Aqua-coloured eyes narrowed to steely slits. ‘Have you known that all the time?’
‘Not all the time, no,’ she conceded, but at the same time knowing there was no point in not telling him the complete truth now. ‘But most of it,’ she admitted with a grimace.
His mouth twisted wryly. ‘So the joke was on me all the time!’ he dismissed self-disgustedly. ‘Well, it was very nice of you all to come here and explain just why Fin was so determined that I wasn’t going to meet her mother,’ he told them briskly. ‘But now, if you don’t mind—’
‘We do mind, Jacob,’ Jenny told him firmly. ‘We weren’t just being nice when we came here.’
‘What more do you want from me?’ he challenged harshly, his defences up. ‘I certainly don’t need an audience to witness the fact that I’ve been behaving like an idiot, talking to Fin in the way I have, confiding my doubts and ambitions to her in a way that I’ve never— All this time you’ve known more about me than I knew!’ He glared at her accusingly. ‘I feel like a damned fool for even letting you come near me. And how you must have hated listening to me talking about myself!’
‘But it wasn’t like that!’ she protested appealingly. ‘I listened to you because I wanted to, because I really thought it helped you to be able to talk to me, because—’ She broke off abruptly as she realised she had been about to tell him of the love she felt for him, her cheeks suddenly fiery red. ‘I listened because I wanted to,’ she repeated softly.
‘Paul Halliwell’s daughter!’ Jake burst out frustratedly, as if only now beginning to accept the fact.
‘She’s my daughter too,’ Jenny told him quietly. ‘And I believe she cares for you very much.’ She looked at Fin with indulgent affection.
‘Mummy!’ she protested with an embarrassed groan; her humiliation didn’t have to be that complete.
Jake’s expression softened as he saw her agitation. ‘I wish—’ He sighed deeply, running a hand through the dark thickness of his hair. ‘There is so much you don’t—can’t know about what happened ten years ago, things that mean we don’t stand a chance as Jacob Dalton and Fin Halliwell.’ He looked haggard.
‘Things like Paul and Angela’s affair, you mean,’ Jenny put in softly.
For a moment he looked startled that she should know about that, and then he nodded heavily, acknowledging that he had known of it too.
‘Like Paul’s wanting a divorce so that he and Angela could marry?’ Jenny continued ruefully.
The aqua-coloured eyes narrowed. ‘He actually asked you for a divorce?’
‘Not quite.’ Her mouth twisted ruefully. ‘I found the letter he had written to me asking for the divorce after his death!’
‘God …!’ Jake shook his head disgustedly. ‘I thought at least one of us had escaped knowing the truth of their affair all these years.’
Jenny shrugged. ‘I knew of it and got over it long ago. And so did Fin,’ she added pointedly.
Jake made no reply, and Fin’s sense of helplessness deepened. The obstacle that had stood in their way had been removed, and there was still no softening in his attitude towards her. But what had she expected; a declaration of love? It was too much to hope that he felt the same way about her as she did him.
David was watching the other man thoughtfully. ‘There’s more, isn’t there, Jake?’ he said slowly. ‘What is it we don’t know? Just why did you decide to drop out of circulation for ten years? I’m sure you were devastated at the death of your wife, but if you knew of her affair with Halliwell—’
‘Yes, I was devastated,’ Jake bit out gratingly. ‘Shocked. Stunned. Finally bewildered and sickened. But not at Angela’s death. You see,’ he breathed shakily, ‘she and Paul weren’t the ones who were supposed to perish in that fire—I was!’ He was almost grey-looking now, lost in the trauma of the memory.
Fin stared at him incredulously, his meaning becoming crystal-clear in the complete silence that followed his statement. The fire hadn’t been an accident at all. It had been started deliberately. But it had found the wrong victim—victims!
Not her father! She couldn’t believe, no matter what else he had done, that he could be capable of such a callous, calculated act.
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ Jake groaned at the distraught expression on her face. ‘Paul wasn’t involved in it; to his credit he didn’t want any part of Angela’s plan to get rid of me without the messy publicity that would go along with a divorce between us.’ He gave a heavy sigh. ‘I overheard them discussing it—arguing about it might be a better description of the conversation. And Paul, for all that he was in love with Angela and wanted to be with her, was shocked at her plotting and scheming.’ He gave a disgusted snort. ‘I wish I could say I was as shocked, but after three years of being married to her nothing Angela did could really make me feel that way any more!’
‘Do you want to start at the beginning?’ David said softly, his arm having gone protectively about his wife’s shoulders at the first mention of the fire. ‘I think, in light of what you have just revealed, that it might be best, don’t you?’ he prompted evenly.
Jake shrugged defensively. ‘I’ve lived alone with the past for the last ten years; I don’t see why I shouldn’t continue to do so.’
‘And Fin?’ David reminded softly. ‘What about your feelings for her? Because you do care for her, don’t you?’
Jake looked across at her with darkly pained eyes. ‘Too much to want to inflict the publicity on her that would ensue when it becomes public knowledge that Jacob Dalton is in love with Paul Halliwell’s daughter!’
‘Jake!’ she gasped ecstatically, her eyes bright with love for him as she made a move towards him, only to be stopped in her tracks as he held up his hands defensively. ‘Jake …?’ She groaned her puzzlement at this further rejection of her; she didn’t care about the publicity!
He shook his head. ‘Loving someone isn’t always enough,’ he told her grimly.
‘But I love you too!’ she protested.
‘Can’t you see that it wouldn’t be enough?’ he said impatiently. ‘I thought it was bad enough when I realised I had fallen in love with a young innocent; now that I know you’re also Paul Halliwell’s daughter the whole thing is ludicrously impossible!’
‘As I told you before, Jacob, Fin is my daughter too,’ Jenny put in firmly. ‘And if I know her at all—and I know her very well indeed!—then nothing you have to say will make the slightest bit of difference to the fact that she loves you and wants to be with you! The McKenzie women can be very determinedly single-minded when they have to be,’ she added with an affectionate smile at Fin.
‘And the McKenzie man can vouch for that!’ David acknowledged self-derisively, smiling at his wife lovingly.
Fin drew in a deep breath, walking slowly towards Jake, standing just in front of him now. ‘Nothing of what you have to tell me has made the slightest difference to my loving you,’ she said huskily. ‘Does my being Paul’s daughter stop you loving me?’ She looked up at him anxiously.
‘Don’t be so damned stupid,’ he rasped, much more like the Jake she knew—and still loved! ‘You aren’t your father.’
‘Then—’
‘Will you just hear me out?’ he cut in harshly. ‘See how you feel about me then!’
She shook her head. ‘My mother was right, and I’ve also told you—it won’t make any difference.’
‘Let’s wait and see, shall we?’ he said grimly. ‘I suggest we all go inside—’
‘There’s nothing wrong with sitting in the garden, Jake,’ David told him lightly. ‘Our surroundings aren’t going to lessen anything you have to tell us.’ He moved through the garden gate, taking Fin’s mother with him, sitting down on one of the loungers that still lay there, Jenny at his side.
After an impatient glare in Fin’s direction Jake followed the other man with long decisive strides. Fin followed along more slowly, loving Jake so much at that moment, his pain a tangible thing. And, after keeping the h
orror of the fire ten years ago to himself all these years, that wasn’t surprising! My God, it was unbelievable.
But she did believe him, without question. It seemed incredible that it had happened the way he said it had, that her father and Angela had really intended him to die in the fire, but it explained oh, so clearly why he had been sickened by Hollywood and everything to do with it ten years ago, why he had walked away without hesitation and never looked back.
Until now …
But they could talk about that later; right now she just wanted to be at his side when he relived the pain of the past.
She moved to sit on the grass at his feet, her arm resting across one of his knees as she pressed against him. He shot her a distracted look, obviously deeply disturbed by her proximity, but Fin only returned his gaze with steady intent, having no intention of moving away from him, enjoying just touching him in this way.
A fact Jake seemed to recognise and accept as he began to talk. ‘I was only twenty-three when I went to Hollywood, but by the time I was twenty-six I had already directed three successful films—’
‘Very successful films,’ David recalled pointedly.
Jake gave an acknowledging inclination of his head.
‘I had seen Angela at the usual parties, heard of her complete professionalism, but the two of us had never actually been introduced. When we finally did meet it was like—’ He shook his head at the memory. ‘She was beautiful to look at, and her eyes were almost hypnotic, had the ability to make you feel you were the most important person on earth to her.’ He gave a shuddering sigh. ‘Like dozens of other men before me, I fell for her seemingly unaffected charm. And she seemed to fall in love with me too. We became the Golden Couple of Hollywood.’ His face was haggard from the memories.
‘When did the “gold” begin to tarnish?’ David prompted softly at his prolonged silence.
Jake roused himself with effort, his hand moving instinctively to clasp Fin’s as it rested on his knee, unaware that the pressure of his fingers was hurting her. But it was a pain she gladly took for him. ‘Almost as soon as we were married,’ he sighed heavily. ‘Angela liked things her own way, all the time, I discovered, and when they didn’t go that way she would lapse into uncontrollable rages. And she would imagine—oh, God, the things she would imagine!’
Fin could imagine that in a place like Hollywood there would be lots of temptation, especially for a man as attractive and powerful as Jake, but she also knew him well enough to know that if he made a commitment to someone then he would honour that commitment; she didn’t doubt that he had been faithful to Angela, no matter what his wife might have thought to the contrary.
Jake shook his head. ‘She grew up in that artificial world, had been used to having her every whim granted by the film studio; she had no idea how to deal with real life, with real relationships. Marriage was just too real. Especially to me,’ he realised ruefully. ‘I’m not the lap-dog kind, had my own career to think of, couldn’t always be gazing at her adoringly and telling her how wonderful she was, which was what she had been hearing all her life from one source or another. It was what she lived for. After six months of marriage between us I knew we couldn’t continue the way we were; the rages were becoming more frequent, the demands ridiculous. But when I mentioned divorce to Angela she swallowed the contents of a bottle of sleeping pills,’ he groaned.
Fin looked at him searchingly, only able to guess at the anguish he must have gone through at Angela’s attempted suicide. If that was really what it had been? It sounded more to her like the spiteful act of a very spoilt woman who couldn’t have her own way, not the cry for help attempted suicide should be.
‘Something the film studio hushed up,’ Fin’s mother said knowingly.
‘Of course,’ Jake acknowledged grimly. ‘She was Angela Ripley, more squeaky-clean than Doris Day! Besides, she hadn’t taken enough pills actually to kill herself, only to manipulate her own way,’ he grimly confirmed what Fin had already thought. ‘And it happened again every time she thought I might be going to raise the question of divorce. She just couldn’t bear for anyone to know that our marriage was a failure, a dismal and utter failure; she wanted the whole world to love her. For more than two years I lived with her threats hanging over my head, almost afraid to move for fear that the next time she took the pills it would be the fatal dose.’ He made a helpless gesture with his shoulders. ‘I couldn’t have stood to have her death on my conscience, just because I couldn’t love the unbalanced woman I had found her to be.’
‘So instead she made you live in another kind of hell.’ Fin shook her head dazedly, wondering how he could have lived like that. But what choice had he had?
‘I had my work,’ he shrugged. ‘Kept myself so busy that most of the time I was too tired to even think about the mess my life had become. Angela had a string of lovers by this time, in private; in public she insisted on playing the loving couple everyone expected us to be. I think she actually convinced herself on those occasions that that was exactly what we were, seemed sure, in her own mind, that I did still love her.’
A tragic product of Hollywood, in fact, Fin realised sadly. And it was sad. For Angela. And for Jake.
She smiled up at him lovingly as her fingers tightened about his. All she wanted to do at that moment was put her arms around him and tell him how much she loved him.
He gave her a strained smile in return before continuing. ‘I avoided working with her for almost three years,’ he sighed. ‘But she was the hottest thing in Hollywood, and I—well, the film studio thought it was time the two of us worked together. There was no way I could get out of it, not without telling the whole world why I didn’t want to work with her, why just being anywhere near her now made me feel ill. But I needn’t have worried.’ His mouth twisted self-derisively. ‘She took one look at Paul Halliwell and decided she wanted him. And when Angela decided she wanted something—or even someone—she usually got it. He— Oh, God, I’m sorry,’ Jake groaned as he realised he was talking about Fin’s father now, Jenny’s husband. ‘If it’s any consolation to you, Paul wouldn’t have stood a chance once Angela set out to charm him!’
‘From what I know of him, he wouldn’t have wanted one!’ Jenny said drily. ‘Although this seems to have been more serious than all the others were,’ she added with a frown.
Jake nodded. ‘Angela, at long last, seemed to have found someone else she wanted more than keeping our façade of a marriage going, and was ready to let me go. But not in the conventional sense,’ he rasped. ‘Acting the part of the inconsolable widow, being comforted by her latest costar, was far preferable to her than having to admit our marriage was a sham, which is what would have happened if it had come to divorce between us. And so she came up with the idea of the fire,’ he said grimly. ‘After which I would be dead, so no divorce, no messy division of our assets, and no mark against her squeaky-clean image.’
‘She was unbalanced,’ Fin realised numbly as she thought of the narrow escape he had had.
Jake gave a bitter laugh. ‘Oh, yes—definitely. But it all went sadly wrong for her that night,’ he recalled grimly. ‘From the argument I overheard between the two of them when Paul arrived it was obvious that Angela had been throwing petrol around the downstairs of the house so that the house would go up like an inferno once the fire was started, and Paul, when he realised what she had done, didn’t like the idea of the fire one little bit. I had gone upstairs to bed hours before this, but their shouting had disturbed me, and I came out of the bedroom in time to hear most of what was going on.’ He shook his head. ‘I think I went into shock for a few minutes, hadn’t believed even Angela was capable of that. In the meantime their argument continued, and when Angela argued she fought like a vicious cat … nails, teeth, feet—she hit out with anything that came to hand. Paul seemed as dazed as I was, had obviously never seen Angela in one of these rages before. Everything became a missile—shoes, lamps, ornaments, even the candle she had lit in prepa
ration of starting the fire. Oh, yes,’ he confirmed as Jenny gasped. ‘She threw that too! The two of them were so busy arguing that they didn’t even seem to realise what was happening until it was too late. I tried to warn them,’ he said dully. ‘But it was too late, they were already trapped. I only managed to get out of the blaze myself by jumping out of the bedroom window. I broke my ankle. Angela and Paul died.’
‘Oh, God …’ Jenny groaned at the horror of it. ‘I’m sorry. So very sorry.’
He shook his head. ‘I told you, it wasn’t Paul’s fault. In fact, I believe, I really do, that seeing that side of Angela frightened the hell out of him, and he would ultimately have finished things between them after that night. If he had lived.’
‘Thank you,’ Jenny told him gratefully, tears in her eyes.
‘And what did you do, Jake?’ David prompted softly.
Jake roused himself from the past with effort. ‘What did I do?’ he repeated dully. ‘I took myself as far away from Hollywood as possible, tried to forget all of them. I couldn’t have succeeded completely,’ he acknowledged ruefully, ‘otherwise I wouldn’t now be in the position of having to decide whether or not I should go back and direct my own screenplay!’
Fin looked up at him still. ‘You won’t be going alone,’ she told him, determined that, no matter what had happened in the past, she was going to spend his future with him. He loved her. And she loved him.
He looked pained. ‘They would eat you up over there and spit you out again!’
She smiled at him serenely. ‘I’m coming with you, Jake.’
‘You—’
‘I think it’s time David and I left the two of you to talk alone.’ Fin’s mother stood up, holding out her hand for her husband to join her, moving to squeeze Jake’s arm reassuringly. ‘I’m sorry about what happened to you in the past, but don’t let it cloud your judgement where Fin is concerned. Fin isn’t Angela, Jake.’
‘Thank God!’
Private Lives Page 14