Ashes: An Everyday Heroes Novel (The Everyday Heroes World)

by Gail Haris

  “You’re right, it’s not.” He hands me the photos and walks out.

  Carter

  She’s getting too close. I’m starting to long for things I have no business wanting or thinking about. Do I miss the heat from a woman? Hell yeah. But what happens once the flame burns out? I’d rather remain in the darkness than know what it’s like to have her bright smile and warmth next to me. Because I can’t imagine how much more cold and lonely my life would seem once the flame died out.

  “Hey, man? Where’s your head?” Hitch asks as we head around the left side of a house fire.

  “My head? Here. I’m right here.” Dammit. I’ve got to cut her out of my life. I can’t handle it.

  “Heard a rumor that you and the sexy new nurse are neighbors. Going to make that neighbors with benefits? Go over to borrow a cup of sugar? Man, it’s time you start—”

  “Stop it. There’s nothing going on. I’m the same as I have been,” I snap.

  “Somebody has gotten under your skin. About time, brother. Now time to let her under you. Or on top of you, whichever you prefer,” he winks.

  “She might’ve turned my head, but that’s it. I’m not falling for that again.”

  Hitch busts a window and laughs. “I didn’t say give her your heart. I had a different organ in mind you could share with her.”

  Over the fire, I hear a faint cry. I grab Hitch by his uniform and hold a hand up to listen. There’s another faint cry. “It’s close to this window!”

  Hitch grabs my arm. “Wait, man! We have to wait for—”

  I’m already breaking the glass a few feet over from the one that Hitch just broke. Hitch calls in that we’re about to go in. Hitch yells out to me, “Two in, two out. Hold on, Collins!”

  I rush through the flames and call out. I hear a low, faint cry and keep rushing toward it. My eyes and ears strain to hear over the roar of the fire. My adrenaline is kicking in, plus with my own frustration, I know I’m not in the right head space right now. Yet my own foolish pride and ego keeps pushing me further and refusing to let me back down.

  Hitch is close behind me now as the fire rages in front of me. Frantically I look around and try to hear for the faint cry again. It sounds like a baby. Through the flames, I see the room across the hall. A pink nursery. I rush across and hear the cry again. There’s a toddler bed decorated in princess theme. Stuffed animals and dolls all over. Then I hear the cry again, and see the baby doll. I lift it up and bring it to my ear. It cries again.

  It was a doll.

  Hitch runs in the room and looks around. He sees the doll and chuckles, “Come on, man. Let’s get this fire under control. Then tonight, you need to go get laid—for all of our sakes.”

  When I get home from work, I head straight for my room. I begin undressing and prepare to shower again, even though I already showered at the station. A delicious, sweet aroma fills my room. My window is open thanks to Lolly, and sitting on the ledge is a pie…judging by the smell it’s apple. Considering that Lolly is allergic to cinnamon, that only leaves Natalia. I grab the pie and barge out of my house, wearing only a pair of gray sweatpants.

  Pressing the doorbell three times, I then bang on the door before Natalia answers. “What’s wrong? Is Lolly okay?”

  “She’s fine. What’s this?”

  Natalia’s eyebrows pull together as she looks from me to the pie. “It’s a pie,” she deadpans.

  “Why is it on my window ledge?”

  Her smile stretches from ear to ear, “Oh! I always loved how they did that in the old movies. You know, leaving a pie on the window ledge. Plus, that was kind of our thing.” She blushes and continues, “Seeing each other from the window.”

  I feel a warmth creep through my veins as I fight the urge to kiss her or throw the pie at her feet for making me feel again. That heat morphs to anger at her getting to me. Who is she to make these sweet gestures? Why now? Why am I starting to feel things? Is it her? Is it the gestures alone? I’ve had women bake me desserts. They drop them off at the station. I’ve had women throw themselves at me plenty of times. Especially after that calendar. What is it about Natalia that has me wanting to knock down my defenses and try to love again?

  A part of me wants to cry, though, because it’s been so long. That makes me get angrier. “Look,” I clip, “I don’t want your pie. Of any kind.” I see the hurt in her eyes, and I want to kick my own ass for doing that to her. But this is how it needs to be. “We need to not see each other. You have a guy who wants you, be with him and stop wasting your time on something that’s never going to happen. My heart is made of nothing but ashes.”

  “Excuse me? That pie is the closest thing to my pie you’ll ever get. I was trying to show appreciation to you and Lolly. I baked her one too, pendejo.”

  I narrow my eyes. “She’s allergic to cinnamon, so hopefully you didn’t thank her by killing her.”

  “Is she?” Natalia gasps. Her hand clutches her chest. “Being her nurse, I didn’t know! Oh no!” Her eyes widen in mock fear. “Whew,” she fake wipes sweat from her forehead. “Thank goodness I baked her a lemon pie, instead.”

  Feeling like a complete ass, I’m not sure what to do. Luckily, Natalia seems to know exactly what to do. She mumbles a few Spanish words, most likely cursing the day I was born, and slams the door in my face.

  Yeah, I’d have done the same thing to me too.

  Natalia

  It’s been a month since I last spoke to that pinche estúpido. But this morning, I saw him as I was leaving. He had the nerve to shoot me that sexy smile and give me a light, casual wave. The nerve. I hated how my stomach still flipped at the sight of him though. I grab my coffee from the hospital cafeteria and head to the nurses’ station. Teagan takes one look at me and says, “Uh-oh.”

  Orlando looks at me and frowns. “Why uh-oh? You look great, Natalia,” he smiles.

  Teagan rolls her eyes. “You’re clearly pissed.”

  “No.” I force out with a smile and take a sip of my coffee.

  “Yes, you are.”

  I grit my teeth and pick up the tablet to look over today’s patients. “No, I’m not.”

  “No, you’re using that tone. You’re definitely pissed.”

  I give a humorless chuckle and force a smile. “Nope. No tone. I’m good.”

  “Your eye is twitching.”

  I turn and glare at Teagan, “I will become pissed if you keep asking me if I’m pissed. I’m not pissed.”

  Orlando nods. “I see it now. Yeah, you seem a little tense.”

  With a frustrated growl, I grab my coffee and take the tablet to go do my rounds. As I’m walking away, I hear Teagan tell Orlando, “I bet she finally realized Collins is incapable of being with anyone.”

  My heart clenches, but I hold my head up and focus on work. I don’t want a relationship either. I have plenty of people who need me, starting with the person in room 304C.

  “Come on, come on,” Teagan pleads. “Let’s go out?” I guess a night out wouldn’t kill me, even if it does feel like if I take one more step I’ll collapse. After the long day that I’ve had, instead of going home and taking a bubble bath like I want, for whatever reason I agree to go out with Teagan.

  “I guess my bubble bath can wait.”

  “The last time you went home and took a bubble bath instead of going out with me, your apartment burned down, and you were almost buried in the rubble.”

  I frown at her and say, “You know that kind of sounds like a threat, right?”

  Teagan shakes her head. “No, I’m just pointing out that God wants you to go out. He already sent a fire.”

  “Don’t sound so excited.”

  “He might send a plague next! Ooh, or a pipe will bust and your whole house will flood!”

  “Stop! You’re going to jinx me.”

  Teagan laughs as she walks away from me to her car. “You have nothing to worry about because you’re going out!”

  I unlock my car and yell back, “Still s
ounds a lot like you’re threatening me!”

  Orlando walks across the parking lot to me. “Teagan threatening you with a good time?”

  “More like the wrath of God.”

  “That escalated really fast,” he laughs. “So, you two going out tonight?”

  “Yeah, apparently so since I really don’t want to have to move again.”

  “Cool. I’ll see you tonight, maybe?”

  “Maybe,” I say as I open my car door and climb in.

  I notice when I am leaving my house that Lolly isn’t outside. Usually she’s called me by now to invite me over, or at least checked on me. Carter’s truck isn’t in the driveway. Maybe they left together? My caretaker gut tells me to go check on her. I’d never forgive myself if she needed me and I hadn’t checked on her.

  I knock on the door and hear Lolly call out. “Yes?”

  “Lolly! It’s Natalia, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She doesn’t sound fine, though. I need to see her.

  “Can I come in?”

  The floor creaks on the other side of the door before it finally opens. Lolly’s eyes are red and she’s in her nightgown. I push the door farther open and take her in my arms. “Lolly. What is it?”

  She starts to speak, but then chokes up. I follow her into the house. She grabs a tissue and then hands me a photograph. In the picture, there’s a gorgeous redheaded woman sitting on Carter’s lap. They’re both smiling. He looks so handsome and younger in this photograph. My heart hurts knowing he once was this happy but now appears so broken. There’s another man in the photograph. He is equally as handsome and favors Carter a lot. The main difference is the other man is more refined and polished. He has the style of my ex Randy, or even Seth.

  Then, it clicks.

  “This is Carter’s brother, Warren. Your other grandson.”

  Lolly makes a choking sound and nods. “That’s Warren.” She points to the woman. “That’s Payton. She loved both brothers.”

  I nod in understanding. I mean, I don’t agree with it, but I get what Lolly is telling me. “Warren and Payton were in the wreck together.”

  “He lost them both but never got any closure. I lost both my grandsons that night. But Carter, he lost—” Lolly gasps. I rush over to her and shush her. I rub her back trying to calm her down. “He lost his heart. I swear, it’s like his body returned from the scene, but his soul is still there. Trapped. He hasn’t moved on.”

  I hug Lolly as she cries. As I gently rock her back and forth, I notice a newspaper on the coffee table. It’s today’s date from two years ago. There’s a photograph of a BMW in a ditch. Today’s the anniversary of their death. “Lolly? Where’s Carter?”

  “I have no clue. He disappears on this date. I’ll find him tomorrow looking worse for the wear. He always wants to be alone in his grief. After it happened, the whole town knew all the dirty details. It spread through the town like wildfire. The wreck and how it happened.”

  My heart is telling me to go find Carter. He shouldn’t be alone. Plus, I want to comfort him. Lolly gives me a sad smile as though she is reading my mind, “Don’t bother, dear. I appreciate the thought, but it won’t do any good.” She blows her nose, and then gasps. “Oh, Natalia! You’ve been letting my snot soak your beautiful, very short dress.”

  “It’s not that short.”

  “Are you going out tonight? Looking for a good time?”

  “I’m going out to meet up with some friends from work. And it’s not that short.”

  “I’m sure no man would argue, but as your Lolly—it’s too short. And a little tight.” She tilts her head and sighs. “But, at least you’re out of scrubs and not dressed like a boy. They’ll definitely know you’re a girl.”

  A smack my lips and stand. “Don’t get me started on your nightgown. You look like you’re about to be baptized.” We both laugh and then I ask her in a more serious tone, “Do you need me to get you anything? Wanna go out with us? I don’t feel right leaving you alone. I’ll call Teagan and reschedule.”

  “No, no. I’ll wallow like I do every year and get it out of my system. Then tomorrow we’ll go out and I’ll finally be your wing woman.” Lolly shuffles away to her desk. She grabs something and shuffles back to me. “I want a picture of you looking all dolled up.”

  I blush. “Lolly. I don’t—”

  “Give an old lady a photo. You let that one woman take photos of you in only your undergarments, so why can’t I get one of you practically naked?”

  I look down at my dress. “I’m not practically naked!”

  Lolly looks me up and down. “I mostly just want a photo of your hair down. It’s so lovely, and I rarely see it that way.”

  “Fine.” I stand tall and smile as the camera flashes a few times. Lolly smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “Thank you. It means a lot to me. You don’t know how precious a photograph is until that’s all you have. I love having photos of my grandkids.” Her eyes meet mine. “Now I have one more to add to the collection.”

  My chest tightens and I rush over to Lolly. I hug her tightly to me and whisper, “I love you. You crazy woman, I really love you.”

  “There you are!” Teagan cheers as I walk through the bar. “Daaayum!”

  Macy pops out from behind her. “Oh my gosh! Natalia! You look like you just stepped out of a wet dream. Seriously!”

  I strike a pose and give my hips a little shake. Macy fakes a groan, “I hate you! I’m so jealous!”

  “Let’s grab a table!” Teagan yells over the music.

  I’m about to walk away when I spot a hunched-over figure at the far end of the bar. I’d know that head of dark hair and tense, broad shoulders anywhere. Carter. Before I can take my first step, I’m spun around into a chest that smells of expensive cologne.

  “Natalia,” Seth gasps.

  “Seth, hey…geez, you scared me half to death.”

  “Hey, you, right back. Didn’t mean to startle you. Just had to come over and see you.” He makes a point of looking me up and down. “Please tell me you haven’t already moved on.”

  “Moved on? We weren’t really…a thing…to move on from.”

  “Ouch.”

  I place my hands on his chest and gently push away. Not sure what else to say, I ease away with a smile. I hurry over to Carter before anyone else can stop me. My heart is about to beat out of my chest with the need to get to him. I know he’s hurting, and he’s handling this pain all alone. He has been for two years now.

  A woman approaches him, and he turns to acknowledge her, but it’s clear whatever he said upset her by the way her shoulders straighten and her angry, retreating stomps can be felt all the way over here.

  I’m second-guessing myself, but I know what I have to do, so I make my way the final few feet to stand behind him. It’s now or never.

  “Carter,” I whisper. The music is loud, but not as loud in this corner. I almost wonder if he heard me, but then he slowly turns around. I’m prepared for the worst. I will battle him if I have to, I will stand my ground and not allow him to push me away. What I wasn’t prepared for was for him to pull me to him rather than push me away.

  His strong arm encircles me, and his whiskey breath is husky against my temple. “Natalia. Mmm, you smell amazing.”

  I look over and find Seth leaning on the bar watching us, his hands in fists. “Carter.”

  “Say my name again.”

  “Carter,” I whisper.

  He actually growls. “Your voice. And my name on that tongue. It does things to me, things I don’t deserve.”

  “But I thought you didn’t like me that way.”

  The deep, throaty chuckle has me pressing my thighs together. “I like you more than that way. I’m pretty damn sure I’ve fallen in love with you. And it pisses me off. Because,” he pulls back to look at my face, “you don’t deserve me. See, I’m a broken man—or I thought I was. I thought I couldn’t even love again. Never would. I wa
s okay with that. A-fucking-oh-kay. Then,” he picks up his whiskey glass and points a finger at me. “You come along. From day one,” his other hand snaps his fingers, “I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve been consumed with you. Like a fire consumes everything in its path, you started out like a tiny flame and now I’m burning all over for you.”

  “Carter…” My voice cracks. What do I say to that? He loves me? He’s been consumed by me? He brings the glass to his mouth and I watch his throat work as he swallows. That’s it. He’s drunk. This is all the whiskey talking, and tomorrow we’ll go back to normal with him mean mugging me and throwing me the side eye that clearly says stay far away.

  “Maybe we should take you home,” I suggest.

  Carter gives me a crooked smile that makes him look so much younger. It’s ridiculously sexy, and completely unfair. My heart is melting, and I find it difficult to swallow. “We? You going to take me home and tuck me into bed?”

  “I was going to call a cab.”

  He makes a mock pout. “A cab? If this situation were reversed, I’d take you home myself. Despite everything you think about me, you know I would.”

  I sigh. “You’re right.” I point my finger at him, “But you wouldn’t go so far as to tuck me into bed.”

  He leans closer to me, “I wouldn’t?” His eyes are heated as he holds my stare. His tongue slides out and slowly licks his upper lip. “Believe me, I’d gladly put you to bed, but there sure as fuck wouldn’t be any sleeping.”

  “You’re drunk. This is the whiskey. What do you call it? Wearing your whiskey glasses?”

  He takes his glass and downs the rest of the amber liquid. A ballad comes on and he turns to me. “You like to dance, so dance with me.”

  “Just because I like to dance, doesn’t mean I’ll dance with you, ya know.”

  He gives a humorless chuckle as he stands. Now he towers above me, so he has to look down. “Humor me, and I’ll humor you. Dance with me, and I’ll go home like a good boy.”