Amorous Overnight

by Robin L. Rotham

  When had he deceived himself into believing he might be worthy of their love? Hadn’t he learned his lesson from Antani, and from Draeda? From his own mother? None of them had found anything in him worth loving, though Draeda had at least respected him as a warrior—until Antani found a way to destroy that too.

  “Papa, up. Pick me up!”

  Wyatt lay there with his arms raised, his small hands grasping in the air as his eyes searched the darkness for the flare energy his sensitive infant skin could feel. A small smile touched Cecine’s lips—his son still remembered his clandestine visits aboard the ship, when he would flare in at night and ensure the twins were alone before he revealed himself. The night Wyatt was in so much pain from teething, Cecine had waited hours and eventually decided against waking him after Shelley finally got him to sleep. He hadn’t minded that much—watching her dance with Wyatt and listening to her sing to him, he’d been thrilled and humbled and almost envious that his son was the recipient of so much maternal love.

  He still was, even if he could have none of that love for himself.

  Stepping out of the flare, Cecine leaned over the foot of the bed and picked him up, then flared back to his bedchamber. Wyatt clutched at his shirt, rubbing his cheek against it as he blinked in the dim light, and Cecine kissed his blond curls.

  He was a beloved father, if not a beloved mate, and that was comfort enough for him. It would have to be, because that was all his future held. Even if Shelley and Hastion eventually forgave him for his manipulations enough to invite him to their bed, they would never love him as they loved each other and he was too proud to settle for less. When the need for sexual release arose, he would use the probe. That way there would be no messy emotions for him to misinterpret.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  When Armitran informed Cecine that Shelley was approaching his office, a storm brewed on the horizon, the first since her return from the Heptoral three weeks earlier. He’d maintained his distance from her and Hastion since then, hoping to assuage the pain of loss by interacting with the twins, and to gain some measure of peace and acceptance. It hadn’t gotten easier with time. Instead, living with them, and yet apart from them, in his own house grew more difficult every day.

  Turning to face his desk, he called up the holoscreen of an address he’d been composing for the upcoming sector summit. “Admit her.”

  Shelley walked in and stood before him with her arms crossed, looking much like an approaching storm herself. A very desirable, sun-flushed storm in short pants and a thin sleeveless top that displayed much of her charming cleavage.

  Squelching the desire that surged in his loins, he inquired, “Yes?”

  “Are you ever going to apologize?” she said baldly.

  He turned his attention to the holoscreen. “If I apologized every time I did what I thought was right, I’d never stop.”

  “Fine, then I want to go back to Earth and spend some time with my family.”

  A fine tension threaded through his muscles but he said calmly, “I told you I’d bring them here for a visit.”

  “I know, but I miss them now. Between working at the compound and living on the ship, I’ve already spent almost two years away from them. And now I’ve changed so much, and the kids are so advanced for their age, no one could possibly recognize us. Why shouldn’t we go now, before I go back to being a nurse? I’ll just meet them in some neutral place every once in a while, like a hotel or something.”

  “The Heptoral won’t return for six months, and I can’t be gone that long again. The first mission took too long as it was.”

  “Actually, I would prefer it if you didn’t go. I need some time away from you.”

  He focused sharply on her face. “Why?”

  “Why? After everything that’s happened, you can ask me that?”

  “You’re well, the children are well,” he said with all the patience he could muster, “and I make it a point not to disturb you.”

  “I don’t know you!”

  “You know me as well as anyone.” As well as he cared to be known.

  “All right, then I don’t trust you.”

  “That’s your problem, and running away isn’t going to solve it,” he said curtly. “I’m not letting you leave here with my children.”

  She glared at him. “They’re my children, and you owe me this, Cecine.”

  “How in Peserin’s name did you arrive at that conclusion?” he asked with an incredulous laugh.

  Shelley placed her hands on his desk and leaned through the holoscreen until her thick braid tumbled onto the desk’s surface in front of her. Challenging him with her sharp blue eyes, she said, “You’re more powerful than any person here or on Earth, and if you’d done everything you could to help me, I’d still be there. Admit it, Cecine. At the very least, I’d have had more time with my family before we left. You had the means—you could have done that for me. Instead, you did everything you could to make life impossible for me there, didn’t you?”

  When he remained silent, she raised a brow. “Deny it, Cecine. I dare you.”

  Anger, twined with a damnable thread of guilt, tightened his stomach. “You were free to return to Earth at any time after diplomatic negotiations reopened.”

  “Without my children.”

  “Without my children,” he growled.

  She turned away but not before he saw the tears filling her eyes. “They’re all you ever wanted, aren’t they?”

  Cecine closed his eyes briefly, consumed by a tangled web of emotions he couldn’t begin to sort out. The one thing he did know was that, however unbridgeable the gap between them, Shelley was innocent of any wrongdoing. It would be dishonorable to punish her because she couldn’t love him.

  Turning to face the window, he forced out, “You may all return to Earth with the Heptoral, but my children will be returned to me with or without you. I assume the ensign is accompanying you?”

  “Yes, he is,” she said after a tense silence. “And his name is Hastion.”

  “I’m aware of that. Funds will be made available for you on Earth and Empran will assist you. Do you require anything else from me? I’m quite busy.”

  “No, you’ve done more than enough, thanks.”

  Three days later, Shelley approached Cecine in his office again. He was behind his desk, absorbed in work as he always was, except when he was spending private time with the twins. He rarely even dined at the table with them all anymore on the nights when he was home.

  Home. God, she already thought of Cecine’s house that way, as if it was where she belonged, and as upset with him as she was, her heart ached at the thought of leaving him here alone for so long. Whether he admitted it or not, he’d be lonely. He’d told her as much on her first night here, that dining alone had gotten old. But right now she just couldn’t handle his aloofness. She had to put some time and space between them, to try to get some perspective on the situation and figure out where to go from here. She and Hastion both needed it.

  Maybe they all did. Cecine had certainly accepted her decision to return to Earth with the twins without as much of an argument as she’d expected. If he hadn’t acted like such an asshole, she would have assured him they were coming back.

  Shelley sighed, wishing she hadn’t reacted so defensively. She should have pushed him until he snapped at her or sent her away—at least then she might have seen some honest emotion from him. Looking at him now, she wondered again if the attentive, flirtatious man she’d fallen for so hard was still in there somewhere. Had it all been an act for her benefit, or was this mask of cold disinterest the act?

  “Are you coming down to say goodbye to the twins?” she finally asked. A shuttle from the Mate Assignment Committee waited on the beach below. After it dropped them off on Ryola, it would continue on to the isle of Letra, where Tara’s assigned mates would meet her. She’d been shocked at first when Shelley told her they were returning to Earth for a visit and would no longer need her, but she’d r
ecovered quickly.

  “I’ve said what I needed to,” he told her without looking up.

  Tears swam in her eyes and constricted her throat. God, if he would just say something. Anything. Preferably “I love you, Shelley,” or at the very least “I need you, Shelley,” she’d stay in a heartbeat. Hell, she’d probably stay if he just said, “Can’t we work this out?” But he said nothing. She had no idea what was going on in his head, ever, and she just couldn’t live like that.

  But she had to at least try.

  “Cecine…”

  He sighed and leaned back. “What do you want, Shelley?”

  She ground her teeth and then inspiration struck. Going to stand behind his chair, she said, “Would you please look at me?”

  He turned slowly and stared up at her without expression. “Yes?”

  “Kiss me goodbye.”

  “I no longer take orders from females,” he informed her with a haughty look.

  “All right, then would you please kiss me goodbye?”

  He didn’t even blink. “I don’t see what purpose it would serve. You’re leaving.”

  “We’ll be back.”

  “Of course you will.”

  “Dammit…” She grabbed his head and leaned down, kissing him roughly at first, then backing off and caressing his lips with hers. When he didn’t respond at all, she let go and turned away, blinking back tears. “Goodbye, Cecine.”

  “Are you okay?” Monica asked when she came down the steps to the beach. She was standing by Commander Kellen and Lieutenant Zannen. They’d come to visit Cecine during what Monica obviously suspected was going to be a hard time for him.

  Shelley gave a jerky nod. “Yup. Just…frustrated with your father. He never gives an inch, does he?”

  “He can be stubborn,” she agreed. “But I think he’s going to miss you.”

  “He’s going to miss the babies.”

  “He’s going to miss all of you. All of us,” she added with a frown. “I really hate that he’s going to be here without anyone at all.”

  “Actually, so do I,” said Kellen. “I think he’s more attached than he lets on.”

  Guilt and pain ate at Shelley. They were staying with Hastion’s father for a few days so that he could get acquainted with his grandchildren before they joined everyone else on the Heptoral. Hopefully Cecine would decide he needed them before they left.

  Hastion and Tara walked up with the babies, and for once Tara looked bright and excited. God, they should have sent her off to her mates weeks ago. Why hadn’t she just said she was miserable here instead of acting so bitchy?

  “Are you ready to leave, Shelley?” Hastion asked.

  Shelley hesitated, looking up at Cecine’s deck. She was startled to see him at the rail, watching them with an intense expression.

  When she didn’t answer, Tara said, “Why don’t I get the kids settled on the shuttle. I’ll just take Wyatt and then come back for Kallie.”

  Shelley nodded. “That would be great. Thanks, Tara.”

  After Tara headed toward the shuttle, Monica took Kallie from Hastion’s arms. “Here, I’ll take her so you two can have a few minutes to talk, okay?”

  “And I’ll just go up and have a word with the minister,” Kellen said as she followed Tara to the shuttle.

  “All right, sir,” Hastion said. “I’ll see you aboard the Heptoral in five days.”

  Kellen bowed and headed up the stairs.

  When Zannen continued to stand there, Hastion gave him a pointed look.

  Zannen raised his brows. “Something on your mind, Ensign?”

  “Some privacy, perhaps?”

  “Why didn’t you say so?”

  Hastion’s look grew even more pointed. “I just did.”

  When Zannen grinned and walked toward the stairs, Hastion said, “Shelley, are you certain this is what you want to do?”

  She swallowed. “I don’t think I have any choice. I tried to talk to him and he just…shut me out.”

  Hastion nodded. “I understand, but I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  He kissed her lips and then looped her arm through his. “Shall we?”

  Shelley took one last look up at Cecine and then nodded, her heart thudding thickly with misery. “Okay.”

  They’d taken three steps toward the shuttle when it exploded, sending a sparkling black cloud of flame over the beach.

  Shelley screamed. “No!”

  When she would have run toward the cloud, Hastion grabbed her and clutched her to his chest, ignoring her struggles and turning her back toward the house.

  Masculine echoes of her frantic cries rang from the balcony and suddenly Kellen landed on the sand in front of them, racing toward the cloud. Zannen caught him around the waist and fought to hold him back.

  “Monica!” he shouted.

  But all that remained was a blackened circle of emptiness.

  Shelley woke with a gasp and threw off the blanket. The twins were upset and frightened. They needed her—she had to get to them.

  Before she could climb off the bed, an arm slid around her waist. “Shelley, are you all right?”

  She turned to blink down at Hastion in the dim light slanting in from her bathroom. “The twins are crying.”

  He closed his eyes as if he were in pain. “Oh, my love…”

  With those simple words, it all came flooding back—the explosion, her screaming and sobbing, fighting to get to them…

  Her babies were gone. They’d been vaporized with the shuttle pod.

  “Oh God,” she breathed. How could she have forgotten for even an instant?

  Maybe it was the sedative. Tiber had given her a shot of something to calm her and help her sleep, though she’d cried long into the night before she finally drifted off. That must be why she was confused, why she’d thought she heard them. Why she’d felt them calling for her.

  And it must still be affecting her because, although she remembered the terror and the crushing pain she’d experienced in that instant, she felt nothing now. It was as though her heart and lungs were frozen in a stasis field like the one they’d put Dr. Ketrok in, her brain pinwheeling like it had just been rebooted and all her routine thought processes were taking forever to load. Any minute now she’d come back to life and start breathing. Start thinking. Start feeling.

  Hastion pulled her down into his arms, her back against his warm chest. “I’m so sorry, Shelley.”

  “I want them back,” she told him in a rusty voice.

  His hold tightened and he kissed her hair. “I know, my love, I know. So do I. We all do.”

  Then she remembered—

  “Monica.” The tears prickling in her gritty eyes were almost a relief as she struggled to sit up again. “Oh dear God, Cecine must be devastated. Where is he?”

  Hastion didn’t let her go. “He hasn’t returned to the house yet. He’s directing the investigation into the explosion.”

  “It must be close to dawn,” she said, settling against him reluctantly. “Is he okay?”

  He sighed. “It’s difficult to tell. He doesn’t give away much.”

  He didn’t say anything more, and for a while she just lay quietly in his arms, listening to his breathing deepen while she worried about Cecine. He’d already lost two daughters. How could God—or the Powers, or whoever was up there—take away Monica too? It just didn’t seem fair.

  And the twins… God, he’d loved them so much it was almost palpable. He was their father, and as hurt and angry as she’d been over his deception and subsequent coldness, Shelley couldn’t deny that she’d loved the way he loved them. He had to be in absolute agony.

  Or maybe he was feeling the same kind of numbness she was—except numbness wasn’t exactly the right word for it anymore.

  Shelley frowned. Now that her head was clearer, she realized she did feel something. An odd, yet familiar, sensation, an intimate presence inside her mind and her heart…an urgent, insistent energy that pulsed
like a message from a remote part of herself.

  Her eyes widened. It was the twins—her mother’s awareness still hummed with their life force, still throbbed with every rapid beat of their little hearts.

  Her children were alive.

  Practically screaming with excitement, she rolled out of Hastion’s embrace and sat up to shake him. “Hastion, wake up!”

  He started up onto one elbow, blinking. “What is it?”

  “They’re alive. The babies.”

  For a second he looked overjoyed. “But how?”

  “I don’t know, but they are. I can feel it. Feel them. They’re alive!”

  His expression dimmed. “Shelley…”

  “I know it sounds crazy. Believe me, I know. But I promise you, Hastion, they’re alive out there. Somewhere. They’re scared and upset, but they’re alive, and they want me.”

  “Oh, Shelley, how I wish that were true.”

  She jumped up and stripped off her nightgown. “I’m telling you, they’re alive and someone needs to be looking for them. Armitran, where is Cecine?”

  “Minister Cecine is in his study.”

  She dressed quickly and then, without waiting for a silent Hastion, made her way up to the next floor. The first smudges of lavender light were just beginning to brighten the sky.

  She found Cecine sitting at his massive desk, once again staring at a holographic projection of some document written in Garathani.

  His eyes focused on her, but they looked blank, as if his mind were somewhere else.

  “How can I help you, Shelley?”

  “The twins are alive, which means Monica is probably alive too. You have to do something. Search for them.”

  Cecine’s expression hardened to a bleak, frozen mask. “I know you want to believe that.”

  “I do believe it because it’s true.”

  “Shelley, their cerecom signatures were lost and we found traces of DNA from everyone aboard at the site of the explosion. They’re gone.”

  “I don’t care what you found. They’re alive.”

  “Shelley, please.” Hastion wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. “The minister would have exhausted every—”