by Laura Hilton
Good thing Joshua hadn’t given in to the almost overwhelming temptation to kiss her.
Then again, maybe he should have. Because he was pretty sure she was getting kissed tonight, either by him or by Luke. And he wanted to be the one.
He took a step toward the door. He wanted to go after them, to keep an eye on things. But it would be wrong to slip out into the darkness to spy on a couple, even though he didn’t trust Luke one bit.
He turned around and went back upstairs, dragging his feet all the way. He would go back to bed, though he doubted he’d sleep a wink until he heard Annie come back inside.
And maybe not even after that.
Instead, he stood at the window in his bedroom, watching them. Hoping Annie would tell Luke to leave her alone. Send him away. Tell him a firm “Nein.”
What he would do if Luke kissed her, Joshua didn’t know.
***
Annie kept her distance from Luke, as before, walking silently beside him as he talked about his plans for their future together. How he intended to build a small, one-bedroom haus on his daed’s property, just to start with. How his job working for his daed would support them. He even promised to join the church. Annie listened, all the while thinking about what Joshua had said, as well as waiting for a chance to fit a word in edgewise.
Finally, Luke paused, and she spoke up. “We’re not courting, Luke. Please don’t build anything with me in mind.” She moved further away from him, wishing she hadn’t awakened and answered his summons. She should have stayed in the kitchen with Joshua, instead. Would he have kissed her if she hadn’t been going to meet Luke? Did he really like her in that way? If so, her decision to meet Luke, anyway, certainly gave the wrong impression.
Luke said something else, but Annie didn’t catch it. Oh, well. Hadn’t his daed fired him once before, only to hire him back when he’d come home? She frowned, trying to recall whether that had been rumor or fact. Regardless, she didn’t want to lead him on any longer.
“We aren’t getting married.” That had come out a bit harsher than she’d intended. No telling how Luke would take it.
He growled and stopped walking. She could feel the anger radiating from him. And she caught a whiff of his breath—whiskey? “You don’t know your own mind, Annie. You are going to marry me,” he insisted.
“Not if you don’t treat me with some respect!” She hoped he didn’t think that respectful treatment would change her mind, though. No matter what, she wouldn’t settle for Luke—or for anyone else she didn’t love. Much less anyone who didn’t love her.
“I do respect you, Annie. How dare you say I don’t? I haven’t even tried to kiss you, other than that one time when I was drunk. I missed your mouth and kissed your cheek, instead, and then you slapped me.”
“Jah, and I’ll slap you again if you so much as touch me. Just leave me alone, please? I think you need to listen to Bishop Sol and think about why you want to join the church. If it’s just so you can marry me, then you can forget it.”
“I wouldn’t be the first man to join the church for a girl. I bet half the men in the district joined because their future fraus wanted them to.”
“But did any of them actually leave the community to go live in town?”
“Some of them did, jah.” But there was a shadow of doubt in his voice, as if he couldn’t provide particular names to prove his point.
Annie was tempted to ask for names, just to egg him on. Instead, she merely sighed. “Luke, I’m sorry, but I need to pray some more about this. I just don’t feel secure about you. What if you decide you want to be Englisch someday?”
He hesitated. “You’d kum with me. You know that Bible verse that says, ‘Whither thou goest, I will go’? That’s what a gut frau does. And you’d be a gut frau, Annie.”
Now, she was angry. “But I don’t want to go, Luke. I want to stay. Amish is who I am, who I’ll always be.”
He shrugged. “You can be anything. You could teach after you were married if you weren’t Amish.”
That wasn’t true. Englisch schoolteachers had to go to college and earn a degree. They couldn’t teach with only an eighth-grade education. But she knew from past experience that it was useless to try reasoning through anything with Luke. Especially after he’d been drinking. “You mean, you expect your frau to work? After you’re married?”
“Lots of Amish fraus work; you know that. Most of them have their little cottage industries. Kind of hard to live on just one income these days, even for the Amish.”
“Jah, but….” “Sometimes, you’re mean to me,” she wanted to tell him. Like right now. He was controlling and stubborn. She bit her lip to keep the words from coming out. He’d only deny her accusation, just as he’d done countless times before. Granted, it had usually been after a spell of drinking, but she couldn’t marry a man she feared. And she wouldn’t marry the town drunk. She spun around. “I’m going home, Luke. Danki for coming by, but it’s late. And maybe I’m mistaken, but it doesn’t sound as if you intend to stay here in Seymour.”
“You’re right. You don’t understand. I will stay. Really.”
“Still, it’s late.” She hoped her voice sounded gentle and didn’t reveal the frustration she felt. “Go home and pray about your reasons for wanting to join the church.”
“Nein need to pray. I know exactly what I want.”
Annie smiled sadly. “So do I.” And it wasn’t Luke. But how could she make him see that?
And would she regret turning him away if she found out that Joshua didn’t want her?
She shook her head. She’d rather be a maidal. Spinsterhood was far preferable to marrying Luke Schwartz.
She wanted to say that out loud, but the stench of the whiskey, or whatever he’d been drinking, on his breath was overpowering. And he got mean when crossed. She winced, remembering the hard shake he’d given her earlier. When he’d been sober.
She turned and hurried back across the dark field toward home, never looking back to see whether Luke followed her. Normally, a bu would walk his girl back home, but she wasn’t Luke’s girl now. She was nobody’s girl. And she needed to remember that.
She climbed the back steps and slipped into the kitchen. A couple of lit candles were arranged near the edge of the table, where Joshua sat, his Bible open before him. His forefinger hovered over the verse he’d just read.
Annie skidded to a stop. “Ach, you’re still up?”
His smile was hesitant. Flickering. Kind of sad-looking. “I couldn’t sleep. Decided to read and pray.”
“Downstairs?”
“I forgot my water.” He nodded toward the glass. “Did you have a gut walk?”
Annie shrugged. “Luke’s full of plans. Talking about building a small haus and everything.” She pulled out a chair and sat next to him. “What book are you reading from?”
“Psalms.” Joshua slid a bookmark into the middle of the Bible and closed it. Then, he adjusted the two candles, sliding them a bit further away from him. Far enough from him to cast his face in shadows. “He’s building you a haus, then, jah?”
“Me? Nein. I told him…I said that I think he needs to pray about why he wants to return to the Amish. That we need to pray about the relationship between us.” She fidgeted. “Truthfully, I’d rather be a maidal than marry him.”
“Did you say that?” Joshua leaned forward.
Annie shook her head. “I wanted to, but I was afraid. He has a temper. I mean, he’s normally polite—harmless, really—and he was known to keep the Englisch parties under control during his rumschpringe. But whenever Luke drinks, his temper is easily riled, and he tends to get violent.” She lowered her head. “I think he’d been drinking. I didn’t want him to hurt me, given how much it hurt when he shook me earlier today, walking in the field.” She rubbed her upper arms where he’d grabbed her.
“He hurt you?” Joshua’s eyes widened. A muscle tensed in his jaw.
“Not severely.” She didn’t want to alarm him
. “I may have some bruises, though, and it’s a little sore.”
“Annie. You need to stay away from him.”
She nodded her head. “Jah.”
He reached out his forefinger and gently lifted her chin, so that their gazes met. “There was an abusive man who lived near me in Pennsylvania. He was arrested for beating his frau in public. I was there. Scared me to death. I never want to see another woman go through that.”
Tears burned her eyes. “Jah. There are some men like that around here, too.”
“There’s never a gut reason for a man to hurt a woman.”
Whoever landed Joshua Esh would marry a good man. If only she could be the one he chose.
Well, if she allowed him to court her, maybe she would be.
He released her chin and leaned back in his chair. “I suppose we should try to get some sleep.”
Annie took a deep breath and prayed for courage. Her cheeks warmed. “Joshua. When I said nein earlier today, I didn’t mean it. I’d love to go on a walk or a buggy ride with you.”
Chapter 16
Joshua tried to keep from smiling. “Ach, now, I don’t know. You said nein. Not sure I want a wishy-washy woman keeping me company.” He shook his head with mock seriousness. “Besides, you asking me is ever so bold. I’m not sure what my parents or yours would say if they heard that you’d asked me out.” He stood and lifted one of the candles. “I need to get some sleep. Let me think on it overnight. Sweet dreams, Annie.” He winked, hoping she would realize he was merely kidding with her. And, if she didn’t, he figured she could use a taste of her own medicine.
He went off to bed, still smiling.
When he awoke the next morning, his smile was still in place.
After helping with the chores, Joshua went back inside the haus to wash up, then sat down at his place at the table. Cathy slid a plate with an omelet in front of him. Next, she added to the table a platter of bacon, a bowl of fried potatoes, and a tray of buttered toast. “Gut morgen, Joshua.” She smiled sweetly.
Joshua raised his eyebrows. This was a switch. Cathy had been giving him the cold shoulder since his arrival, speaking to him only when necessary. Maybe his talk with Annie had cleared the air with all the Beilers, and there would be no more practical jokes at his expense. That would be a relief. “Gut morgen, Cathy. This omelet looks wunderbaar.”
Her smile widened. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. I made it especially for you, just the way you like it.” She proceeded to set a plated omelet at each place around the table.
Annie came into the room, smiling shyly at him, and then set several jars of homemade jam on the table near the toast.
After everyone had gathered and paused for the silent prayer, Joshua took a helping of potatoes and a slice of bacon before passing each serving dish to Aaron. Then, he took a bite of his omelet. Immediately, his mouth started burning. He grabbed his glass of orange juice and gulped it down, then jumped up, rushed to the refrigerator, and poured his cup full of cold milk, which he proceeded to chug, as well. As he did, he ignored the stares of confusion aimed at him from almost every person at the table.
But he didn’t fail to notice Cathy’s smirk.
After draining his glass of milk, Joshua met Cathy’s eyes. “Wow, Cathy. That is the spiciest omelet I’ve ever had. Is it a southwest version or something?”
“Do you like it?” Cathy’s voice was saccharine sweet. “David told me how much you loved jalapeños. You add them to everything, he said. I wanted you to feel at home.”
“He said that, did he?” Joshua wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “I’ll be sure to thank him next time I see him.”
“Catherine Grace.” Isaac lowered his fork and knife onto his plate with a noisy clatter. “Step into the other room for a moment.”
“What for, Daed? For trying to make Joshua feel welkum by fixing food the way he likes it? The hotter and spicier the better, I was told.”
Isaac stood, his eyes narrowing. “Are you talking back to me, daughter?” He strode toward the door.
Cathy shrugged and then, casting Joshua a look of pure venom, followed her daed into the living room.
Now, Joshua had no doubt that Cathy had been behind all of the pranks. The question was, why? Had David put her up to it? Or did she have reasons of her own? Sighing, he poured himself another glass of milk. Then, he picked up his plate, scraped his omelet into the trash can, and returned to the table to eat the rest of his breakfast.
Aaron patted him on the back. “Sorry about that. I thought she’d done something like that to your egg salad sandwiches on Saturday. She told me not to eat them.” Aaron bowed his head for another silent prayer, pushed away from the table, and went outside. Joshua was glad he and Annie had eaten at the Bass Pro Shop rather than sampling Cathy’s fare.
Lydia shook her head. “Hardly a harmless practical joke, to be sure. And it wasn’t very nice of this David to tell Cathy to do something like that.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Annie use her fork to lift the edge of her omelet and peek inside. Perhaps she wanted to make sure she hadn’t received one that had been spiked with hot pepper, as well.
Lydia turned to Annie. “So, who is this David? Do you know him?” She twisted to look back at Joshua. “And how does he know that you don’t like spicy foods?”
“He’s one of the buwe who came down in the last bunch,” Annie explained. “I think there were ten of you who came in June, right, Joshua?”
“Ten, jah. He’s David Lapp. He’s been seeing Cathy some, I think.” Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned that, in case Lydia hadn’t known. With his fork, Joshua moved some potatoes around on his plate. “We went to school together. He and I didn’t get along so well.”
Lydia set her silverware down on the edge of her plate. “And so, this feud between you is continuing here? And he’s getting my daughter involved? Have you retaliated in any way?”
Joshua shook his head. “Nein. Only thing I’ve ever done was steal his bullfrog, back when we were just kinner. And I returned it with an apology.” When his daed had made him. But at least he’d said he was sorry, even if he didn’t mean it.
He’d also made fun of David for being a big baby multiple times over the years. He’d never apologized for that.
“Well, then. It is past time this thing gets settled, ain’t so?” Lydia pierced him with a look that almost made him want to hide.
“Jah. Jah, it is.” He lowered his head in shame. If only he hadn’t taken David’s bullfrog. Evidently, the prank had been far more serious in David’s eyes than he’d anticipated.
“Annie, you and Cathy take Joshua and David out, maybe fishing,” Lydia instructed her. “Today, if possible. Definitely the sooner, the better, I’m thinking. And, Joshua, you be the man here, if he won’t.”
Joshua nodded. Lydia’s firm approach made him miss his mamm. This time, he’d apologize with sincerity.
Just then, he almost laughed. Had Lydia really just set him and Annie up on a date? He glanced at Annie, who stared at her omelet, a blush staining her cheeks.
He smiled. She’d asked him out last night, and it seemed as if her request would be granted, with or without his specific consent.
***
Annie stole a glance at Joshua. Considering the vague response he’d given last night to her retraction, she didn’t know quite what to think about Mamm’s arranging an outing for them. Joshua had basically said, “Let me pray about it,” and everybody knew that was usually a nice way of saying “Nein.” But fishing together ought to be okay. And they didn’t have to go alone. She could ask Jacob and Becky to come with them, maybe. That way, she’d have someone to talk to.
She looked over at Mamm, regretting that she’d let her in on her crush. It had been clear enough, considering the way she’d described Joshua—and within earshot of him, no less.
And it hadn’t helped matters when Joshua had revealed that Annie had covered his bed with her wedding quilt. Mamm had kept quiet
about that, even after Annie had switched out that quilt for a nine-patch.
Of course, the walls of the haus were mighty thin. Mamm and Daed probably heard every word of their conversation last night, including the part when she’d asked him out.
And his refusal. Evidently, Mamm had decided not to take “Nein” as his final answer.
“Jah, I can do that,” Joshua finally replied. “Annie, would you do me the honor of coming with me? If David says jah, that is?” Joshua nudged her foot with his. Touching her without Mamm knowing.
She nodded.
Mamm pushed her wheelchair away from the table. “I’ll go have a talk with your daed and Cathy.” She wheeled her way into the other room.