Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald UK (Illustrated)

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Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald UK (Illustrated) Page 370

by F. Scott Fitzgerald


  (Enter Mrs. Douglas.)

  MRS. D.: Good morning, Jeff.

  JEFF: Mawnin’, Mrs. Douglas. (Hints at table with evident pride.)

  MRS. D.: What’s this?

  JEFF: De — de luncheon, Mrs. Douglas.

  MRS. D.: YOU surely don’t expect us to eat flowers.

  JEFF: No’m — No’m — You kin if you wants to, but I don’t advise you to. Dey’s not good to eat, ‘ceptin’ maybe cauliflower or bakin’ flour.

  MRS. D.: And is there nothing else in the ice house?

  JEFF: Oh, yassum — Yessam — Dey’s lots! Dey’s — ah — three or four pieces of bread and one of ‘em still pretty good. An — an — half a jug o’ milk, an — an — a egg an — a apple — All that!

  MRS. D.: I reckon we’re mighty poor, Jeff.

  JEFF: Don’t talk that way, Mrs. Douglas! Dat ain’t no way to talk. Times’ll mend — but dis here coat won’t.

  MRS. D.: Yes, it is well to be hopeful, but I trust the horrible war is almost over. Since the Judge died we’ve been pretty poor, and Charley, though he has escaped so far, is still there.

  JEFF: But you got a daughter.

  MRS. D.: Poor Lindy! Having to give up all and become a school teacher. She practically supports us now, Jeff.

  JEFF: Ah expect dey’ll be a heap o’ offers for her when de young men gits home from de wah.

  MRS. D.: Jeff — You mustn’t talk that way.

  JEFF: Yassum — Excuse me. (Goes to window.) Dere’s Miss Lindy now.

  (Exit Jeff.)

  (Enter Lindy and Cecilia.)

  LINDY: Hello, Mother. (Removes shawl and hat.)

  CECILIA: Good morning, Mrs. Douglas.

  MRS. D.: Good morning, Celia.

  CECILIA: I met Lindy on the way back from her schoolhouse, surrounded by a most adoring crowd of little nuisances. I rescued her, and here we are.

  MRS. D.: Did you have a good day, Lindy?

  LINDY: Fine, Mother. I think it will be all right now that that Tompkins boy has decided to behave. Mrs. Tompkins sent a note with him this morning authorizing me to punish him to the fullest extent of the law, and when I punish! — I tell you, Mother, I’m growing strong.

  MRS D.: Oh, if Charley were only here to take the burden of supporting us off your shoulders.

  CECILIA: I reckon he will soon. Our army is getting weaker and weaker. They’re going to make a stand at Appomattox, so Eddie Randolph wrote his mother.

  LINDY: We haven’t seen Charley for two years.

  MRS. D.: I miss him, oh, how I miss him!

  LINDY: We can only wait for him. I’ll be back, Celia.

  (Exit Lindy.)

  CECILIA: YOU are not the only one who misses him.

  MRS. D.: Celia, I thought so! So you are engaged?

  CECILIA: He has asked me to marry him. He wrote me and said that his first duty was to you. He spoke also of Captain Holworthy. He was awarded a medal at the battle of Petersburg.

  MRS. D.: Holworthy? Jim Holworthy?

  CECILIA: Yes, I reckon he’s changed some. He wasn’t very popular when he left here, but somehow he joined the army, and he has proved himself.

  MRS. D.: But does Charley like him after what happened that time three years ago in this very house, when he was captured through this Holworthy’s cowardice?

  CECILIA: Charley bears no resentment. Holworthy has saved his life since then. I’m sure I’m willing to accept him as all right if he comes home.

  MRS. D.: Perhaps you’re right.

  CECILIA: And Mrs. Douglas, Charley wrote something else about him — a curious thing — The day Holworthy saved his life — it was in a skirmish — he was wounded slightly, and Charley, in “nbuttoning his collar to give him air, saw a locket spring open that he was wearing around his neck. Before he closed it he noticed the picture inside. Holworthy saw that Charley knew, and blushed, saying it was a hobby of his. But Charley knew that Captain Holworthy was carrying Lindy’s picture. I’ve often wondered if she has forgiven him.

  LINDY: (From the doorway.) Yes, she has forgiven him.

  (Enter Lindy.)

  CECILIA: Lindy, I didn’t know —

  LINDY: I was standing here. It makes no difference — I am interested in Captain Holworthy because I started his — his change.

  He’s — he’s rather a protégé of mine.

  (Enter Jeff.)

  CECILIA: I must go now. Mother is waiting for me — waiting luncheon.

  MRS. D.: Will you stay and dine? (Jeff coughs.) We have not much to offer, but (Jeff coughs) — Jeff, will you be quiet! — but we would be so glad to have you.

  CECILIA: NO thank you, Mrs. Douglas. I think I’ll be moving along. Good morning.

  MRS. D. AND LINDY: Good morning, Celia.

  MRS. D.: Jeff, never do that again. Don’t you know we are always glad to have anyone share whatever we have?

  JEFF: Yassum, but we ain’t got but one share. You can’t share a share.

  MRS. D.: That’s true, but —

  JEFF: Dey’s plenty o’ chairs — You don’t have to chair de shares —

  I mean chair de chairs — No, I mean share de shares — Mrs.

  Douglas, luncheon is ready.

  LINDY: The children?

  MRS. D.: At the Taylors for luncheon.

  LINDY: Oh, I almost forgot — Teacher — “that’s me” — was presented with two oranges today. I’ll get them.

  (Exit Lindy.)

  JEFF: (Goes to window.) Lawd o’ massy! It’s Mistah Charley!

  (Enter Captain Charles Douglas.)

  CHARLEY: Jeff!

  MRS. D.: My boy!

  CHARLEY: Mother!

  JEFF: Large as life and twice as natural!

  CHARLEY: Home at last, Mother. Where’s Lindy?

  (Enter Lindy with plate of oranges. She sees Charley and drops plate which Jeff catches.)

  LINDY: Charley!

  CHARLEY: Lindy! Home again. It seems great.

  LINDY: And the war?

  CHARLEY: Is over. Lee surrendered at Appomattox twelve hours ago. We did all we could — We were all gone — It was too much for us.

  MRS. D.: My poor boy!

  CHARLEY: I’m lucky to be alive and have a home to come back to, and a place for food. (Looks at table.)

  MRS. D-: Sit down. You must be famished.

  CHARLEY: Ah, milk! (Drinks and sputters.)

  MRS. D.: Why, what’s the matter?

  CHARLEY: Nothing. But I’ve learned something.

  LINDY: What?

  CHARLEY: There are some things worse than prison fare.

  MRS. D.: (Drinks and sputters.)

  LINDY: (Holds up glass.) Jeff, what’s the matter with this milk?

  JEFF: (Examines it carefully.) Nothin’.

  CHARLEY: Nothing?

  MRS. D.: Nothing?

  LINDY: Taste it!

  JEFF: (Tastes it.) Oh, I recollect — I was enockomizing. Dey’s water — a little bit — in dis milk — Jes’ a bit.

  CHARLEY: I should say there was. Mother, are we in need of economizing like this?

  MRS. D.: Lindy teaches school.

  CHARLEY: By all that is holy! I’ll get some work tonight. Mother, can you let me see exactly how we stand?

  MRS. D.: Yes, I have the accounts in the parlor.

  (Exit Mrs. Douglas, Captain Douglas and Jeff.)

  (Enter Jim.)

  JIM: Good morning, Miss Lindy.

  LINDY: Mr. — Captain Holworthy! Good morning.

  JIM: It’s — it’s four years since I saw you last.

  LINDY: Four years.

  JIM: I was different then — I reckon we all were.

  LINDY: Yes, I reckon we all were.

  JIM: I’ve always thought that you rather set me right somehow.

  LINDY: YOU do me great honor, Captain Holworthy.

  JIM: I haven’t forgotten it, either.

  LINDY: YOU haven’t?

  JIM: NO, I’ve — I’ve thought of it a lot more than you know. I realized lon
g ago what I was.

  LINDY: Well, you’ve come back different.

  JIM: Yes, I reckon so. Do you remember the day when — when your brother was captured — what I said to you earlier in the day?

  LINDY: Yes — yes, I think I do.

  JIM: Well I — I can’t explain but — it’s you that I owe everything I’ve become — and that’s not much, for the last soldier of a lost cause doesn’t bring back much except an empty scabbard.

  LINDY: And medals.

  JIM: Medals.

  LINDY: That little iron cross — Where did you get that?

  JIM: Well, General Lee is the only one that can tell. HE — he gives them away instead of cigars; he was out of cigars the day I called.

  LINDY: I see you’re more modest than you used to be.

  JIM: It isn’t much of a virtue when you have nothing to be vain about. My vanity wants satisfaction in another way now.

  LINDY: Yes?

  JIM: Yes. I could be proud — very proud if — Miss Lindy, you know what I want to say. You’ve been with me always. You made me go south. You have made me what I am. Whenever I received promotion it was because you inspired me. And — and — will you keep inspiring me?

  LINDY: YOU ask me to be your wife?

  JIM: Yes.

  LINDY: Ji — Captain Holworthy, the man I marry must have my whole respect. I have lived in a war time and have had death and bravery brought very near to me. Bravery and moral courage are to me necessary to respect and love. I — I — Do you remember that morning you told me you had a strain somewhere in your nature of cowardice?

  JIM: I remember.

  LINDY: Tell me then, if you have completely conquered that?

  JIM: And if I have.

  LINDY: If you have, I — I will marry you.

  JIM: Miss Lindy — Lindy, I am telling you the truth, though God only knows it hurts me to do it — I haven’t conquered it. When it’s something impulsive or where I don’t have to reason, I’ve done many dangerous things, but when I think, I hesitate and give up. I got these trinkets for things like the first. This for a flag I took at Chickamauga, and this for saving Bragg from being shot at Shiloh; but I remember once when Lee asked for volunteers for secret service I didn’t step out with the rest. And when I was in Libby prison before I was exchanged, three fellows who were with me had a chance to escape. They offered me an equal chance — It was an even chance — death or escape, and I didn’t take it. I reckon it’s a yellow streak in me somewhere. I would like to try once more.

  LINDY: I see. But your chance of trying is over now.

  JIM: I reckon.

  LINDY: Well, goodbye Jim.

  JIM: Goodbye Miss Lindy. You are right — I shouldn’t have hoped for you. It was all a kind of a dream. (Starts to go.)

  LINDY: You may have a chance yet to prove it.

  JIM: NO, I reckon not.

  (Exit Jim.)

  (Enter Jeff.)

  JEFF: On celebration o’ Mistah Charley’s return kin ah get out de best tableclof? He’s got a bit o’ money and he’s goin’ to buy a good dinner.

  LINDY: Yes Jeff, anything.

  (Exit Lindy.)

  JEFF: NOW whah was dat? In — in de oie linen chest what hain’t been used fo’ yeahs. Lemme see. (Goes to chest and opens it.) Why I — I feels sumpin! (Pulls out roll of money.) Jumpin’ Jerusalem it’s money! Stacks of it! Northern money. Now dat’s one hundred and one hundred is — Gee, I ain’t no mathematician. Now lemme see — How did that money get thar? That chest ain’t been used since Mistah Charley was captured out o’ it three years ago. Why, don’t I recollect he had some army money wit him? But it won’t do to tell him it was dat — He’d send it away to General Lee. I’ll — I’ll — diplomatize — dat is, if I’m as good a liah as ah used to be. (Steps heard outside. Starts sweeping.)

  (Enter Mrs. Douglas and Charley.)

  JEFF: Mrs. Douglas, dere’s a mattah ah wants to broach to you.

  MRS. D.: What is it, Jeff?

  JEFF: (Hesitates and jumbles.) On de later desease — demise of youh inflected husband he sum-mumoned me to his bedside jes aftah he died, and thrust into mah hands a small sum o’ money which he said to give you after de triffic encountah which was den ragin’ triumphantly and spasmodically — de very words he used — was done. De circumstances is now justified. Behold!

  (Produces money.)

  CHARLEY: (Takes it.) Why, what’s this?

  MRS. D.: Why, I didn’t know Arthur had any money when he died.

  CHARLEY: Mother, it’s twelve thousand dollars good money!

  MRS. D.: If Jeff is telling the truth —

  CHARLEY: Jeff?

  JEFF: Mrs. Douglas, ma mouf is as clean from lyin’ as is de grass from de snow — in de wintah time.

  CHARLEY: It sounds true. Mother, we’re rich! It’s yours!

  MRS. D.: It’s too good to be true.

  CHARLEY: And I’m off.

  MRS. D.: Where?

  CHARLEY: TO see Cecilia.

  (Exit Charley.’)

  JEFF: (Aside.) No sah, dere ain’t nothin’ like a little judicious lyin’!

  (Enter Lieutenant Percy Altwater.)

  PERCY: Mrs. Douglas, good morning. I fancy you are surprised to see me.

  MRS. D.: I remember you perfectly, Mr. Hotwater.

  PERCY: Altwater, my dear lady — Altwater.

  MRS. D.: Excuse me.

  PERCY: Certainly. Do you know, I hesitate to tell you why I returned. Do you know, I fancy Cupid has been at work and brought me back, fair as a — a — What am I fair as?

  MRS. D.: A dancing elephant.

  PERCY: Yes, a dancing elephant — er — oh, that doesn’t sound just right, does it?

  MRS. D.: Doesn’t it, Mr. Warmwater?

  PERCY: Altwater — Altwater.

  MRS. D.: Excuse me.

  PERCY: And as I was saying, I made the acquaintance of a most fascinating young lady at your house, Miss Virginia the tailor — I suppose they meant dressmaker. But even if the poor girl is a dressmaker, I would wave aside caste and er — marry her.

  MRS. D.: Very condescending of you, Mr. Breakwater.

  PERCY: Altwater — Altwater. I think so myself.

  MRS. D.: But she isn’t a dressmaker. That’s just her name.

  PERCY: Miss Virginia Dressmaker — That’s a very odd name.

  MRS. D.: NO no! — Miss Virginia Taylor.

  PERCY: Oh!

  (Enter Virginia.)

  VIRGINIA: Good morning, Mrs. Douglas.

  MRS D.: Here is a friend of yours, Virginia.

  VIRGINIA: Mr. Sweetwater!

  PERCY: Miss Dressmaker!

  (Exit Mrs. Douglas.)

  VIRGINIA: I am delighted to see you again.

  PERCY: Did you get my letter?

  VIRGINIA: Yes, and the coat-of-arms.

  PERCY: Rather a pretty crest, isn’t it? I picked it up at a stationer’s in Richmond.

  VIRGINIA: Horrors!

  PERCY: I’m sorry. You’ll forgive me?

  VIRGINIA: Yes. Who would not forgive the lost soldier of a last cause.

  PERCY: Yes, but I’m not lost.

  VIRGINIA: A slip of the tongue — I mean, the last soldier of a lost cause.

  PERCY: Just so. It’s rather sad.

  VIRGINIA: Sad? It’s all pathetic.

  PERCY: Allopathic?

  VIRGINIA: All pathetic.

  PERCY: Miss Virginia, I’ve something to say to you.

  VIRGINIA: It’s coming! — Isn’t it perfectly thirteenth century!

 

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