by Janette Oke
"I gotta change for chorin
I heard a chair scrape behind me and knew that Uncle Charlie was shifting his position. Then he called after me, "When?"
I didn't even turn around, just kept right on toward the stairs. "Not for four years:"
I heard Uncle Charlie shift again and Grandpa give his little, "Whoo-ee;' and then I heard Grandpa say plain as day, though I knew he wasn't speaking to me. "Lots of things can happen in four years" But I kept right on going up the stairs and didn't even look back.
Not until I finished with chores and supper, alone, in my own room in my own bed, did the truth of it all really hit me. Camellia is getting married. Getting married to Willie. There would never, never be a chance for her to be my girl. I had no right to even think of her in that way again.
Before me flashed her beautiful face framed by coppery curls. Her eyes flashed excitedly and her cheeks dimpled into a winsome smile. I turned away from her, shutting my eyes hard to blot out the image, and I buried my face in my pillow and cried like I hadn't done since I'd been a kid.
And after I had cried myself into exhaustion, there was nothing else for me to do but pray.
For seven days I would be forced to see Willie and Camellia-together. For seven days over Christmas. There would be special parties, special services, extra outings-and I would be expected to be there. They would be there, too, arm-in-arm, smiling. There was no way to avoid them.
I thought of faking illness, but I knew that wouldn't be honest. I thought of not going, but that would get me nothing but questions to be answered. I thought of saying I was too busy, but the farm work was so completely caught up that I could hardly use that excuse. In the end I did what I knew I had to do. I went. I went to the Christmas program, the Carol singing, the party at Willie's. I even took that sleigh ride with Willie, Camellia, and Mary Turley. Somehow I managed to make it through.
We spent Christmas with Uncle Nat and Aunt Lou again. I thought about giving her the cameo, but I knew I just couldn't do that. I ended up shamefacedly taking it back, exchanging it for a brooch for Aunt Lou, cuff links for Uncle Nat and a tie bar for Uncle Charlie. That just about finished off my Christmas shopping. I added a tie and suspenders for Grandpa and then went looking for something special for Sarah and Jonathan.
I didn't call on Mrs. Foggelson on Christmas Day. I knew she was having her own Christmas that year. With Camellia home, she sure didn't need me. It was good to see the two of them doing things together. Mrs. Foggelson had even joined Camellia in church on Christmas Sunday. It turned out to be a good Christmas, after all. Maybe God really was answering my prayers. I was even able to think about other things than Camellia-but that took some effort.
Before we knew it, it was time to gather at the train station and say goodbye to Willie and Camellia. I wasn't sure when I would see them again. Willie said that he might be going overseas right after he finished his schooling, and Camellia planned to stay right on at the school, working in the summer and then going back to classes in the fall again.
Mrs. Foggelson was at the station, too. She was awfully sad to see Camellia go. They hugged one another for a long time and cried a lot. It made me feel a bit teary too, but there was no way that I would let it show.
Willie shook my hand, then hugged me. Camellia hugged me too.
"You've been such a special friend, Josh;' she whispered. "I have one more thing to ask of you. Take care of Mamma. Please. She needs someone so much:'
I nodded in agreement but I couldn't help but wonder why Camellia couldn't stay and take care of her ma herself.
And then they were gone. Several people stood around watching the train pull out. Some of them, I imagined, would stand right there, like they always did, until the train was just a distant dot. I didn't. As soon as the big wheels began to turn, pulling it forward, I turned my back on it and headed for Chester. I didn't need to prolong the agony. I had been through quite enough.
CHAPTER 18
Going On
I did a lot more growing up in the months that followed. I did more praying, too. For the first time in my life I began to realize what it really meant to turn my life-everything about it-over to God for His choosing.
As I thought about it I realized that Camellia had made the right choice. Willie was a strong Christian, intent on service for God. At first I had a difficult time picturing a woman like Camellia with her hair pulled back in a strict knot, wearing a plain dark dress and high leather boots against snakes and scorpions. Then I began to think of the real Camellia, the one that God wanted her to be-gentle, caring, compassionate-a worthy and life-enriching companion for Willie.
As I prayed and sorted through things, putting them in their proper perspective, I came to a quiet peace with the way that God was working out the situation.
I turned my attention back to the farm just in time to begin the preparations for spring planting.
I knew that we still had a long way to go in reaching maximum production, but we were on the right track. The farm looked good. The freshly painted buildings and fences glistened with each sunrise, and the fields were free of weeds and thistles-as much as we could possibly keep them. The spring calves were the best-looking bunch I had seen in my years on the farm. They looked strong and healthy, and I knew they would make good stock.
So as I entered that springtime, I began it as a more mature person, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Grandpa seemed to pick up a bit that spring as well. He seemed to feel better, and he looked better, too. Maybe he was finally getting rested and built up after so many years of carrying the load. At any rate, he did almost as much of the farming as I did, and when I protested, he just waved it aside, saying that he never felt better in his life.
Seeing Grandpa in good form made it even harder for Uncle Charlie. He wanted so much to be as involved, but he wasn't able to do much at all.
But Sarah was allowed to pay us frequent visits, and she was good for Uncle Charlie's morale. She was going on five and quite grown-up. She spent most of her time in the kitchen with Uncle Charlie, running his errands and helping him. Being with Sarah kept his spirits up-and she was amazingly helpful, too.
A late, slow spring put everything behind for the whole growing season. Aunt Lou came out and planted the big farm garden; that saved us time and worry. And it wasn't a burden for Aunt Lou, for she loved to be involved in making things grow.
At last, some warm, dry weather arrived, and the crops took off. They seemed to sprout up overnight.
I was going through the last of the summer months thinking only of farming and a very occasional trip to the fishing hole when Grandpa caught me off guard. We were heading to town for some supplies, and I was thinking ahead, looking forward to some time with Jon and Sarah and a piece of Aunt Lou's berry pie.
"Been thinking of offering to board the schoolteacher this year:"
I swung around to face him and must have given the reins a fair jerk, for the team threw up their heads and switched their tails in protest.
"You what?" I blurted.
"The teacher," repeated Grandpa as though I hadn't heard. "I hear they need a place for her to board:'
"And what would we ever do with a teacher?" I said tartly. "We can barely manage ourselves"
"That's the point;' said Grandpa.
"You aren't expecting a schoolteacher to teach all day and then come home and cook supper for-"
" 'Course not! 'Course not!" said Grandpa holding up his hand and shaking his head.
"Then what did you mean? How's boarding the schoolteacher going to help us out any? And, besides, where would we put her?"
"We have extry bedrooms:"
"Where?"
Grandpa looked at me like I wasn't even thinking. "Well;' he said. "Iffen you recall, there is one just down the hall from you:"
"Aunt Lou's?" I threw out the words as if Grandpa was considering treason.
"Was;' corrected Grandpa. "Was Lou's. Don't recall seeing
her use it for some time now."
He was being a little sarcastic, but I had it coming. Still, I couldn't imagine him letting someone else use Lou's room.
"Sarah uses it," I argued.
Grandpa thought about that for a few minutes before responding. Then he nodded his head. "I've thought on that;' he said. "She does come now and then, an' I sure wouldn't want to be discouraging that." He chuckled. "Isn't she somethin'?" he went on. "You see the way she helps Charlie?"
I had seen all right. And yes, Sarah was really something.
Grandpa laughed again, an outright guffaw. "The other day she was even bossin' him. `Uncle Charlie, she says, `I think you are making your biscuits too stiff. Mamma adds more milk'" Grandpa laughed again.
"So what did Uncle Charlie say?" I asked, hoping to sidetrack the conversation and, thus, the ideas.
Grandpa laughed again. "He winked at me over her head and said, `You're jest like your mamma-a little take-over. But he loved it, I could tell:'
But Grandpa wasn't ready to let his wild idea drop.
"Sarah could sleep on a cot in the corner of the kitchen;" he said.
"In the kitchen? What kind of sleep would a child get there in the kitchen with you and Uncle Charlie having your coffee and talking over the affairs of the day?"
Grandpa thought about that for several moments. I had scored a point.
"You're right;' he admitted at last. "I'll sleep in the kitchen"
"You?"
That idea was almost as preposterous.
"I've slept on the cot before;' Grandpa informed me rather firmly.
I bit my lip. I didn't want to say something that I shouldn't.
"You still haven't listened to my full idea;' Grandpa went on.
"There's more?" I hadn't intended to sound smart, but it sort of came out that way. I felt my face getting a bit red and knew that I wasn't fair to Grandpa.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "Go ahead."
Grandpa cleared his throat. He seemed to feel that we were finally getting somewhere.
"You know Charlie is having a bad time getting things done around the house?"
I nodded. We all knew that. But a teacher?A teacher would have no time and no inclination to help out three-
But Grandpa was going on. "Well, for some time now I've been a thinkin' that what we really need is a hired girl:'
A teacher? A hired girl? I didn't say it, just thought it, but Grandpa must have read my mind.
"Now, a teacher's much too busy teachin' and preparin' lessons to be able to help around the house, but to get in someone else, well that poses a problem too. Can't hardly ask a young girl to be moving into a house alone with three men, now can ya?"
I agreed, but I still couldn't follow Grandpas line of reasoning.
I shrugged and spoke to the team. Somehow I felt hurrying them might also hurry Grandpa to his point.
"So iffen we have the teacher there; then it won't be a problem getting a hired girl," he said quickly.
"What?" Was Grandpa really proposing not one woman to live in, but two?
"Simple!" said Grandpa.
"And where you planning to put her?" I said in exasperation.
"Well, we got two spare bedrooms as I see it;' Grandpa said flatly.
Gramps' room! The bedroom off the kitchen. I hadn't even thought of it-and I was surprised that Grandpa had.
I guess he read my mind again, for he kept right on talking. "A room is for use, Boy. Not for a shrine. One of the girls can have the upstairs bedroom and the other the downstairs bedroom. I don't much care who takes what. They can work that all out between themselves. Thing is, Charlie needs help, and you and I just don't have the time to spend in the kitchen. Yer ideas for better farmin' have been good, real good. But they also take lots more work to put into practice-you know that. Fella can't be two places, doin' two jobs at the same time. Now-"
But I cut in. I had better control now and spoke evenly and softly. "Have you talked to Uncle Charlie?" I felt that Uncle Charlie would be on my side.
"Not yet," said Grandpa. "Wanted to run it by you first:"
Grandpa gained some ground there. It flattered me that he had chosen to confer with me. But I was still far from convinced. I thought the idea an awfully dumb one but I knew that rather than arguing with my Grandpa, I should be logical.
"What makes you think the school board would okay a teacher staying with us?"
"Already talked to the board chairman;' Grandpa admitted.
"And if the teacher refuses?"
"She hasn't. Says that our place is right handy to the school and that it is easier to board where there aren't lots of kids"
So this wasn't some sudden idea of Grandpa's. He had already been working-behind our backs.
"Where could we find a hired girl?" I asked next, hoping that I'd stumped him on that one. There weren't many girls in our area old enough to know how to keep house who weren't already keeping their own.
"Mary Turley," said Grandpa simply.
"Mary? Mary is needed at home:"
"Not anymore. Her ma is feelin' just fine now, and she has two younger sisters who-"
I was beat on that point. I tried for another. "Who says she'd be willing to come? She-"
"She did," Grandpa said frankly.
I felt anger starting to rise. There sat Grandpa throwing out this wild and crazy scheme; he hadn't talked to either Uncle Charlie or to me before, but he had been sneaking around arranging the whole thing without us even having the chance to have our say. I had never known Grandpa to do anything so-so backhanded before.
"Now wait;' I said, holding up a hand just as I had often seen Grandpa do. "Do you think you've been fair? I mean here you are, making all these arrangements and not even asking Uncle Charlie or me what we think about the whole business. Don't you think you should have asked our opinions? After all-"
"I'm askin' ya now," Grandpa said smoothly.
"Well, it sounds to me like it's a little late;' I continued. "I mean you've decided-"
"Nothin's decided"
"But you've asked."
"Just put out some feelers," argued Grandpa.
"Quite a few feelers, I'd say," I countered rather hotly.
"Two;' said Grandpa. "Whether we could keep the teacher as a boarder, and whether we could hire some help"
"We haven't even talked about whether we can afford the help;' I reminded him. "What if we don't get a crop? What if-"
He surprised me by chuckling. "That's the beauty of the whole plan;" he said. "The teacher's board pays the hired girl."
I could only stare. He had thought of everything.
I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. I still didn't like the idea one bit. What in the world would we do with two women in the house? We'd been alone for so long, and we knew our own routine and our own quirks. How in the world would we ever make room and allowance for two women? How could Grandpa even think that it would work?
Yet it was still his house.
Then I thought of Uncle Charlie. It was true that Uncle Charlie found it difficult to care for the household, but at least he still had the feeling of being useful. Uncle Charlie would never agree to having a woman come in and take over his kitchen. Why, that would be admitting that he was no longer of use to anyone. Uncle Charlie would never be shelved like that.
"As I see it," I said, mustering my courage, "it's Uncle Charlie's decision. The house is his area"
"Exactly!" agreed Grandpa enthusiastically. "That's just the way I see it, too:"
Did Grandpa know Uncle Charlie better than I did? I slapped the reins over the rumps of the horses.
CHAPTER 19
Arrangements
Sarah pleaded to go with me to the store, and I couldn't resist the coaxing in her eyes.
"You know your mamma and papa don't want me to buy you candy," I warned her as I led her by the hand to the waiting team.
"I know;' she said cheerily. "But I like being with you anyway, Uncle Josh"
"I like being with you, too," I assured her.
"Where do we go first?" she asked me as I lifted her up onto the wagon seat.
"First the feed store, then the post office, then the hardware, and finally the grocery store"
She seemed quite satisfied with our schedule.
The feed store didn't take long; I threw the two bags of supplement feed on the wagon and we moved on.
The post office was busy, and I had to stand in line for some time before the clerk handed me our mail. But it was worth the wait. There was a letter from Willie. I tore the envelope open before I even returned to the wagon and began to scan the pages.
"What you got? A letter for you?" asked Sarah from her perch on the wagon seat. I nodded and climbed up beside her.
"Are you gonna read it?" she asked further, which I thought was rather a silly question seeing as I was already reading it. And then I realized that the questions were to remind me that Sarah was there beside me, feeling a need for a little of my attention. I reached out and took her tiny hand.
"There's a new catalog there;' I told her. "Would you like to look at that while I read my letter?"
Sarah responded immediately to the arrangement.
"We'll both read our mail," she said with a grin.
The first part of Willie's letter was all about Camellia and their courtship and their plans and what a wonderful person she was and how she was learning and growing. I skimmed quickly since it was still rather painful.
Then I came to a part that really interested me. Camellia had been to call on her pa.
It was really hard for her, wrote Willie. It was easy to understand that. I knew how Mr. Foggelson felt about religion of any kind, and I could imagine how he would respond to Camellia's becoming a believer.
But as tough as it was, she was glad that she went, the letter went on. For one thing, it helped her to understand her ma more. When we were home at Christmas Camellia tried hard to pursuade her ma to go back to her pa. Her ma just shook her head but wouldn't say anything about the situation. It made Camellia very angry with her mother.