALL, owner of the “Diamond O” Ranch — Ed. Power

  MRS. KENDALL, his wife — M. Armstrong

  JACK DARCY, his nephew from Frisco... — S. Fitzgerald

  LETICIA LARNED, a cowgirl — D. Greene

  TONY GONZOLES, a Mexican cowpuncher.. — R. Washington

  SCENE: Living room of a Ranch in Texas

  TIME: 11:45 to 12:15 at night

  DESCRIPTION OF FURNISHINGS

  Interior of rancher’s shack. Lights dim.

  Some candles. Rustic furniture and hangings — elk horns, Mexican baskets, blankets, etc. — Two chairs, a table, and a lounge.

  Door at L. Cabinet at R. Window at C.

  Properties of Characters:

  Jack Darcy — Girl’s picture.

  Leticia Larned — Mask; rope; revolver.

  Mr. Kendall — Note; revolver.

  Mrs. Kendall — Telegram.

  Tony Gonzoles — Shotgun; rope; packet of letters.

  THE GIRL FROM LAZY J

  (Curtain rises, showing Jack in chair, whistling.)

  JACK: Accepted, accepted, by jingo, by the prettiest girl this side of the Mississippi. (looks at -picture.) Look at her. She’s a daisy. But I wonder what Mother will say. And say, I can just see Father’s face when he hears of it. But why should they care? Lord knows she’s a fine girl and I’m willing to give up Yale for Leticia. Why, put her in a decent dress and she’d be the belle of the country. My, I’m tired, but I know I can’t sleep thinking of this. If Mother says no, I’ll be all broken up. (Noise outside.

  Rises.) What’s that? A row I guess. Probably Uncle’s after one of the men. (Yawns, calls.) Tony, Tony! I wonder where that lazy greaser is.

  (Enter Mr. Kendall, kicking Tony before him.)

  KENDALL: YOU will try to whip those horses, hey, you measly Mexican scoundrel? Didn’t I tell you, Ton
y, that the next time you laid a hand to them I’d skin you? I ought by rights to put a bullet through your low down yellow hide. Now git, before I let daylight through you. Wait a minute. (To Jack.) Did you want him for anything?

  JACK: (TO Tony.) Tell José he can turn in now. It’s almost twelve.

  (Exit Tony.)

  KENDALL: What do you think, Jack. I just went out to the stable and found him beating Dolly. I think I taught him a lesson. He won’t be licking my horses in a hurry again.

  JACK: I don’t like the looks of that fellow and you’d better be careful with these Mexicans, Uncle. They’d as soon knife a man as they would a dog and Tony’s no exception to the general rule.

  KENDALL: Huh! They’re only good for beating horses. They haven’t got enough grit to tackle a white man. But that fellow’s been acting queerly for some time with the horses and I think I’ll discharge him tomorrow. Jim and José can do the work, if you and I do a little extra.

  JACK: Sure. By the way, I’ve seen him hanging around at the Lazy J. Maybe he’s got some business with Mrs. Larned.

  KENDALL: Oh you young scamp! What have you been doing at the Lazy J? Stuck on Leticia, hey? And say, I’ve got a note here that I received this afternoon. I don’t know whether to take it as a joke or not.

  JACK: Let’s see it. (Reads.) “Mr. Kendall, I warn you that on the night of August 12 I will relieve you of the five thousand dollars that you received last week in payment for the yearling steers.

  Yours very sincerely — D. S. H.” Well of all things! I think I’ll keep this for a curiosity.

  KENDALL: Well, what do you think I ought to do about it? Just let it go?

  JACK: DO about it? There’s nothing to be done.

  KENDALL: But look. It says on the night of the twelfth and this is the twelfth.

 

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